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Excerpts from an Alien's Journal

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Entry Twenty Two:

Earth Month: November

Location: Klempt Institute of Technology, Helena, Indiana

Halloween has come and gone. It was not nearly as much of a trial as I’d expected. My only complication was Gigatron, who is behaving oddly to me. I am not sure why, but I think she is trying to be my friend.

The space rock is an utter bore. Gigatron has collected copious amounts of data, but I can’t make heads or tails of it. It all seems to be numbers, but their significance is lost on me. In lieu of handling feces, I have been conducting calculations and leaving the work to Gigatron. It has slowed her progress significantly, but it has allowed me the opportunity to plan my work on my ship.

Theoretically, if I use human adhesives such as ‘gum’ and ‘duct tape’ I can perform what I have heard Burner Steve call a ‘hillbilly makeover.’ I have seen him do such things with the leaky faucet in the frat house and his old pickup truck. It is a temporary solution, but it will allow me to fly my ship short distances. I should be able to get it into the mountains soon, where I can access the external port in peace and, hopefully, quicken my escape.

I have also found out that if I calibrate correctly, and if my ship is fixed in time, I can return to only a few minutes after my departure. I fear I may get expelled otherwise. That would mean, of course, that I will have to hide these journals and what I’ve learned here on Earth, but an expulsion would also nullify my research, so I suppose, all ends being equal, I would prefer to keep my discoveries to myself. I will have to fiddle with the dashboard of course. They are bound to notice the disparity between length travelled when I received the ship and length travelled upon my return of it. I have also, unfortunately, spilled juice near the console, leaving a rather generous stain in the carpet. I will have to rectify that. Perhaps a nice rug will cover it?

Entry Twenty Three:

I have noticed an odd, black van on the perimeter of the campus. I would not think it important, except it has been there for a week. It reminds me of the Intergalactic Council’s security pods that patrol the border. I passed several on my journey out of the galaxy.

Additionally, there has been a recent staff change. My friend, the custodian, who I have conversed with on several occasions, has gone missing. I worry for him, but the new man seems nice.

Entry Twenty Four:

Gigatron has taken it upon herself to conduct examinations on me too. I have learned that here they are all called ‘hugs.’ She is not very good at it, it seems, since she lingers far too long and she insists on doing it repeatedly. What she has gathered from it, I am not certain, but if it helps her with her studies, I wish her the best.

She pressed her mouth to my cheek, leaving a DNA sample for me. I have debated growing a clone of her, to save me from the original, as Gigatron is a rather bizarre person, but I decided to preserve it. Once the computer’s fixed, I will let it analyze the sample.

Burner Steve, I am happy to report, has been allowed back into the fraternity. I have been told that, after a lot of consideration, they have agreed to take me on as a pledge. I am uncertain what that means, precisely, but it will allow me some access to the house, which I’m grateful for as I have left a rather important tool back in Burner Steve’s sleeping quarters. I don’t know of its exact function, but humans call it a screwdriver and I’ve found it useful for most things.

Entry Twenty Five:

As I’ve watched Gigatron, I’ve realized I’m not alone in my actions. I’m not only joined by K-9, but by the new custodian, who seems rather fascinated by Gigatron. When I pointed out to K-9 that he seems to have a challenger for Gigatron’s affections, he got terribly angry. I will watch to see what he does about the custodian.

Entry Twenty Six:

After toiling away on the craft, I have gotten both the lights and the utilities to work again. I used the screwdriver to unclog the drainage shoot, and I have mended the drive plate using gum and tape. I will need to get to the mechanics warehouse for welding material, but most of the interior seems to be in working condition. It is not perfect, but it is progress. I shall stay hopeful.

Entry Twenty Seven:

I am distressed to report that someone has broken into my ship. It is not destroyed, but entries 4-16 are missing from my journals and my jar containing drainage from my cellular sac has been stolen. What they want to do with such a specimen, I dare not think, but I hope they return it before it congeals or mutates.

The security system has shut everything down and unless I enter the password correctly, the ship will self-destruct. I can still get in and out of the craft manually, thanks to a malfunction in the servers, but I am unable tp use anything until I remember the security code. I know I have it written down here somewhere.

The refrigerator unit housing specimens I have gathered is off. Fearing that they will be tainted if I wait, I plan to break into the lab tonight. I shall avoid the one Dr. Z has reserved for our space rock research, as I fear Gigatron will be there. I will use one of the empty labs near the back.

Entry Twenty Eight:

I have holed myself in lab 3C. It is the high-tech research facility, formerly used by the school’s many scholars that have since abandoned the institute. It is in the cordoned off area of the university, so I hope I shall be undisturbed.

Entry Twenty Nine:

I am concerned, journal. After 18 hours of research, the lab was invaded by an army of men, covered in black and carrying weaponry. I only barely got away unnoticed and am now hiding out in the park, miles away from the school. I was forced to abandon my samples, but not before making a rather jarring discovery. Gigatron, I have learned, is not only not fully human. She is my great grandmother.