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Changing the Course of Our Direction

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Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong is sitting in the backseat of a black Sedan, watching the twinkling lights of Bangkok fly by him in a blur of colors, eyes unfocused and gazing into the distance. He was still trying to process the whirlwind of emotions running through him after the events of tonight.

Had he really won three awards?!

He couldn’t believe it. If he was being honest with himself, he felt slightly detached from his body. A sort of surreal haze clouding his mind, blurring the existence of reality and illusion. The two trophies currently sitting in his lap grounding him. A reminder that yes, it had all been real. He wasn’t dreaming. This was his life now.

He could still hear the echoes of a distant buzz cachophoning in his ears. The lingering remnants from just minutes before when he had been surrounded by screaming fans, congratulating him on his wins at the KAZZ Awards 2020. The distinct feeling of adrenaline slowly receding through his veins. Slowly coming down from the high.

Eyes crinkling with fondness at the memory, he averts his gaze back out of the tinted window.

His manager was driving him home. He had managed a quick exit after meeting a few fans after the awards ceremony. His manager had insisted he needed all the rest he could get for the full day of schedules the following day. His co-star Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat, had opted to stay back and interact with the fans more. He said he wanted to express his gratitude in full to the Mewlions that had decided to stick by him through thick and thin until this day. To see him finally succeed.

It’s because of them that I’m still here, able to do what I love, he had told him moments preceding his departure. He was always so generous and loving to his fans. It was no wonder they were so passionate and dedicated to seeing him succeed.

Despite the crazy night he had had, he felt slightly unsettled. He and Mew had parted in a hurry of goodbyes as he was pulled away by his manager, losing Mew in a crowd of fans. Usually they got the chance to hug each other goodbye, but not tonight. Eyes locked in each other's gaze they had slowly drifted further and further away from each other until they lost sight of the other. Tonight had been exceptional in more than one way it seemed.

Shaking his head slightly, he reminded himself he shouldn’t dwell on it. He will see Mew in the morning. They work together after all. He had promised to message him when he got home. They might even manage a quick call before retiring for the night, as had become their evening ritual ever since the TharnType workshop days.

Despite his internal dialogue, something deep inside kept tugging at him, and it wasn’t the diminishing euphoric feeling leaving his body, the drifting down to Earth after an intense experience like tonight had been. No, this was like an invisible itch that couldn’t be reached. Something crawling inside him and twisting everything down in his lower abdomen: stomach, liver, small intestine, folding them up into a boat shaped origami, ready to set sail out of his body.

“Are you alright? Usually you’d have fallen asleep by now.”

Gulf blinked a few times coming back into the present.

“Can you take me to Phi Mew’s condo please?” he blurted out, surprising even himself.

“Gulf, I thought I made it clear that you need your rest tonight. It’s been a long day and you need to be at your best for tomorrow's filming.”

Still shocked at what he had said, Gulf tried to reason with his mind. He knew his manager meant well and was most likely right in his suggestion. Gulf was tired. Mew was probably still at the event and he didn’t know what time he would even be back at his house. It was also true that he had an early morning the next day.

Yet the itch inside him kept growing, despite trying to trick his mind into complacency. He wasn’t in the habit of protesting against his manager, yet this time he felt slightly desperate.

Looking down at his lap he admitted defeat and mumbled “I won’t be able to sleep alone tonight Phi, I just know it. Please na krub?”

Glancing at Gulf through the rearview mirror, his manager let out a long sigh. Seeing the earnestness radiating off Gulf’s face he relented, knowing Gulf rarely asked him for such last minute changes in plans.

“Okay, just promise me you’ll actually get some rest in.”

Blushing, Gulf leaned back against his seat, turning his gaze back to the speeding lights out of the window. His mind already settling, the itch receding, knowing he’ll be at Mew’s condo soon.

Reflecting back on the day, his mind seemed unable to comprehend the vastness of the situation. It had been such a crazy day. He never expected to hit it this big in the industry and so fast for that matter. He was a noobie, a rookie actor. Yet here he was, winning awards on his own at prestigious award shows in front of colleagues much senior to him. He credited his fast success to Mew of course. He had taken him under his wing from the start and guided him through the industry ins and outs, stating he didn’t want Gulf to experience the same hardships he had when he first started out. Ever since the beginning he instinctively knew he could trust Mew. That Mew would take care of him and protect him. It made him feel warm inside just thinking about it. Thinking about Mew.

Smiling at the thought of him, Gulf thought back to his Phi’s performance earlier that day at the awards. He had practiced so hard for it and in return he had done his best to support him, waving his yellow glow stick in the air and mumbling the lyrics in time to the music. He was incredibly proud of his Phi.

Feeling the engine shut off he realized they had arrived. Giving a small wai to the front seat and whispering “Thank you na krub. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he climbed out of the car.

Grabbing the extra set of keys Mew had made for him from his backpack, Gulf let himself in.

Now what.

Looking around, Gulf placed his backpack on the sofa while making his way to the kitchen. At the familiar sight, his stomach made an involuntary growl. Barely haven eaten anything the whole evening, Gulf opened the door of the fridge. Scanning the interior, he grabbed a few items intending to make a quick midnight snack before retreating into the bedroom.

He was just about to send a message to Mew that he was staying over at his place, when inspiration hit him. Why not surprise him?

His Phi had performed his debut single in front of so many important figures in the entertainment industry. He had won awards, and Mew being such a sensitive soul, he knew how much the support from his fans meant to him. Especially after everything he had been through in his past. He didn’t want to be that guy, but he couldn’t help being slightly smug knowing a certain someone from Mew’s past had been there to witness his success. His wins. His new single. All the fans that still had his back.

Even me. His mind helpfully supplemented his thoughts. He still couldn’t believe his Phi had flirted with him in front of everyone. They had agreed to keep their new relationship on the downlow, but they were both finding it difficult to keep their feelings from showing. There indeed, seemed to be a fine line between being themselves and being too obvious.

That settled it then. Grabbing all the ingredients again, Gulf set off to work. He was determined to make Mew’s evening end on an incredible high. He would make a light meal he knows Mew will like. Mew was always taking care of him, and this was the least he could do. It would also keep his mind occupied whilst he waited for his Phi to come back.

-------

An hour later everything was set. He looked around the room, surveying the scene.

All I need is one final finishing touch.

Making his way back outside, Gulf tiptoed to the front of the condo, where a small patch of flowers had been planted.

I’ll only grab a few. Nobody will even notice.

Leaning down to grab a few of the prettiest flowers, he hears the sound of a car approaching. Quickening his movements he plucks a few flowers, getting ready to make a run for it before anyone notices him vandalizing the property. He’s just about to stand up when he hears a startled voice behind him.

“Nong Gulf? Is that you?”

Startled, he trips forward, embarrassed at being caught picking flowers from the communal garden. He feels strong arms grab him from behind, steadying him in his place.

Slowly turning around, he looks up through his lashes and lets out a bashful smile while extending his hands from behind his back, revealing the culprits for his midnight escapades in the garden.

“These are for you Phi,” he stammers, hoping the light from the nearby street lamp is dim enough to hide the flush of red tinting his ears.

Warmth fills Mew’s eyes, making them sparkle in the low light of the night. He had always loved Mew’s eyes. They were the first thing that attracted him to the man, the one thing that could make him shy.

Extending his hand, Mew grabs the few flowers that Gulf had managed to pick, holding them up to his face and giving them a light sniff.

“Thank you my tua-eng.”

They stare at each other for a few seconds, neither one wanting to break the serenity of the moment.

Finally, Mew breaks the silence.

“I didn’t know you would be here. I was worried since you didn’t text me you had arrived yet. I assumed you had just fallen straight asleep.”

“I’m sorry Phi, I felt like I needed to be here tonight. Once I got dropped off, I figured I could just surprise you.”

“That you sure managed to do, I got quite the fright walking toward my door and seeing a large dark figure lurking in the bushes,” Mew laughs softly to himself. “I’m glad you decided to come here tonight though.”

Mew places his hand on the low of his back with his free hand, pressing it slightly, urging him to start walking back into the condo.

“I felt like we didn’t manage to say goodbye properly, so on the way back I decided I wanted to stay the night here. I hope that’s okay?”

“You’re always welcome here, you know that. Don’t be silly Gulf.” Mew whispered into his ear while opening the front door to his place.

As they walk in, Mew notices the scene in front of him. Gulf had set the table and placed the small meal he had made for them neatly onto the plates. Noticing Mew turning toward him with a questioning look, he hurried to supply him with an answer.

“I wanted to surprise you Phi. To show you how proud of you I am for today. For what you’ve achieved.”

“For what we have achieved tua-eng.” Mew hurried to cut him off. “I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for you coming into my life. I mean that.”

Starting to feel a bit shy, Gulf pulled Mew towards the table.

“Sit, let’s eat quickly before bed. I made this for you.”

“I’m so impressed! So this is the reason you were out front stealing flowers from the garden!”

Mew grabs Gulf by the wrist before he has a chance to sit down and pulls him towards himself. He crushes their lips together in a heated kiss, deepening it quickly. He can feel Gulf’s arms snake around him, tangling into his hair. He continues to move his lips against Gulf’s and gently licks Gulf’s lips, asking permission for entrance. Gulf willingly opens his mouth and lets their tongues tangle together.

Finally, Mew pulls back.

“I’ve been waiting to do that all night,” he smirks at the younger boy.

They sit down across from each other, Gulf placing his feet on Mew’s lap under the table. It wasn’t the most comfortable position for him, being so tall and all, but he liked being connected to Mew. Even in this way. He was used to them touching constantly. Mew was a very tactile person. Gulf wasn’t, and had never been. He didn’t even know he craved for another person’s touch before Mew. But once Mew introduced him to touch and how nice it felt to be connected, to be close to another human, he found himself wanting it too. But only with Mew. He still felt awkward even hugging other people. That was just another special emotion Mew managed to pull out of him.

They sat in comfortable silence, both taking a bite out of the food Gulf had prepared for them. His mind drifting to a few months prior, to when they really were just Phi-Nong who loved each other a little more than normal.

 

 

~ A Few Months Prior ~

 

Schedules were starting to pick up again. In the aftermath of the covid-19 lockdown and restrictions, Gulf’s postponed work commitments were finally being scheduled. That also meant he had to re-adjust to working life.

The past few months had been fairly relaxing. He had finally been able to rest to his heart’s content. Sleep all day. Wake up late. And film some promotional footage in the comfort of his own home. Or in Phi Mew’s home as was the case most of the time.

If someone had told him in March that him and Mew would become even more inseparable, he wouldn't have believed them. How was that even possible? They saw each other almost everyday, called each other every night before bed and even spent time together outside of work. It was more intense than any friendship he had ever had before.

But here he was, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that yes, it was entirely possible for their lives to become even more entangled than anything he could’ve ever imagined.

Because of the temporary lull in work commitments, he had taken up spending more nights than not at Mew’s condo. It wasn’t a conscious, deliberate decision. It had just happened that way. One day turned into two. One week turned into another. His clothes increasingly taking up space in Mew’s closet. His toiletries cluttering up the bathroom. Slowly, their lives had seemed to merge together. His mom had even joked to him that she insisted on coming to his next work commitment, not because she didn’t trust his manager to take care of him, but because she feared she would never see her son otherwise. Thinking back, maybe she wasn’t joking after all.

Hearing a door open and close behind him, Gulf was shaken out of his thoughts. Turning around in the make-up chair he was currently sitting in, having just finished filming for a product advertisement, he stood up to greet the person coming in. His mother was standing in the doorway, looking at him with her soft, brown eyes.

“You’re coming home tonight right? We’ve missed you. I’ve hardly seen you the past few weeks.”

Feeling guilty, Gulf nods before standing up to gather his belongings. He had hardly been home beside for a few quick stops to pick up some item or another, that was true.

“Of course mae, I promised you,” he replies. “I just need to find Mew to tell him we’re leaving.”

Slipping out of the room, Gulf notices Mew standing nearby talking to a few members of staff. When Mew spots him, he gently excuses himself and walks toward him, wrapping his arms around his waist, placing his head gently on his shoulder.

Out of his peripheral vision he can see staff members start to take out their phones, trying to capture their sweet moment. He tries his best to ignore them, but it makes him stiffen up, so slightly that nobody but Mew would even notice. He normally wouldn’t mind terribly, but he likes to say their goodbyes in private. Away from watchful eyes and cameras capturing their every movement.

Mew does notice and squeezes him tighter in response, slowly stroking his back, trying to alleviate the tension before walking them to an empty room and locking the door behind them. Giving them a moment of privacy.

The second the door locks, Mew is holding him again in a tight embrace.

“I’m going to miss you,” Mew pouts, sticking out his lower lip, eyes widened and taking the shape of a puppy dog.

“It’s only for one night,” he responds. Internally though, he can’t help but feel slightly giddy at the knowledge Mew was going to miss him.

“The least you could do is miss me back,” brows furrowing deeper together, Mew keeps trying to catch his gaze. Gulf keeps his gaze down, knowing he’ll blush if he looks at him. The truth is though, he will miss Mew. Even if it is for only one night. They hadn’t spent the night apart in a good few weeks.

This was going to be weird.

This growing dependency couldn’t be good. He had never felt this way about anybody else. He prided himself on being a fairly independent person. Not with his family, not with his friends, not even with anyone he had previously dated, had he ever felt slightly teary at just the thought of spending one night apart.

Pull yourself together, Gulf.

“I’ll miss you too Phi,” Gulf replied, finally looking Mew straight in the eyes. He was rewarded with a bright smile. He was definitely not becoming addicted to that. Not to his eyes and definitely not to his smile. And it most certainly didn’t give him a warm feeling in his stomach.

Mew blinked at him lazily, a pair of relaxed smiles shared between them.

Slowly, Mew turned to face his neck, nuzzling into it, letting out a soft breath and sending goose bumps up his spine. It had become increasingly common for him to do that. To lean against his shoulders and place a few quick pecks against it, so quick he sometimes felt he had imagined it. To hover his mouth above his neck, barely touching and letting out soft breaths of air dance on his skin.

Gulf opened his mouth, but no words came out. He could now feel Mew’s mouth lightly touching his neck and instinctively he leaned his head in the opposite direction, granting him more access.

They had never actually kissed offset as Mew and Gulf. Only as Tharn and Type. Over time, the lines separating them as friends had become sort of murky, and Gulf had assumed it was the natural growth of their friendship. He was just closer to Mew than any of his other friends, he reasoned with himself. And because they acted in a romantic drama as co-stars it was inevitable for them to be physically comfortable around each other. It was normal. Mew was probably like this to his other close friends too. After all, he was an incredibly tactile person. But that idea progressively didn’t sit well with Gulf. He felt a swooping feeling of disappointment in the pit of his stomach, making it hard for him to swallow when he allowed himself to imagine it.

That was new.

The past couple of months have had him questioning a lot of things he took for granted in his life. His growing feelings for his Phi had seemed obvious in the beginning. Of course they would get close, they were co-stars in a series. They were acting as lovers so obviously they had to be close for their chemistry to work. He didn’t think much of it until the series started to air and alongside their promotional work for the series their fans had started to comment on their beyond normal chemistry and connection.

Was it true?

But they were just Phi-Nong who love each other very much, and that was exactly what they told everyone. It was the truth after all.

Gulf’s mind flashed to earlier that day during their live, when Mew had started to laugh uncontrollably. He really did have the brightest and most obscene laugh he had ever heard. It just made him feel so at ease. So happy.

What was it about this man? It was like the instant he was in Gulf’s vicinity, he brought with him a wave of calmness. It was like a blanket that tucked him in and kept him warm and cosy. The closer Mew would get the stronger the feeling grew. It was like the blanket would wrap around him and squeeze tighter every step Mew took closer to Gulf, resulting in tiny butterflies flying around his stomach.

The butterflies were real he realized as Mew continued to breathe along his neck. He could feel his lips that were now resting against his skin pressing harder, leaving small faint kisses against his skin.

“Let me give you a memory tua-eng. Something for you to remember me by tonight,” Mew lifted his head off his shoulder and looked into his eyes.

Gulf didn’t know what he was referring to, but trusting his Phi wholeheartedly, found himself nodding and agreeing to whatever it was Mew wanted to do.

In the next moment he felt Mew’s lips back on the base of his neck, this time significantly harder. Startled he let out a sharp whine, which Mew seemed to take as an encouragement and started to suck. Just as adrenaline was starting to course through his body, sending a tingling sensation all over him, it was over. Only a few seconds and now Mew seemed to be smiling smugly at his new masterpiece.

What the hell!?

“Did you just give me a love bite?” Gulf asked him incredulously.

“As I said, something to remember me by.”

He really did look too pleased for his own good, eye crinkled and mouth upturned in a large toothy grin.

Warmth surged his body at the sight of him and the feeling of the bruise slowly forming on his neck. He actually felt a bit disappointed at the loss of contact.

“Our little secret,” Mew told him as he buttoned up the top of his shirt, effectively hiding his mark.

Feeling Mew’s hands on him again only made the tingling sensation worse. Of course he had felt that before when they were filming scenes for TharnType, but this was different. This was them. Mew and Gulf, and he had just kissed his neck, removing another one of their boundaries. Not that he minded. And maybe that was the issue. Surely, this couldn’t be normal behavior among friends. Even though their interactions were always casual and relaxed, he always felt like there was an undercurrent of something else. Something left unsaid. And the fact of the matter was, no matter what new boundary was broken in their relationship, he didn’t mind. He actually liked it. He liked it as Gulf. Not as Type. He liked Mew’s hands on him, liked his possessive side, liked that he always sought him out wherever they were and stuck by his side like glue. Liked that he slowly but surely broke down his high walls and got to know the real him, and definitely liked this new development of kissing on the neck. He actually wouldn’t have minded if he had continued and kissed him properly. On the mouth.

Panicking slightly Gulf took a step back and turned his gaze towards the mirrors that lined the walls. At that moment he realized something. It should have occurred to him earlier. He wasn’t one to feel this level of attraction to somebody often. Sure he had dated before, but this was different. This increasing obsession with Mew and his laugh and his eyes was reaching a worrying level. These were not the sort of things you would think about if you just wanted to connect with someone on a deep level of friendship. He hadn’t even known Mew for that long, yet he felt so unbelievably comfortable in his presence. Like they had known each other a lifetime. Like they were meant to know each other. Inevitable.

He had known Mew was attractive. You would have to be blind not to notice it. But he hadn’t known known. How he had not realized this sooner, he had no idea, but the realization made him close his eyes in desperation and curse obscenities in his head. Looking back on everything, it actually made a lot of sense. All those NC dreams he had had, not of TharnType, but of MewGulf. His increased desire not to be apart from Mew, not even for a day. Even the way he had blushed during their first “fake kiss” effectively earning him the role of Type in the first place. It was all slotting together.

Fucking hell. How the fuck was he supposed to deal with this now! This was not the time nor the place to fancy someone. He knew what had happened with Mew’s previous co-star, everyone knew. You’d have had to live under a rock to not know about it. And here he was, putting him into the same situation. Again.

“Gulf. You’re not crying are you?” Mew’s voice shook him out of his thoughts.

Right. Pretend like you weren’t just having an internal hurricane in your head. Taking a deep breath he replies: “No, no. I’m not. I’m just going to miss you.” he fumbles trying to play off the real reason for his watery eyes. Trying desperately to bring his mind to the present.

A moment passes by before Mew pulls him in for another hug. “I feel the same Gulf. Let’s try not to make this harder than it already is.” Mew was trying to look him in the eye, Gulf could feel it. Feel the intense stare to his temple, trying to read his eyes and determine what was really going on. Gulf wasn’t one to usually display such overt signs of emotion. That was Mew’s role. He could tell he was trying to make it easier on Gulf by brushing off his own emotions in favor of focusing on Gulf’s. Always taking care of him.

“I know,” Gulf replies finally, still not looking at Mew.

He could tell Mew was starting to be concerned with his erratic behavior so he plasters on a large grin before finally turning his head to face Mew who was now looking down at his shoes. Seemingly deep in thought.

Mew turns to look at him one last time before mutually agreeing it was time to go. Staring into each other's eyes a little longer than was strictly considered normal, they parted. They always were very good at non-verbal communication.

His mom must be wondering where he went.

Walking out of the room he could tell the staff were all giving them curious looks, trying to determine what had gone on in the room and why they had felt the need to lock it. There was nothing for them to know. Nothing happened, he told himself as he tugged on the collar of his shirt.

Giving Mew one last parting smile they went their separate ways.

--

Back outside, his mom was giving him a knowing look as they were walking to her car. Brushing her off, he climbed into the passenger seat.

“It’s not what you think mae,” he exclaimed after a few minutes of unnerving silence.

She turned to look at him, before focusing back on the road ahead.

“I know you son, and that’s love in your eyes.”

Blanching at her words, Gulf hunches into his seat. It wasn’t true. Yes, he loved Mew.
But he wasn’t in love with him. Surely. He had just admitted to himself he might have a small crush on the man for crying out loud. Literally. Today. A few minutes ago.

“I just feel like it’s kind of obvious and I don’t understand why you need to hide it from me. I mean you talk about him more than anyone else in the world. And I mean anyone else. In the entire world. In the whole twenty two years I’ve known you, I don’t think I’ve heard you talk about anyone more than you do about Mew.”

“I don’t talk about him that much,” he argues, straightening in his seat.

Sure, Mew had been the main topic of most, or possibly all conversations, Gulf really couldn’t keep track of every conversation over the past year, but that was because of the current situation. They were working together. TharnType was his life right now and Mew was his co-star, so of course he was going to talk about him by default. It’s not like he had a compulsion where he brought up Mew into every conversation because of some inability to stop thinking about him. There was no way Gulf talked about Mew that much. His mother was wrong.

The defensive statement made his mother snort loudly as her eyes widened in amusement.

“Gulf!” she shouts as though she was barely holding back laughter.

Feeling overwhelmed, Gulf rubs his temple massaging the throbbing feeling that is slowly growing stronger by every passing minute.

“It’s not true,” Gulf continued to disagree although for what reason he wasn’t so sure anymore. His mother was just exaggerating things. It wasn’t unusual for her to tease him about his relationship with Mew.

Worried eyes glanced his way again he hears her continue: “It’s nothing to be ashamed of Gulf, Mew is an upstanding young man. He really cares about you. A mother can tell you know.” He notices her eyes glance quickly at his neck, where he had tried to cover the forming love bite from earlier.

He lets out a long sigh and tugs his shirt up higher. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with his mother right now. Maybe not ever. This thing between him and Mew wasn’t going to go anywhere. He wouldn’t put Mew into that position.

 

**** OoO ****

The sun was starting to set, shadows growing longer in the small bedroom Mew was laying in. He was draped sideways across his bed, aimless flicking through the social media apps on his phone when a familiar Line ID popped into view.

~ Yai Nong ~

Smiling to himself, he opened up the message to see another sticker - this time of a bunny forming a heart with its ears.

Gulf had been sending stickers to him all evening. Actually, every time they are apart, Gulf sends him a lot of stickers. He prefers calling, but he knows his Nong doesn’t always have a lot to say and thus expresses Mew is in his thoughts by sending him lots of Line stickers when they aren’t together.

Looking at the digital clock on his phone, he thinks it’s about time for their nightly call and quickly finds Gulf’s number in his speed dial.

When it came to Gulf, Mew had been very patient. Gulf’s the type of person whose walls are very high and likes to keep to himself. He doesn’t let a lot of people in. He knew that for their scenes to work well together and for their chemistry to flourish, they had to first develop a relationship outside of work. He had slowly been chipping away at those very walls for over a year now and although it had been a very long and tedious process, he is quite satisfied at where things stand today. He tries not to be too smug about it, knowing he is one of the only ones having succeeded in the attempt.

His plan had been simple. He knew from previous acting schools that if you don’t know the other person well, if they are shy and talk rarely, that hugging them can break down some of the barriers. Hugging creates a funnel for two people to become closer to each other, both physically and mentally. So he hugged Gulf a lot, like really a lot and lately he has been starting to hug him back after being hesitant for so long. He also tried to find a commonality amongst them that they could bond over and use to bridge the gap. That commonality had been games, so he had invited Gulf to his house to play games.

Besides all these techniques, he had also been determined to get Gulf to feel comfortable talking to him freely, as Gulf could be a man of few words, especially around people he wasn’t close to. He used work in the beginning to call Gulf every night. First, to read the TharnType novel together before the scripts were finished and then practicing the script together, making sure to read at least one chapter every night. Slowly, they started to talk about more personal things, letting them get to know each other more and more. These nightly phone calls had eventually become a natural habit between them. One they still upheld to this day.

Pressing the dial button, Mew lifted the screen of his phone up so his face was in view of the camera.

“Hey P’Mew,” Gulf’s cheerful face greeted him.

Gulf looked to be laying on his own bed in his bedroom, if the wall color was any indication. He also wasn’t wearing a shirt so he must be going to bed soon.

“Slight change of plans. I think I’m going to stay here for a few days. My family has really missed me and I want to spend some time with them before our schedules pick up again.”

Blinking a few times he plasters a smile on his face even though he can feel his heart sinking. He knows he’s the clingy type, but he tries to smooth his face to not let Gulf see. He doesn’t want to make Gulf uncomfortable by being too possessive. Of course Gulf should spend more time with his family, he doesn’t want them to think he’s trying to steal their son away from them and that he’s the reason Gulf’s not around anymore.

“I think that’s great, you haven’t seen them as much recently.”

“I know, I feel a little guilty.”

“I understand Gulf, don’t worry about it. How was your evening Yai Nong?”

They exchange little mundanities of their evening and slowly drift off to more colorful topics.

However, something keeps nagging at the back of Mew’s mind. Gulf seems to be acting like his normal self, but the way they parted earlier had him thinking something could be wrong. Mew was an overthinker, so he had been ruminating about it all day, trying to figure out what exactly it was and he concluded it must have been the kiss. Nothing out of the ordinary had otherwise happened. He had kissed him on the neck out of impulse and he had tried to play it off as playful banter. Gulf didn’t know just how deep his feelings toward him really were. Sometimes, the way Gulf acted around him, gave him slight hope that this time his feelings weren’t unrequited. The way his Nong looked at him or melted against his touch. But he has lost the confidence to really tell if someone likes him back or not. He doesn’t want to risk what he has with Gulf, so he has tried to give subtle hints to see how Gulf reacts. It just so happens that Gulf is a really easy-going guy, and nothing much that he does produces a reaction that’s note-worthy enough for him to be sure. Not until today that is.

They always discuss their boundaries with each other openly and honestly, and although they haven’t had to have a conversation like that in a long time, Mew thinks he should bring up the earlier event just to ease his mind from assuming the worst and overthinking.

“Hey Gulf, I actually wanted to ask you something,” Mew starts out softly.

“What is it Phi?” Gulf turns his full attention back to the camera, his almond shaped mouth curving into a soft smile.

“About earlier today, I noticed you acted a bit off. I know you said it was because you would miss me, but I just want to make sure Phi didn’t make you feel uncomfortable with what I did. You can tell Phi honestly, I would never want you to feel uncomfortable around me.”

He sees Gulf’s smile falter for a second before it’s back, like it never left his face.

“Of course not Phi, we promised each other we would say something if that was the case. I honestly didn’t mind.”

Mew can see the apples of Gulf’s cheeks start to turn pink as he lowers his eyes bashfully.

“Phi really doesn’t have to worry. But out of curiosity, why did you do it though?” he asks, bringing his eyes up to meet Mew’s again.

Startled by the question Mew blinks rapidly a few times, trying to gather up his thoughts.

Why did he do it? That’s a good question.

“I don’t know. It just felt right in the moment. Maybe it was because I was going to miss you and I didn’t want you to completely forget me when you left. This way you had a physical reminder of me. ”

They stare at each other for a few moments, and Mew can see the pink tink from Gulf’s cheeks spreading further along his face.

Narak.

“P’Mewww.” He hears Gulf whine, burying his face into his pillow.

Oops, he didn’t mean to say that outloud. But it was true, he had never met anyone as cute as his Nong.

It was moments like these that make Mew question the trajectory of their relationship. For all intents and purposes they already act like a couple. Gulf certainly doesn’t treat him merely as a friend and in fact relishes being treated more special than anyone else by Mew. But there is still the thick fog of lingering uncertainty, and the fear of losing his most special person in the world. He would rather have what they have now, than risk losing it all. He can’t lose Gulf. The boy is too important to him.

Mew can see Gulf’s eyes start to droop despite him saying he can still stay up longer to talk. His eyes are getting a little puffier and staying shut longer and longer with each blink of his eyes. He really is the cutest.

“I think it’s bedtime for Nong,” Mew chuckles.

He can see Gulf resisting an urge to pout and it fills his insides with fondness. What would he ever do without his Nong.

“Okay Phi.”

“I’ll call you again tomorrow night tua-eng, fun dee na.”

“Fun dee na P’Mew!”

They each hold the phone closer to their face and exchange little jubjub sounds with their mouths. Eyes crinkling with happiness he waves at his Nong and waits for him to hang up.

The thing is, if he closes his eyes and forgets. Forgets that this is all just pretend and let’s his mind imagine what it would be like if they really were in a relationship, well his mind would produce an image almost identical to what they have now. It would almost be more bizarre to imagine a scene where him and Gulf were acting strictly as friends. All their interactions, their behavior and what he feels for him is exactly how he feels when he is in relationships. Minus the sex.

And he likes it. He likes everything about it. How he feels, what they do together, their interactions. Until something shakes him and he’s reminded of the fact that it’s not MewGulf in reality, but Mew and Gulf. Two separate people, leading separate lives that will eventually go their separate ways once their filming ends and the joint events cease to exist. Gulf is already landing more and more individual work, and he is proud of him. He really is. It’s just that it keeps reminding him of their finite time together. Eventually he won’t have a place in Gulf’s life anymore. He won’t need a mentor to guide him, because he will already know so much. He won’t need an old co-star hanging around, because he’ll have new ones to build relationships with. And then he feels even more foolish for forgetting; for pretending that it could all be real. That it won’t come to an end. He, out of anyone, should know better. He’s been through it all before after all. It doesn’t last forever, despite how much he may want it. How much every cell in his body craves for it not to be true.

Mew knows he falls in love too hard and way too fast. It’s his greatest strength, but also his greatest weakness. A double edged sword. When he gets it right, he’s on cloud nine. He feels things so deeply and wholeheartedly. The love consumes him and he loves the feeling more than anything. But when his feelings are misplaced, they are hard to suppress. Like a weight on his shoulders, slowly dragging him into the depths of the center of the Earth. Eating him alive.

That was the state of his heart when he met Gulf. He had been at one of the lowest points of his life. And there Gulf was, like a ray of sunshine, effortlessly pulling him out of his depths of despair. Or was he more like a sunflower? Giving a direction for Mew’s light. In any case, he had been shocked at the level of receptiveness Gulf had shown him since the very beginning. He didn’t seem scared or hesitant of him despite the rumors and the scandal swirling around his name back then. Not once was he skittish around him or his touches. It was quite the opposite really. Just a few weeks after meeting he declared very loudly and publicly in an interview that he knows Mew will always protect him. Where he got that idea, he wasn’t so sure, but the compassion Gulf had shown him slowly let him gain confidence in himself again. Slowly letting him feel more like himself. Like his true self. It was the greatest gift anyone could have ever given him and he felt indebted to Gulf just for that.

So he’s done his best to do just that. To protect him at all costs, even if that means protecting Gulf from himself. He knows he is the type to wear his heart on his sleeves and finds it hard to conceal his emotions, always preferring to be upfront about them. He knows he loves Gulf as more than just a brother or close friend. He’s not in denial about that. But knowing his past and not wanting Gulf’s first acting experience to be filled with scandal and drama, he hides his feelings, albeit rather poorly. At least Gulf seems to be a little oblivious and he thinks Gulf assumes Mew’s behavior is due to their roles as TharnType. Gulf doesn’t have any experience to draw from to know that is not true. Mew doesn’t act like this around other colleagues, and even with previous crushes they never gelled together so effortlessly. Never balanced each other so completely as he felt himself and Gulf do.

He lets himself be reckless around Gulf, because Gulf never seems fazed by any of their skinship. Frankly, Gulf is the one that tends to cross the boundary first, like the time during their first workshop where he had kissed him for real in the scene despite it not being the industry standard practice. Other BL actors don’t even kiss until the filming of the scene. Although everyone had teased him for it afterwards, it had become a habit for them to practice their love scenes properly. Kissing, touching, tongue and all before the live shoot. When he had asked Gulf why he went in for the kiss, his response had been nonchalant. He had said they would have to kiss for real anyways so why not practice already now. He had to admit that it definitely added to their comfort and believability as a couple on screen. But had also led to some confused feelings off screen on Mew’s part at least and feeling like they have been dancing around each other romantically since day one.

Nonetheless, Mew feels completely comfortable in acting 100% himself around Gulf. He always gets really attached to one person. He gets this fixation and dedicates his all to them whether it was a relationship or friendship, he goes above and beyond for that person even sacrificing himself in the process. That person currently is Gulf, so Mew has tried his best to always be there for him in every way, help him any way he can, support him, guide him, be the entry gate into the industry and a friend he can always rely on, a familiar face at events to stick by and help him when he can sense Gulf’s social meter getting depleted. He loves taking care of him and it seems that Gulf loves being taken care of, he even says it in interviews all the time. And from the faint flush and smug smile that he elicits out of him when he does take care of him, he thinks Gulf is pleased when Mew takes care of him in such an affectionate, special and public way. When he makes sure the whole world knows just how well he takes care of his Nong.

Even with his growing feelings and with them, unfortunately his growing feelings of jealousy and possessiveness about his Nong (which he is trying to work on), he still has never got the feeling that he crossed any lines. Gulf always tells him afterwards that he kinda likes how Mew is so protective of him and it makes him feel taken care of and cared about as long as he doesn’t go overboard. So that information got tucked away and grew on.

But then there was the kiss today. He had given him small pecks before, on the shoulder mainly or the top of his head. But this was the first non-work related kiss that bordered on grey friendship area. To be honest, their whole relationship was very grey in the friendship department, but this time he felt he may have crossed another one of their boundaries.

But maybe Gulf likes him back? But that was impossible. He was just into his character and enthusiastic about his first breakout role and relishing in every aspect of it. And the truth was they were close friends, he didn’t want to be that guy again who misreads kindness as attraction. To place too much meaning behind every interaction.

His mind was cast back to his 2018 Instagram post.

I’m not good at waiting, but I’ll do. You deserve love, and you’ll get it.

How ironic. He thought the next time he fell in love it would be mutual, and not one-sided again. He felt like he had found a soulmate in Gulf, but maybe it was meant to be on a friendship level. Friends could be soulmates too couldn’t they? Nothing had ever felt so right and he had never felt like he just clicked in every way so completely with someone before. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be. Gulf healed him and showed him it was okay to be himself again and that would enable him to go out and find the reciprocal romantic love he has always craved for.

 

****OoO****

 

The past few days Gulf had been texting Mew every chance he got. Every day without fail, Gulf sends him stickers on Line. He can’t help himself. Everything seems to remind him of his Phi. The time they ate bananas together, he sends him a cute banana sticker. The time they played football together and he sends him a football sticker. All day long throughout the day he keeps sending him stickers when Mew pops into his mind. He can’t help it that Mew is constantly on his mind, so their online conversation consists mainly of a long row of stickers and Mew’s reply of “5555” or “Are you saying I’m a banana Yai Nong?”

He hadn’t given much thought to his new found attraction to Mew. He knew it was there, like a light buzz beneath his skin. But in ways it felt comfortable, like slotting the final piece of a hard jigsaw puzzle together. Like it just made sense. Like it completed him.

The confirming moment had been when he had had a wank earlier in the day. Experimentally, instead of imagining a faceless figure, he imagines Mew and what Mew would do to him. He had never come so hard in his life. That had been the final tick in his mental list of “Do I have a real crush on Phi?”

He was still on the fence of whether to tell his Phi or not. On one hand, they told each other everything. They were so close already that Gulf knew Mew would be able to sense something was different. He’s not a good liar, nor does he want to lie to Mew so it seems obvious that he should just be honest. He also knows Mew wouldn’t judge him or cast him aside if his feelings aren't reciprocated. He trusts Mew. On the other hand, he could play it by ear and see how things go. He doesn’t want to put Mew in an awkward situation where he would feel the need to be overly cautious around Gulf. He wants their relationship to remain as it is.

Sometimes though, it seems as if Mew might like him too. But he quickly dismisses those ideas as fanciful thinking. However, if he told Mew about his feelings he could get a definite answer to the nagging uncertainty of where the other man stands. It would make it easier to bury his feelings at least, hearing a definitive rejection. Gulf decides to just wait until Monday and see how things go when he sees Mew in person.

--

Monday rolls around quickly enough, and Gulf let’s Mew know he will meet up with him after his individual schedule. Mew insists on picking him up and Gulf is secretly pleased Mew wants to see him so badly.

--

His dance practice had gone well, he thinks. He still feels like a bambi on ice, but his dance teacher keeps telling him about his marked improvements so he’s slowly gaining confidence in his abilities. Mew had showed up about halfway through and had sat at the back of the studio observing the lesson, occasionally stepping out briefly to pick up a call.

It had taken every speck of self-control to not immediately run over to Mew, but he had tried to remain professional and remain focused on his teacher, to get as much as he could out of his lesson.

When his teacher announced a short water break, Gulf immediately shuffled over to his Phi, a sheen of sweat coating his face and the apples of his cheeks pink from the exertion.

Mew immediately pulled out a water bottle from his bag and handed it over to Gulf. Mew spread his legs before pulling his Nong to settle in between them, arms grasped tightly against Gulf’s waist to pull him in while he watched him drink. He could feel Mew’s fingers gently snaking their way under his shirt, fingers rubbing light circles on his hips.

Once he was finished drinking, Mew turned him around and pulled, making Gulf fall back onto his lap. Gulf immediately softened to his touch and melted into him.

Feeling a presence lean into him slightly from behind he can feel lips ghosting over his ear. “You looked really good today, I think you’ve improved a lot,” Mew whispered, making his breath hitch, the rush of blood pumping suddenly audible in his ears. He could feel Mew still rubbing lazy circles on his hip, partially under his shirt.

It wasn’t abnormal for Gulf to sit in Mew’s lap. Mew had a certain possessive streak in his personality, and Gulf thought he liked showing off to others that he was the only one permitted to do such an act. The only one Gulf was comfortable with in this way. Internally Gulf quite enjoyed it and he could sense Mew sending his dance teacher stern looks as if to remind her that Gulf was his.

“Thank you Phi,” Gulf stutters barely remembering what his Phi had said, his thoughts zeroed in on the fact he can currently feel the outline of Mew’s dick pressed against his ass. It wasn’t hard, but the bump could clearly be felt through the other man’s thin fabric. His thoughts had never ventured much into that particular avenue before, but considering these were the thoughts that had dominated his mind for the past few days it was all he could focus on. Maybe this was the perfect time to test the waters and see how Mew reacted.

Feeling mischievous and deciding to test his luck, he quickly glances at his dance instructor to make sure she was occupied before gently grabbing Mew’s arm and wrapping it tightly around his waist, trapping him against Mew’s body.

Nothing too bold. I need to be subtle, he thought impishly. I just want to see how he reacts.

This was new territory he was venturing into, but after the love bite Mew had left him he felt bolder. That maybe this wasn’t all one-sided. He had been thinking about Mew in a whole different light the past few days, and after seeing him here now, he knew he couldn’t keep his feelings to himself. He would have to talk about it with Mew. That could wait though.

As inconspicuously as he could manage, he gently shifted his weight first to the left and then to the right. He tried to pass it off as him trying to get more comfortable, but all his senses were honed in on Mew’s reaction. He continued to shift, rolling his hips in a slow, tantalizing manner.

He heard Mew inhale sharply next to his ear, his forehead dropping down to rest against his shoulder.

He wasn’t sure if Mew had figured out that what he was doing wasn’t accidental, but he slowed down his movements, feeling the bulge under his ass harden. Mew was gripping him even tighter. Looking around nervously he heard his teacher call for him.

He bounced up before he could get excited and embarrass himself in front of his teacher and saw the incredulous look Mew was giving him.

Smiling at him playfully he leapt across the room to continue his practice.

Dancing was challenging enough for him that he was able to stay focused to the end of their session, only a slight hum at the back of his consciousness alerting him to the fact Mew was still there, watching him.

Flushed and sweaty, he approaches Mew, taking the man in after their brief separation. If anything, he had managed to get even more attractive in the past few days.

Stay calm Gulf, you promised yourself you would act normal.

Mew reaches for his hand and pulls him away from the room, towards the privacy of the car park and his car.

“Stay close to Phi,” Mew reminds him as they weave their way through the throng of people towards the car park. Gulf doesn’t need to be reminded to stay close, he isn’t a fan of crowds and is more than willing to let Mew lead the way.

Both getting into the car, they turn their bodies so that they are facing each other and smile, relishing in each other's presence. Mew takes Gulf’s hands into his again, softly rubbing his thumb against his hand.

They didn’t have to say anything, it was more special this way. They knew what the other was thinking. They had missed each other and were now just sitting in the present moment, letting each other's presence wash over the other in a wave of calm and serenity. Savoring this moment and the feelings accompanying it.

Gulf could feel Mew’s thumb move up slightly, dragging against his hand and to his wrist where it again settled into a slow circular pattern of pressure.

He could feel his body responding, feel his face starting to flush under Mew’s gaze and body starting to go numb with tingles.

It’s all in my head. Now that I’m thinking about my attraction to Mew, my body can’t help but respond more obviously even to the slightest touch.

Exasperated and not wanting Mew to notice anything was off, Gulf turned around to face the front window of the car. He left his hand in Mew’s though, not having the heart to break off the contact.

He could feel the crackle of tension between them, and he wasn’t sure if it was only him that could feel it. He was starting to feel incredibly turned on and he didn’t want to make Mew uncomfortable, but things couldn’t stay like this. They needed to talk and he would do it once they got back.

“Shall we go back and eat? I’m starving after my practice,” he told Mew, hoping it would distract the other man. He knew how Mew couldn’t resist taking care of him.

“Of course! I actually bought you a snack, because I knew you’d be hungry.”

He reaches over and opens the glove compartment, pulling out a granola bar, a small bag of nuts and a drink.

“Eat these now and we can eat dinner once we get back to mine.”

How he had ever had the good fortune of meeting someone who paid attention to the smallest of details was beyond him. He must have been a saint in his previous life. He always felt spoiled by Mew. He felt carefree, like he didn’t have to think so much when Mew was beside him, trusting his Phi wholeheartedly to take care of him and guide him through whatever situations came their way.

His heart felt like it was literally swelling in his chest at Mew’s thoughtful gesture. He always managed to take care of him in every situation and Gulf was somebody that loves being taken care of. It made him feel so loved. This was precisely why his feelings were now becoming a problem. Small gestures like this was what was making him become more and more certain that his feelings weren’t just a fleeting moment of attraction. These feelings were there to stay.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Mew connecting his phone to his car’s bluetooth speakers and slowly flicking through a few playlists before settling on one and pressing play. He revved the car into gear and backed out of the lot carefully, slowly making their way to the main road.

The soft sound of an unfamiliar song played through the speakers. He could recognize that the voice belonged to a male, but he didn’t think the singer was Thai.

He peered at the dashboard and saw it was a song called “It’s You” by a singer named Henry.

“It’s my new favorite song. I wanted to play it for you.” Mew says as he turns the volume up.

Baby I'm falling head over heels
Looking for ways to let you know just how I feel
I wish I was holding you by my side
I wouldn't change a thing cause finally it's real
I'm trying to hold back, you oughta know that
You're the one that's on my mind
Falling too fast deeply in love
Finding the magic in the colors of you

The lyrics speak to him on a cellular level. Gulf wonders if it’s on purpose and if there’s a hidden meaning. Phi is a very deep guy and usually overthinks things, which means most things he does is purposeful. Perhaps these lyrics embody the feelings he has been harbouring lately. But he doesn’t want to assume. Maybe he’s the one reading into things too much now.

The chorus plays:

You're the right time at the right moment
You're the sunlight, keeps my heart going
Oh, know when I'm with you, I can't keep myself from falling
Right time at the right moment
It's you
You, it's you
You, it's you

Gulf thinks this definitely has to mean something. Mew seems to be giving more hints lately, pushing the boundary of their relationship. Quite frankly they both had, like a game of tug-of-war, a gentle push and pull between them that was slowly getting more intense. Breaking one small boundary after the other while the other one ups the antics. They have been spending more time together, touches lasting slightly longer than usual, lingering glances just a tad more intimate, sensing Mew’s possessiveness was becoming more real and he had started to reciprocate those feelings of jealousy more himself too.

He couldn’t help but think he was perhaps overthinking things. But it had been Mew who had given him the love bite last time they were together. Surely that had to mean something?! He also hadn’t complained about Gulf’s little lap trick earlier and they usually would voice anything that they felt uncomfortable about immediately.

He was getting more confused by every passing minute. It wasn’t just his own feelings he had to consider. He had to consider Mew’s feelings and past, both of their careers, the public perception of them, even the fact that he had never been attracted to another guy before. What if he admitted his feelings to Mew and later found out he didn’t like being physical with a man and hurt Mew irreparably? No. That couldn’t be true. There was no instance that would allude to that happening. But what if he confessed his feelings and Mew didn’t feel the same and it broke their friendship? No, he knew Mew and he thinks he knows him well enough to know Mew wouldn’t do that. Once the filming of TharnType 2 was finished as well, there were no further concrete plans for them to continue working together outside the promotion of their new season. If things went south it shouldn’t affect their work.

So he definitely should say something.

He knew Mew would be able to sense his anxiety as he sat there, chewing on his granola bar silently. To his credit, Mew kept silent as well and only every once in a while moved his arm over and gave his thigh a gentle squeeze reassuring him.

Once Gulf had made up his mind, he was determined to see it through. He knew his feelings would keep growing and that Mew would know something was going on. He would be honest and frank about what he was feeling and then hope for the best.

--

Once they get to the condo Mew asks him what’s wrong. He can sense a change in their dynamic. He can feel Gulf being stuck in his own head during the drive back. Can feel him putting up a barrier between them again.

“Did you get a girlfriend?” Mew asks.

Gulf’s mind blanks. It was like a curveball. He had no idea why Mew would think that, let alone the logistics of him getting a girlfriend in the three days he was gone.

“What! No of course not. Why would you even have to ask that” Gulf asks genuinely shocked.

“I can sense that there is some news you want to break to me. I don’t know what else it could be that would make you this nervous to tell me about. We tell each other everything,” Mew hissed.

Sensing the budding of Mew’s jealousy he sits down, motioning for Mew to join him.

He knows now how it will go. Mew will keep assuming the worst until he gets it out of him. He should’ve known that Mew knew him almost better than he knew himself. That he would be able to perceive the slight change within him and want to know what was going on.

“Oh, it’s that serious” Mew laughs, but Gulf can hear it’s laced with nervousness. “I’m correct aren’t I?”

“Okay Phi, listen to me. I’m going to be brutally honest with you. The most honest I have ever been with you and you have to promise to take me seriously.”

Giving him a slight nod in response, he continues.

Never one to think too much about wording, he decides that the best course of action is the simplest one.

“I like you Phi.”

There he said it.

He slumps against the couch, relieved it’s out there in the open. He doesn’t think Mew will feel any differently about him. But he can relax knowing Mew will understand why he is being a bit more anxious around him.

“I like you too, Gulf. But we already know that. We’re Phi-Nong who love each other very much.”

Realizing that Mew didn’t understand what he was trying to convey he barrels ahead, trying to clarify his previous sentence before he loses his nerve.

“No Phi. I mean I like like you. I have a crush on you. I find you attractive in a more than friendly way. I think about you romantically.” Pleased he had made his point he looks at Mew, whose face was clouding over with realization at his words.

A moment passes. Then two. Then three. After what feels like an eternity Gulf can’t hold it in anymore.

“Say something. Please?”

Starting to feel worried that he may have just ruined everything, that their friendship was crumbling before him in front of his eyes, that what he had just done was irreversible damage and he was going to be left without even Mew’s friendship to comfort him.

He stands up, getting ready to lock himself into the bathroom and never come back out when suddenly Mew stands to go after him and speaks up.

“I had a feeling, an inkling if you may. But I’ve had that feeling before and been wrong. So wrong.” He looked sad, and no that was not what Gulf wanted. Not what he intended.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say. I’m just...I’m sorry,” Gulf ends lamely. Taking a defeated seat on the couch again, he looks up at Mew who seems to be lost in thought. A shadow passing over his face. Mew shakes his head, hair flopping on his forehead before taking a seat beside him. His expression evens out and he pokes Gulf on his dimples, giving him a wide grin that looks surprisingly genuine.

The sudden shift in mood startles Gulf who turns to face Mew directly.

“Phi, I’m being serious, I’m not joking.” Anticipating what Mew would say he continues: “I know how scary this must be for you. To feel like you can’t even trust your own instincts. To feel like you’ve been in this same situation before. To know that I could betray you and that it would hurt a hundred times more than you could imagine possible.”

“I’m putting myself into your shoes Phi, and I can see why you’re trying to brush things off now. But us talking about it is a step in the right direction right? We’ve always been open and honest with each other. Let’s not let that end now.”

“Why do you care?”

Startled by the question, Gulf leans back against the couch and looks Mew straight into his eyes. He knows Mew has been hurt before, and that he won’t believe Gulf’s words easily. Even though he has been by Mew’s side for more than a year and not broken that trust they had slowly built between each other, he knows just how hard Mew is trying to believe him now. He just needs reassurance, the green light that it’s okay. Gulf will handle it.

“Because we’re in this together. I’m here for you,” Gulf put his own hands on his heart trying to convey his sincerity.

“Do you want to talk about this?” Gulf continued, his tone surprisingly bright.

“I just…” tears started pouring down Mew’s cheeks, his upper lip trembling and nostrils sucking in air, a mucus heavy snort emitting into the quiet room.

Gulf eyes widen as he realizes his Phi’s tears are coming down heavier, staining the collar of his shirt.

“P’Mew?”

That seems to open the flood gates and before he knows it Mew is sobbing uncontrollably. The sound of his sobs rise and fall at random, his hands clutched to his sides, shivers wracking his body as he tilts his head back, facing the ceiling.

“Mew,” Gulf soothes, pulling him in for a hug, arms wrapping themselves around Mew’s shaking body. “Mew, you need to breathe. Breathe.”

Mew’s body shudders beneath his as he gulpes shallow, uneven breaths.

“Shh, shhh. It’s okay. I’m here,” the quiet whispers lining up with the firm, open-palmed circle Gulf was slowly rubbing between his shoulder blades, rocking him back and forth. Wrapping him tighter into his arms, pressing Mew’s face against his chest and petting his hair softly between his fingers.

As his sniffling slowly recedes, Mew lifts his head up and looks at Gulf.

“Please, tell me exactly what you mean. In detail, don’t leave anything out. I need to know. Please.”

He looked so earnest, his bright eyes glistening with the tears just shed, staring deep into his eyes.

Breathing in deeply, filling his lungs with oxygen and letting out a long puff of air, Gulf takes Mew’s hands into his, cradling them softly. Hoping and praying that he won’t scare Mew anymore than he already has. He just hopes he isn’t making a huge mistake.

“Mew, I have to be honest with you. I don’t think it’s fair to either of us if I don’t say something. I also know that by saying something I’m risking our friendship, but I’m willing to take the risk, because our friendship has always been about trust and honesty,” glancing quickly at Mew to make sure he was still listening he keeps going.

“I feel like our relationship has always been extremely close. Once you managed to break through my walls, we’ve been inseparable. These past few months when I’ve been living with you, we’ve become even closer and I can honestly say I feel like I’m closer to you now than I have been with anyone, ever, in my whole entire life.”

“And that’s why a couple days ago, when I realized my feelings for you had grown even deeper, at first I felt taken aback and a little shocked. But having had a few days to process everything, it all makes so much sense Phi,” clamping Mew’s hands tighter in his grip he looks up through his eyelashes at Mew. He’s looking at him, face slightly pinched, trying to figure out what Gulf was telling him.

“So what are you saying Gulf? What are you trying to tell me?” Mew asks.

Taking a deep breath he let’s go of his inhibitions and puts all his cards out on the table again.

“I’ve developed real feelings for you Mew. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It’s not like I’ve ever been in this situation before, and I’ve never even fancied another man. I know I’m putting you into a difficult position, but we’ve basically finished filming season two, so if you feel uncomfortable continuing to be around me I completely understand and respect your decision. I just hope we can maintain some level of friendship, because I really respect you Mew and it would be a shame to not have you in my life anymore. Maybe I just need a bit of time to myself to let my feelings die down a little. I promise I’ll be okay and you don’t need to worry about me. I can take care of myself this time P’Mew I promise.”

“Gulf...Gulf look at me,” Mew cuts him off, gently lifting Gulf’s chin up so he’s again staring directly into his Phi’s eyes.

“Thank you for sharing this with me. I genuinely mean that. But before you continue your dialogue, have you thought of asking me how I feel?”

Gulf feels dumb after that. It hadn’t even crossed his mind to ask Mew his opinion of the situation. He had just assumed the worst and tried to minimize the situation to make it easier on Mew to reject him.

“How..how do you feel, P’Mew?” Gulf asks tentatively, scared to hear the next words out of Mew’s mouth. Knowing he was going to let Gulf down gently, telling him he made the same mistake Mew did, falling for his first co-star. It was an easy enough mistake to make as a new actor, not knowing where the lines between his character and himself are. That in the future he’d need to learn to keep his real feelings separate from his work. Learn to know where to draw the line within himself before things spiraled out of control to where he couldn’t flip the switch in his heart off anymore.

Holding his breath he heard Mew speak.

“I like you too, Gulf. I like you more than only a Phi-Nong who loves each other more than normal. I’ve fantasized about a relationship with you for quite a while actually, but I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want to ruin a good friendship with you, I couldn’t lose you. You mean so much to me now. More than anyone I’ve ever met. I need you in my life, Gulf.”

“I’m sorry if I scared you earlier with my outburst. I just got flashbacks to before, when everything was ruined. This doesn’t feel at all the same, and you mean so much more to me I promise you Yai Nong, but the situation gave me deja vu and I freaked out. I thought you might be pranking me. Every bad conclusion I could draw I thought of and I freaked out. I’m sorry.”

“Mew, don’t apologize. I understand. And I mean it, I’m here for you, you can always cry in front of me. You can be upset, throw chairs at the wall and sob to your heart's content if that’s what you need. I’ll be here, right by your side throwing chairs together with you,” and as he said it he realized that he meant that right down to his core. He wanted to be by Mew’s side no matter what. He wanted to take care of him, be there for him and support him in any way he could.

“So, what does that mean for us?” Gulf asks, trying not to sound too hopeful. To let his imagination run away from reality.

“What do you want it to mean?” Mew retaliates.

Gulf understands then. Mew is hesitant to make the first move. Scared of rejection, scared of misreading the signals and screwing up again. Scared of being the reason everything falls apart.

If he understood what Mew said, and he thinks he does, that means they both have feelings for each other. And if they both have feelings for each other, why should they not try to be something more?

Never one to not go for something he wants, Gulf decides to take the lead.

“Let’s be together then. For real. No Phi-Nong who love each other bullshit. We’ll be boyfriends who love each other instead.”

As he said this, Gulf inches forward on the couch until their thighs are pressing firmly against each other.

Mew doesn’t back away, so Gulf who is still holding Mew’s hands in his, places them into his lap and extracts his right hand, bringing it up to brush a stray piece of hair off Mew’s forehead. Feeling bold, he cups the side of Mew’s face, tracing slowly the smile lines that form at the edge of his mouth with his thumb.

His gaze slowly moves down from Mew’s eyes down to his nose, stopping there for only a second before moving further down to his full lips. His gaze lingers there, letting Mew process his intention. Giving him a chance to back away, to stop what Gulf was planning to do.

They stay like that for several moments, the tension between them growing. He had never felt it before, the faint prickling of electricity between them signaling the anticipation of what was to come. Of course he had felt butterflies around him, but this was different. They were about to kiss as Mew and Gulf. For the first time. After having just confessed their feelings. He felt like his whole stomach was going to drop out of his body and make its way to the center of the Earth.

Ever so slowly Gulf leans forward, painfully slow, inch by inch, still giving time for Mew to stop him. He finally stops, mere millimeters from his mouth and waits. He can feel their breath mingling between them, the warm, moist air suffocating his senses.

He wants to be sure that Mew wants this. Even though he feels like he was being obvious enough for Mew to pick up on the fact that this was unquestionably what he wants.

This definitely felt like the most agonizingly long wait of his life.

A second later he feels it, the faintest brush of lips against his own mouth - soft, warm lips hovering, barely touching. His breath hitches and he can’t help but be the faintest bit scared. But although this was new territory they were heading into, he can’t help but also feel safe, here next to Mew.

“Do you want me, Mew?” he whispers against Mew’s mouth. Feeling his lips vibrate against his as he forms the words.

Mew’s mouth opens, then shuts, a shaky breath sucked in through his nostrils.

“Do you want me?” Gulf asks again, his quiet question hanging in the silence. “If you do, all you have to do is say so.”

He lets the statement hang in the air, prickles of electricity crossing between them in the heat of the fragile moment.

He keeps waiting. Usually, it is Mew who would initiate the majority of their physical touches. This time he knew it would have to be him. That Mew was waiting for him to guide him, and reassure him that this was what his heart truly wanted.

Gulf knew what he wanted, and he knew Mew wanted it too. He could see it in his eyes, from the aura he was emitting with his body language. He’d never been more certain about anything in his life, like he was that he wanted Mew. Wanted him as more than a friend. As someone to share his life with. They fit together like a puzzle piece. Finding him was the single best thing that had ever happened in his life. Like the sun finally emerging after a long dark winter, radiating heat and joy in its path. Nothing had to change. For all intents and purposes they were already together. Just defining what their relationship was called was the last piece.

Oh. And the sex. Despite all the scenes they had done together, it had never gone further than that in their private lives. But boy did he wish that would change, and change tonight.

The longer he stared at Mew with his heated, darkened glare, pupils dilated and mouth slightly parted, the more he could see Mew’s resolve breaking. He knew they both wanted this. He just had to convince him he was sincere. That the past wouldn’t repeat itself. That this was a good thing and he wouldn’t regret this. Not in a million years.

His eyes darkened as he saw Mew’s eyes slowly make their way down his face, taking in the sight before him until they too fell to his lips.

Gulf brings his other hand to also cup Mew’s face as he stares deep into his eyes, trying to find any indication that he should stop.

Letting his thumb brush the sensitive skin of Mew’s lower lip, he could hear Mew inhale sharply. He felt Mew’s fingers twitch against his thigh.

And then they kiss.

The scenes they had filmed for the second season of TharnType had been pretty intense for him, but it was nothing compared to this. He was fully able to put his feelings into the kiss, deepening it as his hands snaked their way along the nape of Mew’s neck into his hair.

He could feel Mew’s hands grabbing him by the waist, pulling him closer, slowly creeping their way up the back of his shirt. His own hands made their way towards his chest, grabbing the fabric between them.

Gently pushing Mew backward, he brings his leg up and maneuvers himself to face Mew without disrupting the kiss. He straddles his legs, bodies pressed together heatedly as their lips press together more desperately, breath heavy. He can taste their shared breath and lets out a choked whine, opening his mouth just enough for Mew to slip his tongue in.

This is exactly what he’d been dreaming about the past few nights. Being able to kiss, to touch with no inhibitions or restrictions. Just us, alone.

Warmth blossomed in his chest as they continued to kiss. His hands making their way down Mew’s body and under his shirt, feeling his abs ripple. Mew seems to have discarded any hesitation he had had before and was now kissing him in earnest, taking full opportunity of the moment. Gulf hadn’t heard Mew say it outloud, but he could tell by the way he was kissing him that he wanted him just as bad as he wanted the older man in return.

He felt Mew’s hands roam up his shirt and touch his nipple, sending an electrifying spark up his spine, briefly blinding him in a static of white light before his eyes. Groaning loudly he returns the favour, twirling Mew’s nipple beneath his fingers and making the other man twitch in pleasure. They continue this for a moment until Mew decides he’s had enough and promptly grabs the bottom of Gulf’s shirt and tugs it upwards.

“Too many clothes love,” he whispers in a hoarse voice as Gulf lifts his arms up obediently.

Although he had made the first move, he could feel Mew slowly taking over and it turned him on even more.

“I want to spoil you, make you feel so good that nobody can ever compare to me.”

He can see the possessive glint in Mew’s eyes as he says this, and his cock hardens even more.

“Yes, please,” he murmurs against Mew’s shoulder where he’s currently pressing soft kisses against.

“Hips up!”

Mew tugs at his sweatpants and slowly guides them down his thighs. Gulf hoists his hips up and kicks his legs out to shake off the offending clothing. He can see Mew staring at him with glassy eyes, roaming over his body. Taking in every inch of him for the first time unashamedly.

He feels his body flush under the gaze.

“You too P’Mew,” he croaks out, voice tight.

Smirking at him, Mew quickly discards of his own clothes, moving Gulf gently to the side so he can take his pants off. Gulf ends up laying on the sofa, before Mew comes to hover over him, nearly naked beside the tight black boxers he was still wearing.

A shiver runs down his body at the intensity of Mew’s stare. He doesn’t know how far Mew is willing to take this, but he is willing to give anything to his Phi.

Mew seems to understand.

“I’ll only go as far as you want and are comfortable with Gulf,” Mew says gently. “I don’t want to hurt you or scare you off. This is all new to you.”

“Not all new,” he says petulantly. “You gave me a taster when we practiced for our NC scenes.”

“That’s not the same Gulf, I want to take care of you. We won’t make love until I feel like you’re 100 percent ready for it.”

“Whatever you want I’m okay with,” Gulf whispered as he grabbed the back of Mew’s head and brought their lips together once more, hissing at the resumed contact.

He felt Mew’s hands slowly inch lower, dragging with them a delicious trail of heat in their path. His fingers kept moving lower until they caught at the waistband of his boxers. Gulf bucked up at the sensation, trying to encourage Mew to keep going. This was nothing like he had ever experienced so far, Mew was right about that. It was so much better than anything he could have conjured up in his imagination. Pure heat flushed through his body at the knowledge of what was to come.

Acknowledging Gulf’s impatience, Mew pulled his boxers down, releasing Gulf’s cock from their confinement.

Usually, Gulf would have felt shy in a situation like this. Body exposed, with nowhere to hide. But the heated look in Mew’s eyes merely turned him on even more, making his brain fill with a hazy lust.

“You’re so beautiful my tua-eng,” Mew whispered against his cheek, pressing their bodies flush against each other. “I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you baby.”

Preening at the compliments, Gulf buried his face in the crook of Mew’s shoulder. Mew however, placed his hand gently under his chin and guided him up, so they were gazing at each other.

“You mean so much to me Gulf. Thank you for trusting me.”

Gulf couldn't help the huge smile that broke out across his face. Mew was so good to him. But the heat in his groin was becoming uncomfortable and he hoped Mew would hurry up and touch him already.

“Phi please, touch me.”

“Gladly.”

It was good to see some of Mew’s confidence coming back.

Mew tugged his own boxers off and positioned himself above Gulf again, aligning their bodies. Despite this being his first real time with a man, Gulf couldn’t find any trace of nervousness in him. Only anticipation and love for his Phi.

The moment their naked bodies connected sent a new wave of sparks unlike anything Gulf had ever experienced shooting up his body.

Mumbling incoherently, Gulf jerked his hips up towards the delicious heat and started rubbing against his Phi. He felt like a randy teenager, but he was beyond caring at that moment. Hands wrapped around Mew’s back he pressed their bodies as close together as he could, continuing to rock their hips together in an escalating pace.

He could feel Mew’s mouth working against his neck, leaving a trail of marks down the side and lower towards his chest. Marking him.

He could feel himself getting close.

“Phi, if we keep this up I won’t last much longer.”

Mew stopped abruptly, face lifting up to look at his Nong.

With a glint in his eyes he slowly made his way down Gulf’s chest, leaving a trail of kisses before reaching his destination.

Gulf, realizing what his Phi had in mind quickly sat up, startling Mew in the process.

“I’m so sorry Gulf, if you’re not ready I understand,” Mew spoke softly, his eyes wide with concern.

“No it’s not that Phi. I feel self conscious, because I just came back from dance practice. I’m all sweaty and gross.”

He knew he was being a little bit dramatic, but it was their first time together in this intimate way, and he didn’t want Mew to be put off.

Understanding clouded Mew’s eyes and he laced their hands together, interlocking their fingers.

“Gulf, nothing could put me off. I’ve wanted this for so long. I like you, every inch of you, just the way you are.”

Mew slowly shifted back, pulling Gulf by his hands with him.

“Let’s take this to the bathroom, shall we?”

Gulf looked up at Mew and his heart felt like it was about to burst. His eyes teared up a little at the thoughtfulness of his Phi and how easily he could read his emotions, always giving him exactly what he needed.

Gently tugging Gulf up so they were standing, Mew gently guided Gulf towards the stairs that led upstairs and into his master bedroom.

Grabbing Mew’s bicep with the hand that wasn’t being held, they made their way into the bathroom.

“Why don’t you hop in there and I’ll go pop a few towels into the dryer so they are nice and warm for us when we’re done.”

Nodding, Gulf extracts his hand from Mew and steps into the shower. Reaching for the shower nozzle he fiddles around with the temperature until he finds the perfect setting. Glancing to his side he reaches over and grabs a bottle of soap, turning it over to read the label.

“Stobelli,” he mumbles to himself.

Squeezing a generous amount into his hand he starts lathering his body, wanting to get a good head start on getting off all the grime before Mew comes back.

Gulf was just covering his soapy nipples as Mew steps into the shower and pulls the glass door shut behind him. Gulf opens his eyes, drops of water clinging to his dark lashes. He smiles and licks his bottom lip, Mew’s eyes landing on his face.

He can feel the tension between them sizzling. His penis twitching with excitement at the memory of what had just gone on downstairs.

And suddenly he’s there. Mew grips Gulf’s arse, one big hand on each thick cheek, his eyes running down Gulf’s wet stomach down to his uncut cock. He groans softly and digs his fingers into the meaty flesh, massaging while sucking a kiss to the front of Gulf throat. He presses his own back against the wall and pulls Gulf into his body, mouthing up his jawline. “Look at you. You’re so fucking beautiful, baby.”

Mew’s fingers circle around to his front to wrap around his cock, their tongues tangled while Mew starts stroking him, ever so gently. Gulf gasps into his mouth. This was the first time Mew had ever touched him like this, and he couldn’t remember why they hadn’t done this all along. Not when it felt so good.

“Is this okay?” Mew asks.

Nodding vigorously, Gulf grabs a tighter hold on Mew’s shoulders and lets out a guttural groan.

Mew takes a few steps forward, pressing Gulf back against the shower wall, his right thigh spreading outwards to press himself tighter against Gulf’s body.

Mew kisses him again while moaning into his mouth and Gulf tries to feel his way down Mew’s body with fingers that were shaking. Mew was stuttering faster breaths out of his nostrils from a mere ghost of a touch over one of his nipples.

Slowly trailing his hand over Mew’s nipples he started to stroke his thumb in a circle eliciting a loud moan from Mew.

He wanted Mew to feel just as good as he did. So gently, with his other hand, he makes his way down to Mew’s cock and starts to stroke him.

They stare at each other while they pleased each other, the growing pace of their arms syncing, Gulf’s chest heaving a split second faster than Mew’s. Faces bobbing in and out, breath blowing roughly against each other’s face. Swallowing thickly, he watches Mew’s eyes watching his adam’s apple and then leaning forward to let his lips linger on it, huffing soft, hot breaths against his neck while their fists clicked faster over their cocks.

Softly, ever so softly, Mew whimpered, “Gulf,” and Gulf turns his head just so, searing their lips together. His hand shifting to grip the small of Mew’s back while his other hand kept pumping him at an increasing pace.

Suddenly, Mew grips the back of his hair and pulls gently, Gulf’s hips bucking against him. Gulf’s mouth opens wider, his jaw dropping open to accommodate the deeper kiss. A sharp tug to his hair drew another, long, low moan from him, both huffing uneven breaths between kisses.

“Do you want my mouth, Yai Nong?” Mew uttered, breathless and consonants fuzzy.

Gulf’s brows pinched together, he could hardly form a coherent thought in his brain. The only thing he could do in that moment was to grab Mew, bringing their faces together for another searing kiss. Frantically inhaling the scent of lemongrass wafting from Mew’s hair.

Suddenly, Mew drops down to his knees and Gulf can see him staring up at him.

“P’Mew!” Gulf cried startled. This was still new enough territory that he felt slightly dizzy and nervous, with a slight tinge of embarrassment laced into the mix.

But Mew was looking at him, all of him, with such wonder and awe in his eyes that the embarrassment slowly started to drift away. Like a cloud on a windy day.

He could feel the tension in his lower abdomen increase and he couldn’t help but let out a small giggle, clapping a hand over his mouth.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t believe we’re here. Doing this,” he gestured between them with his hands.

“I guess I’m just a bit light-headed and incredulous of the situation. I never thought this would happen anywhere else besides my dreams.”

“You dreamt about this?” Mew quirked an eyebrow at him, clearly pleased at the revelation.

“A few times,” Gulf replied, not wanting Mew to know the extent of those dreams nor the frequency in which he’d had them.

“Then I’ll make sure it’s so good that I’m the only one you’ll ever want to do this for you. I’ll take care of you baby don’t worry.”

Mew leaned closer, gently taking Gulf’s cock into his hands. Keeping his eyes locked with Gulf, he leaned in and closed his mouth around the top of it.

Gulf gasps, hips unintentionally thrusting forward at the sudden heat. His hands went to grasp at Mew’s hair. Mew lifted one arm, gently extracting one hand from his hair and interlaced their fingers together. Gulf gave his hand a squeeze, non-verbally telling him everything was okay. More than okay. Things were perfect, in fact.

Mew began moving, his mouth sliding up and down, tongue swirling around his dick in the most excruciating pleasure he had ever felt. Gulf, whose head had fallen back against the shower wall, was staring wide eyed at the ceiling, hardly being able to believe this was happening. He opened his stance a bit wider, granting Mew a bit more room when Mew took him in all the way, slowly sucking back out, causing Gulf to take in a deep breath trying to control himself, lest he completely fall apart so quickly. He never wanted this to end.

The hand that was not clutching Gulf’s was resting on his stomach, stroking his skin absently. The hand made its way down to cup his bollocks as he sucked upwards again, making Gulf moan and thrust his hips forward.

Panting, Gulf clamped his mouth shut, his whole mind fixed on the intense pleasure Mew was giving him.

Mew’s hands went around to grab his arse and pull him closer into his mouth and then grabbing his waist to set a gentle back and forth motion. He was effectively making Gulf fuck his mouth.

Gulf risked a peek down at Mew and groaned at the sight. He squeezed his eyes shut again afraid he would come just at the sight.

It didn’t take much longer until he felt the familiar tension at the root of his belly. He tugged at Mew’s hair to try and warn him and he lifted his other hand up and bit hard on it, muffling a high pitched whimper as he shot against the back of Mew’s mouth, his hips jutting unevenly. His expression bordered on pain, his eyes squeezed tighter and toes curling against the floor, letting out a breathy moan against his fist that vibrated against his skin.

Mew stands up and leans closer to him.

“Next time let me hear you,” Mew whispers into his ear, causing the hair on the back of his neck to rise. “All of it, don’t hold back tua-eng.”

“Let’s wash up P’Mew,” he whines, suddenly feeling embarrassed. But they stayed wrapped around each other for a few moments, their chests panting together, the shower continuing to flow around them, the steam from the shower already casting a thick layer of fog onto the glass of the door.

After several moments, Mew detached his arm and moved it around Gulf’s body. Sticking his finger out he started to draw in the fog left from the steam of the shower.

“MGPFG,” Gulf read out in time of him writing.

“We’ll have to get that tattooed on you someday,” Mew said, his possessive side coming out.

On anyone else, Gulf would have found it irritating, but with Mew he found it indescribably endearing. Teeth flashing in a huge smile he pulled his Phi close to himself again.

“I love you so much,” he giggled into his shoulder.

Mew stilled.

Oh shit. He had just said that outloud.

But as he thought that, he realized it was true. He did love Mew, and had for a long time. But what he also realized in that moment, was that he was also in love with the man. This perfect human being staring at him like he hung all the stars in the sky. Sure, he had his flaws like any human being, but they were his perfect imperfections that complemented Gulf’s own. They fit together, complementing each other in the perfect way that just made sense.

Wiping a stray piece of wet hair that was stuck to Mew’s forehead to the side, Gulf stared at this man, his man.

“I’m in love with you P’Mew. I’m really incredibly, in love with you.”

Mew pulls him in tight, wrapping his arms around Gulf and he thinks he can hear the other man sniffling against his shoulder.

“I love you too my baby. I’ll love you forever. I promise na. Let’s stay together like this forever. I’ll love you more than anything in the whole wide world, I will make sure you feel that love every day for the rest of your life and take care of you to the best of my abilities.”

Looking into Mew’s eyes, Gulf knows every word coming out of his Phi’s mouth is the truth. Mew cups his chin gently and brings him in for a gentle kiss, full of promise and love.

“I just can’t believe you like me back, that I deserve someone as wonderful as you Yai Nong.”

“And I can’t believe someone as incredible as Phi likes silly little me too, when he could have anyone in the world.”

“And I choose you. Today and everyday for the rest of my life.”

Taking Gulf’s hands into his, he shuffles his feet a little from side to side.

“Gulf?”

“Yes Phi?”

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

A sharp bubble of laughter shoots out of Gulf as he looks at Mew fondly.

“Aow, I thought we already were! We confessed to each other!”

“I didn’t ask you properly though, I need to make sure we are on the same page. Please? Will you do the honor of being my boyfriend?”

“Of course, Khun Phi,” Gulf nods at him.

They stare at each other for several moments, basking in the euphoria of the moment. Suddenly Gulf blinks and cocks his head to the side.

“P’Mew!”

Mew widens his eyes, waiting for his Nong to continue.

“I already...um...you made me...Phi made me...come but...I didn’t help Phi,” Gulf mumbles bashfully.

Mew lets out a bark of laughter before smirking at his Nong.

“Don’t worry about it Gulf, you made Phi come too,” he winked at him.

“What? How?”

“Nong looked so sexy I came right after you.”

A curl of warmth spread across Gulf’s belly knowing Mew was so turned on by what they had done together that he had come just from that alone.

“Want me to do your back?” Mew asks, grabbing the body wash off the shelf and popping it open. “Get all of today’s grime off you.”

Gulf pushes his shoulders back, stretching his shoulder blades and clasping his hands above his head, leaving his back open for Mew.

Mew grips the tops of his shoulders and turns him around, pulling him under the water. Gulf shuts his eyes, Mew’s fingers digging in all over his back, his strokes soft but firm against his skin.

“Feels nice, “ Gulf says quietly, his head lolling on his neck. He hears another bottle pop. “What are you doing?”

Before he has a chance to open his eyes, Mew’s long fingers are massaging his scalp, the crisp scent of lemongrass filling the air around them, and foam puffing around his hair. Gulf lets out a low groan and let’s his head fall forward, brows knit together tightly. Mew squeezing up and down the back of his neck as he washes his hair, Gulf’s arms laying limply at his sides.

“There we are,” Mew’s soft voice echoes in the silence, voice soft in his ears and hands smoothing down his back.

Gulf feels like purring, body completely limp against Mew’s hands.

“Stay here in the warm water, I’ll grab the towels real quick!”

Before Gulf has a chance to open his eyes, Mew is gone, dashing out of the room.

He’s back a moment later, towel wrapped around his waist, water dripping down his chest, making their way down his body before being intercepted by the pillowy fabric.

Opening his arms, Mew gestures for Gulf to come out. Turning off the water, Gulf tiptoes out of the shower and is greeted by a warm towel engulfing him. He can feel warm, strong arms encircling him and pulling him into a hug. He feels so at peace, here wrapped in the warmth of the towel and Mew’s arms. Shutting his eyes, he doesn’t think he’s ever felt this happy.

“You make me so happy Gulf,” Mew mirrors his own thoughts aloud.

Smiling softly to himself he thanks whatever higher power exists in the worlds to have brought the two of them together. To have found each other out of the millions and billions of people in the world. They found each other and he was never going to let the other man go.

Mew steps back and starts to dry him off, gently patting Gulf all over with the warm towel. Making sure to get all the crooks and crevices. He finally ruffles Gulf’s hair with a dry bit of towel, eyes crinkling at the younger man.

“You look so soft and fuzzy,” Mew huffs a laugh. “Narak.”

He then takes Gulf by the hand and together they walk into the bedroom. Mew opens his closet and brings out one of Gulf’s spare pyjamas that he’s left. One that he thinks will now permanently live at Mew’s. Gulf gratefully accepts and starts dressing, still feeling slightly dizzy from the dopamine high.

“Let’s brush our teeth quickly before bed tua-eng.”

They step inside the bathroom again and Gulf sees his toothbrush is still exactly where he had left it a few days before. He had stayed at Mew’s condo so many times, sleeping and cuddling in the same bed, but tonight would be the first time as a couple. With his boyfriend.

I have a boyfriend.

He still couldn’t believe Mew was his boyfriend. He makes eye contact with Mew through the mirror and Mew reaches over to wipe off a stray bit of toothpaste that had foamed out of his mouth. Mew steps behind him and places his hand on his waist as he continues to brush. Always so cuddly. He can’t lie and say he doesn't love it.

They retreat back into the bedroom and shut off the lights, gently sliding under the thin blankets over the bed.

Gulf feels Mew’s arms wrap around him from behind. He gently arches his back to accommodate the body pushing up against him. Smiling to himself, he grabs onto Mew’s arm and pulls them tighter around himself. He feels safe and secure, wrapped up with his Phi. So warm and tight like there is no escaping, like he never wants to let go.

P’Mew on the other hand can’t contain his grin either. He can’t believe that finally someone he’s in love with actually loves him back and reciprocates his feelings. Gulf is everything he could wish for in a partner and he can’t help his thoughts from whispering to him that they must be soulmates. Everything lines up so perfectly for them to meet each other. Out of a million could be’s, here they are, wrapped up in each other's arms. Ready to conquer the world together.

Mew can’t help the relief washing over his body at the memory that he was the first one to meet Gulf. That out of all the possibilities, they both auditioned for TharnType. That their chemistry matched and that they both chose each other out of all the people auditioning as the person they wanted to pair up with for the leading position. Mew knows he has the patience and maturity to take care of Gulf in a way many others wouldn’t have bothered with considering Gulf’s shyness and youth. He’s glad he could take care of him and teach him and he worries about his nong a lot and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him when he’s not there. Wants him to be surrounded by good people. As long as they stay together like this, Mew is certain that he can manage and promises himself he will take care of his nong for as long as he is alive.

 

---

A couple months later they had settled into their relationship quite comfortably. Nobody knew besides the two of them, both agreeing that for the time being they wanted to keep their love safe and let the seed of their love grow before revealing it to the world.

It had been a long day of individual schedules when Gulf let himself into Mew’s condo. Well, to be honest it felt like his condo now too, but technically they had never agreed on moving in together. They just missed each other too much if Gulf spent more than a day at his own place. So it had become unofficially their joint place which they shared.

Today was August 8th, their three month anniversary and Gulf was excited to see his Phi. He wanted to have a relaxing evening celebrating together. They had already exchanged small gifts in the morning, Mew knowing he was impatient and wouldn't have wanted to wait all day to find out what his Phi had got him. But tonight he had something else in mind. Gulf was thinking that tonight might finally be the night he could convince Mew that they had waited long enough to have sex. That three months was a long enough time to confirm to Mew that Gulf was serious about him and their relationship, and comfortable enough with the idea of having sex with a man to try it out for real. He had been wanting to for a long time, but Mew had insisted they wait until Gulf was absolutely sure, not wanting to rush the physical aspect of their relationship too prematurely. Gulf could appreciate his Phi’s concern and initially agreed with him, but he feels like he had waited long enough at this point. If his Phi was ready, so was he.

“Gulf are you back?”

Gulf followed the sound of Mew’s voice into their bedroom.

“Happy anniversary, tirak!” Gulf exclaimed as he pounced on Mew, making sure to get all of his weight behind the jump, landing with an ooff onto Mew’s back.

“Happy anniversary my sunflower,” Mew wrestled himself from under Gulf and smiled up at him, enveloping Gulf into his arms.

Mew pulled Gulf down to lay beside him and Gulf settled his head onto Mew’s chest, feeling the warmth of his hand stroke through his hair, soothing him completely. Just being this close to Mew had an immediate sedative effect on him, making him all loose and pliant against the older man. He could feel all the tension of the day evaporating at Mew’s touch.

They both had been waiting all day to be able to spend time together alone, just the two of them. Gulf could feel the buzzing start of anticipation course through him as Mew’s hands traveled down to knead the muscles on his back and make their way down to his buttocks. Feelings Mew’s large hands massaging his ass, he could feel the initial stirring of interest in his lower region.

“Hmmm, been waiting for me all day like a good boy?”

“Yes, daddy,” Gulf whispers against Mew’s neck, pressing soft kisses against his skin.

“Then how should we celebrate?” Mew asks, voice rough at the edges.

Crawling up so that his face was right in front of Mew’s he said what he had been wanting all day.

“I’m ready to have sex with you P’Mew. I’m sure of it, as long as you’re ready too. Trust me Phi, I want this,” he mumbles, feeling his cheeks burn a little.

Mew blinked up at him and Gulf sighed exasperatedly.

“Please trust me on this P’Mew. I know you want to protect me, even from yourself, but this is something I want to experience with you together. Let’s not hold back anymore. I want you. All of you.

The hesitation in Mew’s eyes was slowly turning into want, his hands grasping Gulf’s waist just a tad tighter, pulling him closer. Their bodies connected and Gulf could feel the start of Mew’s erection against his leg and pressed down. Mew widened his eyes in response, pushing up against the pressure. Gulf slowly started to move his leg up and down in slow, tantalizing movements, keeping his eyes firmly locked on Mew’s, trying to convey every emotion he was feeling to the older man.

Suddenly, Mew flipped them over and he was the one on his back, staring up at Mew and blinking rapidly at the sudden change in positions.

“Okay, I think you’re right. If we both want this then it’s time. But let me know the second you feel uncomfortable or if you want to stop.”

“Don’t worry Phi, I will.”

And then Mew was in his face again, kissing him rather aggressively, like his life depended on it. They wasted no time shucking their clothes off before Mew was on him again.

“Do you want my mouth, Yai Nong?” Mew uttered, sounding completely breathless.

Gulf’s brows pinched together, already feeling lightheaded from their shared kiss. The only thing he could do in that moment was grab Mew, bringing their faces together for another searing kiss. Frantically inhaling the scent of lemongrass wafting from Mew’s hair.

“Yes daddy,” he finally managed to exhale.

Mew quickly makes his way down and before Gulf could even process what was happening, Mew had swallowed as much of his length as he could fit into his mouth. Gulf gasped loudly, his hips bucking forward. Mew’s eyes watered a bit, but he was good. So, so good at this that he kept going, managing to still swallow another few centimeters of Gulf into his warm, wet mouth.

Mew’s hands reached up to grab Gulf’s hand, like he loved to do. Gulf loved it, made things feel even more intimate that they held hands while Mew sucked him off. Mew’s other hand was trailing up his thigh, leaving him shuttering in its path. Reaching for Gulf’s abs, he could feel his own stomach muscles clench under his soft fingers. He didn’t have to look down to know how much this was affecting him.

Mew paused a moment to lean forward, lips only a breath apart from his own. Mew reaches his hand above Gulf’s head, running his hand through his thick hair, leaving it in a slight disarray. He leaned down so their chests were touching, sliding sweaty skin together. Mew’s mouth attached itself to his collarbone and Gulf’s breath hitched. Mew smirked and continued to press kisses up along his chest and towards his neck where he peppered little pecks all over.

“A shame I can’t leave a mark,” Mew murmured before making his way downward towards his nipple.

He sucked lightly there and Gulf’s whole chest jerked as he let out a shuddering breath. Mew could so easily reduce Gulf into a quivering pile of mush. Mew continued to lick and used his hand to play with his other nipple, pinching lightly every now and then.

Gulf exhaled loudly and could feel his face turning pink.

Mew was now making his way down Gulf’s body, peppering his skin in hot, open mouth kisses.

Suddenly wetness engulfed him and he muffled a moan into his fist.

“Mew! Oh my gosh, please.”

Mew looked up at him and the sight of Mew going down on him, his cheeks hollowed out and his eyes cloudy from lust, staring straight back at him, still made him feel weak.

“Mew, I won’t last if you keep doing that!”

“I’m just trying to make this good for you Yai Nong.”

After a minute of pure bliss, Gulf’s thighs start to quiver, indicating that he was getting close. Mew notices and backs off, getting up slowly and crawling to his bedside table. He opens the top drawer and rummages a little in the back before pulling out a bottle of lube. Winking at Gulf, he opens the cap and squeezes a generous amount into his hands.

Despite having been together for a few months, this was a line Mew had been adamant not to cross. A part of him wanted to wait to make sure Gulf’s feelings were genuine and not caught up in the moment. He didn’t want them to have sex and then regret it afterwards. He didn’t think he could handle a scenario like that. He wanted their first time to mean something, and to be filled with love and intimacy. He knew this experience wouldn’t be amazing for Gulf, first times hardly ever were. But he was determined to make it the best he possibly could. And that started with proper preparation.

Mew bit his lips and coated his finger generously. He moved over Gulf, hovering slightly above him.

“Are you ready?” he whispered into the thick air.

“C’mon Mewwww, I’ve been ready for ages. For weeks, just do it. I’m begging you.”

He chuckled at his impatient Nong. He never was good at waiting.

Smashing their lips together again brought out a gasp in Gulf. Taking full advantage of his open mouth, Mew presses his tongue forward and roughly massages Gulf’s. Gulf was returning the kiss in full fervor, hands coming up to grip Mew’s biceps, squeezing hard. Mew pulls Gulf’s head closer to his with his free hand, bodies grinding together.

A throaty moan escapes Gulf’s mouth and the thought of breaking apart for air passes through each man’s head, but is swiftly pushed aside in favor of pressing even closer together.

Mew’s lube coated hand slowly makes its way toward Gulf’s puckered entrance. He had fingered him before during passionate makeout sessions and Gulf had taken it quite enthusiastically. But this time he would have to make sure he prepared him well and thoroughly. Pausing only slightly, he pushed one digit in.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes Mew, I’m good,” Gulf gasps out.

“Does it hurt yet?”

“No Mew, please keep going”

Mew could feel Gulf moving his body in time with his finger and decided to add another finger in, making scissoring motions once inside.

“Still okay tua-eng?”

“Mhmmm just add another one”

They had never gotten this far, and Mew wanted to be really careful, so he made sure to insert his third finger in extra slow.

It was so tight...and hot, Mew could feel himself hardening at the sensation and suppressed a moan.

He could feel Gulf tensing up and looked back down, bringing his hand to make soothing circles around his waist.

“Just try to relax into it, we’ll take as much time as you need.”

Mew continues fingering him gently, his own lust building at the sight of his nong falling apart beneath his fingers. Gulf was always so receptive to his touch. Such a good boy.

He angles his fingers in various ways, trying to find the magical spot until he hears the other boy pant and squeak out with pleasure.

“P’Mew please, I want you inside me.”

Groaning at the other man’s impatience, he backs off to grab a condom while also squeezing a large dollop of lube onto his prick.

Looking down at Gulf, he knows he is being sappy, but he can’t imagine loving anybody more than he loves Gulf.

Reaching to the right of Gulf’s head, Mew grabs a pillow and gently eases Gulf up to place it under his hips.

--

Gulf could feel the love in Mew’s eyes as he gently placed the pillow under his hips. Gulf was hot and impatient, but he knew his Phi was sentimental so he reached out to grab hold of Mew’s hand, interlacing their fingers and rubbing his thumb against the other man’s hand.

“I love you Mew.”

He knows he doesn’t say it enough, having a tendency to save it for moments like this when the feeling overflows from inside him and bursts out. Looking into Mew’s eyes he doesn’t feel a single trace of nervousness, just quiet anticipation for their bodies to meld into one, to be connected in the most intimate way with the man he loves more than anything.

His words spur Mew into action and the next thing he knows he can feel something definitely bigger and hotter replacing the fingers that were just there. Gulf can barely breathe, because he can feel Mew pushing inside, tantalizingly slow, inching his way in deeper and deeper.

Gulf does his best not to clench and tighten around the intrusion, focusing on the feeling of being full, being complete. Slight quivers run through his body and he can feel the light sheen of sweat coating their chests as they press together.

A pained sound escapes his lips when a sharp burning sensation materializes amongst the dull ache, and his mind hones back into the feel of the slow burn of Mew filling him up at an unbearably slow rate that felt like it was never ending.

He can feel Mew’s hands rubbing his hips, trying to ease the tension. Suddenly his chin is pulled up, and he opens his eyes, not realizing he had squeezed them shut to stare into the depths of Mew’s gaze.

“Does it hurt?” Mew asks his voice laced with worry and something rougher, something more primitive.

“It’s uncomfortable,” Gulf admits and he can see his Phi’s eyes glaze over with worry.

“I’m so sorry Gulf, I don’t want to hurt you.”

Gulf doesn’t have any experience in being penetrated before, but he thinks if they just speed things up a bit and really get going that the pleasure must return. He decides to wrap his legs around his Phi’s back and pull the older man’s body roughly towards him, effectively impaling him in one swift motion.

“Aow!”

“Gulf, what the hell!”

Mew doesn’t move and he can see the conflict in his eyes, the rational side of him worried about Gulf and the other trying not to become completely overwhelmed by the feeling of utter brilliance from the scorching heat and silky tightness of being inside Gulf.

Although he feels too full, an uncomfortable stretch making his body clench around the length inside him, he wants Mew to do something. He hears Mew groan and drop his forehead against his.

“It’s okay Phi, just move.”

Gulf clenches his muscles again around Mew’s thick cock and is rewarded with a ragged exhale of breath combined with a miniscule hip jerk.

“Fuck...Gulf.”

Gulf feels Mew’s resolve melt even more as Gulf’s hands wrap around to squeeze Mew’s ass, fingers digging so harshly he knows it must leave marks. He pulls Mew toward him, pressing their bodies flush against each other.

“Please Phi.”

And then he feels it, Mew moving slowly out of him only to slowly move back inside. It’s still very uncomfortable and slightly painful, and he wonders how many times they need to do this for him to actually enjoy it.

One of Mew’s hands come up to lace his fingers between Gulf’s and somehow that gesture is the most intimate of them all to him. Mew begins to pick up pace while simultaneously pressing hot, open mouthed kissed against his neck, chest and anywhere his mouth can reach. He moves his other hand to firmly grip against Gulf’s cock, pulling on it in time of his thrusts. The juxtaposition of the feeling is definitely an odd one, the sparks of pleasure mixed with the dull ache and slight burn he can feel up his ass.

He can feel Mew moving around, angling himself differently for each thrust, chest sliding together until Gulf lets out a loud gasp.

Mew stills not moving an inch and turns his head to look at Gulf, a cheeky smirk playing across his face.

“Found it,” he says before he moves again and brushes against something that was definitely not dull pain, making Gulf’s eyes widen at the squeak he just let out.

Mew thrusts in once more and is rewarded with a gasp followed by a groan. Gulf thinks he can definitely take the pain if Mew keeps hitting that spot which sends tingles everywhere in his body.

“Keep hitting that spot Phi,” Gulf mewls into his Phi’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him closer.

That spot Mew keeps hitting brings stars to his eyes as Mew’s pace begins to pick up, the older man losing himself in the sensations now that he knows Gulf is enjoying.

“Harder Phi, hader. Yes just like that,” Gulf whimpers.

Their hands find each other again and Gulf squeezes tight, holding onto it like a lifeline.

“Feels so good baby, you’re doing so good,” Mew groans into his ear and Gulf thinks he won’t last long. Mew’s other hand is pumping his cock with vigour and the relentless pace he is setting is bringing him closer to the edge with every thrust.

“Yes daddy.”

That’s the last thing Gulf says before he feels Mew lose himself while crying out Gulf’s name. He can feel the other man’s cock throbbing and pulsing with the force of his orgasm. Gulf chokes over something like a sob as he feels a warm sensation deep within him, as the come fills up the condom.

Mew is panting hard, eyes squeezed shut and quivering in the aftermath of his orgasm. His hand moved to grip Gulf’s thigh roughly, his knuckles having gone completely pale. His arm twitches slightly before moving back to Gulf’s prick and tugging roughly until Gulf too, slumps boneless against the bed, thrumming and sated.

Mew turns to him and Gulf knows he’s going to ask him if he’s alright, probably even apologize for going too rough. But before he can so much as open his mouth Gulf’s lips are on his in a gentle kiss.

“That was amazing Phi. It was perfect,” Gulf says.

A gentleness washes over Mew’s features and he pulls Gulf against him, his softening cock gently slipping out of him and Gulf feels a sudden sense of loss.

Mew gives him a quick peck on his temple before extracting himself and saying he will go wash up and to just wait here.

Laying back down into the ruffled bedding, Gulf hears the faucet turn on in the bathroom. His body is starting to feel sore, and he’s not sure how well he will be able to walk tomorrow, but he feels content. He feels really happy. At the back of his mind, deep inside, he knows he was slightly worried about this moment. He had never been with a guy like this before, and had never even imagined falling for a man before he met Mew. His mind sometimes liked to remind him that maybe he would hate having sex with a man, that maybe this would be the line that when crossed would finally freak him out. But no, all those slight worries had been for nothing. Gulf can’t think of anything that has ever felt so right as being with Mew.

Speaking of, Mew was now making his was completely nude back into the bedroom, a warm washcloth in his hands. The bed dips as he sits down and gently scrubs off the mess from their activities.

Gulf is so content that he could purr.

“Thanks boo,” he says gently as Mew tosses the washcloth aside and slips under the covers, wrapping his arms tightly around the slightly taller man. Placing his head against his shoulder, Mew looks up through his fringe and smiles.

“Thank you for trusting Phi.”

They lay in bed together for what feels like a long time, eying each other and hands interlocked between them. Relishing in the post-orgasmic glow.

Eventually, Mew breaks the silence, a few minutes or a few hours later Gulf doesn’t know.

“What time is it Yai Nong?”

Gulf shuffles slightly, angling his head to glance at the digital clock glowing on the bedside table beside him.

“Almost midnight, why?”

“I think this calls for a celebratory Instagram post!” Mew exclaimes, reaching over to his bedside table to grab his phone. Pressing the Instagram app he then turns his phone so that Gulf can’t see the screen.

“Aow P’Mew! What are you posting about?”

“You’ll see tua-eng, just one moment.”

Gulf watches Mew’s face as he sticks his tongue out a little in deep concentration, gaze unmoved and focused on the far wall. He suddenly starts grinning and begins typing vigorously into his phone.

Beyond curious, Gulf tries to sneak a peak but his Phi is too fast, moving the phone again out of his view. He stops typing and turns around to stare at the digital clock on the bedside table.

“Three more minutes.”

Mew locks his phone and turns around, wrapping Gulf into an embrace.

“Tell Phi when the clock says 23:59.”

They stay like that, bodies pressed together and listening to the gentle sound of each other's breath until Gulf saw the clock’s bright red lights flicker to 23:59.

“Now P’Mew.”

Mew quickly grabs his phone and posts whatever it was he had saved on the screen.

“Tadam! Open your phone and see for yourself.”

Grabbing his phone and opening Instagram too, Gulf sees Mew’s profile as the first bubble in his stories. He presses it, not knowing what he will see.

The words stare at him from a black screen, a crescent moon and a splatter of shimmery starts in the backdrop:

//Good night,
sleep tight,
sweet dreams,
till morning light.
(Heart emoji)//

Looking up from his phone he can see Mew staring at him, the gentlest expression on his face.

“I love you so much tua-eng. Thank you for coming into my life. You changed everything. You changed my life. I don’t think I can ever thank you enough for that. All I can do is promise you my love forever and do my best to take care of you.”

Gulf leaned forward to take Mew’s hand into his. He squeezed it gently, conveying the love he had for this man through the gesture.

 

 

~ Back in the present ~

Sitting across from each other, Gulf moves his feet from Mew’s lap, where Mew had been gently massaging them. Gulf smiles slowly, propping his elbow on the table and resting the side of his head against his palm. Mew’s foot moves forward, brushing against Gulf’s ankle.

“You were amazing tonight Phi,” Gulf leaned in and shifted his hand forward reaching for Mew’s hand across the table. Linking their hands together, their fingers intertwined, the soft light of the moon shining in through the window giving a soft glow against their skin.

“Thank you. I know I should have savoured the moment more, but you looked so good tonight, I had trouble focusing on anything else.”

Gulf’s lips curved. Mew was never one to be shy about compliments. He liked to lay it on thick and to be honest, most people would find it cheesy and insincere. But Gulf knew every word out of his Phi’s mouth was genuine, and for that he loved this man even more. He adored being taken care of and complimented. Feeling like the most important person in Mew’s life. The way he made him feel so special, unlike anything he’d ever experienced.

“You’re my sunflower, Gulf. Every experience I have is made ten times better when I get to share it with you. Without you to share these milestones with, my world would feel so bleak and empty. You bring life back into my life, and happiness to my every day. When I wake up in the morning I’m filled with joy, knowing I get to experience the day with you.”

Gulf gives his Phi’s hand a squeeze, his foot moving to gently stroke against Mew’s under the table.

Mew feels incredibly fortunate. He is genuinely in the happiest state of his life right now. He has been given incredible opportunities following the success of TharnType, amazing people from the industry have contacted his manager to work with him on various exciting projects, and he’s been able to expand himself into the music industry, something he’s been wanting to do for a long time, but not had the opportunity to. He’s loved by many and is doing the work he enjoys and looks forward to everyday. Most importantly, he’s found his person. Someone to share these moments with and someone who will be by his side. His soulmate. He never truly believed in the concept before, but looking into Gulf’s eyes now, he has no choice but to accept that it must be true. It seems too perfect for Gulf to have just randomly appeared in his life at the perfect moment. In his heart he knows he’s found the one and he will do everything in his power to make sure it doesn’t slip away this time. He will commit his all to this man and work on their relationship everyday to make sure Gulf knows how precious he truly is to Mew. Beautiful people like his Nong deserve it the most.

“Gulf, come here. You’re too far away,” Mew pouts, tugging at his Nong’s hand.

Gulf gets up and makes his way around the table, a cheeky grin on his face. Mew grabs at his waist and pulls him down into his lap, wrapping his arms around the boy and burying his face into his neck, taking in a deep breath and savoring the smell of his Gulfie.

They stay like this for a few moments, enjoying each other's presence, gently swaying from side to side.

He is just so happy. He has a healthy relationship with someone he truly cherishes and who adores him back just as much. Gulf gives him back what he’s been craving and missing from his life up until this point. Not that he needed a relationship to complete him, but he always had so much love to give, but nobody to give it to. Until Nong came and changed his whole world with his bright smile and cheeky attitude. He truly got swept off his feet the minute he laid eyes on this boy. He is everything he had been searching for and more.

Letting out a soft sigh, Gulf turns around slightly in his lap and reaches down into Mew’s pants pulling out his phone. He flicks the camera on and aims it towards them snapping a quick photo.

Gulf knows how sentimental Mew is, and he often finds Mew scrolling through his photo album smiling down at the pictures they’ve taken together over the last few months.

Mew reaches over and takes the phone from Gulf and opens up the picture from his gallery. He taps a few buttons and Gulf can see that the picture is now his home screensaver.

“Maybe we should post the thank yous to the fans on our socials now, is it okay if I’m on my phone for a bit Bii?”

“Of course Boo, I’ll do it now too. What are you going to say?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see my post now won’t you,” Mew pulled his phone closer to himself so Gulf could no longer see his screen.

“Aow, not fair!”

Mew chuckled and opened up Instagram. He looks over Gulf’s shoulder and can see his Nong’s pink little tongue sticking out in concentration. Narak. He looks down at the screen and can see Gulf has written a post for twitter:

Thank you Kazz Magazine for both of these awards. Thank you to everyone that has supported me and given this opportunity to me. Thank you to my family for always giving each other encouragement. Thank you P’Mew for all the important moments in my life, and thank you to all the fans who opened their hearts to accept this child in their arms. I love you very much.

Mew looks back at his phone before typing out his own caption for Instagram:

Thanks Kazz for nominating me. Thanks to my family and team Stu who always support me. Thank you Nong Gulf for coming to cast for TharnType on that day and it makes us stay together till today. Thanks to every fc who always give me love and give this award to me, love na krub everyone.

Mew hears a soft ping sound coming from Gulf’s phone.

“Who else do you have your notifications turned on for?” Mew can’t help but ask.

“Only for you. Boyfriend first, everyone else second. I want to make sure I never miss any of your posts.”

As Gulf says this, his own phone lets out soft ping. He looks down and sees that Gulf has left a red heart emoji under his picture.

Another ping notifies Mew that Gulf has just posted on Instagram too. He quickly clicks on the notification and reads the caption:

Thank you Kazz Magazine for the awards, thank you to every adult who gave me this opportunity, thank you P’Mew for staying by my side, thanks to my family for supporting me in everything, and thanks to every phi phi for making me have these two awards today, i would like to give both awards to everyone.

Mew quickly types out a reply:

So happy for you na krub [red heard emoji, celebration emoji] thank you for being by my side na

He leans up against Gulf, pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck as he watches Gulf type out a reply to him. Two big pink hearts.

“You really are getting quite mushy with your replies to me,” Mew teases him.

“Aow, but Phi likes it!” Gulf turns around. Despite the teasing, Gulf knows that it means a lot to Mew when Gulf publicly comments under his posts. Publicly claiming each other in a way that they could without being too loud.

“I never said I didn’t,” Mew smirks at him and pulls him against himself. He continues to scroll through his phone for a moment longer, looking at all the encouragement his fans have sent him on Twitter. He stops at one post of a short video with Gulf in it. It seems to be a clip of an interview Gulf did after winning one of his awards. He clicks on it.

Interviewer: P’Mew often opens his shirt and shows everything.
Gulf: He opens often, if you have something good you should show it off right?
Interviewer: Don’t you feel possessive?
Gulf: Because even though they can look, they can’t touch or take with them

“P’Mewww, don’t watch that. It’s embarrassing,” Gulf quickly turns around again.

“You said I have a nice chest so I should flaunt it, is that right? The fans can look, but can’t take me home? What’s that about Gulf?” Mew crinkles his eyes in amusement. He loves it when Gulf acts confident about him.

“Erm, I dunno,” Gulf said chuckling again, his breath hitching as Mew’s hand squeezed his thigh.

“I guess I’m just confident that I’ll always be the one to take you home, and I was right wasn’t I.”

Mew threw his head back and laughed, Gulf resting his head on his shoulder and giggling.

Mew leaned back and unbuttoned his shirt, letting the fabric fall down to reveal more of his chest. Gulf swallowed dryly, his eyes twitching down to follow the movement.

“You like it when I flaunt my assets?” Mew teased him.

Gulf nods distractedly.

“You think I’m hot?”

Gulf nods again, eyes glazing over, eyes roaming over Mew’s body.

Mew gets a surge of confidence. It never gets old, knowing he has this effect on Gulf. To make him completely lose focus from reality. To be zoned in on only him, the want in his eyes shining bright.

Mew moves his hand up Gulf’s thigh and hears the other man’s breath hitch. He still can’t believe how unbelievably responsive Gulf is to even the smallest of his touches.

“Can I confess something to you Phi?” Gulf speaks up, voice barely above a whisper.

“What is it tua-eng?”

“All night you looked so damn attractive. Your outfit, your aura and presence. The gentle touches we shared. It’s slowly been building up in me and I’ve been so turned on all night.”

Mew still gets surprised by the lack of filter Gulf has, how direct he is. But in moments like these, he’s thankful that Gulf feels comfortable enough with him to express these desires so unashamedly.

“Hmmm, so should I show off my other assets too?” he pushes Gulf up out of his lap and turns him around so he sits back down facing him, Gulf’s legs straddling his own from the outside. Mew runs his hands up Gulf back, under his shirt and he can feel the muscles in Gulf’s back jump and ripple under his touch.

Being the tease that he is he continues, “ Shouldn’t you reply to your Instagram comments though? They’ll be waiting for your reply.”

“Others can wait, everyone will know Phi is my priority.”

Lust swells up inside his chest at those words. Mew knows he can be possessive, but when Gulf displays it back to him it turns him on like nothing else.

“Hmm I might have to turn the AC up, it’s getting hot in here.”

Chuckling Gulf reaches around Mew’s shoulders and cups his head from behind, bringing their faces close.

“Maybe we should just take off our clothes,” he says before closing the gap, bringing their mouths together.

Smiling into the kiss, Mew brings his arms down to cup Gulf’s ass, kneading at it as Gulf starts to rock his hips against his.

Although they’ve kissed a million times, the feeling never fades. It’s just as exciting as the first time.

He pushes his hips up, seeking the hard length of Gulf to press against. When he grinds at the perfect spot, Gulf extracts his lips from his and lets out a loud moan.

“Boo, feels so good,” Gulf starts to rock more frantically against him, head lolling backwards and eyes shut in pleasure.

Mew holds on tighter to Gulf’s ass as he pushes his hips back and forth against himself. Feeling the delicious grind of their lengths. He wants more though.

“Let’s take this upstairs,” he whispers in Gulf ear.

Blinking a few times and looking disoriented, Gulf nods as if in a daze and slowly follows Mew’s lead up from the table and towards the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, Mew unzips his pants and pushes them down, stepping out of the confining fabric.

He’s surprised to find Gulf already down on his knees in front of him, impatience mixed with lust in his eyes.

Gulf tugs Mew’s underpants down and grabs at Mew’s length, guiding it into his mouth. Mew was still much better at this than he was, but with Mew’s gentle guidance he had learned pretty quickly what the other man liked and how to give an amazing blowjob.

He tried not to feel too smug.

He had to keep one hand against Mew’s hips to prevent him from thrusting too much. Mew was always so gentle with him, but deepthroating was something Gulf still wasn’t used to. He found that if he tried to relax his throat and attempted to literally swallow the other man, he could pretty much get all of it in. He had also learned a trick if his fingers squeezed his thumb against his fist, his gag reflex would lessen. That is precisely what he did and once he accomplished this, Mew let out a sobbing moan and he knew he had it down.

Mew’s breathing had become extremely harsh now, groaning with every other breath. His cheeks were pink and he had thrown an arm over his eyes, burying into the crook of his elbow. His other hand was gently stroking Gulf’s hair. Gulf felt the muscles in Mew’s thighs and stomach tighten and he backed off immediately. He didn’t want this to end so soon. He grinned as Mew let out a sound of dismay.

“Your mouth feels so good. Baby’s become a real expert, if I didn’t know any better I wouldn’t believe that I’m the first guy you’ve been with.”

He stood up, getting rid of his own clothes and pressed their bodies together, his chin resting against Mew’s shoulder. He pressed their erections together, and shifted purposely, listening as Mew gasped at the friction.

“I’m good, aren’t I?”

“Of course you are, best ever my tua-eng.”

Gulf raised an eyebrow. Even in his half incoherent state, Mew was still as mushy as ever and Gulf loved it. Loved the preening and the compliments.

Satisfied that Mew was putty in his hands, Gulf dropped back down and was going down on him again,making sure to twirl his tongue just so as he sucked. Mew jerked and Gulf grinned around his cock while taking it slow, swallowing him whole each time and taking his time sucking back up, tongue flat against his cock. He felt hands twisting into his hair and he looked up to see Mew’s face contorted into a look of pure bliss.

He could feel Mew’s thighs start to quiver again and knew the other man was close again.

Switching from his mouth, he wrapped his hand around Mew’s cock and started pumping, hard and fast, covered in spit to slicken his stroke. Mew was clenching his eyes shut, his lips falling open, his bottom lip quivering.

He stood back up and felt Mew grab his throbbing cock, gently stroking it.

Gulf looked at Mew, smiling as he swiped his hand across his hair letting it flop wildly from side to side.

“How does anyone ever resist you?” Mew said.

Gulf swallowed thickly, his jawline tight. Mew’s eyes softened, his body slowly moving closer.

“What do you want, Gulf?”

Gulf’s mouth opened then shut, a shaky breath sucked in through his nostrils.

“I want you inside me.”

“Fuck,” he heard Mew groan as the older man dropped his forehead against his shoulder.

And then, he’s being pushed back on the bed, Mew falling on top of him. Hastily chucking the rest of their clothes to the side, their lips re-connect. It’s rough and scraping, teeth against lips, but it is also wet and delicious and everything Gulf has wanted all day. Heat is starting to pool in his abdomen as Mew continues to kiss down his neck. Gulf brings his hands up to tangle in his hair, eyes lust-blown and rolling back in utter ecstasy.

Gulf misses the connection between their lips and roughly grabs at Mew’s hair to pull him back up. He eyes him in a way that he knows conveys that he’s dying of thirst, and the only way to quench it is for Mew’s parted pink lips to attach themself back to his own.

Mew crashes their lips back together and Gulf slams his hips up to meet Mew’s until there is no space left in between them. Gulf still can’t believe how utterly crazy his Phi makes him feel. That a single look or touch can make him lose all sense of reality. They’re in their own bubble, in another dimension. With nothing but heat and sweat and adrenaline running through their bodies. All senses honed in on the other.

Gulf can’t help the guttural groan that escapes his mouth or the harsh pants that echo throughout the room.

Mew balances over Gulf with one arm as he gently starts to open him up, Gulf complete putty beneath him. It doesn’t take long until he is ready, groaning at Mew to hurry up. He feels like he will die if Mew doesn’t fuck him this very minute.

Gulf’s arms reach out as he tries to hold on to Mew’s shoulders as the older man gently guides his legs further apart. Their lips connect again as Mew settles in between his legs. Gulf is almost sobbing from arousal as his long legs circle around Mew’s waist, drawing him closer until the tip of Mew’s cock is nudging against his hole. Hearing himself moan Mew’s name in such a desperate, pleading manner makes his Phi choke out a moan of his own as he finally, finally pushes in. His elbows are braces on either side of Gulf’s head and as Mew slowly sinks inside, his Phi’s eyes don’t leave his. He would rather die than look away, seeing the love radiating from the other man and into his soul.

Gulf swallows loudly and urges the older man to move. They are no strangers to each other and over the course of the few months they have been together they have gotten to know every inch of each other’s body. Gotten to know what the other likes and dislikes. What makes the other scream in pleasure. They have gotten so good at this.

Mew lifts himself up onto his knees, hands clamping on Gulf’s hips as he pulls Gulf’s body flush with his during each thrust. It’s such an intense feeling, having Mew so deep inside of him and Gulf thinks he will never tire of this. Of them.

Mew keeps pounding him, hitting his sweet spot every time, making Gulf thrash his head against the pillows. Makes him claw at Mew’s back, dragging his nails down the sculptured muscles, leaving red trails in their wake.

They are both already so worked up that it doesn’t take long until they are both hovering near the edge. Mew snakes his hand around to grip at Gulf’s length, fisting him with fast, urgent strokes. A thumb swipes over his tip as Mew jerks inside him, his balls snug against his Gulf’s ass and Gulf knows he is gone.

“I’m going to come!”

Hearing Mew groan, “Fuck,” brings him over the edge, his own come shooting over his belly. He can feel Mew shaking violently above him with the force of his irreversible love for him.

Mew thrusts once more into Gulf’s quivering body before collapsing onto the panting man beneath him. Gulf keeps moaning and repeating Mew’s name as though nothing in the world could feel as good as Mew’s name coming out of his mouth.

Mew turns, boneless and leans against Gulf’s body, enjoying the warm stickiness that still covers his body. Tracing patterns on his tummy, his poong ka ti, expertly avoiding the remnants of the mess they created.

Mew’s hand comes up to trace Gulf’s face, making Gulf’s eyelids flutter closed. Their breath begins to slow down, their muscles relaxing. The tension of the day seeping out. Their muscles relaxing into each other.

Grabbing a handful of tissues off the bedside table, Mew wipes Gulf's stomach in quick, expert motions before tossing the paper in the waste bin.

Mew proceeds to then shimmy in closer to him so that their bodies are entangled, his head coming to rest on Gulf’s chest. He can feel the weight of Mew’s head with every rise and fall of his chest. It's utterly relaxing and Gulf can feel his eyelids start to droop, the weight of the day finally hitting him. Gulf moves his hand to stroke the older man’s hair, enjoying the sensation of the silky black tousled inkiness.

“Let’s stay together like this for a long time my tua-eng.”

Looking at the older man, a rush of love spreads through his veins and he hopes with every fiber of his being that those words will remain true. That they really will stay together like this for a long time, forever even. Mew and Gulf. Phi and Nong. Boo and Bii. The sunshine and his sunflower.

Gulf hums in agreement. “Let’s stay like this together forever Phi.”