Jim slit open the box marked ‘Tupperware’ and started putting it in the cabinet with the little yellow sticky note labelled ‘Tupperware’. See, I can follow directions, Jim thought as he stacked the plastic containers.
Suddenly he heard a loud bang, then heard Blair’s heartbeat skyrocket.
“Chief, you okay?” Jim yelled, not panicking because he didn’t smell blood.
“Yeah,” Blair called back. This was followed by a colorful stream of curse words Jim wasn’t sure where his guide had picked up.
“Kiss your mom with that mouth?” Jim said mostly to himself.
“What?” Blair called from the living room, which was where most of the packing boxes and furniture were stored until they could get settled into the new house.
“Nothing!” Jim said loudly, realizing for the first time how sound carried in new space.
Finished unpacking the ‘Tupperware’ box, Jim broke down the empty box and set it aside, then picked up the next box marked ‘Utensils’.
He had just opened the appropriately labelled drawer only to realize there wasn’t a silverware tray.
“Where the hell’s the...” Jim began, but stopped when Blair hopped up on the counter beside him.
“The holder,” Jim replied, gesturing to the empty drawer and the open box.
“On back order,” Blair said with a shrug.
“How the fu...” Jim shrugged and closed the ‘Utensil’ box, pushing shut the drawer with his hip.
“Hey,” Blair said.
“Hmm?” Jim’s attention was on another box now, the one marked ‘Fragile-Glassware’.
Jim lifted the box up onto the counter and slit the tape open with his pocket-knife.
“What?” Jim finally said, a touch of irritation in his voice.
“I wish you were my big toe,” Blair said randomly.
“What?” Jim asked as if he hadn’t clearly heard the words.
“I wish you were my big toe,” Blair repeated slowly.
Throwing his hands up, Jim shrugged and said, “Why?”
Seriously Blair responded, “So I could bang you on every piece of furniture in this place.”
Jim clapped his hand over his eyes and groaned. “How long did it take you to come up with that one?”
“Not as long as it’ll take to fuck you on the kitchen table,” Blair said, eyeing the only new piece of furniture that had been delivered.
“Not my new table!” Jim said vehemently.
“Spoilsport!” Blair said, with a wink.
Pointing, Jim said, “Get your ass in our bedroom!”
“But I haven’t found the sheets yet!” Blair thrust his arms out in a helpless gesture.
“Oh, son of a bitch!” Jim said before grabbing Blair and tossing him over his shoulder. “Fuck the sheets!”
Blair laughed all the way to the bedroom!