As with most bad choices that involved Roy Harper, the idea to incorporate a little gun kink into the sex life Jason shared with Roy and Kori had seemed like a perfectly reasonable idea at the time.
Also as with most bad choices involving Roy Harper, that seemingly good idea decided to turn around and bite Jason soundly in the ass when he wasn't looking.
And yes, while Batman may have crossed his arms severely and glowered while reminding Jason that he should always be looking, and really, hadn't Jason learned anything while he had served his summer internship as Robin, other than learning how to die?
(Okay, so maybe Bruce wouldn't have said that at all. It wasn't like Jason gave a damn anyway, because the whole nostalgia thing? Really only something that pathetic sidekicks like Harper did anyway.)
At any rate, even if Batman had been there, Jason would have pointed out, very firmly - and quite possibly loudly - that he had his hands a little busy at the moment, with two things that were very much Harper's fault.
Well, okay. One of them was, anyway. The kitten, in fairness, was Kori's fault, mostly, and a little bit Lian's fault.
But Lian's existence was at least fifty percent Roy's fault. Probably more, because if the moron had just worn a condom when fucking an international assassin ...
But that would imply that Harper had any sense at all, and everyone knew that wasn't true.
It was a fact that Jason planned on being quite relieved that Lian hadn't inherited, just as soon as he could get the little beast she was responsible for to stop clinging on to his leg.
Lian tapped her fingers impatiently on the kitchen table. "Uncle Jason," she began, with a sigh that definitely came from Aunt Kori. Some people might think that it was a little early to have such clear and obvious disdain for humanity, but Jason wouldn't.
"Give me a minute, tiny Harper," he complained. "I am trying to get your hell beast to let go of my leg without having to shoot it."
Lian scowled, but only for a minute. "You wouldn't shoot my kitty, Uncle Jason. Aunt Kori says Catwoman will come all the way from Gotham and spank you if you do."
"... Wrong female Batvillain, kiddo."
"What's that mean, Uncle Jason?"
"... Never mind."
Kid was right though. There would probably not be any shooting of the cat. Though if it turned out to be working for a supervillain, Jason wouldn't have to feel bad about shooting it. There was something wrong with it.
"Only because I can't stand to hear Harpers cry," he muttered with mock roughness, finally removing the beast's claws from his calf and handing the creature to Lian's outstretched arms.
The little black furball curled up passively in Lian's arms for a moment, before again becoming possessed and jumping out of her arms to run down the hall.
"Aw, Tam'ran ran away," Lian said sadly.
"Mmm, yes, that's too bad. Why don't you go find her? I'm sure Tamaran just wants to play hide and seek."
"Kitties don't play hide and seek," Lian informed him. "And 'sides, you didn't answer my question, Uncle Jason."
"I am trying to pretend you didn't ask it."
"Because it is a thing you should ask your father when he comes back. Because it is his fault."
"But daddy is with Aunt Kori on the island."
Jason snorted at the way she said it. Just like the way Harper always said it - like it was some magical, mystical place, instead of a place they went when they wanted to get laid without a set of tiny ears hearing everything.
That was the kind of special arrangement a person had to keep in mind when none of them were into gags.
"They'll be back, small fry."
"I know. But I don't want to wait that long. 'Sides, you can answer my question, Uncle Jason."
"But I don't want to."
Lian scowled. "If you aren't going to play nice, Daddy says I can always scream real loud for Superman if I need help and he might show up, cause he likes kids better 'an he likes sidekicks."
Well... wouldn't that just break Dickie's heart to hear? Jason idly wondered if he could get Lian to say it in front of a device that would record, just so he could send it to Dick.
And Jason thought about that, right up until he saw Lian start to open her mouth - no doubt to scream for Superman, which, because Jason wasn't Dick, he didn't want. The alien had issues, and the last thing Jason wanted to do was have a discussion about "the man" with some jackass that had never actually gone hungry a day in his life.
Not that Jason was bitter or anything.
"Okay! I will answer your question."
Lian's smugness was all her father's, too, for the record.
"The reason we have a gun next to the 'balloons' in the bedside table is - " No time as Robin ever, ever prepared him for this conversation. Ever. For which Jason was thankful, because Bruce and "balloons" weren't something he wanted to think about anytime soon. " - sometimes instead of going to the island to have fun, we just hang out here and have fun in this boring apartment instead."
After all, just because he wasn't "into" gags didn't mean he wouldn't give it a try when it had been a month and he was desperate to get laid. Same went for the other two.
"You have parties after I go to bed?"
"...Yes. Yes, we do."
Lian pouted for a minute - and really, Jason didn't know what to say about that, other than to congratulate her for not having a pout as annoying as her father - before she brightened. "I bet your parties aren't as much fun as the Halloween party I'm going to have."
"I'd argue the opposite, but since your party will have the Flash looking horrified at his twins playing with a mini Red Hood, I would lose that argument."
"I like Uncle Flash!" Lian informed him.
"That's because you have your father's taste in people."
Lian titled her head and looked at him like he was crazy - which, to be fair, wasn't untrue. Then she shrugged and hugged him - or rather, his knees - as tight as she could. "I like Daddy's taste in people, Uncle Jason. It gives me you and Aunt Kori!"
Okay, and that was why Bruce had sidekicks. It absolutely made a person feel better about all their shitty mistakes.
"Yeah, his taste gave us you, too, mini Harper, so we lucked out there," Jason said, ruffling her hair. "Come on, let's go make sure your demon cat didn't eat any of the party candy. We don't want the damn thing throwing up anywhere that I will have to clean up."
"Okay! And then can we work on my costume some more? I want it to be perfect. Dawn and Don always have perfect costumes." She pouted a little at that, and if there was one thing Jason hated more than crying Harpers, it was pouting Harpers.
"Your costume will be more perfect than either of the Flash brats, baby Harper."
"Promise?" Lian asked hopefully, reaching her arms up to be held, an obligation Jason could hardly say no to.
"Pinkie swear." Settling her on his hip, he offered his pinkie and she shook it solemnly.
"From one Red Hood to another," Lian said, with equal solemnity.
Jason didn't mention that he liked the sound of that a little more than was strictly appropriate.