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i need you so much closer

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Team hasn’t seen much of Win lately.

He ponders this thought as he stares up at the slight crack in Win’s ceiling; lay in Win’s bed, in his room, but with the aforementioned owner nowhere to be found. The sheets next to him have long grown cold, Win taking his usual warmth with him when he’d left early that morning, with a quick kiss to Team’s forehead that he barely registered before the pull of sleep dragged him back down.

This was the fifth time this week he’d woken up alone. 

Team rolls over onto Win’s side of the bed, tugging the duvet up into a cocoon, trying to chase any lingering warmth his boyfriend may have left behind. He wills himself to not get upset. 

Win had to leave early because he was busy, the fourth year had classes all morning, final year assignments to work on all day, and then his obligations to swim club and his tutoring in the evening. Win is at the top of his class, if not his year group, and not to mention his top performances in swimming competitions. There was no wonder he was so in demand; his boyfriend was intelligent and talented, and Team was proud of that, but at the same time—

He misses Win. There wasn’t anything he could do to control that. They’d been dating for over a year now, rarely spending any time apart, and he’d grown used to having Win there to kiss him awake in the morning and hug him to sleep at night. 

Team knows that he’s been spoiled by the constant affection, and now that he no longer has it, he feels lost. Over the last couple of weeks, with Win’s final year deadlines looming, Team often found that by the time he woke up, Win would already be gone, and when Win eventually gets back late at night, Team has already fallen asleep.

He didn’t know how to react to feeling so needy. It isn’t just Win he misses, he misses his touch. He cannot recall the last time they even kissed longer than a short peck, and he was fairly certain it had been almost two weeks since they’d had sex. Although sex may not be a necessity in a relationship, Team craved the closeness and comfort that came with it. 

He didn’t want to burden Win with all of this, not with how stressful final year already was for him.

Team would have to come up with a solution.

*

The following morning proves similar to all the others. He wakes up to an empty Win-shaped space beside him; the only evidence he came back last night being the creases on the pillowcase and the lingering scent of Win’s shampoo. Team buries his face into the soft fabric, takes a deep breath, and wilfully ignores the way his eyes sting.

He goes through the rest of the day on autopilot, sitting through his classes and not talking at lunch, head occasionally twisting to try and catch a glimpse of blonde hair, but to no avail.

His chest aches as he makes his way to Win’s room, letting himself in with the key Win had given him, resigning himself to another evening spent alone, desperate for Win’s presence and his touch.

A little while later, after Team has eaten a sad meal of instant noodles, his heart jumps into his throat as the door handle rattles and Win appears, hurrying inside and dropping his backpack to the floor.

Team jumps to his feet. “You’re back early,” he can’t keep the excitement from his voice.

Win pauses on the way to his bookshelf, looking back at him apologetically, and Team’s heart drops into his feet.

“Sorry, baby,” Win says gently, reaching up to grab a book off the top shelf. His shirt rides up, showing a strip of skin and the glimpse of a tattoo, and Team has to swallow and avert his eyes. “One of my tutees lost her textbook and her exam is in a few days, so I said she could use mine for tonight.”

He goes back to his backpack and stuffs the textbook in, straightening to smile tiredly at Team. 

“You know how forgetful first years can be.”

Team nods, distracted. Win is here, right within his reach, looking soft and warm and beautiful. Team wants to touch him so badly he aches with it.

Stepping forward, he glides his arms over Win’s shoulders and slots their lips together. Win’s hands automatically come up to tug him closer, allowing Team to deepen the kiss, lips sliding over each other in a way that makes his toes curl.

Just as he tries to back Win up to the wall, Win stops him with firm hands to his hips. 

“I really have to go,” he murmurs apologetically, gently lowering Team’s hands from around his neck. “I’ll try not to wake you when I get back.”

With a parting kiss to Team’s temple, Win picks up his backpack and leaves, the door closing behind him with finality. The sting of rejection lances through Team’s chest, and he desperately tries to swallow around the lump in his throat.

Crawling into Win’s bed, he considers trying to go to sleep early rather than lie awake missing him, but the scent of Win lingering on the sheets just makes his yearning all the more desperate. 

Frustrated, he rolls to grab his phone. He decides to do what any young person these days would do, and searches about his problem on the internet.

After a couple of minutes of scrolling, he ends up on a relationship and sex advice forum. There is someone going through something just like Team; their partner is busy with important work that can’t be put off, and though they don’t want to be a burden, they also miss the affection of their partner and don’t know what to do. They are seeking a way of being close to their partner which won’t jeopardize their work.

Hope replacing the ache in his chest, Team scrolls down to read the different advice other users have offered. There is one in particular that catches his eye, and it is the response that the original thread owner has replied to stating how they tried it and it worked out well for them.

Intrigued, Team expands the post to read the advice. His face is in flames by the time he’s read the words ‘cock warming’, but he soldiers on, reading the first hand account of the couple who tried it out.

He imagines being that close to Win, solid and warm beneath his thighs, with his boyfriend buried as deep into him as he can go while he works on something else. Win would get to keep working, and Team would get what he’s been missing.

He does a bit more research on the matter, before determination floods through him. He needed to find the right time to bring it up to Win.

*

The opportunity presents itself two days later when Win comes back from the library blessedly early, his notebook and laptop in hand. Team knew he was supposed to be working on a final assignment due soon which made up a hefty portion of his grade.

“The air conditioning broke in the library,” he complains. “I’ll have to finish it here. I’ll try not to disturb you too much.”

He sets up the small wooden laptop table that serves as a bed-top desk, with space underneath it to comfortably slide his legs. He’s propped up against the cushions, writing something in his notebook, when Team approaches.

“Hia,” he says tentatively. He waits until Win looks up from his work, a questioning look on his face. “Can I talk to you about something?”

Win slips the notebook closed, shifting on the bed to give Team his full undivided attention. It makes Team feel a little more confident, knowing that Win is willing to divert his concentration away from his assignment for him.

“Of course,” he replies. “What’s up?”

Never one to mince his words, Team says: “I want to sit on your dick.” 

Win stares at him in shock.

“Not in a sexual way,” Team hurries to add, then pauses and fidgets a little, not looking directly at Win. “I mean, obviously kind of in a sexual way, given that it involves your dick in my ass, but what I mean is we wouldn’t be having sex, you’d just be at your desk and you could finish your assignment without me distracting you, and I would just be sat there,” he swallows. “On your dick.” 

Win, to his credit, listens to him rant in complete silence, before climbing off the bed and approaching him slowly, like he’s scared he’ll bolt if he moves too quickly.

“Team,” he says gently. “I think I know what you’re talking about.” He looks at him imploringly, “What’s brought this on?”

Team looks away, embarrassment tightening his throat. “I’ve missed you,” he says, voice quiet, and has to blink back the sting in his eyes at the thought that Win might not understand why he’s asking for this. “You’ve been so busy lately with university, and I know that’s not your fault, you can’t help it, but I just need—” He cuts off, looking up to see Win staring at him, sadness clouding his face. 

“I just want to be close to you,” he whispers. When Win doesn’t respond, he panics slightly. “Just this once, I promise I won’t ask for anything else, I’ll be good—”

Win surges forward and tugs him into a tight hug, and Team slumps forward in relief, burying his face into the crook of his neck. He squeezes as hard as he dares, like he wants to disappear into Win and never come out. 

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Win murmurs into the top of his head. He’s gently running his hand through Team’s hair, and Team has to resist the fuzz of contentment clouding his brain in order to reply.

“What for, hia?”

“I’ve been neglecting you,” he says sadly. As Team starts to protest, he shushes him gently. “No matter how busy I am, I should always find time to make sure my boyfriend feels loved and cared for.”

Team rubs his face on Win’s shirt without letting go. 

“It’s not your fault I’m like this,” he mumbles. “I know I’m being too needy—”

“No,” Win cuts him off gently. “You aren’t being too needy. We’ve spent almost every day together for the past year.” He gently tilts Team’s face up to look at him. “When I suddenly got busy with deadlines and wasn’t here for days, that must have been hard for you, right sweetheart?”

Win is looking at him with such understanding that Team’s eyes prickle in response. He didn’t have to worry about asking for this because Win knows him so intimately, knows exactly what he needs, sometimes before he even knows himself. Team can only nod in reply.

“How do you want to do this?”

Win looks at him with full attentiveness, ready to be guided. Team is thankful that he’s letting him lead on this. Having something to concentrate on helps him not get too overwhelmed and stuck in his own head.

“I think on the bed with the desk in front of you would be best,” Team replies. “That way you can carry on working and I get… what I want.”

Win gives him a tender smile.

“Do you want me to prep you?” 

Team shakes his head. “I’ll do it myself in the shower. I don’t want to distract you more than I already have.”

Win looks like he’s going to argue, but something in Team’s face must make him relent. “Okay,” he replies. He goes over to the bedside table and takes out a bottle of lube, handing it off to Team. 

Win kisses him so, so gently. “Hurry back,” he murmurs.

Team nudges him, cheeks pink. “Get back to work.”

Win winks at him then settles back behind the bed-top table.

Team closes the bathroom door behind him and leans against it, blowing out a deep breath. Anticipation roils in his gut, already half hard in his shorts.

He showers quickly and then opens himself up with the lube until he’s buried three fingers deep. He tries to be as clinical as possible, but his cock hardens fully just from that stimulation, and Team has to lean his forehead against the cool glass of the shower door to try and calm down. 

Once he’s dry, he slides his black boxer briefs back on (because he refuses to walk back out there naked) and then has to wrestle his dick until he has the tip pinned underneath his waistband to try and make his erection less obvious.

When he makes it back to the room, he’s pleased to see Win has removed his shirt and changed into soft grey sweatpants, and he only looks up from his notebook once Team reappears next to the bed. 

Win must have already grabbed a condom, so Team drops the lube on the bed beside it before clambering on and kneeling next to where Win is propped up. Win pushes the table a little further down so it’s not in the way.

“I need to get you hard,” Team says, with only a tiny waver.

Win’s eyes trail from Team’s smooth thighs, up over his torso to his face, then back down to stare at the way the tip of his cock peeks over his waistband.

“I really don’t think that’s going to be a problem,” he says, voice a little hoarse.

Team helps Win tug the band of his sweatpants down to free his cock, and Team is secretly pleased to see he’s already mostly hard. He rolls the condom down and slicks it with lube, Win twitching slightly in his grasp.

Team pulls his boxers off and tosses them somewhere over the side. He shuffles closer to Win on his knees, then pauses.

“Are you sure about this, hia?”

Win’s response is to grip him by the thigh and tug until he’s kneeling over his lap. He rubs the tip of his cock over Team’s hole, listens to him gasp as it catches on the rim. He grasps at Team’s hip, looking up at him intently.

“Take what you need, Team.”

Team’s breath shudders as he sinks down onto his cock, one long beautiful continuous slide until he’s buried to the hilt. His brain almost fizzles out, the fullness and closeness filling his mind with fuzzy static. His entire body relaxes, slumping more into Win’s lap.

“Team,” Win’s voice filters through the fuzz. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Team breathes. “Yeah, I’m… I’m good.”

Win coaxes him to wrap his legs around him rather than resting on his knees. He crosses his ankles at the small of Win’s back so that he’s seated snugly in his lap.

Win cradles his face with one hand, and Team nuzzles into his palm like an affectionate cat. “Stay nice and still for me,” he squeezes Team’s thigh where it’s wrapped around him. “Good boy.” 

Team gasps as his cock twitches between their stomachs. He stares back at Win, eyes wide, who doesn’t seem to be too surprised at his reaction. He’s looking at Team calculatingly, like he’s filing the information away for later. 

His face eases out into a gentle smile and his hand drops to tug the table a little closer. Team swallows, grateful he hasn’t pushed. 

“Is it okay if I keep working?” He asks, gesturing to the table in front of him. 

Team nods and leans forward, pillowing his cheek on Win’s shoulder, head tilted to the side so he can breathe easily. The difference in their heights means Win doesn’t have to strain to see over him, and Team closes his eyes in contentment, the feeling of fullness and Win’s scent all around lulling him into a sleepy state.

Team loses track of time as his mind quietens and his limbs go languid, the faint scratch of Win’s pen or the tapping on his laptop the only noises breaking the silence. He falls asleep with the soothing rise and fall of Win’s chest against his.

At one point Win shifts as he reaches for something, just slightly, but it’s enough to change the angle, his cock grazing against his prostate. Team twitches and whines slightly, mind still fuzzy with sleep, but Win just apologises quietly and settles back again, hand soothing down Team’s back until he dozes off once more.

Team swims back to consciousness slowly, feeling warm and content. The restless, uncomfortable thing in his brain has settled down, replaced by a calmness he’s not felt in weeks. Win must have moved to remove his sweatpants because now he can feel the skin of Win’s thighs, strong and steady beneath him, can feel his hair as it brushes the side of his neck in a gentle caress. 

He can feel his cock still buried deep inside his body. 

Win shifts, holding him steady at the small of his back, and uses one hand to lean down and place the table on the floor without dislodging him. When he straightens up, he smiles languidly up at Team.

“Did you finish the whole thing?” Team asks, a little surprised.

Win nods, then kisses his nose. “You dozed off for an hour and a half.”

Team glances at him, then looks down at where they’re joined. He wiggles a little, and Win’s hands fly up to grab hold of his ass, eyes squeezing shut.

“How are you still hard?” 

Win’s eyes open slowly, and there’s the slightest dark change in them as he looks at Team, setting goosebumps across his skin. “Have you seen yourself?” He runs his hand up over Team’s abdomen, smooth skin pulled over softly defined muscle, and then further up to rub his thumb over a nipple. 

Team jolts, the sensation going straight to his cock, which had flagged slightly during his nap but now filled out again, smearing pre-come onto Win’s stomach. Win’s cock shifts inside him and he moans softly, clenching down.

Win leans in and captures the other nipple in his mouth, suckling gently, tongue running back and forth in little flicks. Team pitches forward into his hold, burying a hand in the back of Win’s hair to hold him in place. 

“Ah,” he gasps. “Fuck, your mouth.” 

Win releases his nipple, gets his hands underneath his thighs and slowly, gradually lifts Team off his length until only the tip is inside. With his legs wrapped around Win, Team has little to no leverage, so he’s completely helpless as Win drops him back down on his cock in one go, until he’s buried to the hilt once again. 

Team can’t hold in his noise as his cock grazes his prostate. Win lifts him once more and then drops him again, watching him intently as he gasps. Team tightens his hold on his hair, bracing himself, but Win doesn’t lift him again. Team whines and tries to lift himself, but Win holds him down by his hips.

“You have to tell me what you want, baby.” 

Team flushes as his body burns with need, leaning forward to hide his face in Win’s neck. Win has always been vocal during sex, and in turn coaxes Team to ask for what he wants. It makes Team hot with both embarrassment and arousal, and Win knows it. 

He bites down at Win’s neck just to be a brat, right where he’s sensitive, and Win inhales sharply, hips twitching up involuntarily. 

He kisses up Win’s neck in gentle apology, kisses his earlobe, then moves across his cheek bone. When he pulls back, Win’s eyes are blown with desire, and knowing Win is just as affected as he is makes arousal flare in his abdomen, back arching to push himself closer.

Team runs his hand down to the back of Win’s neck, brings him in to kiss him, and Win opens up for him immediately, allowing Team to lick into his mouth. 

When Team pulls back, they’re both dazed. He gently touches his forehead to Win’s.

“I want you to fuck me, hia,” he says quietly.

Win’s eyes go molten.

Wordlessly, Win slides down the bed until he’s flat on his back looking up at Team. He manoeuvres Team’s legs from around him and coaxes him to rest on his knees, then braces his feet flat on the bed and fucks up into him. Team gasps as the thrust shoves Win’s cock even deeper inside, grazing against his prostate. Win does it again, and Team falls forward, bracing his hands on the bed either side of Win’s head, the new angle so deep Team swears he can feel it in his throat. 

“Hia,” he whines. 

Win grabs him by the back of the neck with his left hand and holds him still, using the leverage to continuously piston his cock up into Team’s body. 

Team cries out and grabs his bicep, the feeling overwhelming. His whole body is burning, stomach tightening with every thrust into him. 

Team has never felt this desperate in his life. His entire world has narrowed to Win’s cock fucking into him and Win’s hand on the back of his neck.

Win tightens his hold. “Don’t move, baby. I know you can take it,” he fucks up and grinds his cock against Team’s ass. “Be a good boy for me.” 

Team gasps as his cock twitches across Win’s abdomen, pre-come leaking steadily onto his skin. He looks down at Win, eyes glazed over, the sound of skin slapping skin echoing through the room. 

Win groans in response. “Look at you, baby. You were so good today, so patient for me. You must have been wanting it so badly all this time but didn’t say anything.” 

With the hand not holding his neck, he reaches up to grab Team’s cock, wet at the tip and flushed a pretty pink. Team whimpers in response as he jerks it in time with his thrusts, hand twisting the tip on the upstroke, tight and perfect just how Team likes. 

“Please don’t stop,” he begs, body jolting with each thrust, almost mindless with it. 

He’s been wound up so tight for weeks, stretched taut like a bowstring, and Win’s cock is hitting so deep, he can hear himself making plaintive little noises every time he fucks in. His stomach tightens, pleasure building into a crescendo as his balls draw up.

“Hia,” he whines, “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna—”

“You can come, baby, I’ve got you,” Win is panting with the effort, thrusting into him faster, chasing Team’s orgasm. 

Win twists his hand once more at the tip of his cock and there’s a mind-numbing, scorching heat in his navel before he’s coming, moaning long and low as he coats Win’s chest and stomach.

Win fucks him through it and then doesn’t stop as Team goes limp, whining in oversensitivity, using the hand behind his head to roll him gently onto his back without pulling out. 

“Fuck, Team,” he groans, still fucking into him, burying his face in his neck. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No, keep going,” he whispers. He’d usually be too embarrassed to say anything, but Team is so far gone he barely registers as he murmurs, “Come in me, please.” 

Win groans, shoves one of Team’s thighs up and out so he’s splayed open, and then fucks into him a couple more times, pulsing into the condom as he comes. 

He collapses down onto Team in exhaustion, and Team wraps his arms around him, enjoying the weight of his boyfriend on top of him. 

Eventually, when their breathing has calmed down, Win peels himself off Team and grimaces at the drying come between their stomachs. He pulls out, murmuring a gentle apology as Team twitches at the loss, then gets up to bin the condom. 

He disappears into the bathroom and comes back with a damp cloth, wiping down both their stomachs. Team just lays there and lets him, bone deep satisfaction melting his body into the bed.

Once Win tosses the cloth onto the floor, they gently shift until they’re laying on their sides facing each other. Team shuffles closer and tangles their legs together. 

Win’s hand comes up to trace his cheekbone. “You okay?” 

Team hums happily and nods. His gaze flits over Win’s face, taking in his soft affectionate expression, and then his eyes catch sight of something in his hair. 

“Hia?” Team murmurs.

Win hums in question, eyes now closed in contentment. 

“You have come in your hair.”

Win opens his eyes to stare at him, a string of come stuck in the blond strands by his temple. He meets Team’s eyes, face blank, before they both dissolve into laughter, Win’s hand coming up to check.

It comes away sticky, and Team shrieks through his laughter as Win tries to wipe it on his arm. 

“Gross!” He laughs, trying to roll out of reach. 

Win grabs him and hauls him back to his chest, aggressively rubbing the side of his hair into Team’s cheek. Team exclaims in protest but doesn’t stop laughing, even as his cheek turns tacky.

“This is your fault,” Win says around a laugh. “Take responsibility.” 

“You’re the one who made me come!” Team protests, successfully escaping and rolling out of reach. He wipes his sticky cheek on the ruined bedsheets, pouting up at Win.

“I didn’t think it would get in my hair,” Win glances down at Team’s groin, then grins. “Is it a dick or a gun?” 

“Both,” Team answers proudly.

Win laughs in response, then his expression eases out into a tender smile. He reaches out to run his clean thumb over Team’s cheek. 

“Shower with me?” 

Team nods, smiling back. 

Under the hot spray of water, Win soaps up his hands and glides them along Team’s skin, caressing his body as he washes him, peppering kisses over his shoulders, and it’s tender and affectionate and everything Team’s been craving for days. 

He guides Team under the spray of water to rinse off the foam, then gently turns him so they’re facing each other.

“Hey,” Win says gently, looking at him with a soft expression.

“Hi,” Team murmurs back, suddenly shy despite everything they’ve just done. 

“I’m going to make sure I’m back every evening by eight at the latest,” Win says. “I’ll call my tutees and move some things around, and make sure I don’t stay in the library for too long each night.”

Team wants that so badly, but he can’t let Win sacrifice his work for him.

“It doesn’t have to be every night, hia. I understand sometimes it’s unavoidable, especially with deadlines.” Team stares at the water droplets that drip down the glass door. “I don’t want to burden you.”

“Team,” Win says firmly. When Team doesn’t respond, Win tilts his head up with a palm on his cheek. “Look at me, baby.” Team’s eyes flit to his, and the devotion he sees in Win’s gaze makes his breath hitch. “You will never be a burden to me.”

Win presses a kiss to his forehead.

“At the very beginning of our relationship, when we were still figuring everything out, I promised I’d always be there to hug you to sleep no matter what happens.” He smiles down at Team. “I don’t intend to go back on that promise, okay?”

Tenderness spreads through Team’s chest like warm caramel. They’ve come a long way from where they were a year ago, but one thing he knows will never change is the way Win feels about him.

Team smiles back at him. “Okay, hia.”

Win wraps his arms over Team’s shoulders, pulling him closer, resting their foreheads together. Team settles his arms around his waist.

“Thank you for telling me what you needed,” he nudges his nose against Team’s affectionately. “Thank you for trusting me with it.” 

Team nudges him back, arms tightening around him. “Thank you for giving it to me.”

Win’s face eases out into a gentle smile.

“Always.”