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She Blinded Me With Science!

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A voice pierces the darkness. A steady, dispassionate narrator speaks to the audience as the lights slowly wash the stage in a warm, desert red. "Every seven years, the adult Vulcan male must endure a time when his logic is ripped from him when a lifetime of suppressed emotion erupts to the surface. It is the Pon Farr - the time of mating." The stage is fully illuminated as the familiar chords of "She Blinded Me with Science" replace the voice in the dark. A young science officer flushed green with pointed ears stumbles onto the stage visibly distressed, and confused, not only by the abrupt changes felt in her body but at the sight of an audience full of witnesses. As if triggered by the vocal exclamation of "Science!" the Vulcan involuntarily strikes a sexy pose, back arched, one hand on her head, and the other on her hip. The audience laughs as the song lyrics begin with the realization that this is not the 1982 Thomas Dolby classic, but rather a cheeky cover recorded by William Shatner.

As Shatner's much-parodied cadence sprechgesangs the familiar tune, the Vulcan in question tries to fight her natural, biological urges but eventually gives in to the blood fever and begins to dance for the audience. In wild contrast to her ordinarily rigid emotional control, she openly flirts with the patrons, making aggressive eye contact while strategically stripping off her clothes, earning her hoots, hollers, and other illogical emotional outbursts. On one particular scientific exclamation, she reveals the word Ek'tal (the word for science in her native tongue) on the back of her undergarments before she rips them off to reveal the Starfleet insignia concealed beneath. She turns, framing Captain Kirk's face on her merkin as the captain in question croons, "William Shatner here. Riding on the mothership! Just for the funk of it baby!"

The ripple of recognition works its way through the audience as their focus is pulled entirely by the force of the Kirken and the Orion-like gyrations and seduction executed by the once stoic commander. The act ends as the blood fever wanes with the Vulcan poised and practically nude save for Captain Kirk's knowing smirk and two strategically placed Vulcan IDIC's covering her nipples. With one hand on her hip and the other forming a ta'al, the audience cheers as the lights fade, and they prepare to be transported to another, equally nude, world.

Live long and prosper indeed.