When Kageyama agrees to room with Hinata in college, nobody is surprised. It's hard for him to even imagine attending a different school, so it's only natural that they decide to split costs and the hassle of looking for another roommate and live together. Most of their friends had even expected it, leaving Kageyama sulking and saying they're not THAT close (they are). It's an ideal situation, really; despite their frequent bickering, they work well together, and they live well together. Kageyama is comfortable in Hinata's space, doesn't mind when he grumbles in his sleep, helps wake him up when he misses his alarm (frequently).
There's just one issue: Kageyama is absolutely infatuated with Hinata.
It has to be infatuation; that's the only thing he can use to explain this intense longing he gets when he catches himself looking at Hinata sometimes, when Hinata isn't paying attention, when he's turning his smile on someone else and Kageyama can properly study his face and his mess of hair and the way his hands move when he's talking.
It's been this way for a while now, as long as Kageyama can really remember being close to him. He doesn't know when or how it starts but he does know that it's been hell to deal with, when Hinata's so close and physically affectionate and just so Hinata. But he's dealt with it, and he thinks maybe it's passing with time. He feels his face flush less frequently when their bodies touch and it's getting more natural to have Hinata cling to him whenever he feels like it. What's really happening is Kageyama's just getting used to the warm feeling in his chest when Hinata's leaned against him, the way he can't stop watching when Hinata is on the court, the way he thinks about him during class, practice, dinner, while he's sleeping.
He's fooled himself into thinking it's okay and that his heart has always sped up like this, and it's working, until the first week they move in together.
Kageyama has never been this close to Hinata for this long before; even during training camps they'd had other people around to distract them, there was no Hinata waking up in the bed next to his in the morning with his hair all over the place and nobody around to see if Kageyama were to, maybe, kiss him. He can't, though, because he's not about to lose the closest friend he has to dumb hormones and something that really, really should be passing, any day now. It's only because Hinata's his closet friend, he tells himself, college will distract him.
If anything, it's worse than before, because now he is assaulted daily with Hinata suddenly pulling his shirt off to get ready for bed or pouncing on top of Kageyama while he's studying. Hinata seems to be getting even closer than before, and he's already sneaked his way into Kageyama's bed while he's sleeping three times, saying he's cold or he's homesick or he can't sleep. One of those times, Kageyama had ended up with an uncomfortable bulge in his pants and had to spend four hours dealing with it while Hinata breathed against his neck.
Hormones, he tells himself, repeatedly. He doesn't have feelings for Hinata beyond that of a close friend, and even if he does, Hinata can't possibly, either, the way he recklessly throws himself at Kageyama and steals his sweaters and uses his toothbrush, once. Kageyama resolves to distract himself, to throw himself into volleyball, and he does, but Hinata's there also, with his amazing legs and his fierce determination and his cheerful high-fives and it's no help at all. By now, Kageyama thinks he might like guys, maybe, because he's only ever felt this way around Hinata and, maybe once, Oikawa, but that's a different story. He's not interested in any other guys, though, just the one with the bright eyes and the bright smile who tries to make him toast in the morning with a smuggled toaster and ends up burning it.
It's hard when everything Hinata does makes his skin warm and his nerves tingle because he's so close, he's right there, they are alone all the time and he has to control himself before he does anything stupid like kissing him or admitting he might have feelings that aren't wholly innocent. It's exhausting. If it had been difficult spending time alone with him before, it's 100x worse now.
That's when Kageyama meets the first guy.
He's decently tall and good-looking and the way he eyes Kageyama already has his nerves on end, because he's looked that way at Hinata before and he knows it. It makes his skin feel clammy and he prays to whatever god is out there that Hinata's never noticed. He tries to ignore it, tapping his pen on his paper through class instead of taking notes. Ignore it, he says, ignore it.
After class, though, when he's gathering his things, he feels a warm hand on his shoulder in a touch that's just a little too familiar, and as hears the other guy ask about him, if he works out (“You look really good, you know?”) Kageyama starts asking himself why this is such a bad thing. Maybe he's so stuck on Hinata because he's never been with anyone else; maybe if he lets himself experiment he'll get over this and they can go back to being regular, ordinary friends without him thinking about kissing Hinata's upturned mouth every other minute of the day. He's awkward, and he knows it, but the guy is still looking at him like he's interesting.
They end up going out that Saturday, the first time Kageyama's left the dorm without Hinata. He's never gone on a date before, although this isn't quite a date; he's brought directly back to his acquaintance’s apartment, ends up on an unfamiliar bed with lips pressed against his own, and this is his first kiss, too. Somewhere deep down, he has always sort of hoped he'd be able to kiss Hinata, because after that he wouldn't need to kiss anyone else, but if this is as much as he's going to get he'll go with it; it's nice and warm and slick and distracting, especially when there are hands running up his toned stomach.
“You look good,” is breathed against his neck and he ignores the fact that this is wrong, this guy is too tall and his voice is too deep and his hair is too tame when Kageyama tangles his fingers in it as he gets sucked off. He gets home late, expecting Hinata to be up, feeling weird and tired and strangely guilty. The guy had offered for him to spend the night, but he doesn't want to, feels strangely anxious to see his stupid roommate and make sure everything is okay.
Hinata is keeled over on the floor like he'd been trying to study late, and Kageyama ignores the clench in his stomach when he shakes his shoulder and Hinata blinks up at him, sleepy.
“Oh,” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes, and as Kageyama chides him and helps him up, he feels even worse about what he did earlier. That was the only time, he says, it was a slip-up, he'd been curious and well, he'd hoped it would help him deal with being around Hinata. It was a mistake, he won't do it again.
He does it again. It's the same guy the first few times, coming up to him after class and slipping a hand into his pocket and asking if he's busy. Kageyama thinks about Hinata and says no. It's a nice distraction, one where he can ignore the way Hinata slips his hand into Kageyama's when they're watching a scary movie on their tiny television or how he falls asleep on Kageyama's shoulder sometimes, hair tickling his neck. Kageyama doesn't think about this at all the first time he has sex, just thinks about the discomfort and the pain and not how he would do this if it were him and Hinata, how he would make sure things were nice and gentle and—
Kageyama comes home to their dorm in the morning, sore and feeling grimy, expecting to see Hinata asleep or to walk in and get an earful for not returning home that night. What he does not expect to see is Hinata curled on Kageyama's bed looking like he's had the worst night's sleep, or to find fifteen missed messages in his forgotten coat pocket. He's scared that when he shakes Hinata's shoulder he'll either figure out what he'd been up to or go off on him, but he's also not expecting Hinata to fling his arms around Kageyama, warm and solid, hollering about how he thought he was dead and was going to call the police.
“Tell me when you're not coming home,” he says, squishing Kageyama's cheeks between his hands, looking furious (but cute, really cute, close enough to kiss) and Kageyama just nods. Hinata is closer to him than usual that day, bumping their knees together and linking their arms when they meet up to go to practice. They eat dinner and Kageyama has to pinch himself to keep from focusing on the way Hinata keeps looking at him.
He has a dream that night, about Hinata being the one tangled with him under the sheets, and he wakes up panting and feeling like his chest is going to explode with guilt. He glances over to see Hinata sprawled across his bed under the blankets, excuses himself to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face.
Kageyama starts meeting more people.
They're from classes, introduced by other classmates, and he allows them to take it as far as they want. After the first time, which is gross and uncomfortable, it starts to feel good, to make Kageyama feel like this is okay even if he can't do it with Hinata, will never work up the courage to tell Hinata that he loves his eyes and his smile and his stupid face. He decides he likes guys, likes the way they look and make him feel and the way he's exhausted and warm afterward when they fall asleep next to him. He tries it with a girl, once, and he ends up leaving halfway through.
He always texts Hinata after, telling him if he's coming home or not lying naked and sweaty in someone else's bed. Hinata will never know, he tells himself, firmly, because if he did he'd probably be disgusted. Kageyama doesn't want to think about how he'd feel if their positions are reversed, because thinking about Hinata doing what he does with other guys is a place he absolutely does not let his mind go.
Hinata is starting to figure it out, though. He's asking if Kageyama has a girlfriend, if that's why he's gone so often now, and his eyes linger on a spot sucked onto the skin of Kageyama's neck even after he'd said no marks. None whatsoever, because he and Hinata change in front of each other often (part of the problem). Kageyama denies it, although the way his face flushes probably gives something away, but if a girlfriend is all Hinata thinks is going on then he can accept it. At long as Hinata doesn't figure out that he's rooming with someone who actively thinks about what a nice ass he has, he's fine. Hinata doesn't have to know about the times he's spread out on someone else's bed, biting his lip until it bleeds so he doesn't let his mind wander to who he'd really like to be doing this with.
It's helping, a little, but at the end of the day all these dicks do not belong to Hinata, and no matter how hard Kageyama sucks them it's not going to change. And he's tried. At least a dozen times.
“You're getting pretty good at this,” someone says one night when Kageyama's decided he needs extra distraction in the form of something in his mouth. He feels a twinge of annoyance, like he's being judged, although it's probably his own guilty conscience that makes him want to bite this guy's dick off in revenge. He doesn't, but when he finishes, Kageyama grabs his stuff and walks out, texting Hinata that he's on the way home. The smiling emoji is worth the ache he feels in his chest, and he ignores the fact that he's still kind of horny when Hinata launches at him as he opens the door.
“I miss hanging out with you,” Hinata says that night, after he's insisted on curling up under a blanket with Kageyama to squint at their small TV. Watching scary movies isn't as bad like this, since they can't tell all that well what's going on, and they mostly use it as an excuse to unwind. Kageyama has to stop himself from scooting closer; Hinata's warm and close and from the corner of his eye, Kageyama can tell he's sulking.
“Sorry,” he says, “I've been busy.” The look Hinata gives him sends shivers up his spine (he knows, he has to know), but the conversation ends there.
Kageyama tells himself he should stop, or at least go at it less frequently. He only ends up thinking about Hinata when he stops, pulls out his phone to find texts from him (“are you coming home?? i got a tape of that one match we wanted to see”) and he pulls his clothes on and excuses himself because even now, when he's ridiculously sore and actively avoiding thinking about him, nothing is more important than Hinata.
“You got someone else on the side besides me?” the person he's with calls after him, and Kageyama hates the joking tone and the fact that both he and this guy know he's got at least four other people he “hangs out” with regularly. Kageyama flips him off over his shoulder, ignores the snicker behind him as he stalks out. He really has to hang out with more pleasant people, but at the same time, he feels like this is the sort of person he deserves to have a relationship with, as far from the sunny, sincere Hinata as he can possibly get.
One of Kageyama's rules is that they never, never go back to his place. “I have a roommate,” he says in explanation, but somehow, tonight, he's ended up back at his door, pushed up against it with someone kissing down his neck.
“Hold on,” he gasps, trying to push him away, “You said you were just going to drop me off.”
“What's the harm, though, aren't you horny?” The voice against his neck reminds him that yes, he is, it's hard not to be when he has to share space with the only person in the world he really wants to make out with, but he just glares.
“My roommate,” he manages to grunt, and mercifully he's released.
But he's not getting away that easily. “Maybe he's out. Check. We haven't done it all week.” Because Kageyama had been abstaining, making time for Hinata all week.
It's getting harder for him to say no, too, now that he's been doing this; he wants to feel good, he wants to forget that he has these feelings trying to claw their way out of his throat, and this is the perfect way to make sure he falls into a dead sleep at night. Kageyama unlocks the door, cracks it open.
The room is empty.
He's pushed roughly through the door and it's closed behind them before he's pushed back towards one of the beds. Kageyama feels panic rising in his throat because that's Hinata's bed, he can't, he won't, and he shoves at the person in front of him.
“No,” he says, voice tight, “That's his bed.”
There's a long pause, silence filling the apartment where it's usually full of Hinata's noise and energy, and for the first time he doesn't really want to do this. He doesn't want to do it in a place he shares with Hinata, but there are hands slipping underneath his shirt and tugging him to the other bed, and when a hand dips into his pants and rubs against him, his hips jerk and he stops wanting to resist.
Just a little, he tells himself, falling onto his bed with a thump. Hinata's out, he won't know, it will be something else to think about when they're in this small room together instead of Hinata's hips under the shorts hanging low on him.
“You should introduce me to your roommate sometime,” says the voice in his ear, and Kageyama feels himself turning hot. He doesn't want to think about Hinata, that's the whole reason he's been doing this.
“Absolutely not and if you bring him up again, you can go home and take care of yourself in the shower.” Kageyama's voice is steely, and he's expecting the topic to be dropped, but all that happens is there's a laugh in his ear and something worse, infinitely worse, is said.
“You're totally in love with this guy, aren't you?”
Kageyama feels himself freezing up. No, he doesn't want to think about this. He's caught between pushing him away and pulling him closer to try and distract himself.
“Does he know you sleep around like this?” and then Kageyama does push him, wedges his knee between them and kicks him away. He sits up, eyes fierce and panting, because Hinata doesn't know and he never wants him to know. This is Kageyama's business, not anyone else's.
“Get lost.” Kageyama tugs his shirt back down, glares at the person in front of him. He's about to get up, to show him to the door as impolitely as possible, when suddenly he's staring at the ceiling again and there's a hand between his legs.
Kageyama tries again to shove him off but the way he's being rubbed through his pants is very distracting, so he settles for cussing him out and trying to knee him in the groin. He's so distracted that he doesn't hear the slam of a door against the wall until the hand on him is stopping and his attention is directed towards the bathroom.
The bathroom he had forgotten to check.
There's Hinata, eyes wide and expression unreadable, looking like he's just gotten out of the shower. There hadn't been water running, and Kageyama realizes he'd probably stayed hidden when he heard the noises and cringes because this is the worst way for him to find out, and he's heard the whole thing and-
“Get off of him,” Hinata says, glaring.
Kageyama blinks, stares along with the guy on top of him, who slowly slides his hand away and gets off.
“Call me if you want to do anything later,” he says over his shoulder, and then he's gone and Kageyama's left ruffled on his bed staring at Hinata, who is staring right back at him.
He opens his mouth to say something, anything, it's not what it looks like, he was just joking around, but then Hinata's breezing past him, grabbing his jacket off a chair and slipping into his sneakers and he's gone, too.
Kageyama cleans himself up, expects Hinata to be back soon, but he isn't. He waits up all night for Hinata to come home, come back in the door and smile sheepishly at him and everything will be normal, but he doesn't. Kageyama tries texting him only to hear a vibration from the direction of the bathroom where Hinata's phone is found, minus Hinata.
He doesn't come home that whole night, and Kageyama has never been so worried in his life. He's sure Hinata is alright, of course he is, what could happen to him, but this means he's either furious or disgusted or both. He probably doesn't want to be in the same room with Kageyama anymore now that he knows, even though Kageyama would never, ever touch Hinata without permission. He wants to tell him that, but his phone is here and there's no telling where he has gone.
Two days pass, and Kageyama skips class on the second one. He hasn't been able to sleep, feels like he's running on fumes and doesn't know who to turn to. He looks at the contacts on his phone list; he doesn't have many common friends with Hinata, but he sees Nishinoya's name suddenly and has an idea.
Nishinoya answers on the third ring, voice hushed. “Kageyama, what the hell did you do?”
There's a sinking feeling in his stomach when Kageyama realizes he'd been right, overpowering the immense relief that Hinata's not dead in a ditch somewhere. “He's there?”
“Yeah, he's here, and he looks like shit. He just keeps moping around and says he doesn't want to go home. Did you guys fight again? Seriously, make up with him or something. He looks miserable.”
Kageyama doesn't want to say he doesn't think it's something he can fix, so he just tells Nishinoya he'll be over when he can, tugs on his jacket and walks out the door.
Hinata does look like shit. He's wearing some of Nishinoya's practice clothes, sulking on the couch when Kageyama is ushered in by a worried-looking Nishinoya. When their eyes meet, he looks horrified, like he's going to bolt, but he doesn't, just sinks his chin further into the pillow he's holding to his chest.
“Hinata,” Kageyama starts, then falters because he doesn't know what to say. He licks his lips, wondering where to start. “I'm sorry.”
“It's not like you did anything wrong.” It's true, really, but Kageyama still feels like he has.
“Then why didn't you come home? You didn't even have your phone with you, I-”
“What do you care!” Hinata snaps, face rising from the pillow. “It's not like you're even around that often anymore anyway, because apparently you have better things to do like lie to me about stuff.”
“I wasn't lying!” He's raising his voice, and it's a bad habit of his when he's upset, but he can't stop. “I told you I'd been busy!”
“Yeah, busy doing what?” and the tone in Hinata's voice makes Kageyama's stomach drop. Nishinoya is looking at him, torn between worry and curiosity, and Kageyama realizes this probably isn't the best place to talk about this.
“Come on,” he says, “If you want to change rooms you can, but you need to come back and get your stuff.”
Nishinoya's face is incredulous, because the thought of Kageyama and Hinata separating is clearly as appalling to him as it is to Kageyama himself. He can't imagine living without Hinata, especially parting like this, when they most likely wouldn't talk ever, ever again. Something akin to hurt flashes across Hinata's face, but then he's standing up and walking towards the door.
He stops by Nishinoya, bowing and apologizing for staying so long. Nishinoya pats his shoulder and ruffles his hair, telling him not to worry about it, that he knows Kageyama is a handful, trying to lighten the mood. It doesn't work, and both Kageyama and Hinata leave silently, walking towards the bus Kageyama's caught to get to Nishinoya's apartment.
The trip back is quiet, Hinata sitting a fair distance from him where they'd usually be touching, Hinata animatedly moving his arms and grinning widely. He looks tired and withdrawn, and Kageyama hates himself. He should have kept it in his pants, seriously. Nothing is worth this.
When they get home, or what was previously considered home and might not be much longer, Hinata peels off his sneakers and sinks onto his bed. He's still silent, and Kageyama watches him, arms folded awkwardly.
“Do you want me to leave?” he says, finally, shifting. “I can go stay with someone-”
“No,” comes Hinata's quick reply, sounding sort of anxious. “Don't.”
So he doesn't, just sits down on his own bed facing Hinata.
“You could have told me,” Hinata finally says, staring at his knees. “That's what I was mad about.”
Kageyama doesn't know what to say. “I thought you'd think it's gross.” He doesn't know if they're talking about his activities or what the person he'd been with had brought up.
“You're so stupid.” Hinata's glaring at him now, but somehow the air feels a little better. “I already know how gross you are, you eat food off the floor all the time.”
“So do you!” Kageyama snaps back, and it's definitely feeling more or less okay now because Hinata grins sheepishly at him and he feels the warmth returning to his chest.
Hinata suddenly looks back down at his knees and bites his lip. “I'm sorry for running out and not calling you. I kind of forgot my phone, you know? And I just...I didn't want to come back, seeing that made me feel like puking-”
There it is. Kageyama's standing up, ready to leave and only come back to get his stuff because Hinata thinks he's gross. He knew he shouldn't have starting messing around like that, but he had been hoping either Hinata never found out or weirdly accepted him the way he always has.
“Kageyama?” Hinata sounds confused, and there's a hand on his arm that Kageyama tries to shake of. “Hey! Kageyama!”
“I get it, okay?” he snaps, glancing over his shoulder, but Hinata's wide-eyed and confused. “You think that stuff is gross and I know I shouldn't have done it, and I didn't want you to find out about it but it was good and it was distracting and I-”
“What? No! That's not what...that's not why I wanted to puke!” Hinata's hand tightens on his wrist and he looks panicked as he tries to explain himself. “It's because of that guy! I didn't...I didn't like seeing him doing that stuff to you, and you didn't want him to do it, right? I mean...after you pushed him away...” Kageyama watches Hinata's face flush. “I was going to stay in the bathroom until you were done. I mean, I kind of already knew what you were doing, but I figured you didn't want me to talk about it.”
“You knew?” His voice is dry, and he turns to face Hinata again.
Hinata wrinkles his nose. “Yeah? Why else wouldn't you come home at night? I thought it was girls, but...if you like...boys, then it's okay, too. You're still Kageyama.”
It feels like someone's let all the wind out of his lungs and Kageyama falls back onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Hinata doesn't hate him. He doesn't think he's gross or want to move out. Kageyama feels like he could melt into nothing right there, because something he's been worrying about for months has just been solved in a few sentences.
“But,” Hinata says, suddenly, and Kageyama freezes up again. “But” is never a good thing. The bed dips and Hinata looks down at him, face pink. “Um...is this weird to ask? Why didn't you ever...do anything with me?”
Kageyama's heart doesn't know what to do, stop or speed up. “Why didn't I do anything with you?”
“Yeah, like, am I not your type? The guy you were with was pretty tall so I guess not, and I guess it's because we're friends and stuff and you don't really want to do those things with your friends.” His voice is coming out in a breathy rush like he's trying to force the words out before he stops wanting to say them. Kageyama's barely following, trying to process what's coming out of Hinata's mouth. He sits up, nearly knocking Hinata in the face with his head.
“Hinata, you're straight.” He says it like a fact, because it's something he's drilled into his head as one. Hinata is straight, he's off-limits, he wouldn't go for this.
“You're Kageyama,” Hinata says, picking at the blanket but not looking away. “It's not like I...haven't maybe thought about that kind of stuff.” His face is turning red, but the way his eyes look tells Kageyama he's not lying. When Hinata says something, he means it, and he has that same determined look he gets when he's talking about how they'll definitely win a match.
Kageyama wants to kiss him. He always wants to kiss him, but it's bad right now, really bad, and there's a tentative hope blooming in his chest that maybe Hinata won't push him away, won't make a disgusted face and refuse to talk to him ever again. He doesn't want to risk it still, though, feels gross for all the guys he's kissed so far who haven't been Hinata, and he says so.
“I don't care,” Hinata says, still staring at him. “I don't like that you've done all those things with other people and not with me. What would you do if it was me doing all this stuff?”
Kill somebody, Kageyama wants to say, but instead he lifts a hand to Hinata's cheek, brushes the skin he has been trying to hard not to think about, and watches as Hinata leans against it, still looking at him.
He tries to talk, but his voice comes out scratchy, so he clears his throat. “Is it okay?”
“I thought about it while I was at Nishinoya's,” Hinata says, voice hushed now that Kageyama's face has somehow inched closer without him realizing it. “So, yeah.” He' scrunching his eyes closed, his nose wrinkles a little (cute). “Do it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Do it, asshole!” Hinata says and then his words are muffled when Kageyama brings their lips together.
It's not sloppy or wet or passionate like the other kisses he's had, and it's still better than all of them combined. It's soft and almost like a first kiss (Hinata tells him it is, when they pull back), and he does it again and again and again until they're lying on his bed, facing each other, laughing over how dumb Kageyama had been. At least, Hinata's laughing, hands on Kageyma's red cheeks while he scowls.
“You should have told me,” Hinata says, later, when the room is getting dark. Kageyama's arms are around him and his head is buried against Hinata's neck, and he refuses to move.
“I thought about you,” Kageyama says, feeling like a creep. “Or I tried not to.”
Hinata's quiet, and Kageyama thinks he has gone too far, but then Hinata wiggles closer. “Wanna tell me about it?”
Kageyama does, tells Hinata how much he likes his legs and his face and his hair, and how stupid he is but how he likes that too. Hinata makes the appropriate faces at the appropriate times, rolling his eyes or flushing when it's called for, and Kageyama has never felt better having this all off his chest. He tells Hinata how frustrating it was for him to crawl into bed, follows it quickly with a reassuring “I'd never do anything” and Hinata just knees him and says he knows, he knows, stop being so dumb.
And then, when the room is so quiet Kageyama thinks Hinata has fallen asleep, there's a nuzzle against his neck and Hinata's asking him, voice low, to show him, and Kageyama feels like his chest is going to explode.
“Are you sure?” Kageyama asks, nervous and trying not to show it, but Hinata just grabs his hand (a little shaky with nerves and something else), tugs it down to the front of his shorts and presses Kageyama's palm against it.
They don't go far; Kageyama gets Hinata off, burning into his mind the way he rocks his hips when he's getting close, lets whines slip out of his mouth that Kageyama desperately wants to kiss but forces himself not to so he can memorize those noises, too. It feels bigger than anything he's done with anything else, the fact that it's Hinata and he is, for once, not having to keep focused on other things to avoid thinking about him. Hinata falls asleep in his bed after, hair mussed and lips pink.
He wakes up in the morning half expecting Hinata to be in his own bed, for it to have been a dream or for Hinata to have changed his mind. Instead, Hinata is tangled up with him, legs together and breathing wetly against Kageyama's neck. They have fallen asleep like this before, because Hinata's ridiculously mobile when he sleeps, but this is the first time Kageyama doesn't worry about it, doesn't force himself to move away as discreetly as he can. He watches Hinata sleep and doesn't feel guilty about it, and Hinata wakes up and grins at him.
Kageyama drops every other guy completely. Sometimes he runs into them in the halls, Hinata's hand slipped into his, and introduces him; Hinata is met with knowing nods, comments like “you're the roommate?” and he nods his head fiercely and draws himself up to his full height. “I'm the boyfriend,” he says, and Kageyama's stomach flutters every time he hears it. Hinata asks him later if it's okay to call him that, looking a little nervous and hopeful, and Kageyama can barely grunt out a “yes”.
“They have to know they can't mess with you anymore,” Hinata says, playing with Kageyama's fingers, and Kageyama feels like he's dying.
When they do finally go all the way, on Kageyama's bed, he feels like he's been cleansed of all the unsavory things he had done for the sake of forgetting about Hinata. It's not great, and Hinata limps for the whole day after, but it's also better than anything because it's Hinata telling him he's okay, keep going, and Kageyama remembers how uncomfortable he had been and is as gentle as he can possibly be. Hinata's grinning lazily after, so he thinks he's done okay, is rewarded with a warm body next to his that he doesn't feel weird sleeping with. Hinata makes toast in the morning with their secret toaster wearing one of Kageyama's shirts and he really must have died at some point because it can't be real.
If he's dead, though, and gets to see Hinata smiling at him, unabashed and open like he always does, then he's okay with it. He's okay with anything as long as Hinata's still jumping onto his back during practice, falling asleep in his bed without permission during study sessions, burning toast when he forgets that he was making it. It's definitely worth it to have Hinata kiss him when he gets home, getting more excited and bolder every time, tugging him through the door and telling Kageyama to show him more stuff, come on, they don't have that much homework, and if Kageyama barely gets any sleep some nights that's okay, too.
"I have to make you forget about those other guys," Hinata says in explanation one night, when he's on top of Kageyama and looking down at him. "And I have to be the best." Kageyama would roll his eyes but he's done seconds later, embarrassingly quickly, Hinata's hands warm against his chest, warmer than anyone else he's even been with, although maybe that's just his thumping heart talking.
If Hinata's goal is to make him forget about everyone else, Kageyama doesn't want to tell him he's won a long, long time ago. As for being the best...well, Kageyama's never really been one to back down from a competition.