Job had a plan.
Over a year ago, during Songkran Festival, he had seen the girl of his dreams in the crowd. She had been wearing a white blouse over her colourful bikini top, all but transparent from getting splashed with water – and when she had looked up, her smile had mesmerised Job so much that his friends had bumped into him.
Job congratulated himself that he had had the presence of mind to explain it away by pulling out his phone – waterproof, of course – and pretending he had stopped because he wanted to take a selfie with them.
He had angled the selfie strategically, so that the hot girl was in the shot behind them, and it had made the best addition to his spank bank, ever.
All he needed to do to get going was to imagine the bikini gone, and the pink of her nipples shining coquettishly through the transparent nothingness of the white blouse. Just thinking about it made him want to go back to his room, instead of catching a ride to his new university.
The only thing he hated about that picture, was that just as he had snapped it, the pretty girl’s friend had jumped on her back and hugged her around the waist.
That friend was the ugliest hag he had ever seen.
Talk about beauty and the beast. He had no idea why his Belle (as he had a habit of calling her, even after he had found out her real name) was friends with someone like that.
Surely, she could do better than that.
It might work to his advantage, yet, Job was telling himself. Ugly girls were self-conscious and easily manipulated – if his other plans failed, unlikely as it was, he could always try to approach his Belle via her ugly friend.
Job was proud of himself.
He had used the last year productively, motivated by the prospect of finally being worthy of such a hot girl.
He had found her Instagram profile, and through it, he had figured out her name, and that she attended the nursing program at LBC university. The pictures of her in a nursing uniform during practical week had also swiftly made it into his spank bank.
He needed to get her, now, with his genius plan.
Step 1 of his plan was already successfully accomplished: hitting the gym, losing his baby fat, and buffing up.
But more importantly, he had joined an amateur football team to learn how to play. He had read that hot girls liked football players – you just needed to look at the pictures of Premier League WAGs: even the most average looking football pro had a stunning wife or girlfriend.
This had led him to step 2: convincing his parents to allow him to transfer universities and switch his major to Sports Science.
Of course, the easiest way to get closer to her, would have been signing up for nursing school – but wouldn’t that only make him look like a wuss?
Real men didn’t become nurses.
At best, he might get closer to her, but she would probably only want to be his friend.
He wanted her to notice him and idolise him.
In his daydreams, he pictured himself on the football field, dribbling the ball around his opponents, scoring the deciding goal in the nick of time, the university’s hero.
Then, he would walk over to the bleachers like a stud out of an old movie, brush his hair back coolly, smirk, and greet his sexy nurse – who by this point would surely throw heart eyes at him.
“Hi there, sexy,” he would say.
“Dude, I’m not gay. Look for another ride. Gross.”
Job flinched and covered his mouth with his hand.
He must have said these words out loud, just as his motorcycle taxi had arrived.
“I’m not gay, either!” he shouted, but the guy had already driven off.
“I was only thinking of my Belle,” he said quietly.
He would leave a bad review on the app.
Grumbling, Job straightened his back and decided to wait for the bus instead.
This would delay step 3 of his plan, but it couldn’t be helped.
At least in the bus, he could lounge into a bench in the back, and listen to his playlist of love songs he had compiled, while he dreamt of his Belle.
He had briefly considered choosing music as a major – but he was utterly talentless at both instruments and singing.
At football, at least, he was decent. And it would make step 3 a whole lot easier: befriend the most popular kids in his year, and become part of the cool crowd.
The most popular kids were probably part of the football team, so he could combine both.
He was so smart.
“These are the most popular players on the football team?”
Job couldn’t believe what he saw.
At the semester opening ceremony, he had casually asked the guy in the seat next to him about the football team, and who was popular around here.
But that guy must be trying to prank him. There was no way.
One guy his seat neighbour had pointed out, was a short, plain guy, who had been staring sadly into the air during the entire ceremony.
And the other one had been talking to the guy next to him the whole time through, not even bothering to lower his voice.
Job would have to ask someone else, to get a real answer.
Maybe asking girls would be more reliable – after all, Job wanted to impress a girl, it would be embarrassing to end up in an inexplicably popular incel group.
He put on his most jovial smile – there was no harm in practicing his flirting skills, and approached a group of gymnasts on their way out of the auditorium.
“The most popular guys?”
The girls shrugged.
“Ae,” one of them said, “but something seems off with him this year. He came back from semester break all gloomy and emo. I heard that he broke up with his first love.”
“Oh, no, poor Ae,” another one said empathically, “maybe we should make a cake for him, to cheer him up.”
Yet another one frantically shook her head.
“Forget that, I saw him snap at Pond and Bow outside. If he doesn’t even talk to his friends, he’ll just throw the cake in your face. Let’s wait… ah, right, you… new guy, you wanted to know who the popular kids are, didn’t you?”
Job nodded, his smile plastered to his face, trying to hide his annoyance.
How could these chatterboxes ignore his question for something dumb like that? He didn’t care if they baked a cake for that Ae guy – all Job took away from this was that this Ae might have been popular last year, but he was useless to him, now.
“Can and Good, then,” the first girl said, “I think Good is away on an intensive course down south right now… poor Can.”
Another girl laughed.
“No, no, I’d say poor Techno,” she chuckled, “didn’t Can always pester him for free food last year? Without Good to distract him, there is nothing protecting No from Can’s scrounging. Ah, but you just can’t be angry with him for long, he’s so cute.”
The other girls agreed with heartfelt “awwws” to that statement, one even announcing that she wouldn’t mind paying for Can’s meals, if he was at all interested in anything beyond football and games, and whatever they did among friends at the football team.
Job learned that Techno was the captain of the team, and that two other senior players, called Champ and Type, were the stars. But if Job wanted to join the football team and make a friend to attend classes with, he should talk to Can.
“Can’s a nice guy,” the girls insisted, “he’ll help you. Ah, if we had more courses with the football majors, I would try to befriend him, too. They say that last year, he brought a bunch of friends to challenge the swimming team, because they surrounded Good and made fun of his slow ways of speaking. Rumour has it he won.”
“Sounds like Can.”
Woah… was this true?
Could such a little guy really beat the hunks of the swimming team?
From here, this Can looked like he would tumble over just from someone breathing in his direction.
But… well, if this wasn’t some kind of gigantic inside joke among students, it sounded like Can was actually the most popular guy in their class.
It was time to approach him.
“Oyyyy!” Can whined. “I’m annoyed!”
Job rolled his eyes and quickly got up from his seat.
Befriending Can had been a mistake.
He didn’t care about Can being the most popular kid in their class anymore, Job seriously doubted this by now, but he couldn’t back out now – talking about annoyed, how could Can even complain, nobody was more annoying than him?
“Ey Job, where are you going?”
Job took a deep breath, before he turned around with a gritted, fake smile on his face.
“It’s lunchtime, isn’t it? I’m having lunch. Alone, if you can’t keep your voice down.”
Thinking of yesterday still gave Job second-hand embarrassment.
They had been late for lunch, because Can had forgotten his bag in the classroom, and had only realised it halfway to the cafeteria. They had to run all the way back, and Can had gotten into an argument with the professor who was already using the same classroom for the next course – but he had been allowed the retrieve the bag at least.
And because they were late for lunch, Job not only had a rumbling stomach, but Can had become grumpy, because his favourite egg fried rice was sold out, and he had been craving it all morning – as he had let everyone in the cafeteria know.
If Can hadn’t cheerfully promised to introduce Job to the football captain and recommend him for the team, Job would have altered his plans.
What if his hot nurse heard about his embarrassing friend?
Can was like the opposite of a wingman.
Recently, Can was constantly complaining about some snobby rich guy from IC, who apparently grated on his nerves constantly.
Job couldn’t imagine why. If someone did the grating, it had to be Can.
He couldn’t care less about Can’s weird problems.
The only thing that affected Job – apart from being at the receiving end of all the whiny complaints – was that he couldn’t take Can to the IC cafeteria like he had planned anymore. It was such a missed opportunity. He had found out that his sexy nurse went for lunch there on Thursdays, and he could have staged an accidental encounter.
He didn’t need to watch Can clash with that IC guy in front of everyone, thank you very much, and risk getting a reputation as a rowdy that could reach his nurse.
Job was pissed.
Here he was, finally in the football team, but all he ever did was sitting on the bench next to Can.
There was no worse place to be on a football field during a match. Job was convinced it would be better sitting on the bleachers, rather than being stuck with Can, who got so invested in the match from the side-line, that he had once managed to earn himself a yellow card, without setting foot on the field.
Damn, Job had thought that Techno was his ally, after he had been so supportive of him for saying he wanted to join the team to impress girls.
But Techno hadn’t followed up on that, and he seemed to be involved in some love trouble of his own.
Last Saturday, Job had finally spotted his sexy nurse on the bleachers, cheering on the team from Medical School, when they were playing against Engineering.
At least Can had been useful for once – he had insisted on watching the match alongside his Engineering friends in the first place, and Job had finally gotten to meet Pond, the mythical Porn King of LBC university, a personal idol of his.
It had been perfect, connecting with Pond, on top of being able to see his Belle cheer for her team.
It had given Job an idea.
He would bribe Techno to let him play in their upcoming match against Medical School – and he was one step closer to fulfilling his day dream.
Surely, his Belle would switch support from Medical School to Sports Science, once she saw his handsome glory on the field.
The only thing in the way of his goal – apart from the unpredictable force of nature that was Can – was that for some inexplicable reason, his hot nurse still hung out with that ugly hag.
Job could swear that girl must have gotten even uglier since that picture from last year’s Songkran.
Job had nearly puked with disgust when he had seen his beauty enthusiastically hugging the beast when Medical School had scored a goal against Engineering. The hug was one thing – but from the angle Job had watched them, it had looked like the ugly girl had had the gall to kiss his sexy nurse’s cheek.
The idea that these perfect, pale and perky cheeks were soiled by the mouth of such a scarecrow was upsetting – and it needed an evening of cleansing porn watching, and a few good wanks, to replace that image with a more heavenly one.
Himself, his handsome lips, purifying these cheeks, and then ravishing her cherry red, soft lips, her perfectly round, firm breasts fitting neatly into his hands… ah, he should go to the bathroom and take another round.
“Tough luck, Job,” Pond said in greeting, and soothingly patted his back.
Job darted around and looked at him, unable to hide his confusion.
“What do you mean?”
Pond smiled awkwardly.
“If I were you, I would set my eyes on another girl. I can introduce you to some of ChaAim’s friends next time we have a beer with Mai, Ae and Can,” he said.
There was no other girl. His nurse was the prettiest, most perfect…
Pond’s smile became even more awkward, while he hesitantly pulled his phone out of his pocket.
What was going on?
“The thing is…” he said, quickly scrolling through something on his phone. When he finally found what he had been looking for, he held it so close to Job’s face that he didn’t see anything. “She’s a lesbian.”
No… no, that… maybe she wasn’t a lesbian.
Weren’t all girls a little bi-curious? It could work in Job’s favour. Maybe they could have a threesome with another hot girl, Job would certainly be down for th-
The thought got stuck, the moment Pond pulled the phone back enough that Job could actually see the picture.
His knees got weak, and he helplessly stumbled backwards.
No no no no.
He tried to drop against the wall, but miscalculated the distance and fell flat on his butt.
But emotionally even more.
“It… It’s fake. Right? Tell me it’s fake.”
Job looked desperately up at Pond, who was still holding his phone up with that cursed picture on display.
It’s a prank. It’s a prank. It’s a prank. Please, be a prank.
There was no way his Belle, the sexiest, most beautiful girl in the world… she wouldn’t French kiss that ugly hag.
This was blasphemy.
Like Job had said to Can recently, handsome guys like him belonged with pretty girls like her.
In what world would a pretty girl like her kiss, let alone date, such an absolutely unsightly wench?
“It’s real,” Pond said. “This was taken at ChaAim’s friend’s birthday party. They have apparently been together for two years, and according to Aim’s friend – also a lesbian, by the way – they have been leading the university campaign in favour of the Registered Partnership Bill.”
Job dropped back against the wall, hitting it so hard with the back of his head that he saw stars and forgot his pain for a moment.
“Why would she lower herself like that? She’s such a beauty, why would she settle for such an ugly hag?” he muttered to himself.
“What did you say?” Pond asked, while he leisurely sat down next to him.
“Come on, I heard you say something.”
“Why would she go out with such an ugly…”
To Job’s surprise, Pond slapped his upper arm rather hard.
“Don’t say something like that. All girls are pretty,” he said. “Ah, she reminds me of this actress…”
Eww, really, Pond?
Did he have some kind of fetish or what?
“Besides,” Pond continued, never revealing what actress he was thinking of, “it is not your nurse who lowered herself. Story is, she courted Bifern for months – that’s her girlfriend’s name, by the way – and she had several serious competitors. Bifern won a poetry slam with a lesbian re-interpretation of SOTUS when she was 16, in verse, believe it or not – and she has received love letters from girls all over the country ever since. She’s like lesbian Wonder Woman. Face it, Job, you lost.”
No… no, no, no.
He refused to give up. His nurse was perfect, sexy, hot, beautiful… how could a perfect 10 like that be a lesbian?
Sure, maybe this Bifern girl was a lesbian, what guy would want to tab that ugly arse… but surely, not his Belle?
“Maybe she just needs a real man’s dick to-”
As if time had slowed down, Job saw Pond’s fist fly in the direction of his face, before everything went black.
The light in here was blinding, he should just close his eyes again.
Had he died and gone to heaven?
He blinked again.
At the edge of his vision, the face of an angel appeared… an angel looking like his Belle!
“Am I dead?” he whimpered.
The pulsating pain radiating out from his left cheek indicated otherwise.
The angel laughed in a clear, bright tone, like little bells… like heaven.
“Not at all,” the angel said. “This is the nurse’s office at the Medical School. Your friend brought you here. He says you crashed into a wall and bruised your face pretty badly.”
Pond had some nerve, punching him and then lying about it-
“Ah, you’re awake!” Can shouted excitedly, “you’re lucky I found you there. What were you doing, stumbling and crashing into the wall like that. Is he going to be okay, Ms Nurse?”
To Job’s horror, the pretty nurse turned to Can with the warmest, most charming smile, and reassured him that Job just needed to rest a bit, and take painkillers for a few days, until the swelling had gone down.
Why was she talking to Can, as if he was Job’s mother or something?
“Your friend will be fine,” she said again. “Let’s give him a little peace.”
Job wanted to protest that she shouldn’t leave him. Her presence would make it all go away, pretty angel! But all that came out was an embarrassingly whiny groan, that didn’t stop the nurse from pulling the curtains closed around him.
“I’m going downstairs to grab a cup of coffee and a snack,” he heard Can say, his voice muffled by the thick fabric of the curtains, “can I get you something, too?”
“Are you offering?”
There was a pause, and the shuffling noise of someone getting up and walking away. Job closed his eyes, assuming that Can had left.
He didn’t know how long it had taken Can to get the coffee – Job had dozed off again, to the soothing sounds of his nurse working outside the curtain, sometimes softly humming to herself in her beautiful clear voice.
Life could be so simple.
“There you go, one cappuccino for the pretty lady,” Can’s annoying voice suddenly rang through the room, pulling Job out of his peaceful half-slumber.
How could he dare to flirt with her?
Haha, at least it would be Can, who’d be the loser who flirted with a lesbian…
Maybe Job would get over her faster than he had thought after all. It wasn’t worth barking up the wrong tree.
So stupid, didn’t Can realise she was not interested?
“Thank you,” the nurse said, and after the sound of swallowing a drink: “ah, this is nice. I needed the caffeine. I don’t know what’s up today, this is the third emergency I’ve had to treat since I started my shift. Normally, there is one minor incident at most. Is full moon soon?”
Job hated Can.
This was the conversation he should have with the nurse, not his crazy friend.
He couldn’t believe that Can was so popular. For some reason, everyone else found him charming… when he was just an annoying monkey, who made Job cringe with embarrassment at least once a day.
“You’re right, it is,” Can answered, after a pause that Job assumed he had used to look it up on his phone, “is there really an uptick of emergencies on full moons? Like… werewolves? Do you mean that werewolves actually exist? Has my friend been bitten?!”
And there it was.
Job rolled his eyes.
That was exactly what he meant. How stupid was Can… if the nurse told him it had been a werewolf, Can would probably believe her.
The nurse only laughed – and again, it sounded like a heavenly symphony in Job’s ears.
“No, no,” the nurse said, “heaven’s forbid we’d have to deal with the supernatural, too. It is hard enough treating wounds from humans. It would be something, though, wouldn’t it? Imagine there actually were werewolves.”
“And vampires!” Can shouted enthusiastically.
The nurse giggled.
“Don’t tell anyone, but when I was 14, I had a stupid crush on Alice from the Twilight movies. At first, I didn’t know if I wanted to be her or kiss her. I think that was when I realised…”
Job’s heart sank.
Alice… not Edward, or Jacob.
Alice… like a girl.
“Err… what did you realise?”
Job was suddenly grateful for his wound, so his groan at Can’s unbelievable stupidity came out as barely a whimper.
Did he really not get what she had just told him?
Of course, his pretty nurse would be clever enough to pick up on his flirting, and gracefully let him know she swung the other way.
And… why did she still sound so cheerful and amused, when she said “that I like girls.”
Can… didn’t sound disappointed?
He sounded… giddy?
What was that crazy guy up to now?
“That’s so cool. I didn’t know I liked a boy until I got together with my boyfriend.”
Did Can just say he had a boyfriend?
Was this why he had babbled on about handsome guys dating other handsome guys all the time recently?
Job pitied the guy who needed to put up with Can, and like it, because they were a couple.
“Don’t say that too loudly in here,” the nurse said cheerfully, “half the girls on campus would worship you like an idol if they found out you have a boyfriend. Boys Love is all the rage lately. My girlfriend likes to watch it religiously, too. But she’s always disappointed when the girls don’t end up together like the boys. They should change that.”
Job started to think girls had all gone crazy. Maybe something in the water.
“But…” Can was really stupid, nothing could change Job’s mind, he was so clueless. “My sister says handsome guys should only date other handsome guys, and she told my mum that she finds the thought of me with my boyfriend creepy.”
“Way to support your brother,” the nurse said angrily. “But it’s typical. Some of these girls really only like it as long as it is fictional and not someone they know.”
Job felt a stab in his heart, despite trying to come to terms with the reality that his nurse was a lesbian. He wanted her to be angry on his behalf, not Can’s. What did Can ever do to deserve such support?
“She doesn’t know he is my boyfriend,” Can said defensively. “She thinks we’re just friends… but lately, she’s been obsessed with shipping him with other guys. She says he needs a cute boy with red lips and a small body next to him.”
Was everyone in Can’s family crazy?
What was wrong with his sister, shipping boys together?
Ew, would she ship him, Job, with some girly guy, too?
Job could throw up from the idea alone.
“Your sister is weird… isn’t that describing you exactly?” the nurse pointed out.
“I know!” Can exclaimed. “When she said it after I came back from sleeping at his house, I thought she would support me and maybe even suspected something, and I was so happy! But no! She thinks he’s only nice to me because he has pity with me, when he was the one who wanted to date me first. She has no clue, silly Ley.”
This was enough… Job made an effort to groan loudly enough to attract the nurse’s attention.
It took Job a few days to recover from this blow – both the physical and the emotional one.
His mum had been worried about him like crazy, but at least she had allowed him to stay at home and eat lots of ice cream, which had been soothing him a lot.
Most of the time, Job had barricaded himself in his room and watched and rewatched all of the porn he had received from Pond.
He tried to ignore that this perfect source for porn had dried up.
Pond had blocked him everywhere, and kicked him out of his porn-related Discord, where all the newest links were posted.
Job would have to deal with this traitor another time.
Had Pond forgotten about the sacred honour code, bros before hoes? What had Job even said that would have warranted such a reaction… he had just been disappointed.
Job would go back, and teach every one of them in time.
Now that he had cleansed himself with hot mummy porn, he could barely remember why he had found that nurse attractive in the first place. She was too young and mellow. What Job was into now were more mature women, who went in hard and dirty and were insatiable.
He should just look for a frustrated and horny housewife, he had already seen a few promising candidates with slim waists and big boobs.
Ah, he wanted to watch their firm, big boobs bounce up and down over him, while they rode him, cowgirl style.
Damn, that would be hot.
Unfortunately, Job needed to go back to university today, or he would miss out on exam preparation classes, and despite having lost his primary motivation for attending LBC university, he didn’t want to fluke out.
No, his new goal now was to become a fitness instructor at a gym for rich women. It would be a dream job, flirting with his clients, helpfully assisting them in their exercises if they were hot – and hopefully not lesbians again.
Still, going back on campus hurt. And Job was down and unmotivated, when he finally dragged his body to the classroom, just a few minutes before the start of the class.
He felt like a zombie, as he shuffled towards his usual seat next to Can, blocking out all the embarrassment he now felt about his misguided crush on that lesbian nurse.
Eww... how could he ever?
“What… do you… think… you’re doing?” a sleepy and unbearably slow voice suddenly asked.
There was… why was there a guy sitting in his seat?
“Err, sorry, would you mind sitting somewhere else, this is my place?”
The guy looked at him unblinkingly – it was kind of creepy, actually, was he even alive?
“No… it is… my place,” he said. “You… sit somewhere… else.”
“Can, tell him. I have been sitting here all semester, haven’t I? Am I not your best friend?”
Argh, this crazy guy! Can was so infuriation, he never stopped talking, unless you needed him for once.
“Can… who… is this?”
“Oh, that?” Can asked.
Thank God, finally, Can joined the chat. Did he get the remainders of his brain fucked out by his boyfriend lately or something?
“That’s just Job,” Can said, smiling at the slow guy, “he’s my social project. You know, he didn’t know anyone when he got here,” he lowered his voice to a whisper, as if Job couldn’t hear that, “he’s kind of a dick, nobody likes him. But you were away, Ae was sad, and No and Type have their thing… I had time.”
Job couldn’t believe what he was hearing?
What was up with people?
How could Can be so condescending?
Job was 100 times more handsome and charming than this little monkey, in a fairer world, people should line up to befriend him. Can should feel honoured that Job had had the patience to sit through his erratic ramblings.
Who was the social case?
“Are you crazy?” he shouted, glaring at Can. “If anyone here is a social project, it’s you. You all see that, right? I’m not crazy, am I? Do you know how annoying it is to sit through your stupid monologues and your cranky ten minutes every hour? Who would want to be friends with you?”
“Me…” the slow guy said, seemingly unimpressed and without the slightest sign of agitation. “Can… is my… best friend.”
Job looked around the classroom.
So silent you could hear a pin drop.
Some people were avoiding his gaze or averting their heads in visible embarrassment – but most people were glaring… at him?
Was nobody siding with him?
What was wrong with people?
“Me!” a girl shouted from the backrow. “Can helped me get an extension for my essay deadline when I was sick, he’s a good one.”
“Me!” a boy in the corner held up his hand. “Can comforted me and cheered me up when I was sad after my pet bunny died. Everyone else told me not to make a fuss over a short-lived pet like that. You get lost if you can’t stand Can.”
With growing horror, Job heard more and more people in the class coming forward, siding with Can – praising him for stupid reason after stupid reason.
Job wanted to sink into the ground.
It was obvious that he had lost.
People at LBC university were all crazy.
During his absence after the punch, Job had learned that half the football team was gay, and now he learned that they seriously thought a loud, annoying guy like Can was a more desirable friend to have than him.
He’d show them.
But just as he was turning around to leave the classroom in rage, he bumped into an annoyingly handsome guy in an IC uniform – and a glare so icy that it could freeze hell over.
“If I were you, I would stay far away from my boyfriend,” the guy said.
Brr, now Job remembered… he had seen this guy around Can before.
This… was Can’s boyfriend?
How good was Can’s karma? Did he like… save a monastery in his past life or something? This guy looked loaded, like he owned the universe… and he looked like he was ready to murder him in broad daylight.
Job ran, like the devil was after him. He had only one goal: transfer to another university, as fast and far away from here as possible.