-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 14:55 --
EB: hey dave!
EB: nothing much! just wanted to let you know to expect a package this week.
TG: forward much dude
TG: i mean not that im not completely flattered but what will the neighbors think
TG: the walls are pretty goddamn thin here
TG: and just for your information im kind of a screamer
EB: that is not what i meant to imply just now.
EB: and also i did not need to know that last bit.
TG: everyone needs to know that last bit
TG: its like my signature move
TG: i call it the banshee
EB: and this is all applicable because we are completely having sex.
TG: well yeah
TG: you and me are going to spend eternity squished together like a pair of naked barbies at the bottom of the toybox
TG: but will you still think im pretty when im covered in crayon and toothmarks egbert
TG: will you still love me when im vintage
EB: hey dave?
TG: at the risk of sounding utterly redundant
EB: you know i would still love you if you were a barbie, right? even if some kid hacked all your hair off and lost your pretty rainbow comb i would still invite you to all my backyard stuffed animal tea parties.
EB: i'm just sayin'.
TG: you say that but ive seen you drooling over that slut skipper
EB: i was not! i was checking out her cute shoes.
TG: you were imagining her spanking you through your creepy plastic-molded underpants
EB: this metaphor is starting to disturb me a little!
TG: okay yeah lets talk about something else
EB: let's talk about the sealed cardboard box full of horrible soft cookies my dad has bullied me into sending you on pain of death.
TG: should i be alarmed
TG: what kind of cookies
EB: i don't know! i think oatmeal raisin? he went batfuck insane and baked like five hundred of the goddamn things last night. if i don't send them to you and convey his sternest admonition to put some meat on your bones i have to eat them by myself.
EB: all of them.
EB: and then do you know what will happen to me?
TG: do tell
EB: i'll die, dave. i will inflate and explode like that guy on monty python.
TG: shit brosef
TG: my condolences in advance for your splattered organs
TG: thing is ive never been much of a fan of raisins
TG: they're grapes that forgot the sunblock
TG: and then they show up on the beach one day twenty years later looking like beef jerky in a string bikini
TG: except in this case you have to eat them instead of taking pictures for your blog
EB: you had better eat them anyway.
EB: they are blood cookies.
TG: hang on is this a force feeding fetish hes developing here
TG: i dunno if im cool with that
TG: your dad is an okay guy but my jeans only expand so far before i start thinking muumuu thoughts
TG: and weeping
EB: you will eat the cookies until you love them.
EB: end of debate.
TG: awfully butch today egbert
TG: youre making me wet
TG: scuse me while i go rub one out in the bathroom
TG: but first could you do me a favor and call me a dirty little piss piglet
EB: if i did you'd tell me what that means.
EB: the cookies. eat them.
EB: and don't think about me when you're jerking off.
TG: no promises barbie
TG: but ill be sure to imagine myself buying you dinner first if that makes it any better.
EB: i appreciate that.
EB: by the way.
TG: better make it snappy son
TG: i got a halfie here with your name written all over it
TG: in two inch high letters
EB: i like it from behind.
TG: wait what
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:39 --