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hi, wrong number here

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(11: 00 AM) what the fuck is an lol doll

 

(11:05 AM) uhhhhh

(11:06 AM) one of the kids I babysit has one

(11:06 AM) it’s like all the rage with kids rn

 

(11:07 AM) it’s ugly as shit

(11:08 AM) what kinda colors are these

 

(11:09 AM) i’m sure they’re pretty enough for little kids

(11:10 AM) not to judge you and your manliness or anything, but why are you looking at LOL dolls on a saturday morning

(11:11 AM) do you collect dolls. do you have a blog about it. are you gonna start lol doll discourse

 

(11:15 AM) har har

(11:16 AM) it’s my sister’s birthday this week and idk what to get her

(11:17 AM) I’ve been googling “little girl toys”

 

(11:18 AM) aww

(11:19 AM) how old is she?

 

(11:20 AM) she’s turning five on tuesday

 

(11:21 AM) AWWWW!!!! CUTE!!!

(11:22 AM) have you maybe tried narrowing down her interests?

 

(11:23 AM) her interests are always changing

(11:24 AM) last week it was that ladybug shit

(11:25 AM) before that paw patrol

(11:26 AM) I’m not taking any chances

(11:27 AM) she likes dolls

 

(11:28 AM) I guess LOL dolls are a good place to start then

 

(11:29 AM) you babysit?

 

(11:30 AM) i’m the oldest girl in the neighborhood + I have a reputation for being responsible so all the moms pay me to watch their kids

 

(11:32 AM) ngl that sounds like it sucks

 

(11:31 AM) it’s a hustle so I’m not complaining. The kids are cute too

(11:32 AM) sometimes my friend aang shows up and helps, kids love him

(11:33 AM) he brings his giant fluffy dog and the kids just spend the whole time petting him. I barely do anything

 

(11:35 AM) alrighty then. cute mental picture

(11:36 AM) I can’t imagine tbh I kinda like suck with kids that aren’t my sister

(11:37 AM) I get nervous that they don’t like me

(11:37 AM) one time my mom made me watch one of her gardening club friends’ kid and I gave him a knife

 

(11:39 AM) ZUKO!!!!! A KNIFE????

 

(11:40 AM) to be fair he wasn’t that young

(11:41 AM) he was like. 11

(11:42 AM) I was playing with knives at 11 and I turned out fine

 

(11:43 AM) …

 

(11:44 AM) stop JUDGING

(11:45 AM) he didn’t even get hurt

 

(11:45 AM) Mental Note: Never Leave Zuko Alone with A Child

 

(11:46 AM) I’d be hella concerned if you left a child alone with some random guy you met on the internet

(11:47 AM) like that’s on you

 

(11:47 AM) semantics

 

(11:49 AM) another time I lost my ex’s brother at the park

(11:49 AM) some other kids found him and literally wanted us to pay them ten dollars so we could get him back

(11:50 AM) legit extortion

 

(11:50 AM) is that why your ex broke up with you? I hope it is

 

(11:51 AM) who said that she’s the one who broke up with me

 

(11:52 AM) ah, jeez, sorry

 

(11:53 AM) I mean, you’re right, but whatever

(11:54 AM) that’s not when we broke up

 

(11:55 AM) alright then.

 

(11:57 AM) um. anyway

(11:58 AM) those kids were messed UP

 

(11:59 AM) who taught them that???

 

(12:00 PM) I don’t even know

(12:00 PM) neither of us had ten dollars so we called my sister to come and scare them into giving us the kid back

 

(12:01 PM) your…five year old sister

(12:02 PM) wow, zuko. wow

(12:03 PM) you couldn’t have just scared them yourself???

 

(12:05 PM) FIRST OF ALL
(12:06 PM) I have two sisters

(12:06 PM) one is almost five and the other is currently sixteen

(12:07 PM) SECOND OF ALL

(12:07 PM) children mock me

(12:08 PM) THIRD OF ALL

(12:09 PM) you have not met azula. she’s an eldritch horror and she’s the most annoying person on earth

 

(12:10 PM) “children mock me”

(12:11 PM) i’m learning so many fun things about you today, zuko

 

(12:11 PM) one day I’m gonna dig up some embarrassing shit about you

(12:12 PM) this relationship is too imbalanced

(12:13 PM) I don’t even know why I told you all of this

 

(12:14 PM) at least you’re not the one who screamed at a random stranger that the bathroom smelled like shrek’s armpits

 

(12:15 PM) true, true

(12:16 PM) still. You’re all dignified medical student responsible babysitter and I’m here telling you about lol dolls and my tumblr discourse

 

(12:17 PM) idk what to say. I’m a dignified person

 

(12:18 PM) we’ll see about that

(12:19 PM) one day I WILL embarrass you, katara

 

(12:20 PM) I think you’ve done enough embarrassing for one day, buddy

 

(12:20 PM) ouch

(12:25 PM) what the fuck. 32 DOLLARS???????? FOR THIS UGLY ASS PLASTIC DOLL??????

(12:26 PM) it doesn’t even have real hair or anything

 

(12:27 PM) JEEZ

(12:27 PM) are you sure you’re not looking at like a playset or something

 

(12:28 PM) no this is just the doll

(12:29 PM) the playsets are in like. 50s and 60s categories.

(12:30 PM) this isn’t even taking into consideration the OMG dolls, which are like the tall versions

 

(12:31 PM) that’s capitalism for you

(12:32 PM) I mean, maybe dolls are not the way. I heard they teach girls to have false expectations about body image

 

(12:32 PM) fuck this

(12:33 PM) they’re ugly as hell anyway

 

(12:34 PM) why don’t you ask azula what she’s getting?

 

(12:35 PM) azula got her like, those dr pepper flavored lip balm things, and a lighter

 

(12:36 PM) ….a lighter

 

(12:37 PM) azula loved setting shit on fire when we were kids

(12:38 PM) like I said, eldritch horror

(12:38 PM) also she’s trying to piss our mom off

 

(12:39 PM) sounds complicated

 

(12:40 PM) lmaooo

(12:41 PM) understatement of the century

(12:42 PM) you gotta unlock level 5 friendship for me to tell you about azula vs mom: civil war though

(12:43 PM) my mom’s gonna confiscate it anyway so no harm done

 

(12:45 PM) I’m scrolling through popular toys rn

(12:46 PM) what the fuck

(12:47 PM) POOPSIE??

 

(12:49 PM) WHAT?????????????????

 

(12:48 PM) it’s….this toy where you make like. Multicolored poop shaped keychains….out of slime??? What…

(12:49 PM) there’s this…unicorn with diapers on

 

(12:50 PM) …

(12:51 PM) that’s kinda fucked up

 

(12:52 PM) tell me about it

(12:53 PM) HELPPPPPPPPPPP LOOK AT THESE VARIETIES

(12:54 PM) Attached: 1 image

 

(12:56 PM) ???!?!??!???!??!?!???!??@??!>?!?!?@<@KLMDJNJSNdOSK@P:LW<?@@MDSMcd

 

(12:57 PM) YOU STILL ALIVE???

 

(12:58 PM) I WISH I WASN’T????

 

(12:59 PM) tag yourself I’m “caca corgi”

 

(1:00 PM) I’m “the hunk”

 

(1:01 PM) the way they made a bunch of knockoff poopified brands

(1:02 PM) words cannot describe how much I hate this

(1:02 PM) they made…glittery, cute, poop and are selling it to kids for 25 dollars

 

(1:03 PM) “del farto”

(1:04 PM) I hope it doesn’t actually smell like poop

(1:05 PM) that would be a SHIT gift

(1:06 PM) :D amirite

 

(1:08 PM) you just made it worse.

 

(1:09 PM) come on, it’s funny

(1:10 PM) I bet you’re laughing, you STINKER

(1:11 PM) hehe

 

(1:11 PM) zuko, if you keep making poop and fart themed jokes I’m gonna block you

 

(1:12 PM) :(

(1:13 PM) FINE

(1:14 PM) party pooper

(1:14 PM) NO I DIDN’T MEAN THAT ONEE I PORMISE

 

(1:15 PM) you’re such a dork!!!!!!!!

(1:16 PM) this is just so. weird

(1:17 PM) no wonder kids these days are so fucked up

 

(1:18 PM) idk tbh like…gross humor and slime and poop and fart jokes and stuff have been marketed to kids for as long as I can remember

(1:19 PM) I remember I had a bunch of those yuk yuks kid magazines where it was just page after page of fart and booger joke comics

 

(1:21 PM) you’re right

(1:22 PM) sokka loved that stuff

(1:22 PM) he’d drive me crazy with those “gross humor” jokes he read

(1:23 PM) still does, actually, and way less funny than you, which should be humanly impossible

 

(1:24 PM) gonna join forces with sokka and advocate for you to stop oppressing us so we can make all the poop jokes we want

 

(1:25 PM) do that and i’m gonna get azula to set you on fire with your sister’s new lighter

 

(1:26 PM) “kids these days are so fucked up” says katara, while threatening to commit arson

(1:27 PM) or like accessory to arson or whatever

(1:28 PM) anyway, bold fucking talk from the shrek’s armpit girl

 

(1:29 PM) don’t throw stones when you have a glass house, knife boy

 

(1:30 PM) enjoying that one, aren’t you

(1:31 PM) that sounds like the world’s worst low-budget ripoff of sharkboy and lavagirl

(1:32 PM) “knife boy and shrek’s armpit girl”

(1:33 PM) LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

(1:34 PM) I don’t even want to THINK about shrek’s armpit girl’s powers

 

(1:35 PM) they’re probably like, super interesting. Like, they have layers to them. heh

 

(1:36 PM) for fuck’s sake, zuko!

 

(1:37 PM) >:(

(1:38 PM) ughhhhhh I don’t want to get my sweet little sister a fucking POOP KEYCHAIN

(1:38 PM) or worse, the Bad Vibes Diapered Unicorn

(1:39 PM) gonna go to the mall and try my luck there

 

(1:40 PM) you’ll think of something, I’m sure

(1:41 PM) for what it’s worth, you obviously care about her, at least enough to be agonizing this much about what you’ll get her

(1:41 PM) a lot of people would just grab the first vaguely pink box they’d see on the shelf and call it a day

 

(1:43 PM) thanks?

(1:44 PM) that made me feel oddly confident

(1:44 PM) you’d be a good motivational speaker

 

(1:45 PM) aw, you

(1:46 PM) try to think constructively. Think of something that would benefit her long-term

(1:47 PM) but not, like, boring

 

(1:48 PM) thanks for the tip

(1:49 PM) I’ve got some half-baked ideas in the works

(1:50 PM) I’ll let you know what I decide on

 

(1:51 PM) I’d love to hear it.

(1:52 PM) wow. we’ve been talking for like…3 hours

 

(1:53 PM) !!

(1:54 PM) sorry if I kept you from something with my weird toy explorations

 

(1:55 PM) no, I enjoyed it!! I really like talking to you, knife boy :D

(1:56 PM) time seems to really fly by when we talk

 

(1:57 PM) yeah, it does, huh

(1:58 PM) I like talking to you too

(1:59 PM) I gotta go to the mall, though, so uh. Talk later?

 

(2:00 PM) alright, cool. i’ve got stuff to do too.

(2:01 PM) kiss a poopsie for me.

 

(2:02 PM) sure thing, CACAtara.

 

(2:03 PM) dude, fuck you

 

(2:04 PM) HEH