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Horace Slughorn's Semi-Annual STEM Social

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James Potter to Lily Light of Life <333:  wish I could go to the social with you, gutted the match is away n I can’t make it back in time xx

Lily Evans to James <3:  aw no worries, I know you’d be here if u could <3 love u sm xx

James:  love u more, have so much fun and send vids when pads gets pissed and chunders all over Slughorn’s shoes xx

Lily:  wasn’t about to break tradition now was I?? xx

James:  fuck I love u so much




Sirius Black to Ginger Spice ()u ready to get RAMBUNCTIOUS

Lily Evans to Sirius (-_-):  m8 I’ve been half gone since I got out of lab, I’m abt a drink away from karaoke rn

Siriussocial’s not 4 another hour??? and it’s open bar????? tf

Siriusmore importantly U STARTED WITHOUT ME???

Lily:  I was the only woman in my lab today.  Dorcas was out sick


Siriusfair play

Lily:  sounds like u got some catching up 2 do

Siriussay no more milady

Siriuspick u up in the uber in 45, u’d better eat smth or puke n rally bc I’m trying to get as many free drinks as possible

Lily:  getting drinks at an open bar event from the school doesn’t count as wealth redistribution Sirius






Sirius Black named the group chat:  Sluggy’s STEM Sluts

Sirius Black added Moonerz, Ginger Spice ( ) , and Wormtail


Remus:  Padfoot ur not even in STEM ur studying English Lit

Remus:  ur just Lily’s date bc James’s rugby match is an hour away

Sirius:  I am a SLUT for a BUNSON BURNER

Lily:  Bunsen**

Sirius:  yes that exactly

Peter:  chuffed they’re actually letting me come this year

Lily:  Psychology is still a science and anyone who says differently can fuck off

Lily:  And u can tell them that Remus and I said so n we’re Biomedical Engineering

Peter Pettigrew Liked Lily Evans’s Message:  Psychology is still a science and anyone who says differently can fuck off

Remus:  hear, hear

Sirius:  English is the science of words





Remus Lupin to Sluggy’s STEM SlutsLily, we’re 5 mins out from u!

Lily:  see u babes soon, let’s get smashed n talk about Biomaterial



Sirius:  I need 2 drink more




Alice Prewett to Lily Evans:  OMG Lily u look AMAZING, so glad I got to see u!! x

Lily Evans to Alice Prewett:  AWW Alice I’m so glad I got to see u too!! U and Frank are SO cute together! X

Alice:  <3

Alice:  I’m so glad to be here with him. Can’t believe Moody finagled our way into a sciences event, lol!  The law school doesn’t usually put on things like this x

Lily:  no one deserves a night out more than u two!!

Lily:  saving the world and fighting injustice xx

Alice Prewett Loved Lily Evans’s Message:  no one deserves a night out more than u two!!

Alice:  Stop you are TOO sweet!! xx

Lily:  plus I think Slughorn’s afraid of Moody lol, I know they go way back but idk how, Moody probably has some legal dirt on ol’ Sluggy LOL x

Alice:  OMG you’re so bad!! (but probably right, he scares all of us)

Alice:  also you’re so smart to wear a big coat, I wasn’t sure they’d check coats so I only wore a blazer and I was so cold on the way!! Lol x

Lily:  LOL yeah the coat was a last-min decision, very glad I brought it tho with this weather, ugh x

Alice:  I didn’t see James with u, is he playing a match tonight?? Or was there a separate thing for Kinesiology? x

Lily:  he’s got a match against Albans, an hour out :/ x

Alice:  oh no :( tell him I say hi and good luck!! X

Lily:  will do babe x






Sirius Black to Ginger Spice ()lol James is gunna have a heart attack and die when he sees u

Siriusgood luck w the funeral costs

Lily Evans to Sirius (-_-):  haven’t the foggiest what u mean

Lily:  James isn’t here luv remember

Sirius:  no I mean after when u inevitably end up at our flat to ravish ur boyfriend

Lily:  what does this purely hypothetical situation have to do with James dying

Sirius:  don’t u dare act coy with me Evans, u own a mirror and u also know he loves u in red

Sirius:  and I’m quite sure someone had to pour u into that dress

Sirius:  plus u 2 haven’t seen each other in like a week bc of exams so I will be wearing my noise canceling headphones 2nite and pretending I Do Not Exist

Lily:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Lily:  :* :* :* luv u let’s watch Pride and Prejudice tmrw xx

Sirius:  FUCK YES







Sirius Black to Prongsie:  Attachment:  1 Video

James Potter to Paddy (SO #2):  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

James:  my girlfriend is so hot why are you torturing me like this

James:  does she know u sent that, bc if she was gna surprise me with this dress l8r she’ll be proper angry w u

Sirius:  she told me to send it to u Prongs I’m not a fucking perv jfc

James:  ur right my b

James:  also didn’t realize how much I liked Bodak Yellow b4 this moment

Sirius:  u only like it cos she’s dancing 2 it

James:  AND rapping!!!! I didn’t know she knew all the lyrics wtf that’s… super unexpected and impressive??

Sirius:  yeah she’s Cokeworth’s own Skepta

James:  does that make me Adele

Sirius:  I suppose it does

James:  I am very ok with that

James:  but does that make u my piece of shit ex husband who took all my money??? Paddy I’m hurt wtf

James:  we share a CHILD

Sirius:  no babe I would never xxxxx

Sirius:  but also I sent u that in exchange for ur promise that u will finish shagging by like 2am so I can sleep

Sirius:  our walls are criminally thin

James:  …deal





James Potter to Moony (ICE):  r our walls rlly thin

Remus Lupin to Prongs:  yes and I know why you’re asking so allow me to repeat for emphasis: /yes/





Bertram Aubrey to James Potter:  hey mate I’d keep an eye on ur girlfriend if I was u

James Potter to Bertram (Intro Chem Wanker):  um, what the fuck

Bertram:  Attachment:  1 Image

James:  yeah she’s dancing at the fucking social, and what of it?

James:  & if you could delete that off your phone now, I’d appreciate it

Bertram:  lol

Bertram:  I’m just saying it’s interesting ur not here and she’s out dressed like that

James:  didn’t realize I’d taken a trip to 1832, thx for letting me know?

James:  I’m not her fucking handler, she isn’t a zoo animal, she can wear what she likes??

Bertram:  lots of blokes here

James:  right

James:  funny thing about being in a trusting relationship, doesn’t matter if there’s 1 or 100 blokes in a room, same negative chances of Lily cheating on me so

Bertram:  wasn’t her I was talking about but whatever

James:  sorry, so you’re saying there’s men there that you have reason to believe will do something WITHOUT HER CONSENT? Bc if that’s it then maybe you should spend this valuable time calling the police or kicking someone out for potentially threatening my fucking girlfriend rather than texting me to complain that she’s hot

James:  bc the only threat I can think of currently is you taking unsolicited pictures of her and generally acting like a fucking wankstain so allow me to remind you that I can and will beat the absolute shit out of you if I hear you’ve done anything out of order

Bertram:  jesus christ mate I was just trying to look out, calm down alright

James:  well fucking cheers Paul Revere, I’m warned 

James:  Lily’s there with my three best mates and perfectly capable of taking care of herself

James:  so consider yourself blocked you absolute fucking bellend and you’d better of deleted that picture






James Potter to Paddy (SO #2):  I’m gna beat the shit out of Bertram Aubrey

Sirius Black to Prongsie:  ur always threatening 2 fight ppl.  Y do u think that is

James:  unchecked toxic masculinity

Sirius:  ding ding ding we have a self-aware winner

James:  Attachment:  3 Images


Sirius:  omg what a WANKER

Sirius:  now /I/ want to beat the shit out of Berty Aubergine

James:  no offence paddy but I’m captain of the rugby team and ur most physical hobby is getting urself chucked out of slam poetry readings

James:  my threat may hold a bit more weight

Sirius:  first of all

Sirius:  they can’t just leave the mic unmanned and not expect me to improv

Sirius:  2ndly

Sirius:  how was I supposed 2 kno there were children present, they r too short I could not see them

Sirius:  3nth

Sirius:  how dare u

Sirius:  u forget how much tai chi I do

Sirius:  I will misalign the shit out of ur chakras

James:  my boots

James:  o how I am quaking within them

Sirius:  I will write an acrostic out of ur name that will send u weeping to mum

Sirius:  ye be warned







James Potter to Paddy (SO #2):  fuck I forgot what I was texting u about

James:  just watch out for him at social will u

Sirius Black to Prongsie:  right-o

James:  n stay off the tequila

Sirius:  can’t hear u I’m in a tunnel





Lily Evans to Remus!!:  can u believe Slughorn let it slip we got the grant!!! And not the ChemE’s!!!!! IN FRONT OF THEM LOOOOOOL

Remus Lupin to Lily PotterEvans:  it was so good, did you see Mulciber’s face


Remus:  I don’t think I’ve ever seen Avery go that pale

Remus:  It’s like his veins were gonna pop out his skin trying to hold in the tirade

Lily:  do not even get me STARTED ON SNAPE’S FACE AHAHAHA

Lily:  is this what it feels like to get an Olympic gold medal

Lily:  it cannot feel better than this

Remus:  this must be what it’s like

Lily:  come to the bar, I got u a celebratory G&T and we’re gonna dance in the name of BIOMEDICAL ENGINEERING and the SAL T SLYTHERIN GRANT FOR ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENTIFIC ENGINEERING!!!






Lily Evans to Peter Pettigrew:  Pete!!! come dance where r u! Sirius just requested Truth Hurts and I am about to go MENTAL out here


Peter Pettigrew to Lily Evans:  omg I’m coming! There was the cutest exhibit abt mice in the hallway, did u know we had a vet school???





James Potter to Lily Light of Life <333:  hey babe can I call u for a sec?

Lily Evans to James <3:  yeah of course! everything alright??

James:  yeah but will explain on phone x





James Potter to Lily Light of Life <333:  Attachment:  3 Images


James:  yes


James:  yes


James:  I agree

Lily:  cheers for sticking up for me tho ilysm <3 my feminist

James:  u told me u wouldn’t go out with me until I read at least two of Roxane Gay’s books

Lily:  and then u read four and then read the Second Sex and the Feminine Mystique <3 <3 <3

James:  We Should All Be Feminists

James:  also I love u and try not to murder him in front of Slughorn, he has weak disposition

Lily:  no promises but also love u too

James:  brb compiling ur alibi





Sirius Black to Moonerz:  moooooooonyy!!!

Sirius:  come take tequila shots w meeeeee

Sirius:  MOONY


Sirius:  HOP TO

Remus Lupin to Padfoot:  how many have u already had Padfoot

Sirius:  you see the thing about numbers is

Sirius:  they’re socially constructed

Remus:  oh god





James Potter to The Marauders Pt 2 Electric Boogaloohey lads, hope the night’s going well, Lily may attempt to physically harm Bertram Aubrey so if u could do ur best to keep that from happening that’d be great lol ta

Sirius:  lol

Remus:  I don’t really want to know tbh

Remus:  he is a bit of a prat tho

Peter:  who is Bertram Aubrey???

Sirius:  one with the light blue jacket even tho it’s like bloody winter

Peter:  oh lol looks like a prat

James:  cheers m’boys, I’m on the bus back, I’ll be at the flat probably half 10. See u!





Unkown Number to Bertram Aubrey:  ykno it costs £0 not to be the way that u are

Bertram Aubrey to Unknown Number:  who is this???????

Unknown Number:  I hope u like slam poetry u dickhead

Bertram:  blocked???





Peter Pettigrew to Lily Evans:  hey lily where did u go?? Lol





Peter Pettigrew to The Marauders Pt 2 Electric Boogaloouhhh hey have any of u seen Lily lol

Remus:  oh boy

Sirius:  lol nah we took ashot 2geth like half 7 tho

Remus:  that was 2hrs ago??

James:  W HAT

Peter:  shit wrong chat

Sirius:  lol what a mare




Sirius:  I’d say low end at least 65







Peter Pettigrew to Prongs:  did u know that there’s a cat café opening up round the corner


James:  …but also where






Remus to Sluggy’s STEM Sluts:  well I didn’t find her per se

Sirius:  is there a but

Sirius:  there should always be a but

Sirius:  in any situation really

Remus:  hey padfoot, let’s play a game where u don’t bombard a chat with nonsense for about two seconds

Sirius:  sounds like a shit game tbh

Remus:  ANYWAY

Remus:  Aubrey did just come back into the ballroom covered in a mysterious purple liquid and looking quite put out

Peter:  so Lily prob did that is what ur saying?

Sirius:  peter my boy u wld be absolutely dangerous if u wld read a fuckin book

Peter:  thank u?

Sirius:  any time

Sirius:  Lily I know ur reading these

Lily:  lol hi

Remus:  where’d u run off to??


Sirius:  sneaky ginger

Lily:  cornered him outside the men’s toilets

Sirius:  swill’d him?

Lily:  made it look like accident, gave him doe eyes, he defo believed me lol stupid git

Sirius:  that’s m’girl

Remus:  well done I guess????

Sirius:  now come on u lot they r playing WHAM, dance floor NOWWWW






Sirius Black to Prongsie:  Attachment:  2 Images

James Potter to Paddy (SO #2):  oh thank god

James:  also classic lol

James:  omw to flat from training pitch

Sirius:  I’ll let little red riding hood kno

James:  <33333 u

Sirius:  2AM AND I MEAN IT






James to Lily Light of Life <333:  u look so dead sexy in that outfit Lils

Lily to James <3:  lol got Sirius’s video did u? ;)

James:  yeah n I can’t stop watching it

James:  fuck I can’t wait to touch u

James:  been thinking about u all week

Lily:  same here my love <3

James:  what would I have 2 say 2 get u 2 skive the rest of the social and come over rn

Lily:  babe I’m already in an uber so

Lily:  not that much as it turns out

James:  I am going to marry u

Lily:  ;)

James:  u had better not have plans for the next two days

James:  ur not leaving my room but for sustenance

Lily:  unless u want to invite Sirius to the room for a bit tmrw to watch Pride and Prejudice in ur bed whilst we’re naked I’d amend that statement

Lily:  if u say u would consider it I’m turning this uber around and going home

James:  … haven’t the foggiest what u mean

Lily:  right