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i just wanted you to know (this is me trying)

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I need you.

It wasn’t something Lena said easily. Needing support was something she rarely admitted, having spent too much of her life being told that if she was just smarter, stronger, more determined, she wouldn’t be such a disappointment. But after the day she’d had, she did need it, her thumbs had somehow typed out the words without any higher thought, and she reached for the glass of whiskey she’d been nursing while she wallowed in self-doubt as the message was marked “delivered”. 

She tossed back what remained of the whiskey in her glass in a single gulp and set it back onto the railing of her balcony as her eyes swept over the lights of National City that were spread below her. Would the lives happening behind those windows be better because of what she’d done? Or had she inadvertently damned them all?

She had never wanted to helm a billion-dollar company. Had never wanted to do more than spend her days in a lab, creating tech that would save the world. But fate was a heartless, merciless bitch, and so instead of losing herself in the thrill of discovery, she was trapped in the highest room of the gleaming tower that bore her brand, where it fell to her to decide if the bottom line was worth the risk of sending a technological advancement that was literally years ahead of anything available at the moment out into the world.

Because technology wasn’t good or bad but intentions were, and with the sins of her family weighing so heavily on her too-small shoulders, she was petrified of adding any more red ink to that particular ledger. 

In the end, she had decided the risk of misuse was outweighed by the potential reward, but now, hours after the deal had been inked and the specs transferred, she feared she’d made a mistake. That, despite her best intentions, the slithering ghost of Lillian’s influence that she was never truly free of, no matter how far she ran or how goddamn hard she fought, had somehow guided her into making the wrong decision.

She swallowed hard as her phone buzzed in her hand with an alert, and when she saw the three little words that had appeared beneath her plea, relief washed over her.

Be right there.

She hated pulling Kara away from a much-needed night out with her sister, but she had promised her that she would ask for help when she needed it, and she prayed Alex would forgive her the intrusion.

Not a minute later, she spied a familiar form streaking across the sky toward her, and she bit her lip as she watched Kara drop lightly onto the balcony beside her. And it was Kara, despite the super method of arrival. She had skipped the suit and flown home in the clothes she’d been wearing when she left for work earlier that morning, and her blue eyes were as soft as her wind-tossed curls, and a sob bubbled in Lena’s throat as she fell into her arms.

Kara caught her easily, the girl of steel the softest landing place Lena had ever found, and murmured, “Hey, it’s okay,” against her ear.

Lena drew a deep breath and curled her fingers into the soft fabric of Kara’s button-down. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Lena. You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m glad you texted me.” Kara pressed a kiss to Lena’s forehead as she held her tighter, her hands rubbing light, reassuring circles over her back. “What happened?” And then, after a beat, “Do I need to go punch someone?”

Lena laughed in spite of herself and shook her head as she burrowed deeper into the embrace of the woman who was her safest haven in this world that seemed hellbent on grinding her into dust. “No. No punching required.”

Kara’s hands stilled as she pulled her closer. “You sure?”

“I’m sure. Today was just…” Her voice trailed off as she tried to find the right words, and Kara, sweet Kara, just held her as her mind raced. “A lot,” she eventually finished weakly. “I think I did the right thing green-lighting the sale of that seismic tech to Vanguard, but what if…”

Kara’s lips were soft on her forehead. “That tech is brilliant, Lena. It’ll save so many lives.”

“But what if—”

“No what-ifs,” Kara argued, a gentle finger curving around the point of her chin and lifting her head so she could kiss her softly. “You can’t control other people’s intentions. Believe me, I know. You just have to trust in your own. And I know that your intentions are good and pure and honorable because that’s who you are, and I’m so proud of you.” 

Lena hated that she was so weak as to need this validation, and hated herself even more for needing to ask, “Are you?”

“Yes.” Kara’s voice was gentle and warm as she smoothed a tender hand over Lena’s jaw. “You embody everything that’s good in this world.” Her fingertips pressed lightly to Lena’s temple. “I am in awe of your mind.” She nuzzled Lena’s cheek as her fingers drew a line down her throat so she could press a hand to her chest. “You have the biggest, most caring heart of anyone I’ve ever met. And it honestly kills me that you try so hard to atone for sins that were never yours. That you can’t see just how good you are.”

Lena shivered at the velvet vehemence in Kara’s tone, and her knees went weak when Kara’s mouth slanted over her own, their lips gliding tenderly together before parting with a pleading sigh for more. The molten, unflinching devotion in Kara’s kisses made Lena’s head spin. It was like she was trying to chase away every doubt Lena had ever had about herself with every swipe of her tongue, and she was helpless but to nod when Kara eventually pulled just far enough away to whisper, “Should we take this to bed?” against her lips.

She smiled against Kara’s lips as she found herself suddenly swept into her arms, and kissed her again as they made the trek from the balcony to her bedroom far more quickly than humanly possible. Her heart thudded heavily in the base of her throat at the way Kara lowered her so tenderly to the bed, like she was a fragile treasure that needed to be protected. She dug her fingers into the back of Kara’s neck as she pulled her down on top of her with a soft, “I need you.”

“I’m here.” Kara caressed her cheek as she settled between her legs. “I’m here, Lena.”

In the shadowed haven of their bedroom, ensconced from the world, Lena melted into the soft, adoring press of Kara’s lips. Her pulse quickened and slowed as their hands wandered, stroking, touching, caressing, exploring familiar curves that felt like home, fingers tugging, pulling, lifting until nothing separated them but the air.

“My beautiful girl,” Kara murmured reverently as she slid a leg between Lena’s. Her next kiss was even softer than her tone, and Lena could feel Kara’s smile as she whispered, “What would you like, love?”

Lena pressed her lips to Kara’s. “You.”

“I am yours, Lena,” Kara vowed, sealing the solemn promise with a kiss. “I want to make you feel so good, baby. Please tell me what you need.” Her lips brushed lightly over Lena’s. “Do you want my mouth? My fingers? My strap?”

There wasn’t such a thing as bad sex with Kara Danvers, and all three suggestions sounded heavenly, but Lena’s pulse seized heavily on that last one, and Kara’s breath hitched deliciously in the silence of those skipped beats.

“Okay…” Kara rasped as she shifted on top of Lena, her next kiss just that little bit messer with intent as she reached blindly for the drawer in the bedside table to her left.

Lena wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck and held her close as she heard the quiet slide of the drawer opening, and her stomach fluttered with anticipation at the sound of silicone and leather landing on the bed beside her.

“Rao, I want you,” Kara breathed against her lips as she angled her hips just far enough away to slip a hand between them. She traced the seam of Lena’s lips with the tip of her tongue as she ran a finger through slick folds, lightly caressing, deftly circling swollen nerves that screamed for more direct attention. “You feel so good.”

Lena groaned. “Kara…”

“You like this?”

The answer was self-explanatory, really, considering Kara could feel exactly how much she liked it, but Lena nodded nonetheless. “Yes.”

“I love how ready you always are for me.”

Lena’s hips bucked hard against Kara’s hand. “God, please stop teasing.”

Kara nipped at Lena’s lower lip and winked as she husked, “Just because you said please.” 

Lena had a moment of wondering if maybe she shouldn’t have said anything, because that delightful, teasing touch disappeared. And then that thought was rendered completely insane because, while Kara was no longer touching her, she was slipping nimbly into the harness she’d retrieved from the nightstand, and the sight of Kara dragging it up over lean, muscular thighs and trim hips was almost as good as being touched.

Lena bit her lip as she watched Kara’s fingers curl around the straps, the corded muscles of her forearms flexing as she pulled them tight. The first time she had asked for this, she’d had to literally help her into the harness that had managed to render Kara, the hero of National City, adorably flustered and helpless, but Kara had acclimated quickly, and the confidence in her posture was even more arousing than the thick length of bright red silicone that jutted from her hips. Harness secured, and knowing she had her full attention, Kara slowly drew her fingertips along the edge of the black leather that cut a positively sinful line across her hips. Her left hand fell away when her fingers met below her navel, and she drew a light line up her body with her right, skating over deliciously defined abs and between the valley between her breasts, until finally, finally, Lena’s gaze drifted higher and she was struck utterly breathless by the emotion in Kara’s storm-tossed eyes.

Her lips fell open with a wordless plea as Kara slowly lowered herself to the bed, strong forearms bracketing her head even as her hips hovered just out of reach, denying her the lush fullness she so desired. Her hands settled on Kara’s hips as soft, soft lips covered her own, her fingers flexing against supple skin as she submitted to the kiss that overflowed with a tenderness she still had trouble believing she deserved. 

Warmth bloomed low in her belly and spread outward with every deliberate stroke of Kara’s tongue against her own, and her pulse tripped and stumbled over itself when Kara started slowly, slowly, slowly rocking against her with every deft swoop and swirl of her tongue. Her grip on Kara’s hips tightened in an attempt to pull her closer, and there was no stopping the plaintive whimper that escaped her when, instead of falling into her, Kara pulled away.

“Patience,” Kara whispered, her voice low and rich and laced with just enough steel that Lena felt herself become almost embarrassingly wetter because of it. Lena sucked in a deep breath and held it as she dipped her chin in a small nod and relaxed back onto the bed. That breath left her in a tumultuous rush, however, when Kara’s perfect lips curved into a gentle, approving smile, and she was rewarded with a murmured, “Good girl.”

Something inside Lena relaxed at the praise, and she melted back against the bed with a quiet, “Kara…”

“I’ve got you,” Kara promised. Golden curls tumbled around them like a curtain as she dipped her head to kiss her softly. “Let me take care of you.”

The naked ardor in Kara’s voice was enough to make her throat tight with the threat of tears, and she shook her head to try and chase that completely inappropriate response away. 

Kara—beautiful, understanding Kara—knew exactly what those words did to her, and her gaze gentled as her knees slid out, spreading Lena’s legs that little bit wider as her hips finally, finally dropped just enough to deliver the lightest pressure where she so desperately needed it. “Oh, Lena.” She pressed closer, her hips starting to roll lightly with the promise of relief yet to be delivered. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Kara’s name shattered around Lena’s tongue as she eased inside her, a plea and an oath and wanton submission wrapped into a single, barely-intelligible sound that nevertheless conveyed that she felt the same way.

“You feel so good,” Kara breathed as she bottomed out, her hips pressing into Lena as she held herself there, as deep as she could reach. She brushed a kiss over Lena’s lips. “I could do this forever.” 

Lena clenched around the length inside her as her hips bucked desperately against Kara’s. “God, Kara…” 

Kara groaned and pressed her forehead to Lena’s as her hips rocked back in a deliciously slow retreat until just the tip was sheathed, her fingers finding purchase in Lena’s hair as she hovered there, tugging lightly as her hips rolled with a short, feinting thrust, once, twice, three times before finally, blessedly, the fingers in Lena’s hair tightened, and Kara’s hips drove forward.

“You are so beautiful,” Kara murmured, pressing deeper, rolling her hips to grind against Lena’s clit before retreating.

Lena practically sobbed with relief when Kara thrust into her again, and she hooked her legs over Kara’s hips as they fell into an easy rhythm that was in that perfect, golden place for them that fell somewhere between fucking and teasing, where every stroke brought them closer together, the act itself driven to reinforce an emotional connection rather than to simply achieve carnal satisfaction. They traded gloriously messy kisses as they rocked together, hot breaths crashing against parted lips, her doubts from earlier chased further and further away with every push and pull and exquisite grind until she felt nothing but the love and acceptance and support Kara had for her.

“That’s it, baby,” Kara encouraged. “Just let go. I’ve got you. I’ve got you…”

Lena’s breath caught in her throat. She might hate that she needed this, but god, she was so glad Kara understood and didn’t think any less of her for it. Her hips stuttered against Kara’s, and she moaned and held on tighter as Kara’s tempo sped by a fraction. “Kara…” 

Kara pressed a kiss to her throat. “There you go. Just like that.” Dull teeth nipped at her earlobe. “You feel so good.”

Lena whimpered and pressed closer. “Please…” She shivered as a gentle hand traced her side, down over her hip to curl around the curve of her ass and hold her close as Kara’s next thrust came just that little bit harder. She cried out as pleasure rocketed through her, and she dug her fingers into Kara’s back as she pulled out slowly, making sure she felt every glorious inch.

“I’ve got you,” Kara promised as her hips pistoned forward before retreating lazily like the tide. “Rao, I love you, Lena…”

The hard in, slow out tempo drove Lena wild, and when combined with Kara’s soft words of encouragement and adoration, it wasn’t long at all until the heat that had been coiling low in her hips spread outward, outward, outward until she came with a strangled cry. She clung to Kara as pleasure rippled through her, vaguely aware of the way Kara’s breath caught and trailed into a low, rumbling moan as she trembled with pleasure. 

They laid together like that for long moments after their bodies had stilled, warm and comfortable in each other’s arms, and Lena tightened her leg around Kara’s hip when she felt her begin to pull away. “Stay.”

And Kara—sweet, perfect Kara—just kissed her firmly as she fell back on top of her with a soft, “Okay.”

Lena dragged her nails along Kara’s spine as she held her close, reveling in the feeling of gentle acceptance and closeness that Kara’s presence always provided. It had been unfair of her to pull Kara away from her night with her sister, but it was hard to really feel sorry about it when this feeling of utter contentment was the end result. That still didn’t negate the fact that Kara had come the moment she’d asked, and she swallowed thickly as she pressed her lips to Kara’s forehead. “Thank you for coming home when I needed you.”

Kara nodded and held her tighter. “I always will, Lena.”