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We Keep Loving Anyway

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I’m embarrassed to admit how fast the thought came to mind after Scorpius was finally diagnosed. Mr Malfoy spent years after Mrs Malfoy died searching for a cure for her disease, the threat of the fact that Scorpius could have inherited it driving him on to the point where he looked exhausted whenever we saw him. We’d been out of Hogwarts for just over five years when he finally found a Bulgarian specialist with the answer to the weakness and dizzy-spells Scorpius had suffered since we were sixteen. The blood-curse the Greengrasses had passed down for generations wasn’t really a curse at all, but traces of vampire blood that would be strong enough every so often to make a person a dhampir. All Scorpius had to do was drink blood and he’d thrive.

After the initial relief passed it didn’t take long for the thought to develop, and to this day I still can’t shake it. I want Scorpius to bite me. I want him to hold me tight and take what he needs, I want to be the one giving it. I want to feel the sharpness of his teeth against my neck, my wrist, my thigh. I’m not sure how much of the desire is due to the fact that I’ve been in love with him since I knew what being in love meant and how much is the pure eroticism of being needed and possessed so fully. It doesn’t really matter where it’s come from though because I know it’ll never be more than a fantasy. Scorpius refuses to bite anyone, even though I don’t see the difference between drinking blood that’s been removed by needle instead of a bite. And it’s not like I see him drinking it either, years into his new diet he still refuses to let me see him feed.

I’m home late today, my tired brain entertaining the thought of being bitten and preparing for a good wank about it all when I get home. It takes me a second to notice Scorpius on my sofa, drinking my beer.

“Scorp, what are you...“ I trail off when I see the look on Scorpius’ face. He’s been crying.

“Sophie dumped me,” he says. “I told her I’m a dhampir, and it didn’t go down too well.”

I fight back the sigh I want to release at his words. He’s been dating Sophie for a few months now, but he’s been too ashamed of what he is to really be with her. I suspect she’s angrier about the lying than disgusted about the dhampir thing, but Scorpius will probably use this as a reason to be unhappily single for another couple of years.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I know you really liked her.”

Scorpius gives me the unhappiest smile I’ve ever seen. “Whatever, I’m done with girls. Maybe I’ll take a page from your book and try dating guys.”

My heart skips a beat, but I force a laugh. “Yeah, I’m sure being gay is a lot easier.”

“She asked if I secretly wanted to bite her,” Scorpius says, looking at his beer with disgust. “Like she was half-hoping I did want to.”

“Would that really be so terrible?” I ask. “To bite someone rather than drink it cold from a bag?”

I expect the same knee-jerk rejection I always get when I breach the subject of Scorpius biting anyone at all, but Scorpius' eyes remain on his beer and he stays quiet while he tears the label off it.

“It’s not that it sounds terrible,” he mutters. “It’s that it sounds so bloody tempting I’m not sure I could do without it if I had it. The desire for it is so strong it terrifies me, and the fact that I even want it disgusts me. I shouldn’t want to bite someone, it’s wrong.”

I summon a beer for myself from the kitchen and start picking at my own label after taking a comforting swallow. “I don’t think it’s wrong if the person you bite wants it.”

“Nobody would want that,” Scorpius says, and he sounds so defeated it makes my heart ache.

“Sounds like Sophie does,” I take a deep breath. “And I wouldn’t mind either.”

“What?” Scorpius whips around to stare at me so fast he almost drops his bottle.

“You could, you know, bite me. If you wanted to.”

Scorpius barks a hysterical laugh and downs the rest of his beer.

“Yeah, right. I’m going home. See you later, Albus.”

Like the idiot he is Scorpius actually starts dating men after things ended with Sophie. Or, dating is a strong word. He picks them up for a night or two. And it’s not just blokes, he’s into people, apparently. I’m not jealous or bitter or anything. Though I always thought if there was any chance of Scorp being into men he’d go for me. I guess not. Still, it’s fun to go out together and pull blokes at the pub. It’s always fun to hang out with Scorpius.

We’re at my place having some Firewhisky tonight. We were supposed to go out an hour ago, but something’s off about Scorpius. I think maybe he’s hungry, though the git would never admit that to me. He still acts like his need for blood it’s the most disgusting thing in the whole fucking universe.

“You don’t really look like you’re up for going out,” I say. I want to mention that he should probably fucking feed because he looks like he’s about a week overdue, but my odds of success about that are a lot higher if I don’t actually mention it.

“I’m not,” Scorpius admits. “I should have fed earlier, I’m sorry. I’m ruining our evening.”

“I’m fine with staying in,” I say, frowning. “I just wish you’d take better care of yourself. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“I know,” Scorpius says, “I just – hate it. So much.”

He looks devastated like he always does when he has to capitulate to his body’s demands to survive. I wish I could help him. That there was something I could do to make the experience more pleasant for him. I’m convinced if he would just bite me it would be so fucking pleasant for the both of us.

“Maybe you wouldn’t hate it so much if you didn’t drink it cold from a bag,” I find myself saying. “I meant it, you know, when I said you could bite me.”

Scorpius visibly recoils. “I’m not doing that to you. It’s not right.”

I must have had more Firewhisky than I thought because my tongue is all loose and talkative. “You wouldn’t be doing it to me though, not the way you think. I want you to. I’ve been thinking about it, and I want it.”

For a second I swear intrigue flashes across Scorpius’ face, but it’s gone before I can be sure. Hidden behind the always-present mask of self-hatred.

“Why the fuck would you want me to bite you?” he asks, and he almost sounds angry.

I blink hard, trying not to let his anger bring tears to my eyes. I’m no good with anger.

“I just think, you know, that it would feel good. For both of us. I think I’d like it. And we’re friends. Best friends, I don’t think it would be so wrong for us to do something together that would make us both feel good.”

Scorpius’ mouth falls open as I speak, and I’m not sure if he’s surprised at what I’m saying or at a loss about how to reply.

“And, like I said, we’re friends. So if it’s not good at least we’ll know, right? No harm done. We’ve tried a lot together, some things turned out great and some didn’t, but that’s just life. I want...” I pause, staring at Scorpius’ unmoving face. Oh well, in for a Knut in for a Galleon I guess. “I want to try. I want you to bite me.”

“You want us to do something together just because it’ll feel good?” Scorpius asks, and something is different about his voice. It’s lower, almost seductive.

“Yes,” I say, biting my tongue to keep the ‘please’ safely inside my head.

Scorpius sighs, he looks torn between shame and pleasure and I don’t know what to do with that. He stares into his glass, fingers tapping against his knee in a nervous rhythm. I think he might actually be considering it.

“I can’t – I won’t, not that. I just, no. But we could do something else.”

He looks up from his drink and pins me to the sofa with his eyes. I couldn’t move even if I wanted to, because fuck, his eyes aren’t just looking at me. They’re sizing me up and burning with desire at what they find.

“We could have sex,” he says, like it’s that easy. And maybe to him, it is. Maybe it could be that easy for me too. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I gave up hope for that.

“What, with each other?” I say. I sound like an idiot, but I have to be sure. Everything I want is sitting on the sofa staring at me with desire in his eyes, and I can’t – I can’t open myself up to that without being sure.

“Well, yeah. We could have sex, right? We’re both single and attractive.” Scorpius shrugs.

I laugh, and I can hear the hysteria in it. My heart is beating hard in my chest, and I think maybe Scorpius can hear it. I’ve always suspected he can, that he knows when I’m feeling something too strongly because he can hear my body react to it, maybe he can even smell it. The hormones on my skin, the sweat, the blood in my body rushing down. My suspicions are confirmed when he smirks. He spreads his legs on the sofa, and I can’t keep my eyes from the firming shape in his jeans.

“So, do you want to?” he asks, confidence heavy in his voice.

“Yes,” I say. Because of course I do. I want him more than I’ve wanted anyone, in every way I can have him.

His smile widens to a grin at my answer and he jumps off the sofa, holding his hand out to me to help me up. He half pulls me into my bedroom and releases my hand only to pull his t-shirt off like he’s practised it a thousand times to make it look as erotic as possible.

He pauses to shoot me a smile that looks both nervous and cocky, then pulls his jeans and pants down in one go. He looks gorgeous enough that my fantasies feel like an insult to him.

“I like this.” Scorpius smiles. “Thank you.”

“What for?” I ask, too busy taking in the sight of Scorpius’ naked body to remember undressing myself, much less the world outside of the bedroom.

“For, well, this,” Scorpius says, gesturing to the bed. “I think some no strings sex is exactly what I need today.”

His words bring reality crashing in through the bedroom door. No strings. No feelings. Hell, for all I know no real attraction. Scorpius has never been interested in me before. This doesn’t mean anything to him.

“I’m feeling a bit underdressed here,” Scorpius laughs, gesturing to my jeans. “How about you take those off?”

“No,” I say, the word escaping my mouth before I’ve had time to decide what I want. If I want to take this night while I can, or if it’ll be too painful after.

“What?” Scorpius says. “Is it...” he trails off, looking down at his own naked body.

I wish I could say yes. That I could find some excuse to get out of this by saying I’m not attracted to him. He knows I am though. It’s written on every inch of my body.

“Merlin no, you’re gorgeous.”

“Then why? It’s just sex, it’s just two friends having fun.”

I hear the words I spoke when I asked him to bite me echoed back at me, and I want to scream. I’m the one who gave him this idea. But what he doesn’t know is I could survive sharing that with him, without anything else. I could sort him biting me into the basket of our friendship, something we do because we’re so close. I can’t with this – I can’t be intimate with him in this way without anything else. Not if I want to survive tomorrow.

“With no strings?” I ask, because I’m not giving this up without being sure. “No feelings, just friends with benefits.”

“Exactly,” Scorpius says, and he’s grinning. Like he thinks this is what I want. And I suppose after going out together at least once a month to pull random blokes he thinks I do. He thinks I like it casual. That I’m all about chasing pleasure in any way I can, with whoever I can.

I don’t want to tell him. I want to just shut down my fucking heart and do this, enjoy this with him. I want to crawl into bed with the naked man that’s standing in front of me wanting this. Except he doesn’t want it, and I can’t. And suddenly I’m angry because he has to know. I’ve always kinda thought he did, that it was just this unspoken thing between us. He must have heard it, the way my heart speeds up whenever he enters a room. Or smelled the way his presence makes desire and arousal rush over me.

“It could never be just sex with you Scorp, fuck, I thought you knew that. I’m all tied up in strings when it comes to you.”

Scorpius’ face hardens, and I want to stop my words. I want to take them back. My mouth has a mind of its own though because it just keeps speaking. “I can’t just be a benefit Scorp, I’m too – I’m so fucking in love with you it hurts.”

“Oh,” Scorpius says, and I can’t read his face. Even though he’s naked I’ve never seen him less exposed. “I’m going to go.”

He summons his clothes and Apparates out without another word.

I haven’t seen Scorpius in almost three months now. I thought maybe it would get easier with time, but it just gets harder. His birthday came and passed, and I wasn’t there. I had a fight with Lily, and I couldn’t just show up at his flat like I usually do. I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts, and I can’t help but think I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life.

I should have just taken the night he wanted to give me, I should have enjoyed it while I could and kept him as a friend after. I thought it would hurt too much to have him like that once, and never again – but I forgot to consider how much it would hurt to lose him completely.

I’ve tried writing to him, of course. And Floo-calling. I’ve even shown up at his flat a couple of times to bang on his door, though I can probably blame the alcohol for the banging at least. He hasn’t replied to any of my letters, and he never opened the door to me. I was angry for about a month, that he’d leave me just for how I was feeling. It’s passed now. I don’t know why he freaked out, I don’t know if he’s disgusted or scared or angry, and it doesn’t really matter. He’s gone, and I’m just sad.

I’ve almost given up on ever seeing him again, and that’s why I almost drop my groceries down the stairs when I get home from the store and find him standing in front of my door. He looks as bad as I feel. His usually shiny hair is a mess, and his eyes are puffy like he’s been crying. The sight of him brings emotions crashing down on me and I’m not sure if relief, fear, anger, or pain is the strongest. Like always when I see him though, my heart speeds up and his eyes drop to my chest. He really can hear it then.

“Scorp,” I say, my hands clutching the shopping bags so hard I’ll leave marks. My voice sounds foreign to my own ears. I’ve never gone this long without saying his name before.

“Al,” he says, and his voice sounds foreign too, broken. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry. Can I come in?”

I pull out my wand and unlock the door so he can enter. He holds the door for me while I carry the groceries in, and it feels strange to have bags of chicken and yoghurt and bread while Scorpius is here, finally. Groceries are just too mundane in the middle of everything else. Still, it’s something to focus on so when I clear the door I go straight to the kitchen to unpack them.

Scorpius follows, but he doesn’t speak while I work. He knows me, he knows I need a minute to come back to myself after the shock of seeing him again. He knows everything about me, and yet – he left. I shove the mushrooms in the fridge and take out a bottle of wine, pouring two glasses and wishing I hadn’t finished off all the stronger liquor. I take a deep breath and turn to hand one to Scorpius.

The action of offering and taking the glass seems to break the silence between us because Scorpius is speaking before he’s even taken a sip.

“Al, I’m so sorry for leaving. I’m sorry I haven’t written you back. I’m just – I’m so sorry.” His eyes are wet as he speaks, and I know he means it. “It’s just, you said you loved me and my whole world just crumbled around me.”

I consider taking it back or saying it’s passed. I wonder if that would make him come back properly. I’m angry though. Too angry to take anything back.

“Well I’m sorry my unrequited love ruined your life,” I say, “but nothing has changed. Idiot that I am I still fucking love you, so if you can’t deal with that you should probably just go.”

I look at my half-empty glass of wine, and after a second of considering I grab the whole bottle and walk out of the kitchen to the living room. If Scorpius is going to leave again I don’t want to stay to see it.

I finish and refill my glass and listen as Scorpius’ quiet footsteps follow me. I close my eyes and just listen as he sits down in the far corner of the sofa. It hurts to look at him, to see the mess I made of him with my love. To be confronted with everything I can’t have.

“It’s not unrequited. That’s the problem.” Scorpius speaks quietly, but with all the conviction of someone who knows they’re right. For all his certainty though, his words make no sense.

“What?” I say. I can’t not look at him now, not when he’s saying – not if he feels the same. I open my eyes and he looks naked. All his emotions are right there on the surface for me to see, and he’s telling the truth. He does love me, but he’s terrified. I’ve never seen him so scared. Not even when we thought he was dying like his mother had.

“You stood here and offered me everything I ever wanted. Everything I’ve hated myself for wanting. And I couldn’t accept it because I don’t deserve that. Or at least, I didn’t think I did.”

My breath catches, and I can’t make my mouth move to form words.

“You said you wanted me, that you loved me and wanted everything. But there are parts of me that are so ugly that it would be wrong to let you love them.”

“Nothing about you is ugly,” I say, because it’s the truth and that’s all I have right now. Simple truths in this sea of confusing words.

“I know you think that – that’s what I realised that night. I thought I had to protect you from it, from the parts of me that are wrong because you were too blinded to see it.”

“What’s changed then?” I ask, not really sure anything has. I love everything about this man, but he hates the part of him that’s a vampire so much he couldn’t let me.

“James and Teddy came by, a few times actually,” Scorpius admits. And of course they had, bloody meddlers that they are. I should have known really, that after they realised the absolute mess I was in they couldn’t leave this alone.

“Teddy told me how scared he’d been that James would be disgusted to see the parts of him that were the wolf, and James told me how trusted he’d felt when Teddy finally showed him. We spoke a lot, but in the end it was James who said, well, he was yelling at that point actually. But he said that if I loved and trusted you I’d let you make decisions for yourself. That hiding things or taking the choice away from you wasn’t love or protecting you, it was just shutting you out and hurting you. And I could never hurt you.”

“But you did,” I say, relying on the truth again. “I thought – I thought you were disgusted with me.”

“Never!” Scorpius says, anger and hurt making his voice louder. “But you love me, and you want – you want me to bite you, right?”

He sounds so scared, and I am too. Scared that I’ll say the wrong thing, feel the wrong thing, and he’ll be gone again. I’m done hiding the parts of me that love him though, that want him for everything he is. I nod, figuring it’s easier than words.

He draws a shaky breath. “So here you are again, offering me everything I want. Saying you love me back, and that you want even the darkest parts of me. The part that aches to,” he hesitates, “that wants nothing more than to bite you, to hold you and claim you as mine. To hurt you, and make it feel good.”

He shakes his head and finally takes a long drink from his wine.

“How am I supposed to be able to deny myself, to deny you, when you say you want it? It terrifies me.”

I get up from the sofa and sit down on his lap, placing my hands around his neck. “I don’t care.”

“What?” he stutters, looking at me in shock.

“I don’t care that you’re terrified. Love is fucking scary, right? Telling you how I felt is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. Sitting down in your lap is terrifying because you might push me off at any moment and I’d be broken.”

I take all my determination and love and try to force the truth of it onto Scorpius with the force of my eyes on his.

“Love is scary and terrifying and sometimes it hurts like hell, but you know what? We do it anyway, despite all of that people have loved each other for as long as there have been people.”

Scorpius looks at me with wide eyes, and if it wasn’t for the glimmer of hope in them, I might lose my courage.

“So, I don’t care that you’re scared. I don’t care that you don’t think you deserve it. Love me anyway. Love me in every way your body and heart and brain is telling you it wants to. I want it, I want you. I love you, so fucking love me back.”

I fix him with my most furious and determined stare, and finally, something seems to break loose within him. He reaches out to caress my jaw, and I melt into the softness of his fingers.

“Love you anyway?” he asks, “in every way? Even – even with the part of me that won’t believe you’re truly mine until I bite you?”

“Yes,” I say. “Love me anyway.”

“Even if it might hurt?” he asks, and he’s considering it. I know it.

“Yes,” I repeat. “Love me back with everything you have, because that’s how I love you. Love me, fuck me, bite me. All of it.”

Scorpius closes his eyes, and when he opens them they’re full of fire. I don’t get to look long because he draws me closer and I close my eyes on instinct. I’m glad I did, because when our lips touch I feel it like a strong current through my body, chasing away all the aches and pains of the past few months and waking up every nerve ending. I let myself fall into him, clutching at his shoulders and begging with every part of my body that this will never end.

His lips are soft, and his stubble rubs against mine in a way that’s almost painful, but not quite. It helps me keep my thoughts, to not get completely lost in the embrace of Scorpius’ arms and the pleasure of his lips. When we finally break apart for air I rest my forehead against his, panting loudly. My heart is racing, and my jeans are already uncomfortably tight. I want him.

“Your heart always speeds up when you see me,” he says. “But it’s not usually this loud.”

I grin because I was right. He can hear it. “You don’t usually kiss my brains out,” I laugh.

He runs his hands down my neck and over my stomach, resting at the bottom of my t-shirt and I bite my lip in anticipation. He looks up at me with a question in his eyes, and I nod. He doesn’t waste time before slipping his fingers underneath the fabric and running his fingers over my heated skin.

“I plan on making it my usual,” he says, fingers closing on my shirt. “I plan on kissing you so much you get sick of it.”

I laugh, and almost cry at the same time with how happy I am. He’s doing it. We’re doing it. He’s loving me.

“You’re welcome to try,” I say.

He starts to lift my shirt, and I raise my hands to help him pull it over my head. He stares at me like I’m the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen, and it makes me feel like I could do anything. I could rule the world with Scorpius looking at me like that. Instead, I grab hold of his shirt and take it off him, before leaning in to kiss him.

His bare skin against mine feels like heaven. He’s warm and smooth, and I can’t help the urge to push closer. My clothed erection rubs against his stomach and I groan, wasting no time in doing it again and again. I want more, closer. I could never ever get enough of this man, but I can certainly have more than this.

I hold my hand out and my wand comes flying from where I left it in the kitchen. Without thinking too much beyond the fact that I don’t want to get out of Scorpius’ lap to undress I point it at my jeans and vanish them, groaning in relief when my cock springs free.

“No underwear, huh?” Scorpius asks, staring down at my cock. His hand twitches where it’s resting against my chest like he wants to reach down and touch it.

“Ran out of clean ones,” I say, smiling. I point my wand at his jeans and give him a questioning look.

When he nods, I vanish first his jeans and then his pants. And he’s just as gorgeous as I remember him being. His cock is already leaking a little at the tip, and I want him so much I can’t decide how. I want to taste him, touch him. I want him inside me. I can’t decide so I do the easiest thing. I lean in to kiss him again, pressing my naked body against his. His hard cock rubs against mine, and we both groan.

Our kiss breaks, and I lean even closer, letting him kiss and suck at my neck while I breathe loudly against his ear. And suddenly I know exactly what I want.

“Fuck me,” I whisper. It’s not loud enough that a normal person would hear, but I know he does because he groans so loudly his chest vibrates.

“You’re sure?” he asks, and I can’t help but love him even more every time he asks what I want.

I bite softly at the lobe of his ear just to hear his breathing speed up before I pull back and grin at him. “Definitely.”

He grabs my wand from beside him on the sofa and conjures lube into the palm of his hand, using it to coat his fingers. Before he can do anything else I take the wand from him and cast a cleansing charm on myself, feeling a bit shy and grimacing a little at the feeling.

“I wasn’t, you know – expecting this,” I explain.

“I wasn’t either.” Scorpius smiles. “I thought you’d probably shut the door in my face when you saw me.”

“Good thing I love you then, isn’t it?” I say. I watch Scorpius’ fingers as he spreads lube over them, and the idea that they’ll soon be inside me makes my whole body shudder.

“You love me anyway?” Scorpius says, almost like it’s a joke. I hear the question though, the need for reassurance.

“I realised I loved you when I was fifteen, and by then it had probably already been a couple of years. I love you because of everything you are, and yeah you hurt me, but I love you anyway. I love you.”

Scorpius smiles, and it reaches his eyes in a way I’ve never seen before. It seems to soften everything about him. “I love you too,” he says, then looks down at his fingers. “Ready?”

I place my knees more securely on the sofa on each side of Scorpius’ legs and lift my arse up so it’s hovering over him to make it easier for him to reach around me, then I nod. He reaches around me immediately, massaging my arse with his thumbs. I lift up even more and grab hold of the top of the sofa on either side of Scorpius’ head before I rest my head in the crook of his neck.

His hands move closer to their goal, and I shiver when his slick fingers find my opening and run softly over it. He circles it with his fingers, pushing lightly against it with his index fingers. I groan and push back against him and he finally pushes against my rim hard enough to breach it. I bite my lip to keep from crying out with the overwhelming knowledge that we’re really doing this.

“More,” I demand, pushing back against the one finger Scorpius has in me. “I like to feel the stretching.”

Scorpius laughs and pulls his finger out.

“I knew you’d be a kinky freak,” he says, affection heavy in his voice. I’m about to find some smart remark to that, but he replaces the finger he removed with three new ones and pushes in fast, and I can’t remember what I was going to reply to at all. All I can do is hold on to the sofa and moan softly against Scorpius’ ear as he makes me feel better than I ever have before.

“Fuck, Scorp, that’s -” I start, breaking off to groan loudly when his fingers brush against my prostate, and the pleasure that had been spreading through my body like warm honey ignites in a heat of urgency and desperate want.

“Fuck me now,” I demand. “I’m ready, just, please.”

Scorpius groans then, letting his fingers slip out of my arse and sliding down a little so he’s half laying half sitting on the sofa with both his feet firmly planted on the floor. He conjures more lube into his hand and I sit down above his knees to watch as he rubs his cock with it, gasping a little at the sensation. Fuck, he’s gorgeous like this. He’s always gorgeous, but like this he’s – I don’t have any words for it. He’s everything.

Scorpius grabs his cock and finally looks up at me. He winks, actually fucking winks like we’re in some bad Muggle comedy. “Coming?” he asks.

“Hopefully soon,” I say, but I get back up on my knees, letting Scorpius place a hand on my hip to guide me into place until I feel the thick head of his cock against my rim. I lock eyes with Scorpius before moving, because I need to really see him. How he feels, how I make him feel. He looks like I feel, again, only this time I feel like I’ve gotten everything I never thought I could have.

He looks down my body, to where his hand is clutching at my hip, but I need him to see me as we do this, so I place my hand on his jaw and guide his gaze back up to my face. Only then do I let my body start to sink down, taking Scorpius’ cock inch by glorious inch. I can feel the stretch as my body works to accommodate him, and I breathe deeply, forcing the muscles in my arse to relax.

I’ve imagined sex with Scorpius countless times, in countless ways. I thought I’d be prepared for the way his arms make me feel safer than I’ve ever felt before, or the way his eyes seem to be looking right through me to the very core of my being, or the way his cock in my arse makes me feel like I might die from the sheer joy and pleasure of it. I’m not prepared, at all. I’m consumed with him. With how he makes me feel, with the pooling pleasure in my cock. Fuck, he hasn’t even touched my cock yet, but it’s still leaking a thick trail of precome.

And despite the intensity of everything, it’s still just me and Scorpius, so when my knee slips and I slam down onto his cock I’m not embarrassed. I just moan in tune with him, and then we both laugh so hard we can’t catch our breath.

“Fuck,” Scorpius says between laughs, “are you alright?”

I lift myself up on my knees a little and grind back into him, grinning as he throws his head back and breathes heavily. “I’m perfect,” I say, and I mean it.

I move slow, at first, almost teasing. I’m not really sure if I’m teasing him or myself, but we’re both starting to feel desperate. He’s trying so hard to hold himself back, and I want him to break. I want him to let go and just have me. And he wants it too, it’s all over the way his hand clenches and unclenches on my hip, the way he’s squeezing his eyes shut and breathing harshly. It’s in his twitching hips and strangled groans. He’s so close to letting go.

When it finally happens it’s not the way I expected it to. One second he’s kissing me and the next he turns his head away and stills my hips with his hands.

“Scorp?” I ask. My hand is back on his chin, trying to make him look at me.

“Merlin, I’m sorry,” Scorpius says, words a little slurred. “This hasn’t ever happened before, I swear.”

He finally turns so I can see his face, and his fangs have dropped. He looks so embarrassed I want to laugh again, but I don’t. This is where I prove to him that we can have everything we want.

“It’s alright,” I say, moving my hand so I can run my thumb across his bottom lip. Fuck he looks good like this too. He’d look good no matter what he did. “We talked about this, right. Love me in every way you want to. I want it.”

His eyes flit to my neck, and I can feel how much he wants it. How hard he’s fighting to hold back. He looks terrified and aroused and desperate, and fuck, I love him.

“If you don’t want to we can wait, I’m alright with that. Just – don’t hold back on my account. I don’t want this because of some martyr complex or whatever. I want it because I want you. In every way. I want to be as close as we possibly can, sharing the most intimate things. And honestly, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve wanked to the image of you holding me down and biting me, because it’s also just -” I pause to sigh, and move my hips slightly because the combination of Scorpius’ cock inside me and the mental image of him finally using those fangs to bite me is sending me places, “It’s so fucking hot Scorp.”

Scorpius looks up at my face again, fast, like he’s trying to catch me in a lie. I let my desire for him show on my face, in the way I can’t quite stop moving my hips now that I’ve started again. In the almost silent breathy moans I can’t hold back anymore.

“It turns you on?” Scorpius says, and I can’t quite tell if it’s a question or a statement.

“Yes,” I say, jerking my hips again at the thought of him. “It turns me on, everything about you turns me on, but fuck, the idea of those fangs biting into me? Does it for me every single time.”

“Fuck,” he groans, and suddenly I’m on my back, staring up at Scorpius, his cock still inside me. I’ve no idea how he’s managed it, but I don’t really care. All I care about is the way he starts thrusting while his tongue seeks out my clavicle and traces invisible patterns against it. I throw my head back and bend my knees as much as they’ll go, gasping at the sudden onslaught of sensations.

“You fucking prick,” Scorpius mouths against my neck, and I can feel his teeth lightly scraping my skin as he speaks. I groan and tilt my head even further, silently begging him to bite. “It turns me on too, so fucking much. Always thought I was a disgusting freak for it and here you are, begging with every fibre of your being because it turns you on too.”

“Please,” I say, clutching desperately at him to make him move faster, harder. To make him bite me. “Let’s be freaks together, yeah?”

“And love each other anyway?” he asks, fangs a sharp point on my neck.

“Yes,” I say.

I’m still pronouncing the s when he bites me, fangs slicing through my skin so fast and smoothly I don’t really feel it at first. When I do it’s painful, but before I can cry out it changes, turns to liquid heat in my veins, and makes everything else stronger. The pleasure of Scorpius’ cock against my prostate increases to the point where it almost hurts it’s so good. I’m hyper-aware of every inch of his skin against mine, and it feels like sinking into a warm bath the way he holds me. My cock is trapped between us, and the slight friction it gets every time Scorpius thrusts into me grows and grows until it’s enveloping me. Everything is enveloping me. I forget to breathe, forget that I need to. Why would I need air when I have all this? But of course, Scorpius doesn’t forget. He reaches up to run his fingers over my lips and I remember. I open my mouth and allow air to rush into my lungs, and somehow it makes everything even better.

My legs are wrapped around Scorpius’ hips and I don’t know when that happened, but I take advantage of it, using them as leverage to meet Scorpius’ thrusts while he sucks at my neck. Too soon his lips are pulling back, and I want to cry with the loss but he just whispers a spell and then his mouth is back on me, licking and sucking without piercing the skin again. The heat all throughout my body seems to concentrate in the base of my spine and I know I won’t last much longer. Scorpius seems close too, clutching at my hair with one hand and caressing my ribs with the other.

“Scorp, I’m, fuck, I’m gonna -”

“Me too,” he says, “let go, it’s alright, I got you.”

He’s got me. The knowledge sends me flying over the edge. The sex and the bite were so intense I was half expecting my orgasm to knock me out, but it doesn’t. It’s slower than that, curling my toes and making me clutch so hard at Scorpius I’m sure I’ll leave bruises. It travels the length of my body, pausing to make every part of me feel content and tingling with pleasure in its wake. Finally, it concentrates on my cock, and ribbons of come spurt out between us as my arse clenches and trembles around Scorpius’ thrusting cock. He’s lost his rhythm now and is thrusting wildly, chasing his own orgasm. I make my legs work again and meet his thrusts, letting his cock send shivers of pleasure through my sated body.

When he comes we both moan at the sensations. He collapses on top of me, and I let him, relishing in the fact that I have him. I have him and he has me, and we’re never letting go.

“That was amazing,” I say, smiling into his neck as he breathes deeply on top of me, his back rising and falling in a soothing rhythm.

“Let’s definitely do that again – many, many times,” Scorpius agrees, and we both laugh a little. “Ugh, but now I have to tell James and Teddy they were right.”

“Love me anyway?” I ask, joking now.

“If you insist,” Scorpius says. He’s trying hard to sound serious, but I can hear the laughter in his voice still.

“I do,” I say, running my hand down his spine.

“Good,” he says. And he does. He loves me and I love him, despite everything. Because of everything.