It was a normal day. If you asked Janus which day it was, he’d reply with “who cares anymore?”.
Well, it was as normal of a day as living with this two idiots could be.
Janus had seen Virgil before, sitting on the kitchen’s table watching conspiracy theories while eating cookies. Who needed chairs, anyways? Janus suspected he hadn’t moved from there since yesterday. And god knows Janus was not going to check on Remus at least until lunch time. He doesn’t need to know what the thumping noises inside his room were.
Mrs Snuffles was maybe the one that behaved the most, provided you didn’t accidentally sat on her while half drunk on midnight. You don’t want that to happen again.
The phone started ringing, and as Virgil was not moving from his kitchen’s spot, Janus left his gatorade filled wine glass on the coffee table and went to get it.
“Hello, if you’re an assassin, hurry up and do your fucking job.” Janus said with a cheery voice that definitively didn’t belong to him.
“Janus, why are you like this?” Logan said, sounding very tired of everyone’s crap.
“Because reasons.” Janus said, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
“That’s…” Logan sighted. “Anyways, I just called to check if you guys are doing ok, or if you have been consumed by insanity along my roommates.”
“Well… define insanity”
“The condition of being insane; a derangement of the mind.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Well, have you?”
“Depends on how you look at it. Remus is being very productive. I think. I haven’t looked into what he’s doing. Virgil has binge watched all of the conspirators videos in existence twice. I think he’s with the game theories now, despite not having played any video game in his life. Mrs. Snuffles is thriving. It’s easier now to hide her from the landlady. What about you?”
“Well, Roman has finished watching all Disney movies, plus the Disney owned movies. Patton is stress baking.”
“Patton doesn’t know how to bake.”
“I know. He knows. He’s committed to learning, though. He almost sets fire to the kitchen twice.”
“That’d give you an excuse to leave the house.”
“Technically, yes. Five days ago Roman had a creative episode and spent ten hours straight writing. When wee attempted to interrupt him, he’d throw a leg at us.”
“I really don’t need the image of a prosthetic leg flying towards Patton’s face, thanks.”
“Me neither. He ran out of legs, eventually.”
“What do you mean eventually, he only has two legs?”
“He has another pair in case the other get damaged. And I keep bringing them back to him when he throws them. The things I do for love…”
“The things you do so the idiot can walk, you’d say.”
“Anyways, Patton has opened a bottle of glitter, and now there’s even glitter in my crofters. Which, by the way, is starting to run out. I need more.”
“Good luck with that, I ran out of wine… three days ago? Two? Time is an illusion.”
“Your wine consume is worrying.”
“So is your crofters consume and no one is saying a thing, are they?”
“I suppose you’re right. It’s still worrisome.”
“Well, don’t tell Patton or he’ll scold me to death next video call.”
“Yes, speaking of video calls, Roman and Patton have figuratively jumped into the idea of making PowerPoints presentations of absurd themes after I tiredly made one about why Pluto should be considered a planet. Consider yourself warned.”
“Good to know this two idiots are not the only ones doing so.”
“Virgil and Remus have joined as well?”
“Yeah, what did you expect after making a presentation that started serious and ended with “fuck you, viva la Pluto” in bright neon letters?”
“I was sleep deprived, I’m not held responsible for my actions when sleep deprived.”
“Hon, if that rule applied to everyone, neither Virgil nor Roman would be held responsible for their shit.”
“Changing topic, what are they going to do the presentation about?”
“I have no idea. Remus keeps talking about it, but every time he changes the focus of it. Last time it was bizarre sea creatures. Virgil will probably do something along the lines of conspiracy theories, but he wants it to be a surprise. What about the other two idiots?”
“Roman hasn’t shared much detail, but I’d expect something along the fantasy genre, probably Disney related. Patton just spent hours getting the cutest animal photos possible and said he was going to give us reasons why to pet every animal in existence.”
“Is he aware that includes spiders as well?”
“I don’t think so, no”
“Well, if everyone is making Powerpoints, maybe I should do that as well…”
“And what would it be about?”
“I dunno, something about why Hades and Persephone deserve all the love in the world and all the other godly marriages are shit.”
“You’ve spent too much time on Tumblr.”
“I ran out of wine, what did you expect from me?”
“You have a problem”
“Yeah, and so will you in three days.”
“The video call is tomorrow.”
“Fuck, I have to do the Powerpoint now, then.”
“Go do that, I’ll check if Patton needs assistance with the fire in the kitchen.”
“See ya tomorrow”
Janus hanged up and knelt to Mrs Snuffles level.
“Who do you think you are, judging me?” He asked to the cat.
Mrs Snuffles just yawned.
Janus petted her, standing back up. “Good girl. Go poop in Virgil’s bed.”