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Inner Demon

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Spike was so bored, once again he had been left behind at the Hub because the latest Rift activity was detected during daylight in the middle of a park. All he could do was staring at a computer monitor and warn the rest of the team when there was something going on near them. Why couldn't those bloody aliens come at night like any decent demon? This was so not what he’d had in mind when he joined Torchwood a few weeks back. But he couldn't bring himself to quit - what else should he do? The Watchers didn't need him at all with all the Slayerettes. Going back to LA and working for Angel wasn't really an option either. So there was nothing left to do but to sit and wait - and hope that next time the action would be during the night.

At the end of a slow day with nothing to do for Spike, everybody was back, some minor wounds got patched up and they all went home - except for Spike who didn't want to go through the sewers and decided to wait for sundown. Jack had vanished into his private room below his office and Spike was all alone again. He didn't really mind, as he still felt uncomfortable around Jack. The strange attraction didn't go away, it even got worse and Spike feared he might lose control over his demon again if he allowed himself to be too close to Jack. He’d almost killed the man once, he didn’t want to take any chances that it might happen again – and that this time he wouldn’t be able to stop himself in time.

When he was just about to leave, the alarm sounded - there was a Weevil sighting near a shopping centre. That was just what he needed, a good fight would make him feel better and keep him from brooding. Spike didn't bother to call Jack, he just grabbed his duster and took off on his own.

Less than five minutes later he arrived at the shopping centre and found himself confronted with not just one but five Weevils. As soon as he started to fight the first one, they all turned to him and left the few people alone that were still around. Spike tried to move into a dark alleyway while fighting them, but found himself surrounded before he could reach it. Even his vampire speed and strength didn't seem to help him much against the five of them.

As much as he hated to admit that he got himself into more trouble than he could handle, he had to call for help. Thanks to the fancy earpiece that was part of his new equipment, he just needed one touch to call Jack: "Jack, I need your help, got five bloody Weevils here..."

"Shut up and keep fighting, I'm already on my way," Jack shouted angrily, "and next time you hear an alarm wait for me."

Before Spike could answer, he saw the black SUV slide around the nearest corner. It ran over one Weevil before it came to a halt. Jack jumped out as soon as the engine died. Even for the two of them it was a hard fight, the spray Jack brought didn’t seem to work properly on the Weevils this time. Finally all of their opponents were unconscious and handcuffed and they started to load them into the car.

As soon as they were done, Spike found himself confronted with a really angry Captain Jack Harkness. “What the hell were you thinking, running off all on your own without telling anyone? You could’ve got yourself killed!” Jack shouted into his face and emphasised his words by shoving Spike’s chest with both hands. Spike found his back pressed to the SUV, Jack uncomfortably close.

“’M old enough to take care of myself, don’t need a bloody babysitter every time it gets a bit rough.” Spike felt his anger – and with it his demon – rise and pushed back. Jack stumbled back a few steps and began to grin.

“You’re really the same as John, stubborn as hell and when words don’t help you any more, you start a fight.”

The teasing was too much, Spike’s demon took control and he attacked Jack. While he rushed towards Jack, he changed to game face and they immediately started to trade blows. Considering the fact that Jack was only human and had no extra strength, the fight went on for quite a while. At some point, they both started to laugh like mad men but didn’t stop the fight until they both lay on the ground in a heap of limbs. Both were bruised and Jack had a split lip, but still they were uncontrollably laughing. By the time they had pulled themselves together, Jack stood up and looked sternly at Spike. “We need to talk, but first we’ll have to bring the Weevils to the Hub.”

Spike didn’t answer, he had too much to think about. Once again he’d lost control over his demon, he could’ve killed Jack. What the bloody hell was wrong with him? He couldn’t allow his demon to take control over him like this or he’d kill more innocent people than he already had on his consciousness – and he had sworn to himself that he’d never do that again.

They drove back in silence, Spike was so deep in thought that he didn’t even notice Jack’s glances. While he tried to calm down, he could feel his demon trying to be in charge again and being close to Jack in the SUV didn’t really help. As soon as they arrived at the Hub, Spike got out of the car and started to drag Weevils to the arrest cells – he just needed to put some distance between Jack and himself. He felt as if he would break in half soon – one part controlled by his mind and soul and the other part controlled by his demon. And again, he didn’t notice that Jack gave him a curious look.

Spike had planned to leave the Hub as soon as all the Weevils were safely put in their cells, but Jack seemed to have other ideas. He was waiting for Spike and handed him a mug of blood, gesturing to the resting area where he had placed a bottle of Scotch and two glasses.

“We really need to talk, sit down.”

Spike didn’t want to stay, but he couldn’t think of any excuse Jack might accept so he grabbed the mug with both hands and sat down at one end of the sofa. He took his time drinking some of the blood before he looked expectantly at Jack.

“So, start talking...”

Jack sighed as he saw Spike’s defensive posture and sat down as well. “I think you’re breaking apart and need to do something against it, soon. I’ve been noticing for quite a while now that you’re either totally in control of your emotions and actions or that you lose control completely. And if you don’t do anything soon, I fear your demon might take control over you again and you might not be able to put it back on a leash.”

Spike couldn’t help but stare at Jack. That was not what he had expected. How could Jack describe so perfectly how he felt? He didn’t really hear the rest of what Jack had to say, he just sank lower and lower into the sofa, not caring any more about showing his feelings. It was one thing the he feared about losing control and breaking apart but quite another thing to hear it spoken out loud by someone else. Spike felt so helpless, he didn’t know what to do now – so he retreated into himself. He just wanted to curl into a ball to keep himself from breaking apart. He was so lost in his own mind that he was startled when Jack gently touched his hands and removed the long empty mug from them.

Spike looked up and found Jack all too close to him, he couldn’t take his eyes off Jack’s lips, wanted to kiss this man, bite him – kill him. Shocked about his own thoughts he shoved Jack away and retreated even further into the corner of the sofa.

“Stay the hell away from me or I might bloody well kill you,” he hissed through gritted teeth and was startled by Jack’s warm, genuine laughter.

“You couldn’t kill me, no matter how hard you tried.” Jack was still grinning and Spike just stared at him because he didn’t get the joke.

“What’s so funny? Don’t like people making fun of me.” Spike got angry and his eyes flashed golden for a moment.

“I’m not making fun of you, I just can’t die – ever. Or to be more correct, I die but I come back after a short while. And believe me, I’ve died quite a few times now, I always come back to life.”

Jack’s answer was so quiet and serious, Spike was tempted to believe it, but still it was difficult to control his anger, or more accurately – to control his demon.

“Nice story – but I don’t think you wanted to tell me a bloody bedtime story. So what’s this talk all about?” His anger helped Spike to pull himself together and be his usual self again. He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply.

“I believe you should stop acting like a fool and start giving in to your true feelings from time to time.” Jack replied calmly. “If you don’t find a way to let your demon be a part of yourself as well as your soul, I fear your demon will take control – and as far as I know that’s not what you want. Just let it take control sometimes where it is appropriate, give it what it craves. That might make it easier to hold the demon back in other situations.”

“You think in order to stop my demon from taking control, I should let it take control?” Spike looked at Jack with disbelief. “You can’t be serious about that.”

“I’m dead serious. As far as I can tell, your demon is craving violence, sex and blood – so let it take control in fights, stop holding back. Did you ever ask yourself why I could stand up against you in a fight? Because you’re not really fighting, you’re holding back most of your strength. And why do you do that? Because you fear to hurt me, fear to lose control. And as I just told you, you don’t need to hold back because you can’t really kill me or damage me permanently.”

“You must be bloody kidding me, even if it’s true and you come back to life, you can’t really want me to kill you. And that’s exactly what would happen if I’d let my demon take control and you were around. ‘M not sure if I’d rather hurt or shag you before I killed you, but I’m sure that you’d end up dead no matter what.”

“Like you killed me last time?” Jack asked teasingly.

“Stop the hell joking around about this – it’s hard enough for me that I almost lost control last time, don’t need to hear you make fun of it. And’t won’t happen again.” Spike grabbed the bottle of Scotch from the table and took a swig without bothering for a glass.

As he tried to get up and leave, he found himself way too close to Jack who pushed Spike back to the sofa and let himself drop on top of him.

“Stop thinking and finally do what you really want to do,” Jack whispered in his ear.

Having Jack’s body so close, feeling his heat and his heartbeat was too much for Spike’s self control. With an almost feral sound he caught Jack’s lips in a hard kiss and his eyes changed their colour again. A small part of him still thought that he should hold back or he might actually hurt Jack, but he didn’t really care any more. His lips were wandering down to Jack’s neck where he placed small bites with still blunt teeth while he hastily removed Jack’s shirt, almost tearing it apart in the process. The rest of their clothes followed in quick succession and soon they were both naked.

Spike kept placing bites along Jack's neck, hard enough to leave marks, but he didn't break skin - yet. Jack had thrown his head back, his eyes were closed and he was moaning quietly. He seemed to be lost in the pleasure and pain of Spike’s bites and kisses. To see Jack like that let Spike forget every thought of holding back, he just wanted to feel and taste more of the other man. They fell on the sofa, their bodies touching in as many places as possible. As their erections met the feeling of hot flesh meeting a cool body made them both moan out loud.

Jack fumbled for his trousers and quickly brought his hand back up – holding a small tube of lube. Spike grabbed it and quickly prepared Jack, he didn’t think about anything but being buried in this hot, willing body. Judging by Jack’s gasps and moans, that was exactly what he wanted too, but Spike didn’t really care any more, wasn't sure he could stop if Jack asked him to. With an almost feral growl he thrust into Jack, his demon had taken control completely now and Spike's features changed to show his vampire face.

Spike was thrusting into Jack wild and hard, almost brutal, he knew he'd leave bruises. Jack had wrapped his legs around Spike and met every thrust. Soon they both were close to coming and the second he felt his orgasm approach, Spike buried his teeth in Jack’s neck. The sweet taste of the hot human blood exploded in his mouth, that combined with the feeling of his orgasm were almost too much, Spike got lost in the sensations. He barely felt that Jack came too, he just wanted more of this wonderful blood that finally seemed to still his hunger. He hadn’t even realized before how hungry he was – or was he just craving human blood? It didn’t matter, he just kept drinking, and ignored when Jack briefly struggled against his hold.

Then there was no more blood, no more heartbeat and slowly the demon retreated. Spike’s face changed back to human and he stared with a shocked expression at the dead body beneath him. He crawled back to the far end of the sofa, sat down in an almost fetal position and buried his head in his hands.

“What have I done?” he whispered over and over again, his hands wandering through his hair and over his face. From time to time he looked up and quickly buried his head again in his hands when he caught a glimpse of Jack’s corpse.

“I knew I shouldn’t’ve done this, have to get out of here,” he mumbled after a while and stood up to grab his clothes. Just as he had turned his back to the sofa, he heard a gasp from behind and spun around. To his surprise, Jack was sitting up and looked at him.

“Why do you look so haunted, told you I’d come back from the dead,” Jack said with a smile.

Spike couldn’t believe it, how on earth could this guy be so nonchalant about the fact that he’d just killed him? He knew all too well that he would have done it even if Jack hadn’t told him before that he’d come back – and Spike hadn’t really believed him anyway. He let his head drop into his hands again, too ashamed to look at Jack right now.

“Spike, look at me!” Jack leaned towards Spike and gently took the vampire’s hands in his own. “That’s exactly what I tried to explain to you earlier – if you don’t let your demon have some fun now and then, you might not be able to control it if necessary. But there’s no harm done, I’m fine – really.”

Spike still didn’t really believe him, but looked up. “It’s not as if I’d cared when I killed you...” he whispered, his voice trailing off at the end.

“But you care now, that’s all that matters – we just need to find a way to keep your demon and your soul in balance and everything will be fine, trust me.” Jack pulled Spike into his arms and held him tight.

The warm body wrapped around him, the strong arms holding him finally grounded Spike again and he stopped thinking about what would’ve happened if Jack hadn’t come back. After a while, he gently pushed Jack away and sat up again.

“You’re right, I need to figure this out, but without killing anyone else – and bloody well without killing you again.” He still didn’t meet Jack’s eyes, but continued while he picked up his clothes: “’M going to find a solution, but for now I need a shower and some time to think about it.”

As he looked up, Jack just nodded and gathered his own clothes. “I’m in my office if you need me.”

On his way to the showers, Spike realized something important – he didn’t feel like falling apart any more. To be honest he felt better than he had in a long while, despite the fact that he’d just killed Jack – or maybe just because he’d done it?