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I'm a Sagittarius!

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Damien stared at his phone.

It was the day after the birthday bash at the club.

Damien’s recall of the party was hazy, but one image stood out in his mind: a blue-haired woman leaning down, her posterior in the air, and a warm feeling on his face. (For some reason, the movie Legally Blonde was also floating up in his memory. Not that he watched girly movies. His sister had watched it while he’d been napping in the living room.)

The rest of the night was unclear to him. They had danced, the blue haired woman - Donna? - wild and uninhibited, jumping and swirling and… had that been grinding? Damien blushed at the memory.

Now with a headache, he pushed himself upright on the couch. He knew she had put her number in his phone. Trouble was, he couldn’t remember her name.

Dina? He went to the Ds. “Doofus,” “Dorkus,” “Drama Boyus,” all buddies from grade school, but no Dina or Donna.

Esmeralda? E yielded nothing fruitful either.

F, for Freakishly Hot Cool Girl Totally Out of My League? Nope.

But at G, suddenly he stopped. There was a listing he didn’t recognize.

“Goddess.” Yes. That would be her.

He hovered his thumb over the listing, his heart suddenly thumping. She *had* asked him to call her, he was pretty certain of that. Was it too early? Too late?

He needed help. He called Brian.

Brian picked up after several rings, his voice croaky. “Pinky! What time is it?! Are you crazy? Why you gotta wake me up?!”

“Listen, Doofus. Remember that blue haired chick from the party last night?”

Brian groaned. “The one who was looking at your tattoos like she wanted to lick them?” (Gulp.) “Yeah, I remember her.”

“Well, she gave me her number. Should I call her? Is it too early? Do you think she really likes me?”

Brian sighed. “Pinky! She practically sat on you yesterday! She was dancing with you all night! She gave you her number! Just CALL her!”

Damien interjected “But-”

Brian cut him off.

“No buts! She’s the one who had her butt sticking up in the air! You’re being a dummy! Call her now! She probably has a job so she’s awake, but *I’m* going back to sleep!”

The line cut off.

Damien stared at the phone. Anxiety clutched his heart and made it beat faster.

Brain was an idiot. He’d never even had a girlfriend. What did he know? He needed expert advice.

He heaved himself off the couch, nearly tripping over his shoes on the floor, and stumbled to his older sister’s room.

“Margie!” he yelled. He knew better than to barge in uninvited. The scar on his scalp was a daily reminder.


“I have a question. Can I come in?”

A frustrated groan followed. He took that to mean yes, and opened the door.

His sister lay on her bed, doing that weird thing that no one in the family understood: reading. She looked up from her book and fixed him with a stare.

“What’s your question? Make it fast, the Capulets and Montagues are about to kill each other.”

(Kill each other? He didn’t know his sister liked mafia stories.)

“So last night I was at a party. And there was this girl.”

“A girl!” Margie sat up. “So it wasn’t just you and your sad little bros?”

“Shut up, Margie!” he glared. “There was this girl, and she danced with me all night. At least, Brian says so. I don’t remember everything.”

“And you trust Brian? I don’t.” scoffed Margie.

“Well, I do remember her dancing with me. And she-” he blushed, and ducked his head. “She put her fingers on my tattoos and… like… traced them.”

Margie put down her book and burst out laughing. “Well, look at that, Pinky! The one good life decision you made!”

“Marg! Anyway,” he continued in a rush. “She put her number in my phone and… is it lame if I call her? Is she really interested in me? Should I wait a few days?”

Margie fixed a deadpan stare at him. “Bro. She put your number in your phone. She danced with you all night, according to Brainy Brian. She freakin’ manhandled your neck. JUST CALL HER! Don’t be a dummy! Now goodbye!”

She flopped back down on the bed, her book covering her face. She paused, and then lowered it.

“Keep me updated. Now go!”

Damien backed out of the room.

Well, that made 2 yeses. He didn’t particularly feel like being called a dummy again, so that was it. He would call her.

But what would he say?

He almost ran back to Margie’s room but she would kill him, and plus anything she said was in funny language that no one understood. He thought the Goddess looked smart but he didn’t know if funny language was her thing.

He clenched his fists as he sat himself back down on the couch. He looked around the room nervously. Wait! There was one of Margie’s books, the only ones he could ever understand. The book written by Q. B. Nouyoko. He’d never read it, but he’d flipped through it once or twice, and he remembered some racy lines. He bet he could get something from that book.

He grabbed it off the coffee table (for some reason Margie had covered it with wrapping paper) and flipped through it.

“Leather…. Feather… gilded chain… What the f*ck is this stuff?” He muttered, growing anxious. “Wait…. ‘You are to me what the sun is to Earth- you warm my innards and make me grow.’” Hm. A little too Margish.

“ ‘Your eyes send out rays of piercing light. Will you be my date tonight?’”

Hm. That could work. Just replace ‘eyes’ with ‘hair.’ Her hair had been pretty shiny.

“ ‘A day without you is like a day without air. Uninhabitable.’ ”

Ok, that was too much. He had lived for over 2 decades without her, he couldn’t say that bullcr*p. Plus he would stutter over ‘uninhabitable.’

“ ‘Please don’t leave me. If you go, my dreams are shattered. My hopes are dashed. My future is bleak.’ ”

Well, that might be a little too much. He didn’t even know if he had any dreams. His future didn’t extend much beyond the next week or so.

He kept flipping through the pages, then got a grip.

Pinky! He told himself. If you don’t call her now, you never will!

His hand shaking, he scrolled to Goddess, and clicked Dial.

The phone rang. He nearly hung up with nerves, but a pleasant voice picked up.


“Hello? Um…. hi. This is- this is the Sagittarius. From last night’s party. With the pink hair?”

A delighted noise met his ear.

“Pinky! Sure! With the amazing neck tattoo!”

His eyes widened.

“Yes- yes. That’s me. Neck tattoo. Got it when I was 15. Kept adding to it. It really hurt. But Big Bro said he was the best-” he stopped himself, an admonition from Quincy reverberating in the recesses of his mind.

“Um!” he said. “I wanted to say- um-” his eyes scanned the book. “Your eyes- your hair! Hair! Sends out rays of light. Will you be my date tonight?” He expelled in a rush of air.

The goddess laughed. (What was funny? Margie said the book was swoon-worthy. He didn’t think swoon meant funny.)

“Oh, wow, coming on strong!” she giggled.

“Yes,” Damien said nervously. “Me. Strong. Yes.”

The goddess laughed again.

“Ok, handsome. I’d be happy to be your date tonight. Didn’t know you wrote poetry. Meet me at 7 at the Bend Elle cafe.”

“Bend. Elle. 7. Yes.” he repeated stupidly.

She made another amused sound.

“See ya then!”

“Wait!” Damien suddenly remembered. “What sign are you?”

A musing sound.

“Well, why don’t you get to know me tonight, and then guess?”

He grinned. “‘Kay!”

“Bye, Pinky.”

“Bye, Goddess!”

An outright chortle, and the line was dead.

Damien stared at the phone, happiness slowly rising through him and spreading through his chest like the ray of sunshine in that damn book.

“Yes!” He jumped up and pumped his hands in the air.

Margie opened the door to her room and peered out.

“I take it that means you have a date?”

He lifted his hands and swiveled his pelvis. “Ooh, yeah!”

Margie grinned. “Have fun, buddy,” and closed the door.

Damien strode to his room, a smile on his face.

Guess her sign…

Well, she was in luck.

He opened the door to his room.

There was one way in which he understood Margie.

There in his room, in gold and leather bound splendor, stood his pride and joy: his Astrology book collection, 20 volumes deep. Gracing his walls were star charts, planetary maps, posters of mystical symbols... Heck, he’d even painted the zodiac circle in glow in the dark paint on his ceiling.

He smirked. Tonight was gonna be a cinch.


He realized. He still didn’t know her name.

Oh, well.

He pulled out one of his books and started flipping through it.

Goddess worked.