Jooheon comes home—sad—this evening. It's obvious in his gait and written all over his face; Changkyun can tell from the moment he sees the other rapper walk through the front door. But he ignores it and finishes packing up the dinner he's just had on the coffeetable.
"Hey," he offers after. To check how bad his friend's mood is.
Jooheon doesn't reply so Changkyun keeps watching him as he washes dishes in the kitchen—Jooheon is just paused in the hallway, clearly so far in his own head he probably hasn't heard a thing.
So after drying his hands on a dishrag, Changkyun comes to him and hugs him.
Has Jooheon had a long day? He feels stress all over him.
In Changkyun's embrace, Jooheon noticeably calms.
It takes a while but Changkyun is patient as Jooheon unwinds. Soon, he has his head resting on Changkyun's shoulder, nose in his hair and breathing deeply. It's always so peaceful in Changkyun's embrace.
A crappy day just melts away from him and he melts into Changkyun's body instead. He holds him back tighter and sighs contentedly.
"Your hugs are the best," Jooheon whispers.
Changkyun smiles to himself. Wraps arms around Jooheon tighter and even kisses his hair. Then a comically tight squeeze has Jooheon yelping, and retaliating by picking up the younger right off the ground—Changkyun instinctively wraps his legs around Jooheon's middle and Jooheon laughs as he carries him to the couch, and sits down with Changkyun straddling his lap. They ooph from the fall, but the weight of Changkyun's body over him makes Jooheon calm down again.
Then they just lie like this.
Minutes pass. But neither moves.
Changkyun places another random kiss to Jooheon's hair. And finally they look each other in the eyes.
In Changkyun's eyes, Jooheon sees the concern and sincerity of a true friend. So he kisses him gently on the lips.
When he pulls away he's wearing a shy smile. "Thank you."
So mushy. Jooheon can be so mushy sometimes.
Changkyun knows how Jooheon likes kisses, how he's shy about it too; but Changkyun has never felt any reason to be embarrassed about this. Not when it's a good time and someone needs it. He pecks Jooheon right back.
When he looks at him this time, Jooheon is sparkling brightly.
"Your kisses are the best," Jooheon murmurs. Still too quiet; but the corners of his mouth are tending up, his dimples about to pop—showing that he's mimicking his earlier statement about Changkyun's hugs. It's a small joke, which Changkyun understands, and it turns him soft. Or just sappy and awkward. Because he likes compliments even if he's bad at accepting them. He loves hearing Jooheon's compliments—and the most natural thing he feels is to lean in and kiss Jooheon's lips again. Except this time he closes his eyes and molds their lips together more passionately. His hand cups Jooheon's nape to pull him closer and Jooheon nearly rises off the couch to come forward, chasing Changkyun's lips in return.
Then Changkyun pulls away too quickly. And Jooheon is left with a pounding heart and a heavy feeling in his stomach that tells him they shouldn't have kissed like that. Friends don't do—that was a bit too... much. He frowns and his vision narrows onto Changkyun's lips before him: parted slightly, nearly trembling as he breathes. So soft. A beautiful shocking pink, with a hint of the bottom row of his teeth behind those lips. Jooheon has never taken the time to contemplate Changkyun's lips like this, and when he realizes he's doing it his gaze shifts up to Changkyun's eyes in question. Was that ok? Why did they just do that?
Jooheon knows they shouldn't have, but at the same time he doesn't feel bad about it. And if he were to say something negative now, even slightly, he knows Changkyun would turn self-conscious and reclusive. He likes this Changkyun instead, that's soft and sweet in his lap, who lets Jooheon hold him.
Jooheon isn't thinking about the ways it could be misconstrued or wrong to say this, when he says, "You have pretty lips." It's simply a compliment, to tell Changkyun not to worry. He thinks maybe their moment is over, but to his surprise Changkyun leans down once more and gives him the sweetest kiss of his life. It's not even long, definitely shorter than the last one, but the emotion and love he feels behind the press of Changkyun's lips—he feels empty the second it's gone. As if Changkyun had just helped to heal a part of him and now that he's pulled away, that part of him is missing. But he sees Changkyun so clearly in front of him and if Changkyun is ok with this—ok with some kissing between them, something he wouldn't ask or ever expect of any friend—then Jooheon wants more of it. Won't deny it, not now when he feels so needy.
He doesn't think. He just reaches out, gently for Changkyun's cheek, and neck, and lets his fingers wind into his hair, pulling his friend closer to him again. His other hand crawls up his shirt to settle on the small of Changkyun's back, to coax his whole body into a kiss and Changkyun knows this is why Jooheon is holding him like this. He's shocked but also brave, so Changkyun falls into the kiss as he's supposed to, no hesitation, and Jooheon immediately tightens his grip around him. Lips open to him, move with him, letting Changkyun press closer like he also wants to. Jooheon can feel Changkyun's trepidation melt away; feels him open up and forget, and that's the best feeling.
He surges back into Changkyun's mouth with more vigor, lifting himself off the back of the couch just to chase Changkyun's heat, his fingers are making a mess of the younger boy's hair. But Jooheon wants more of him. Every time, every meeting of lips, feels better than the last and Changkyun lets him kiss this way—hungry, tight, hot. Desperate even. Open mouth so he can feel Changkyun panting too, so he licks back even more boldly and Changkyun reciprocates. Builds until their tongues meet and then Jooheon feels his heart skip to have Changkyun's tongue in his mouth. Eager, talented. He feels the rush all the way to his toes and moans when he can't keep this pleasure to himself. In fact, he's so worked up, touching all down Changkyun's back as they arch together, that he's panting for more. When their mouths meet now, it's messier; there are more breaks where he can feel lust pulse between them. Changkyun pulls away with Jooheon's bottom lip brazenly between his teeth, then sucks it right back into his mouth and dives inside again, renewed to entwine their tongues together again. Jooheon whines and doesn't even think when he lifts Changkyun and tosses him flat on the couch, on his back, so Jooheon can lean over him and devour him properly.
It's so velvety soft and wet inside Changkyun's mouth that it's mesmerizing. His tongue plays wonderfully, willingly. He tastes sweet and moans sweeter and Jooheon is high on him. Now between Changkyun's legs, the younger hasn't let him go. There was a moment where he looked stunned to be pushed back and to have Jooheon pounce on him, but that's long gone. He's giving Jooheon everything, arching into him from below and gripping at his clothes hard enough to rip. Jooheon has been shoving his hands under Changkyun's clothes, trying to touch more of his skin, and Changkyun is letting him do that too.
There's a slow roll of their bodies from this rhythm now. When Jooheon needs more than just Changkyun's lips, he feasts on his neck instead, making Changkyun coil and moan out. They tumble quickly from here: Sucking over his jugular has Changkyun light-headed and heart pounding in his throat. When Jooheon moves on, so Changkyun feels teeth, it has Changkyun's nails latching painfully into Jooheon's back. Then Jooheon sucks harder to show he loves it, pulling Changkyun's whole body to crash together. This chain reaction makes Changkyun so hard—he had no idea (he forgot) being with a friend could do this to him, but in Jooheon's arms he feels cared for and loved—and so he feels no shame in how shaky his voice is when he says, "J-Jooheon. More, ok? Uhm—fuck, more—" He's impatient.
It's then that Jooheon rises off him, enough to see the younger's face again. Flushed and with a tantalizing lip between his teeth, eyes wide. It's exhilarating seeing Changkyun this way. He's so docile. Doesn't fight. But he wants. Actually wants, more? On self-reflection, Jooheon had no idea he could want this so much either.
Changkyun has red splotches all over his neck from Jooheon gnawing at him; hickeys that will be visible for days hereafter. Marks that he's left on his friend. He never thought he would love seeing this. He knows he's taking too long a pause, but he needs a moment to study the situation.
Changkyun loves him, right? No other reason they would be here together like this.
"You sure you want more?"
"If you want." Changkyun's breathing is catching up. He licks his lips and Jooheon's eyes follow the movement; he's still hooked on watching Changkyun.
In his pursuit of a good view, it seems Jooheon has pulled away too far, because Changkyun pulls back at his body with both arms and legs. Holds him tenderly; it makes butterflies flare up in Jooheon's belly.
They kiss again, slower. Deeper. More intentional. It seems like they're both checking between kisses that this is ok.
It makes Jooheon's mind go mushy, the way Changkyun keeps combing through his hair, and that warmth behind his eyes as he looks up. How could anyone mistake Changkyun for being cold?—Hmm. Was Jooheon projecting? Not the time for that right now.
He dives into Changkyun's mouth again. How has he gone so long without doing this? It's wonderful.
Now, it's not that Changkyun can't also feel Jooheon's hardness, it's that he takes the burden onto himself, to take the leap first. They've been rubbing together more flagrantly, to the point Changkyun thinks it might be ok to do more. Between a break where Jooheon is mostly breathing into his mouth, he takes Jooheon's hand, and places it on his bulge. And gently humps up into it as he studies his reaction. Testing if this is also ok.
Jooheon does pause. Just for a little while, but then he presses down and Changkyun exhales. His head tips back as Jooheon takes over controlling his pleasure, hand palming carefully but Changkyun encourages him by showing how much he craves the touch, and Jooheon's eyes widen to see him like this. Changkyun's eyes flutter as he licks over his lips and then responds to a question hanging in the air, though neither had asked. "I-I think it's ok." He practically moans the words, as he rolls into Jooheon's hand more and Jooheon is in awe of him.
Changkyun's little hums of approval and other little sounds send arousal flowing through Jooheon, who for a moment is left somewhat staring at his lips—parted slightly so Jooheon can feel the little puffs of his breath—he's absolutely fascinated by them. In the end, he can't stop from leaning into those lips to give a million different types of kisses. Changkyun seems very intent on grinding up and getting the friction he needs, while Jooheon wants to taste him and bring him higher.
He thinks then that he's so thankful to be able to do this with a friend. It feels like something out of a dream, something he never knew he wanted yet always yearned for—lust that comes with love and understanding. He seeks that out in partners, of course, but to have it with a friend fills his heart even more, so much he fears it may burst. Jooheon knows they have a connection, but Changkyun doesn't seem to be holding back at all. As they kiss languidly, he zooms in to concentrate on where this is going, how Changkyun can just open up this way, zero inhibitions. He doesn't understand this yet.
Of course Jooheon is shy to ask. Changkyun and he are about as close as you can be, but he's never done anything like this with a friend before. He wonders if he's pushing his luck and Changkyun might snap to his senses. Yet he kisses down Changkyun's neck now and holds him as the younger arches into his touch.
Everything Jooheon does to him, Changkyun only seems to want more. So with his mouth dragging over Changkyun's clavicle and his shirt getting in the way, Jooheon stops to breathe. To once again take in the gravity of pushing deeper into uncharted territory.
"Can I—? Um," he tries. And gulps nervously.
Changkyun winds a hand into his hair. "No need to ask. Just do what you want. Or stop. If you want."
"No—um," Jooheon starts, but then leans into Changkyun's neck to speak more quietly. "Do you want to take clothes off?"
Jooheon meets his eyes after, and Changkyun's reply is a snarky peaked eyebrow. But that's a yes. He throws off his own shirt quickly and Jooheon gives him room. To his surprise, Changkyun sheds all his clothing and Jooheon is left gawking at a vast expanse of skin as Changkyun settles down beneath him again. He opens his legs for Jooheon to fall between and Jooheon timidly takes off his own shirt at least. It makes Changkyun smile and pull him down by the nape to kiss again.
Changkyun is naked, completely naked, and Jooheon can't get this out of his mind. He feels branded everywhere their skin touches, and burned more by having seen between his legs. He—he's here with Changkyun, who's a boy, and it's turning him on. He feels breathless to discover this about himself. Changkyun licks into his mouth and sucks at his lips and Jooheon wants to live here. But he wants to see his body again too, so he breaks their kiss and Changkyun is left huffing. But so... pretty. Jooheon's gaze travels away from his face and down his body to admire. His hands wend over his chest and into the dips and valleys of Changkyun's ribs, and Jooheon can feel his breaths and excitement. He leans down to lick at a nipple and though he thought maybe that would be too much—no, because Changkyun whines and arches, showing he wants this, and so Jooheon pulls it into his mouth to suck on. He's just so gorgeous like this, feverish from lust and desperate for Jooheon to touch him. So he drops more kisses to Changkyun's skin, and takes his hands lower to explore him.
At the end of a square torso, between slim thighs that spread so easily for Jooheon's hands lies Changkyun's dick, which is a very pretty rosy pink. And Jooheon gulps—it's the prettiest, he thinks. The best. And pets higher up his thighs, which makes Changkyun quake.
"Fuck, you've got me so fucking hard. I swear," Changkyun breathes.
Jooheon chuckles. Changkyun's obvious pleasure makes him happy too—like bubbles that rise up and sparkle, and he ends up asking, "If it's not too weird," before he can stop himself, "we could get off together?" And he throws Changkyun one of those kilowatt smiles that make the younger's heart want to leap from his chest. Not like Changkyun was planning to say no anyway. He tugs at Jooheon's pants to get him to take them off, and as soon as Jooheon is as naked as he is, he pulls him down immediately and back into a deep kiss, so Jooheon will stop messing around because Changkyun is sure he wants this. He wraps his legs around Jooheon's hips, and loves how he rests between. With no more layers of fabric between them, he can feel Jooheon's hard length against his own and rolls into him. Wants to build his pleasure also. He kisses at Jooheon's face and lips as they rut together, lazy, almost calm, as if they've done this a hundred times between them; that's why it's so comfortable, because they're friends. It's so warm and welcome to be enveloped in Changkyun's arms, Jooheon thinks. His brother can always feel exactly what he needs.
Heads bowed together, Changkyun reaches down to take both of them into his hand and looks up to see what Jooheon thinks. He strokes them together and Jooheon smiles, and kisses Changkyun gratefully in return. With Jooheon humping into his hand like this, and trailing hot kisses over Changkyun's neck, too soon, a feeling Changkyun hasn't had in a while trickles into his senses—having Jooheon between his legs makes him want for something else.
"You can do more," Changkyun whispers, overcoming his own fear to say this out loud.
"You can get inside me."
Jooheon jumps in a mild panic. "What—?"
Changkyun puts a hand on the back of his head to calm him. "I did it with Minhyuk once. It feels good."
"You—what?" His eyes are so wide that Changkyun fears he may have pushed him too far finally.
"Don't freak out. If you want to, you can."
"You—you like it?" Changkyun nods. "You're sure?" Changkyun nods.
Oh. This is something to process—Jooheon keeps searching Changkyun's eyes to find his own feelings but ultimately hides in his shoulder again. He'd sometimes suspected Changkyun might be more adventurous in bed, but to have the confirmation is impressive—especially since Changkyun said it out loud. His bravery is sexy—he can feel it like a surge to his system. But also scary. And sexy. And suddenly there's many racing thoughts in Jooheon's mind. He's jealous then, when the part about Changkyun having had sex with Minhyuk registers—How could they?? Why didn't he know?—he's almost angry at it. But... once means they did it and it didn't ruin their friendship. Changkyun says it felt good. And Jooheon's heart flutters even more when he realizes this. That he's in a similar situation right now, and he lifts his head from Changkyun's shoulder to see his eyes again. To receive some sort of guidance from a friend, which he needs right now. He watches Changkyun's eyes so long that Changkyun reads the answer from him before Jooheon even knows it.
"Go get something to make it comfortable," Changkyun says softly. "Anything is fine." For a moment Jooheon is lost, but then—Oh. That kind of comfortable. Jooheon blushes. Perfect timing to turn away and go find what Changkyun requested.
In the bathroom, rummaging through the products under the sink, he has no idea what would work. Is Changkyun sensitive down there? Should he not use this handcream? Do they have lube in this house? Obviously yes, but where? He knows Hyungwon has some... would it be weird to use his? Where's it even hidden?
He peeks back into the livingroom timidly to see Changkyun cupping himself, pressing down over his erection, with the tips of his fingers in his mouth. Teasing himself as he waits. The image is so sexy, and so cute at the same time that Jooheon blushes and feels a crush blooming—his heart literally flutters to the point he might choke on it—but he clears his throat and tries to keep his voice from squeaking like a school-girl. "Um. Do you have lube?"
From the way his eyes narrow, Changkyun probably wants to ask Jooheon why he doesn't have any, but instead says, "I thought you'd have something closer. Mine is upstairs. Among Minhyuk's pile of skin products."
"In Minhyuk's stuff?"
"Technically we share it, I guess," Changkyun explains, and as with many embarrassing things, seems to feel no shame in saying it out loud. Jooheon is hit with that duality again, because he knows there are other times Changkyun would squawk from even mentioning such a thing. But not today. Changkyun gets up casually, and starts picking up their clothes off the floor.
So Jooheon stops hiding behind the corner, and joins the younger to follow him upstairs. Each step up, with Changkyun—and his ass—right in front of him, has Jooheon's face flushing deeper. Yet he also feels a curling need to reach out and touch him—more. He can feel it rise up in his chest, so when they reach Changkyun's bedroom, he's nearly shaking as he tries to take Changkyun into his grasp again.
"Do you still want to?"
"Yeah. Just maybe a bed would be better," Changkyun replies, and pulls Jooheon further into the room instead of lingering in his arms.
He gets the lube as Jooheon watches his body. It's not like Changkyun hasn't paraded his pert naked ass all around their house, whether it was appropriate of him or not, but now... now Jooheon is really looking. Not sure why they're even tumbling down this strange road together, except that he's found a new thirst only this member can quench.
Changkyun lays down on his own bed, spreads his legs for Jooheon to get between them, and Jooheon is so freakishly aware of what they're about to do. The weight of it. That it doesn't come out correctly when he says, "Did you guys do it here?"
"No," Changkyun answers. No more info than that. Jooheon isn't sure if that makes him more or less jealous, but Changkyun soothes him by pulling him atop. Jooheon feels warmth again from having Changkyun's limbs wrap around him, their skin pressed together, and this might honestly be the best part of this.
"Why do you want this?" Jooheon asks. Like a final nail in the coffin before resigning himself to the fact that he wants this too.
"I don't know. It feels good. I love you. Nothing wrong with it." Changkyun throws out nonchalant reasons. Isn't that how he always is? Saying the most heart-fluttering things as if it's nothing.
Changkyun isn't selfish with his love, Jooheon knows. He understands. There's nothing to be jealous of. You just have to be open with him too and Changkyun becomes the most honest person Jooheon knows. Otherwise he snaps away from affection and awkward moments—Super shy or not shy at all. Maybe because he knows himself and that he unfolds this way, to lay himself bare for lovers he loves.
They kiss, but Changkyun is waiting for him. Jooheon is taking it slowly. He says, "Give me a second." Because Jooheon wants to touch him, explore, watch his reactions. Still needs to take in this moment and admire the body beneath him. His hands run up Changkyun's thighs and grip tentatively at his ass; and to encourage him further, Changkyun pulls his own legs back, hands hooked behind his knees, so Jooheon can see everything.
Changkyun's entrance looks so small, he's not even sure where to begin.
"What should I do?" he asks, thumb massaging down Changkyun's perineum. Just to touch, to get more comfortable.
His reply is a cocked eyebrow telling him he's moving too slowly.
Taking matters into his own hands, Changkyun reaches out for the lube and spreads a bunch over Jooheon's neglected erection, then dips some more into himself, quickly. Jooheon watches Changkyun's fingers spread the lube around his entrance, and dip in past his rim, and Jooheon swears his mouth waters. It's over far too quickly—he would have liked to watch Changkyun for longer. But Changkyun is pressing on, he says, "Don't need much. That's all." It's not rocket-science. Now Changkyun's entrance is glistening wet and ready, and Jooheon's mind feels tangled.
"Yeah," Changkyun says, guiding Jooheon closer. "Just sink into me, same like with a girl. Just go slow."
Gaze switching from Changkyun's eyes to between his legs, and back again to make sure he's ok to do this, Jooheon massages the head of his dick over Changkyun's entrance. He can see his little hole twitch as he relaxes. He feels Changkyun's grip on his neck tighten in guidance, so he pushes in. That little hole gives way, letting Jooheon's head in, and it's deliciously tight, the kind that pulls him in. He catches another glance of Changkyun's eyes, and the younger seems to be taking it well. Lips parted sensually, he even looks like he likes this. Jooheon can feel him too, how Changkyun adjusts so well around him. It's amazing to him, yet Jooheon gives him plenty of time to relax, as he pushes further in. This feeling swelling in his heart, this body, the way Changkyun looks... Jooheon fears he'll never want to leave this. Changkyun's hand is tight on Jooheon's nape to encourage him.
In and out slowly as he gets deeper, carefully, not yet bottomed out, Jooheon asks, "You like this?" Changkyun has gotten quieter so he wants to hear it in words; he's in disbelief that they're joined this way.
"Feels good," Changkyun replies.
Jooheon is searching his eyes, as if there's a puzzle here to solve. But there isn't. Changkyun grabs him forward so Jooheon becomes flush with him—"I'm guessing you haven't done this before," Changkyun chuckles. "It's good."
"But you're so tight," Jooheon wonders, in awe, "Are you sure?"
Yeah, Changkyun is perfectly comfortable. And so blissfully full. Of course he can feel the stretch, it's tantalizing, and with how Jooheon's dick brushes over his prostate, he can't wait for more pressure. It makes him hot. And brave. Ready to tell Jooheon to fuck his brains out—but maybe he'll take it easy on him.
Still, Jooheon doesn't understand. So Changkyun pulls him down to whisper. "I play with myself so I know. Even before having sex like this, I played with myself. Trust me."
"You touch there—? When you jack off?"
Changkyun debates whether it's a good time to volunteer what he knows about a few other of their members. He remembers sharing sex stories a bit too candidly one night, during and after way too many drinks. Perhaps it's not good to shock Jooheon with so much information though. So he says what he needs with his body instead: Changkyun lifts a leg up on Jooheon's shoulder and Jooheon helps him hold it there. This angle has Jooheon riding right on his prostate and Changkyun trembles from it, it feels so good. The ache travels his whole body, catching a whimper in his throat and making tension coil at his core.
Dick is thicker and longer than his own fingers. Filling him in every way he needs. In every way he's missing when it's him playing alone. It's so much better like this. He knows all this is a shock and might be too much for Jooheon to handle, that he might get shy about their sex afterwards, but that's ok. They'll deal with it. Right now, Changkyun pulls him closer, nails digging into his back. If it's good for Changkyun then Jooheon will know it's ok and won't be as shy. They know these things about each other, reactions, even before they happen. Jooheon never judges his vulnerability. That's why it's easy to unravel for him.
Minhyuk had fucked him nearly raw when Changkyun said it was ok (it was incredible). Jooheon however, is so gentle. Slow and tight and at the perfect angle, creating a need to come, so deep he can taste it. It doesn't matter which, Changkyun thinks, both styles are good. It's been so long he almost forgot how good bottoming feels. He wonders if he'll ever want this a third time. But that's something for the future to decide. The same way it had so casually brought him and Jooheon together tonight.
He surrenders to this luxurious pace. It feels mind-numbing as much as he feels the heat crawl up his spine, radiating from his core and making his back arch. Jooheon is careful throughout their love-making. He does pick up speed though, when Changkyun digs his heels into him like a pony. Telling him to ride harder. Because he needs it—all the way to his digits, he feels the need to come building, it itches and makes him coil—
Jooheon can hardly believe this paradise before him. He's tuned in, consumed and focused by all Changkyun's reactions. Body flushed, and trembling, Changkyun's fingers dragging over his skin, as Jooheon thrusts—it's intense when Changkyun clenches on him, but Changkyun likes making sure his body feels good to his partner. The smile perking up the corners of his lips can't be hidden. It's Jooheon that's on his mind, Jooheon's name he breathes—Jooheon who he grips tighter as lust licks at his senses.
Changkyun kisses him, just to feel their lips connected again, so he can keep going and hold himself off the brink and make Jooheon feel good first. And Jooheon moans into his mouth. He's still fucking him, as Changkyun becomes more sensitive. He can tell Jooheon's orgasm is near too.
So Changkyun bites him, and tugs him sharply, deeper—
Jooheon pulls out and in two last strokes, comes over Changkyun's belly.
Then blinks away the sparks for a moment. "Fuck, I'm dead—" he groans. As he falls over onto his back, he pulls Changkyun up, to be on top of him instead. He's tired and spent, but this view, new and unprecedented, is divinely sexy. They're both panting, but Changkyun still needs to come and as he looks at him this way, Jooheon thinks he's so beautiful, an angel floating above him, Jooheon's afterglow still making his head fuzzy as he takes Changkyun's shaft and strokes him.
Changkyun is loud then, as he hasn't been so far. Rutting up into Jooheon's fist. "You look so good," Jooheon tells him. And Changkyun falls forward, hands propped on either side of Jooheon's head, and fucks faster into Jooheon's hands. Wanton and needy.
"T-tighter. Please," he pleads. Tighter gets him there, head of his cock slipping between Jooheon's fingers perfectly, drags his release right out of him, until it's flooding his senses and falling in white ropes all over Jooheon's abdomen.
The way his friend looks in that moment, that last hitch of breath, the way he goes still, the puffs of air that help him linger in the feeling as he rides the waves—Jooheon is so grateful to see this.
It should disgust him probably, but it doesn't.
Changkyun collapses onto him and Jooheon wraps him in a hug. Thankful. Kisses his cheek and hair. And Changkyun whines as he melts into his arms. The fact that they're glued together with come between them isn't his business right now.
Changkyun keeps his head on Jooheon's chest for a long time. After a while he realizes he's listening to Jooheon's heartbeat. As Jooheon pets his hair.
Jooheon's mind is in a similar place. They may never do this again—like Changkyun said, it's probably a "just once" type of thing—but at least Jooheon knows now that he can kiss Changkyun. Just sometimes. If they need it. Because there's more here. Just once is enough to feel the love beneath the surface. So they don't need to talk about it or show it but he knows it's there so vividly, and this is the calm feeling he's swimming in right now. He'll never forget.
He smiles as he muses that it would be so nice to steal a little kiss again... just sometimes. When Changkyun hopefully won't jump away from him. Jooheon thinks he knew this connection between them was there, but it's the best to actually feel Changkyun's heart beat alongside his—his brother's heart only his, like a present with a pretty ribbon on top. That's what he's always wanted.
"You know that girl I've been seeing a few times?" Jooheon says, to break the silence. "She says I'm too reserved."
Ah. So that's why Jooheon was upset earlier. Changkyun looks up into his eyes, but his fingers still pet Jooheon's chest to keep him in this moment a little longer. Did she break up with him?—Changkyun doesn't ask that. "Are you?" he asks instead.
Changkyun pecks his lips. "You're not like that with me. With us. Maybe she just wasn't the right one. Don't let it get to your head."
Every single one of Changkyun's statements have a mountain of baggage behind them. But he's right. Changkyun's advice is always so logical that Jooheon might cry. He takes his cheek and pulls him into a deeper kiss. Something to remember him with, something he can lock in his heart so Changkyun can stay with him.
The next morning, the red of their passion has dissipated; but the bruises remain, as a bouquet of soft pink marks on Changkyun's neck that Jooheon can't help admiring. Then he shifts his eyes away, shy for having loved being with him so much.
It's a lovely and melancholy way to wake up, twined together with his brother. It's also nothing they can do but move on.
Changkyun catches his expression. And he knows the feeling. He just hopes Jooheon feels better, because Changkyun will wear the marks proudly. Covered in a turtleneck, but still proud.