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The PBJ Variable

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The door unlocked and Howard slunk through it dragging his laptop bag behind him. He saw Raj jump on the couch and nearly tip over a glass of milk sitting next to a plate, empty except for a few breadcrumbs.

"Sorry I'm home so early," he apologised, slumping onto the couch next to Raj. "The trial was a disaster, and we ruined the equipment and can't get anyone out to fix it til late next week. What a crappy day."

He leaned his head on Raj's shoulder and felt him sit up straight, rigid as a flagpole. Howard sat up with him and tilted his head as he looked at him.

"Thanks for the support," he muttered. Raj gave him a pitiful look but drew away at the same time.

"I guess a kiss is out of the question," he said, leaning in.

It surprised him when Raj slapped both of his hands over his mouth and shook his head back and forth quickly, his eyes wide.

"Jeeze, I was just joking," said Howard, then muttered: "Apparently it's too much to ask for a kiss from your own boyfriend."

Without moving his hands, which remained glued over his mouth, Raj tried to say something, but nothing came out except indistinct humming.

"Whatever," Howard said, flopping back on the couch, resigned.

Smiling, Raj relaxed and moved his hands away from his mouth. Howard choose that moment to pounce.

With the reflexes of a cat, Raj bounded out of his seat and covered his mouth again. Not to be deterred, Howard raced after him, tackled him onto his back and held his hands down. Just as Raj mouthed the word "No!", Howard gave him a peck on the lips.

Just as quickly, he started to wheeze. It was only then he saw the jam jar sitting on the counter, next to a loaf of bread and a container of peanut butter.

"Way to go, dude," Raj sighed, leading him to the couch. "You know I can only eat that stuff when you’re gone. Now stay here while I go get your Epipen..."