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He was leaning heavily on Guts, painfully aware of the fact he wouldn't be able to stand if it wasn't for his strong arms supporting his weight. Actually, if it wasn't for Guts, Casca and the rest of the Hawks, he wouldn't even be alive at all. But what use was his life to him now that he was deprived of his physical strength, combat skills and, most importantly, his dashingly handsome face?

He had aimed to climb on top of the world, and now the only fate awaiting him was of a pathetic burden. He could not cope with that, just as he could not cope with the way Guts and Casca glanced at each other, something familiar and fond in their expressions. Had he truly lost everything he ever thought he could possess? Was there no way for him to ever regain his power, charisma and sex appeal? Or maybe-

"Greetings, mortals, and welcome to our fifth highschool reunion - I mean, the next Eclipse I guess. My apologies if any of the parties present were internal monologuing in case my sudden appearance cut it short. However, our time is running out and we must commence the ceremony as soon as possible."

Griffith's eyes snapped open in shock. Who dared interrupt him while he was wallowing in self-pity?

Then, realising the person who had spoken was the giant demonic creature towering above them, his face turned even more pale.

The demonic entity (?) pointed in his direction. "Wait, are you telling me this malnourished twink is Griffith aka the reason we're here tonight? Seriously? Come on now. I was rather hoping it was gonna be the buff one next to him."

"No, that's him" said Guts.

"What the fuck did you just call him." said Casca.

The demon shrugged. "Anyway, alright in that case here's a quick rundown of the proceedings. Step one, we show you tear jerking flashbacks from Griffith's youth. Step two, we make him relive the melodramatic breakup with Guts and all the shameful events that followed. Then, he agrees to sacrifice your sorry lot to become one of us-- oh hold on, wait a- wait a second."

The demon's eyes would've narrowed, if he had any.

"Let me get this straight. After Guts dumped you, you went and did what?"

Griffith winced.

The demon turned to the rest of his kind, shaking his head. "And here I thought we were recruiting someone with class. But that's... That's just fucking embarrassing."

Griffith clenched his fist. How dare they speak about him in such manner? Surely they appeared before them to grant his wish and help him regain power and rise to the top like he always deserved. Also, what was that bit about sacrificing everyone? He was definitely interested. Soon he would receive a pending request to reject his humanity and use his companions' lives as a stepping stone to achieve a next level of godhood (he was already on level 4, but gotta keep grinding).

Any minute now.

But the demons were discussing something now, visibly distressed. It was starting to piss him off and he wished he had the ability to speak and demand answers. Fortunately for him, others seemed to be getting impatient as well.

"With all due respect-" began Casca.

"-what the fuck is going on in here on this day?" finished Guts.

The main demon dude turned back to them. "Oh you see, we were basically going to recruit this guy - the one currently clinging to you like his life depends on it (it kinda does), there was gonna be blood, mass murder, a pretty neat makeover, you know, the good stuff. But apparently there's been a mix-up and our candidate is an unworthy little bitch."

Casca sucked in a breath, ready to defend Griffith, but Guts shook his head, and his eyes lit up. "I'm listening."

"We took a look at his recent past and all the killing and pining and jealousy were interesting so we thought we had our guy but - the pathetic rebound, and then getting caught mid-walk of shame after taking advantage of a girl? That's kinda cringe. We're gonna need someone with a far more impressive reputation. Or at least a crime record that doesn't scream desperate loser."

"So, I guess that's our cue to leave then. Way to waste our club budget on this asshole, do you have any idea how much we paid for the disembodied bloody demon heads? Try building a fucking hill out of those. It's gonna be another 216 years of saving. Fucking brat."

They vanished, and the scenery slowly returned to normal.

Griffith kept blinking in disbelief, not quite sure if he just witnessed what he thought he witnessed.

He turned to look at Guts and Casca, dreading the pity he expected to see in their eyes. But all he saw on Guts' face was mild amusement.

"He kinda got a point there, you know. It was sorta lame. Not to mention disgusting."

Casca sighed. "As much as I always respected you, it really was gross. Not your greatest moment." She noticed Griffith's solemn expression and her eyes widened. "Also wait, why do you look so disappointed? Were you seriously going to consider their offer and sacrifice us all just to join their ranks? After everything we've done for you? I can't believe my standards for men used to be that low, holy shit."

Guts chuckled. "See, I told you dumping Griffith was the first step to proper self care. Not that I'd know anything about self care, but it's always a start. Anyway, now that we know the demons won't be back anytime soon and the stupid red egg is no longer a threat, enough talking. I've already talked more than in the past 20 episodes and I'm exhausted."

"But what about Griffith?"

"Eh, let's just ditch him on the side of the road somewhere."

Casca nodded happily.