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On normal days, Mark was very good at ignoring things.

He was especially good at ignoring his roommates making out with each other. He left early for university and came back late. It was easy and he had learned to get used to this lifestyle. Even though it hurt him to ignore his best friend and his other very nice roommate, he also needed to take care of himself.

Donghyuck and Yukhei were great roommates. Donghyuck was his childhood friend and Mark was just glad to see him communicate with other humans when Yukhei had just moved in with them.

What he wasn’t so glad about was walking in on them one day while they were busy deeply kissing against the kitchen counter. He wasn’t just not glad, he absolutely hated it.

So, yeah, on normal days he could go out and ignore them easily.

Today was not one of those days.

It was nine in the evening and he could feel the bed shaking against the wall while he was listening to Donghyuck’s whines and Yukhei’s deep grunts. Mark wanted to get out of this fucking apartment, but quarantine wouldn’t let him.

In the beginning, quarantine was amazing. He was an introvert and a shy person, so not going to his classes and attending online courses instead was awesome. Two days into quarantine and he saw the dark side for the first time. Donghyuck and Yukhei were this one couple who annoyed the fuck out of everyone around them. Try staying with them without being able to leave and you’re officially living your personal nightmare.

A sudden loud whimper made him snap out of his deep thoughts and he was back in the present. He could just take his headphones and put on music, ignoring them like he usually did. But he just couldn’t.

Listening to them having sex was making Mark feel extremely guilty.

Guilty because he wanted what they had. He wanted to hold Hyuck down on the bed and watch him in all his beautiful glory while those pretty and sinful noises escaped his plump lips. Donghyuck would look absolutely helpless, spread out underneath him, glassy eyes, and everything. And, oh, Mark might have a small problem in his pants, demanding his attention.

The worst part wasn’t even his attraction towards the younger. It was the way he looked at Yukhei. Donghyuck looked at Yukhei like he hung the stars up in the sky. And Mark understood. The taller was beautiful, with his large smile and his usual puppy-like self. Mark caught himself staring at him more than he wanted to admit. Maybe Wong Yukhei had arranged the stars in the sky.

They must have changed positions, as suddenly the bed seemed to wreck the wall even more. Mark imagined Yukhei’s big hands all over his smaller body, he would touch Mark and make him feel good. God, Mark would do everything the taller wanted, no, demanded - he would be so ready to submit. Now his little problem wasn’t so small anymore.

Mark felt himself growing sad. He wasn’t even in the mood to jerk off to his sinful thoughts. He wanted to be with them and the sudden cloud of loneliness made his head spin. ‘This hurts, I want to leave.’ Those thoughts had been echoing through his head on repeat for days now, but now it was like someone had turned the volume up to 100%.

That was the first time Mark Lee cried over his roommates.

 

 

 

The second time wasn’t even 24 hours later.

Mark was making himself dinner and no one else was in sight. Donghyuck was probably napping, as Yukhei was watching him or something. To be honest, Mark had no idea what their relationship was like, he spent too much time running away from them to learn about their dynamics. His soup took forever to get hot on the stove and the small voice speaking up behind him startled him a little. “Have you seen Xuxi?”

“Hm? Oh, Donghyuck!” Mark was right, Hyuck had taken a nap. He was looking adorable, hair sticking up in every direction. Mark was so in love with the boy in front of him. But he was wearing a big shirt, Yukhei’s, and ugh, that made his heart sink down, down, down.

“Have you?”

“Oh. Uh, no. I thought he was with you.”

They were always together. Where Yukhei went, Donghyuck wouldn’t be far away. “No, he isn’t. I’m worried, what if he went out without a mask and, I don’t know, catches the virus.” His best friend looked so lost he wanted to wrap him in a big blanket and snuggle up with him. “Don’t worry Hyuckie, he always takes his mask with him. He’ll be fine.”

And as if Yukhei had heard them, the door swung open and the boy himself made his way towards them. “Hi I was just at the store picking up a-”, but he would never finish this sentence because one second later Donghyuck had himself draped all over his tall boyfriend. It was a sight to be jealous of, and Mark was jealous. He was about to comfort Hyuck, hug him, and maybe even get one of those cute smiles directed at him, just him, for once.

Now he was unimportant again.

One look at them made his insides churn. They were perfect. They complimented each other and Mark got sad yet again. Not because he wanted them to break up, no, he wanted to be with them.

When he got to his room he had forgotten all about his soup. That was the second time Mark Lee cried.

 

 

 

Over the next few weeks, Mark seemed to lose himself. Every Time he saw Yukhei and Donghyuck his heart hurt a little more and every time one of them directed a smile at him, his tummy felt like someone had impaled him with a sword.

The worst part was that they didn’t seem to notice his sudden change of mood. They just kept going with their usual love-sick banter. Hyuck was still whining and whimpering once a day while the bed banged against the wall, and the only difference was that he now ignored them. He put on his ‘sad horny hours’-playlist, closed his eyes, and tried to think happy thoughts.

Think happy thoughts. How was that even possible when you were desperately and hopelessly in love with your roommates who, sadly, had only eyes for each other. It hurt Mark to the point he started tearing up while looking at the pictures and polaroids hanging on his wall. Needless to say, two days later those pieces of memories lived in a small box, stored away safely under his bed.

Maybe Mark even stored his feelings and emotions there - he felt like the life had been sucked out of him. His eye bags got darker every time he looked into the mirror, and his shaky hands, no, he wouldn’t even mention those.

 

 

 

It was a Tuesday when Mark truly felt like giving up once and for all.

Nine in the morning and he was in the mood to sleep again. He made himself a coffee and was ready to sit down on the sofa to watch one of the, rather crappy, animes the children’s channel aired every morning. But the sight he walked in made his heart stop. Yukhei and Donghyuck were cuddling on the sofa, both deep asleep. They must have been there the whole night and Mark felt a weird kind of affection creeping up. Picking up a blanket, he put it over their legs, as he sighed softly.

Catching himself staring at them a little longer, he quickly shook his head. What in the world was he doing, imagining himself snuggling up between them? Oh, how he was wishing he had the right to do something simple like that. Holding Donghyuck’s Hand, kissing Yukhei’s plump lips, making love with them.

Mark hated himself.

And maybe, if he wouldn’t have been so lost in his thoughts, he would have noticed the dried tears on Donghyuck’s puffy cheeks.

Instead, Mark went to his room and wrapped himself up in his blanket. And he couldn’t help the small sobs escaping his mouth, as he cried again.

 

 

 

Mark always wanted to live with his best friend. It was a childhood goal they had set for themselves and to succeed and get what they wanted - Mark had been so happy in the beginning. But then they were too busy with school to work their weekend jobs and suddenly there was not enough money to pay rent anymore. A new roommate was very easy to find, though.

And that is how Mark met Yukhei. The chemistry they shared was intimidating but so beautiful. If Mark wouldn’t have been so deeply in love with Donghyuck he would have probably tried to date the taller.

In the beginning, Mark wasn’t sure about Yukhei. Of course, they had this weird chemistry and Mark had been so attracted to the latter since he met him.

Not a long time later and Mark had found himself head over heels in love with Yukhei. The tall boy had a calming aura with his charming smile. He was like a big puppy and Mark was sure he heard Donghyuck calling him by this nickname more than once. The big puppy had him whipped.

Turns out Donghyuck had the same thoughts about dating Yukhei.

It hurt, of course, it did. Where all the attention was once on him, Hyuck now showered the taller in his love. Mark wasn’t used to not being his first choice. Now his best friend would rather crawl into Yukhei’s bed at night.

Mark was deeply in love with him and yes he was hurting. But he would also rather take a bullet than sabotage Donghyuck’s relationship. The younger was so happy, he was glowing with love, always smiling. God, Mark would do anything to keep this beautiful smile on Donghyuck’s face. Anything.

Even when he felt like dying.

 

 

 

Sometimes Mark felt like he had a good sense to feel things coming. He knew when a day would be a good or a bad one right after waking up.

On this lovely Saturday night, Mark didn’t see anything coming.

He had his headphones in, mask properly protecting his face, while walking home from the store, not in the mood to even interact with the lovely lady that always greeted him. If she would ask him about it Mark would probably just act surprised, like he hadn’t even seen her.

Opening the door to their relatively small dorm, he, of course, didn’t hear the muffled moans coming from the living room. Red Velvet’s ‘Red Flavour’ was still playing on full volume and he even felt like singing for the first time in weeks again. He dropped his things on the kitchen table and swung around, lightly bopping his head to the cheerful tune. Mark, again, didn’t hear Yukhei’s loud grunts or Donghyuck’s helpless pleads to “, please go even faster, yes!” He would have probably been very good at ignoring them again if he knew what was going on only 10 meters away from him.

So it wasn’t a big shock when he let out a panicked yelp, dropping his phone on the floor with a painful crash, while it ripped his cheap sony in-ear headphones right out of his ears. The sight had startled him so much when he walked into the living room, he couldn’t even run away. No words left his shaking body, as he stared at his roommates who were split-naked and tightly intertwined on the big couch.

“Shit Mark! Oh my god!” - “Fuck, we didn’t know you’d be home so soon.”

Mark watched them cover up with a blanket they would probably have to wash very soon. But he couldn’t care less. It hurt so much, he didn’t know what to do anymore. And when Hyuck looked at him, worry slowly took over his soft features, he felt his heart breaking into a thousand little pieces. “Markie, I’m so sorry. Why don’t you go and we get our clothes, and uhm, we could eat dinner together?” Hyuck’s eyes were big and glassy, and Mark knew he meant it.

“Hey, Dude! Now you don’t have to be awkward anymore about taking dates home. I mean nothing could top this right here,” Yukhei tried to joke but stopped smiling when Mark seemed to get even more uncomfortable. He then cleared his throat. “Right?” Yukhei was getting desperate as well, something was going extremely wrong.

And to top this entire situation and put a cherry on top, Mark started crying.

He not only shed a little tear - he bawled his eyes out, sniffling weakly, as sobs escaped his throat. Donghyuck was up in a second, collecting his underwear from the floor, immediately followed by Yukhei who just awkwardly wrapped the blanket around his middle. Mark couldn’t see clearly as tears blocked his vision, making a blurry mess out of the two people who were now standing right in front of him.

“Shh, we’re so sorry, please calm down. It’s not your fault okay? It’s our fault,” Yukhei said and then he made the mistake of stroking Mark’s wet cheek with his big hand. Mark immediately started sobbing again, slowly leaning into the warm touch.

“Do you know what’s wrong with him, Hyuckie?”

“Shit, I don’t know. The last time he cried like this his cat died. I don’t see any dead cats, do you?”

“Then what do we do now?”

They were talking about him like he wasn’t able to hear them. Mark had no energy anymore to be mad and even less to be annoyed with them. He was tired, so, so tired. His knees gave up and then he felt himself sinking to the floor. “Mark!” One second later Donghyuck was kneeling in front of him. “Are you okay? Please talk to us,” said Yukhei and slumped down as well, the blanket still wrapped around his torso. Mark sucked the air into his lungs like a drowning man and then he squeaked out a small, “N-no. No, I’m not okay.” How should he be okay? He hadn’t been okay for a long time now, crying himself to sleep every other night.

And then Donghyuck pulled him into his chest and Mark stopped thinking for the first time in weeks, as everything seemed to calm down. His panicked breathing stopped and the tears didn’t flow anymore. The only thing that didn’t calm down was his heart, happily and nervously pumping blood through his body.

A big, warm hand was slowly stroking his upper back and Mark sniffled out as another quiet “sorry, I’m so sorry, please forgive me." He had been quietly apologizing for several minutes now. “Hey Babe, why should we forgive you. It’s okay,” said Donghyuck, and Mark was definitely hallucinating, as he felt a gentle kiss being placed on the top of his head. And then he closed his eyes and prepared himself to get his heart broken yet again.

“You need to forgive me for being in love with you both.”

There was an awful quietness and he felt himself losing the last strings of hope he had been holding onto. And then Donghyuck placed his hand on Mark’s wet cheek, slowly lifting his head.

“Oh, Markie.”

Soft lips pressed against his own and Mark would have fallen backward if there wasn’t Yukhei’s strong arms holding him close as well. What was even happening? They were so close and Hyuck was kissing him like he actually meant it. Mark was so shocked, he forgot to kiss back and suddenly the wonderful touch and warmth were gone again.

“Sorry, oh god. That was stupid, right? You didn’t kiss back, I thought it was a good time to- Ugh Mark, I’m so sorry I thought it was a good chance to kiss you and-” Donghyuck closed his mouth after taking one look at Mark, who was busy staring at him in utter shock. “Okay. Come on we’ll clean up and forget about it okay. I’m-” But before Hyuck could apologize again, Mark kissed him. This time Mark felt ready for the feelings that bubbled up in his tummy, and the electricity drumming in his veins. He had no idea if this was a good idea, he just knew he wanted it - needed it. And then Donghyuck let out one of the little mewls he had been listening to for weeks through his bedroom wall and Mark’s mind shorted out. He pulled his head back, looking at Donghyuck… his best friend, his everything. Wow, he just kissed the love of his life and he enjoyed every single second of it - or more like, one of the two loves of his life.

When he felt someone caressing his shoulders he snapped his head in Yukhei’s direction, searching for jealousy or maybe even anger in his brown eyes. But all he could see was gentleness and so much love. They locked eyes and then Xuxi was all over him, kissing him like his life depended on it - like it would be their last time holding and feeling each other. Mark wanted to burst from all the love he was feeling for the taller at this very moment.

It must have been a peculiar sight, two half-naked dudes and another crying boy, sitting on the carpet, kissing like they had waited for it for days, weeks, months. And maybe they had, maybe Mark hadn’t been the only one pining. But even if someone would have walked in on them, Mark couldn’t care less. With every touch, a band-aid was put over one crack in his heart and with every kiss, the tears fully healed.

Who knows how they would make it work in the end, all that mattered right now was them and the love they shared.

Infinite Love.