Everything was so dark in Spike’s world. Earlier in the cemetery, Spike had really tried so hard to be helpful and all Buffy had said was “Whatever” after his offer to dust the vamp with one condition.
“You wanna tell them so badly? Go ahead.” “I tried to kill my friends, my sister, last week… and guess how much they hate me. Zero. Zero much. So I’m thinking, sleeping with you? They’ll deal.”
And then she’d just walked away as if Spike did not exist. He’d dropped the vamp in spite. It wasn’t as if he wanted to hurt her. If there had been any real danger, he would have stepped in. Maybe. But instead he’d fallen apart. Had given in to the poncy William, nearly crying but putting on a brave face. “ In that case, why won’t you sleep with me again?”
He was so ashamed. And why did he feel shame like this? The Big Bad reduced to a sad replica of his former self. He had slunk stealthily back to his crypt thinking it was fortunate that Buffy had quickly staked the vamp who had heard the lovesick outburst.
Got to get it together. Got to get it together, he’d thought as he hugged himself to sleep.
The next afternoon, the crypt door had been kicked open by Little Miss Kicks A Lot. It was a new day and Spike could put a better face on in front of Buffy.
“What brings you here?”
“This.” Buffy handed the item over to Spike. He looks at it curiously.
“It’s a camera. “
“Yeah I got that part. Why am I holding it?” He thinks maybe it’s a makeup gift after last night.
“Someone was using it to spy on me. On my house. Xander thinks it’s you.”
That was it. “Oh, the great Xander thinks so! Shudder gasp. It must be true!”
Spike was dumbfounded. Then it hit him. Of course Buffy believed Xander. After all the times he’d helped her and even staying in town after Buffy was gone. That counted for nothing in the world of the Slayer. This was just too much. He glared at the Slayer until she relented. She knew he hadn’t done this. The kicker was that she just had to turn the screw on his heart one more turn.
“Spike, you have to move on. You have to get over..”
Spike had reveled in the satisfaction of breaking even more of the broken items in his crypt. He was a Master Vampire. Sod this! The pain in his heart felt as if a stake were partially in. Why didn’t the bitch push it in more and be done with it? As far as he was concerned, the emptiness was tearing him apart.
There had to be some cure for this. Without much thought other than release of desolation, Spike walked into the Magic Shop. Anya had done a double take and looked at him speculatively. Spike held his head high. Anya was with that bitch, Cecily or Halfrek. Mustn’t let her see the pain. These justice demons are all too eager to step in. The bitch left, leaving him alone with Anya.
“What’s your pleasure?” , asked Anya as she went behind the counter.
“Fresh out of pleasure. I need something. Numbing spell, maybe”. There. It was out.
Anya smiled. “Uh huh. Hang on.” And she’d pulled a bottle of whiskey from behind the counter.
“Ah, it’s tempting. Very tempting. But I have plenty at my crypt. You’re all with the magic, aren’t you? Need a numbing spell.”
“Well, I could numb you all over. But then what good would you be? Easy target.”
Spike chuckled. It felt good. He could always count on the bird for a laugh. “ Got me there. Don’t want a body numbing spell. Just want these bollocksing feelings to go away. Don’t need them mucking me up like this. “
Anya’s eyes widened. Maybe Spike could up her quota with D’Hoffryn.
She smiled coquettishly. “Do you really want to be numb?”
“No. No!” Spike cocked his head. Buffy had said she didn’t mind if anyone knew about them, hadn’t she?
He took a deep unnecessary breath and looked Anya in the eye. Then turned his head to the side. Then up. Out with it. “ Ever since she started sleeping with me, she seems to hate me more and I can’t stand it. I just wish I could forget sleeping with Buffy.”
Anya’s face morphed. “DONE.”
Spike uttered a cut off curse before the world changed. He was so caught up with himself that he hadn’t noticed two demon vibes instead of one. And then all current thoughts and reality dropped away.