‘Oh, no. He is home..’
Sad to say, but Jisung had these kinds of thoughts quite often in the last few months. He tried to ignore his roommate as best as he could, but no one can ignore Na Jaemin. Jisung tried all the time, and yet, he couldn’t turn away his face when the elder came into the room. Hell, Jisung couldn’t even control his thoughts, even when Jaemin wasn’t around.
“Happy to see me, eh?” Jaemin was doing some kind of weird gymnastics in the middle of their room, wearing shorts that were way too tiny and making Jisung’s head spin. He didn’t answer, of course he didn’t. Park Jisung rarely answered when Jaemin asked him questions. He was too shy and the older was way too intimidating (and pretty). He received a snarl and a wave of a lanky arm.
“Go stare at something else, Park. I’m not an animal in the fucking zoo!”
That was the thing with Jaemin - the boy, for some reason, had a huge disliking for him. Jisung didn’t know the reason but it had been this way since he moved into the way too cramped dorm room. Sometimes he was still hurt about the way he was being treated, especially because he just couldn’t help but harbour a crush on the older boy.
Jisung knew Jaemin was sweet, he had seen him helping the old lady from the flower shop from the other side of the street more than once. He was talented and adored singing. Jisung sometimes couldn’t help but lay on his bed, listening to the splashing water droplets of the shower and the muffled, sweet voice singing one of Jaemin’s favorite songs.
‘I didn’t stare.. Okay, maybe I did just a little. And what about it? Go be pretty somewhere else then, Na!’ - Ah, Jisung really would have loved to scream it in Jaemin’s face. The other was still looking at him, raising his eyebrows expectedly. Jisung shook his head and made his way towards his bed, throwing himself on the wrinkly covers and turning his back towards him.
What followed was a long pause and Jisung even closed his eyes, ready for a nap he didn’t plan on doing, but felt welcomed.
After a while even Jaemin’s annoying stretching noises stopped and he heard him rummaging through his closet. Jisung tried to sleep but his thoughts were stuck with the older, who now hummed a lovely, but sad, tune under his breath. Jaemin obviously assumed he was asleep or he would still try to hide his sweet nature.
The door quietly shut and then there was nothing again.
Eventually Jisung fell asleep.
It was exactly three days later when Jisung walked in on Jaemin making out with another boy on his bed. Yes, on Jisung’s bed. (As if Jaemin’s wasn’t three meters away from his own..) Jisung frowned, letting his shoulders slump down as he stared at them for a few seconds.
“What is it Park, are you upset about something, huh?”
Jaemin’s playful tone was so unwelcomed, Jisung felt his gut twisting in such a painful way, he actually winced out loud. Jaemin didn’t seem to care and went straight to kissing the smaller boy's jawline, making his way down to his neck. The boy let out tiny noises and that was enough for Jisung as he spinned around and let the door fall shut with a deafening ‘bang’.
So maybe Jaemin really hated him. Maybe he was too annoying, too quiet or maybe even too stupid, who knows.
… Or maybe, Jaemin was just into small, petite boys.
‘He probably likes everyone better than me,’ Jisung thought and a lonely tear fell down his puffy cheek.
Jaemin didn’t stop bringing boys to the dorm. Jisung eventually figured that the latter was doing it on purpose. Why did Jaemin want to hurt him so badly? Jisung had no idea. On some nights he didn’t go back to his dorm anymore, staying at the library to study all night. (Sometimes he fell asleep on his book and woke up to a hot chocolate from the cleaning lady.)
This morning, though, he woke up to EXO’s ‘Call me baby’ blasting right into his left ear. Lowly growling he woke up and twisted his neck, which was burning from resting uncomfortably on the wooden table. He squinted at his phone, blinking twice and then mumbled a small “yes?”, as he answered the incoming facetime call.
“Oh my god, Sungie. You look like trash!”
“Wow, good morning to you too Lele.”
Chenle immediately grinned and placed the phone in front of him, letting his eyes wander over the screen as he observed him.
“Where are you? Why aren’t you in your dorm?”
“Oh, that.. uhh.” Jisung didn’t want to answer. He knew his best friend would make a scene, and he really didn’t want to cry again so early in the morning.
“It’s because of him, isn’t it? Did he throw you out? That bastard, I’ll break his neck,” Chenle spoke up and the anger was evident all over his usually soft facial features.
“Chenle, listen,” sighed Jisung and bit his lip. He didn’t know how to resolve this. “Jaemin is very nice, he just.. well, he just had a boy home and I can’t be there.”
Chenle’s phone landed on the back with an audible thump, now showcasing the elder’s kitchen ceiling. “He is nice? Did you really just say he’s nice?” A second later his best friend’s face was up close to the camera, his eyes narrowed, while he pressed his lips into a thin line.
“He is nice, Lele. You don’t know him.”
“Oh, I don’t know him? Sungie he’s been so mean to you ever since you moved in with him. He’s been the biggest asshole, inviting boys over, pushing you away, and hurting your feelings!” Chenle took a deep breath, “Why do you even like him, Jisung? I don’t get it.” Jisung didn’t get it either, maybe he was blind or maybe he just believed in everything good in this world.
“He is nice.” Jisung’s voice wasn’t as confident as before. “He helps the lady from the flower shop, he tutors some kids from middle school and he even goes to volunteer evenings, you know, cleaning up the park and stuff like that.”
“Yeah, but Sungie,” Chenle murmured lowly, “he isn’t nice to you. He is really mean to you.” Chenle stopped talking for a few seconds and just stared at him, eventually cleaning his throat to continue. “I’m so upset about this, ‘cause you’re my best friend and I miss you so much.” Lowering his head and staring at the ground, he sadly sighed. “He gets to see you every day but keeps on hurting you. I don’t want anyone ever to hurt you Jisung!”
Jisung stared at his phone screen, now wide awake.
“B-but I didn’t wanna cry anymore Lele, noo..”
“Shh, stop! Let me continue,” the younger calmly said and searched for Jisung’s teary eyes again. “You should tell him that he’s hurting you. Tell him that you don’t want this anymore. And also tell him that I will visit, just to kick his ass if he won’t learn how to appreciate you.”
Jisung giggled and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
“You’re right, I think I’m going to do that.”
“Yes, and you are strong and brave. You can do it.”
His best friend smiled at him and Jisung fondly touched his phone screen. When he’s talking to Chenle, it didn’t feel like 2000 kilometers were keeping them apart - it felt like he was right next to him, holding him in a tight hug.
“Hey, Lele?” - “Yeah?”
“I miss you too.”
He would do it, he would finally confront Jaemin and he won’t be scared anymore.
Okay, who was he kidding, Jisung was nervous, anxiously scratching his neck every few seconds and bouncing his knee up and down.
Jaemin would be home any minute and Jisung just hoped the latter would be in a good mood to talk, or maybe just to listen. All Jisung wanted was for him to listen. Maybe they would be fine in the end or maybe Jisung would finally know why Jaemin hated him so much. Then he could go, move out and find a new roommate.. forget about Jaemin, if that would be what the older wanted.
But Jisung didn’t think he’d ever be able to forget Na Jaemin. As hard as it was to ignore him, it would be harder to delete him from his life.
“Why are you here?”
Jisung literally shrieked, jumping up from his bed. He stared at Jaemin with wide eyes, while the latter was eyeing him suspiciously. For once, Jisung tried to be brave.
“This is my room as well, I’m allowed to be here.”
Jaemin didn’t see this coming and actually stayed quiet for a few seconds, just staring back at him.
“Nah, you should leave again. It’s way more peaceful without you here.”
That was enough for Jisung and a second later he was standing right in front of Jaemin, staring down at him. He was a bit taller than Jaemin, normally hating this fact, but now he used it to his advantage - trying to make himself even bigger.
“You can’t say that Jaemin. We share this place and I won’t leave just because you hate me so much.”
Jaemin, again, must have been surprised that he got an answer, and such a witty one as well, to one of his mean comments. He looked up at him, eyebrows raised, and then, in a swift movement, he pushed him away from him.
Jisung scowled at him, trying to not lose his confidence again. “You’re such an asshole Jaemin.”
“Oh yeah? I’m an asshole?! I’m the one living with a fucking homophobe, who’ll judge everything I do,” Jaemin shouted, “no, I don’t think I’m the asshole.”
“I uhh, wait what-” He stared at him, blinking a few times. This was so not what Jisung had been expecting. Jaemin thought he was what? A homophobe? He almost laughed straight in his face, but then he took a look at the older, getting worried when he saw tears streaming down his face.
He made his way towards him, stopping in front of him and let out a deep sigh, “What makes you think I’m homophobic and I’m judging you?” Jisung truly had no idea why Jaemin thought such awful things of him.
The boy took a deep breath. “It’s just the way you look at me. You stare like I did something wrong.” Jisung kept staring at him, not quite sure what he meant by that. “And all those rumors,” Jaemin took another deep breath, “when I first moved in they told me I should be careful, that you could be dangerous, and uhm, that you didn’t like gay people.” He was getting angry again, raising his trembling voice to scare the younger away from him.
“You have no right to make me feel this way Park Jisung, and I’m so done with all of it. So if you don’t move out, I will!”
Jisung didn’t know what to say, he thought Jaemin just disliked him for whatever stupid reason. But this made sense and he felt sad that his crush thought such bad things of him.
“Jaemin, I don’t know what to say,” he said, “I’m sorry?”
“Oh.” Jaemin backed away from him, searching for more space. “So it’s true.” His face fell even more and he turned away, grabbing his backpack from the floor and then started shoving clothes in there.
That’s when Jisung started panicking, he wasn’t gonna let Jaemin walk out of his life like that.
“God, no. It’s not true.”
He made his way towards Jaemin again, taking the backpack from him. He placed it on the floor again and then looked at him, his panicked look slowly turning soft.
“I keep looking at you, that’s true.” Now Jisung took a deep breath. “But just because you’re so pretty.”
It was a day full of surprises. Jaemin gasped for air, looking up at Jisung with wide eyes. But Jisung wasn’t done yet.
“You’re so pretty and sweet, and I adore your voice when you sing in the shower like you don’t care who could hear you.” Jisung was smiling as he was allowing his mind to wander, all while he didn’t notice the small smile decorating Jaemin’s face, as he slowly wiped his tears away. “And my best friend said you were an asshole for making me upset, but I told him that you were lovely. So really, if I would hate gay people, I would just hate myself. I don’t know who told you that, but I’m so sorry you were scared of me.”
Jisung was ranting, again, not noticing the grin on Jaemin’s face. He probably didn’t even make sense anymore, he just wanted to make sure Jaemin didn’t hate him. (And maybe tell him that he liked him, oh, so much, while he was at it.)
“Please Jaemin give me a chance to prove I’m not a-”
Oh, now that was yet another surprise.
Soft lips were suddenly clouding his thoughts, stopping him from thinking straight. Jaemin was kissing him so gently, he felt himself melting into him, wanting more of his wonderful, warm touch. The latter opened his lips and whispered a small, “shut up, Park.” And then he was kissing him breathless like they had done it thousands of times already, while Jisung was eager to show him that he wanted it just as much. The kiss made him tingly and excited but at the same time, he felt calm, like coming home after a long exhausting day.
He broke away, gasping for oxygen, leaning his forehead against Jaemin’s. The older had a hand on his nape, slowly stroking the exposed skin, making him shudder, as goosebumps adored his skin.
“Was this okay?”
Jisung could only nod, there were no words for how okay and amazing this kiss really was, and that it was more than okay to immediately repeat it again, and again, and again.
But Jaemin seemed to have other plans, as he took him by the hand, stepping back until he sat down on his bed, pulling Jisung with him in the process of it. Jisung let out a small yelp followed by a little giggle. He felt good, Jaemin made him feel so good and safe. Oh, how fast things could change.
“I’m sorry.” Jaemin pulled him towards his smaller frame, successfully turning them around while snuggling close on his chest. “I’m so sorry for hurting you, Jisung.”
Jisung was giggling yet again. “You just called me by my first name.”
It made Jaemin erupt in happy laughter, taking his hand in his own again, to play with his fingers.
“No for real, I didn’t know,” Jaemin sighed, “I thought I was stupid to like my roommate when he hated me all along. I really, really didn’t wanna like you, but you are so cute when you scrunch up your nose in frustration or pout your lips when you concentrate on things.”
“So, you like me?”
“God Jisung, I just kissed you, did you forget it already? And is this all you got from that?” Jaemin was laughing again, looking at him with such soft eyes, it made Jisung’s head spin. This is what love felt like, he was sure.
“Yeah, I forgot.” Jisung started grinning brightly, feeling butterflies in his tummy.
“You should do it again, so I’ll remember.”