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how very polite of you

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“So, let me get this straight,” Sam started, setting her glass of wine down on the table. Lena snorted at the phrasing, and Sam shook her head. “Kara kissed you.”

“Yes,” Lena mumbled, her eyes darting down to her own glass of wine and staying there. She took a quick swig as Sam did her best to maintain a neutral expression.

“And… you thanked her.” Sam was very proud of herself for not laughing. She could laugh later, when her friend wasn’t slouched on her couch, miserable because of her own screw up. Still, she couldn’t resist: “How very polite of you.”

Lena groaned, very loudly, and hid her face in her hands. Sam still managed not to laugh, though she honestly wasn’t sure how at this point.

“Are you trying to wake Ruby up?” Sam asked, a small smirk on her face. Lena peeked out from between her fingers and shook her head. “Anyway, Lena, I really don’t see why you’re here.”

“Because I fucked up. And usually when I fuck up I can go to Kara. But in case you haven’t realized, that’s not really an option,” Lena snarked. She deflated under Sam’s unimpressed gaze. “I don’t know what to do, okay? You’re supposed to be my friend- help.”

“What exactly do you want me to do?”

“Friend… magic? I don’t know!” Lena waved her hands erratically. “Kara always found a way to make it better. So just… channel Kara.”

“You want me to channel the person who kissed you? Sorry, Lena, but I’m taken.” Sam leaned back with a smirk and Lena groaned, more quietly this time. Sam sipped her wine as she waited for her friend to get her thoughts in order. Lena remained quiet. It seemed one kiss from Kara had the ability to rob her genius brain of coherent thoughts. Okay then. “When I said I didn’t understand why you were here, I meant I didn’t understand why you were talking to me,” Sam tried. Lena stared at her blankly. Was Kara really that good of a kisser? Geez. “Lena, you should be talking to Kara about this. Then once you two are together and have finally acted on all the sexual tension you force us all to suffer through, you can come back to me and give me all the juicy details.” Sam gave Lena a wide smile as the young Luthor’s brain seemed to short circuit.

“I can’t talk to Kara about this,” Lena finally said. “Are you insane? Did the Luthor madness somehow rub off on you?”

“Since when are you mad?” Sam blurted.

“Well I certainly feel like I’m losing my mind,” Lena grumbled. “She kissed me and I said thank you. Who the fuck does that?” Lena flopped back onto the couch with another loud groan. Before Sam could shush her the sound of footsteps could be heard from the hall. “Fuck,” Lena whispered.

Sam hoped it would be Ruby who had woken up. Sam really, really hoped it had been Ruby. She could send her daughter back to bed. She couldn’t do the same with-

“Alex?” Lena blurted, startling. “What the hell are you doing here? Oh. Oh my god. Oh, fuck.” Lena turned from a bleary-eyed Alex to Sam, her eyes narrowing accusingly. “Sam, why the fuck didn’t you tell me you were dating Kara’s sister? Or that she was currently here?” Lena hissed.

“Uh, well, it’s still new, is all. And we didn’t want to tell you yet because we knew you’d tell Kara. And she apparently threatened to throw Alex’s last girlfriend into the sun or something,” Sam said hurriedly.

“I can keep a secret,” Lena said with a pout. A pout. An actual, genuine, making-Sam-feel-even-worse pout. Alex voiced Sam’s thoughts almost to the letter.

“Ugh, now you’re pouting too? You hang out with Kara too much,” Alex grumbled. She plopped down beside Sam and leaned against her, her sleepy eyes trained on Lena. “Why are you here so late? Or early, I guess. What time is it? Wait, where’s my phone?” Alex started shoving her hand between the couch cushions, apparently having lost her phone before bed and only now realizing when she needed a clock to better berate Lena for her early morning visit.

“No reason,” Lena said quickly, shooting Sam a death glare. Sam only rolled her eyes.

“Lemme guess,” Alex drawled, giving up her search and nudging Sam to search her side of the couch, “you’re having some kind of gay awakening and realizing you’re in love with my little sister.”

Lena looked like she was having a stroke, but Alex was too focused on the phone Sam had just fished out of the cushions to notice.

“Or at least that’s what Sam would have me believe,” Alex grumbled, mostly to herself. “She keeps insisting you two like each other. I don’t really see it.” She glanced up at Lena and froze. “Wait, what’s with that face? What happened?” When Lena remained silent, her mouth opening and closing but no words coming out, Alex turned to Sam.

“Sam, don’t-” Lena tried, but it was too late.

“Kara kissed her and she thanked her instead of admitting her feelings and she came to me instead of talking to Kara cuz she may be a genius but she’s kind of a dumbass,” Sam rushed out, a guilty look on her face. Lena looked like she was wishing for her quarterly assassination attempt to come early. Alex just looked between them both, blinking owlishly, before looking down as her phone buzzed with an incoming call.

“Well, that would explain why Kara is calling at… 3:27 in the morning. And why I have… holy shit, 33 missed calls? I didn’t even realize either of you were gay, and now you’re both gay disasters? C’mon,” Alex grumbled. Sam snorted. Lena hid her face in her hands again, and Sam nearly guffawed when she heard her mumble something about how she at least had a functional gaydar. “I heard that. Now both of you shut up. If I don’t answer the phone Kara is going to-”

Whatever Alex said was drowned out by the front door being thrown open so hard it bounced off the wall with a loud bang, a panicked Kryptonian storming in with a small metal ball in her hand that Sam was pretty sure used to be her spare key. Maybe Sam should rethink having a super strong alien babysit her child. Then again, said alien usually wasn’t freaking out about kissing her best friend, so it should be fine once the two dumdums talked things out.

“Alex you weren’t answering your phone and it’s an emergency and I know you’re dating Sam and we need to talk about that later but I need your help cuz I think I messed up!” Kara rambled. She glanced from Alex to Sam, then over at the sleepy Ruby who had padded into the living room. “Sorry for waking you up, Ruby, but I kissed Lena at our sleepover and she thanked me and then ran away and I don’t think she wanted me to kiss her and I was gonna talk to her first and tell her I’m in love with her and then ask if I could kiss her but she just looked so happy and I really wanted to kiss her and oh Rao Lena is here why is Lena here???” Kara cut off, her eyes impossibly wide and staring at Lena in horror. She did an abrupt about-face and started walking out the door.

“Kara, where are you going?” Alex asked tiredly, stifling a yawn. Ruby was watching with obvious amusement, Lena’s face was fire-engine red, and Sam really wasn’t sure how she hadn’t laughed by now. Seriously, when all this was over she was probably going to have to laugh for eighty years straight just to make up for not laughing right now.

“Back to the Phantom Zone,” Kara replied, still walking away.

“And how exactly do you plan on getting there? I really don’t think J’onn will lend you his spaceship for this,” Alex drawled.

“Brainy is working on something that’ll send lethal threats to the Phantom Zone. It’s not done yet but I should be able to finish it by tomorrow. Goodbye forever.”

Alex actually sat up straight at that, a startled look on her face.

“Kara Zor-El Danvers, get back here right now,” Alex said sternly. Sam gave her girlfriend an impressed look, but Alex’s hard eyes were trained on the slumped form of the Girl of Steel as she shuffled back into the room.

“Alex-”

“No. Sit down.” Alex pointed to the seat beside Lena’s and Kara held out for about five seconds before slumping into it. “Now, both of you are going to talk this out like adults instead of freaking out like teenagers.”

“Hey,” Ruby said, frowning. Alex glanced at her, her gaze softening, before turning back to Lena and Kara with a smirk.

“Sorry, that was an insult to teenagers. But still- you’re both adults. Talk.” Silence. Alex clapped her hands loudly, and Kara and Lena both flinched. “Kara, you first. You’re the one who decided to start this mess at an ungodly hour.”

“I shouldn’t have come here,” Kara grumbled.

“You could have at least waited until daylight, Kar. Now quit stalling.”

“Ugh, fine,” Kara whined. She turned to Lena, unable to look her in the face and only managing to glance at her every few seconds. “I- uhm. I’m sorry I kissed you. Not that, uh, not that I didn’t want to kiss you but I should have like, asked first. And told you that I’m in love with you. Or at least that I- shoot, how do humans put it? That I like like you?” Kara glanced at Ruby for confirmation, and the girl nodded. “Yeah, that. Um. So yeah. I don’t… I’m not really sure why you thanked me? Or why you left… it would have made more sense to kick me out since we were at your penthouse?” Kara did manage to look at Lena then, and Lena’s face was even redder. The brunette glanced at Sam for help, but Sam just crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows expectantly. Lena sighed.

“I didn’t mind that you kissed me,” Lena started quietly. “I actually, well, I actually quite enjoyed it. I just wasn’t prepared- I thought you were straight.”

“So much for having a functional gaydar,” Alex grumbled.

“Babe, you thought our first date was just friends having dinner together until I kissed you. I’m obviously the only one with a functional gaydar in this room. Nia and I have been shipping Supercorp for months.” Sam pecked Alex on the cheek to lessen the blow, and Alex grumbled about how impossible it was to stay mad at Kryptonians.

“Supercorp? I like it,” Ruby mused, walking over and plopping down on the couch beside Sam, “but maybe we could also have Karlena, ooh or Karena- but pronounced like ocarina, not just Karen with an a,” Ruby’s face scrunched up and Sam laughed.

“Sounds good, Rubes. But maybe let’s let them actually get together first.” Sam reached over and ruffled Ruby’s hair as the girl rolled her eyes.

“Alex started it,” Ruby mumbled.

“And I’m ending it. Lena, continue.” Sam gave her friend as encouraging a look as she could muster for this ridiculous situation. She’d wanted them to finally get together, just not in her living room at 4 am. Nia was definitely going to be jealous though.

“I’ve been in love with you for an embarrassingly long amount of time,” Lena blurted, her eyes going to Kara’s and staying there. “I didn’t realize at first- I thought it was just another hopeless crush on a cute blonde- but then when you rescued me and revealed you were Supergirl in the process I realized I was more hurt than mad, and then you were trying so hard to make it up to me for not telling me sooner and I decided to give you a second chance and, well I don’t give second chances, but I did for you. That’s why I was so skittish when we first started being friends again, because I realized I was in love with you and that there was no hope of a Super ever loving a Luthor.” Lena took several deep breaths when it was all out, and Sam had the feeling she’d been bottling up those words for awhile now. They apparently needed to have more girls’ nights without the Danvers sisters in tow (Nia could still come though… unless they wanted to complain about their girlfriends’ dangerous jobs, then the other vigilante hero was out).

“Lena,” Kara said softly, a hint of admonishment in her tone. “you’re not a Luthor, or at least not like that. You’re not a villain. Just look at all the good you’ve done for this planet, from the humans to the aliens to the planet itself! Your image inducer helped countless aliens live a better life here, and you’re always anonymously donating to charities, and you’ve made L-Corp the greenest company in National City by far, maybe even in this country! Yeah, you’re a Luthor, but you’ve used all of those resources and connections to start changing your family’s legacy to a good one. We are not our families, Lena. And National City may be slow to realize it, but I’ve known it for awhile now: Lena Luthor is a hero, and no last name can change that.”

And then Lena was crying and Kara was out of her chair in less than a second, doing her best to hug Lena and pressing kisses to her hair and forehead and cheeks and Ruby was watching the whole thing with the tiniest look of disgust on her face.

“Mom, please don’t ever be that mushy with Alex. I don’t think I could take it.”

“No guarantees, kiddo,” Sam said as she used her phone to snap some photos to send to Nia- she was gonna flip when she checked her phone (unless she’d already foreseen this… nah, she would have told Sam- she was about as bad at keeping secrets as Kara).