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unrequited

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he didn't know when this started, when these feelings surfaced.

maybe it was today, yesterday, or years ago.

but no matter how long these feelings laid dormant inside him they're just as troublesome as pining after someone for years.

hearing todoroki ramble, seeing satou’s bitter face, souma still smiled- still smirked and he knew satou saw him by the quirk in his brow.

but instead of the pleasure of seeing him suffer he only felt acidity in the depths of his stomach, rising to his throat- making the sweet taste of sadistic pleasure turn bitter in his mouth.

teasing satou and seeing the faintest blush of red on his ears made his body wrack with joy, reveling in his embarrassment.

but seeing satou turn towards him, brows quirked and embrassent swirling in his eyes- red pickinling his cheeks, he didn't feel joy or pleasure. he felt his heart tighten- his heart swore and his breath catch in his throat.

he appreciated the hit to head, for it distracted him of the downward spiral of his thoughts.

---

a day after their outing to the bar, seeing todoroki flush and satou fumble,

made something turn in his stomach.

seeing satou miss the edge of the bowl, shattering the egg on the table made his stomach clench and brows furrow.

normally, he would be laughing- poking fun at satou and getting hit in the head with a pan.

but nothing came out of his throat, only focused on todoroki and satou’s reactions and feeling cyanide climb up his spine- bitterness filling his mouth and making his tongue heavy.

but he smiled, laughed and teased satou anyway. laughing at him in the break room and being kicked in the process.

he didn't feel any happiness, didn't feel any pleasure or joy in seeing the flustered expressions on satou’s face.

all he felt was bitterness, sourness, climbing up his stomach to his throat and circling through his being. his smile felt heavy on his face, his head filled with bitter thoughts and tightness squeezing his stomach.

but he laughed and ignored the pain in his heart.

---

“ill tell her soon”

satou smiled and cheered him on, ignoring the heaviness in his heart.

seeing todoroki fumble with her movements made him frown.

satou liked her?

he frowned, nearly dropping the pan in his hands, where did that thought come from?

looking over to satou, seeing him look at her with concern in his eyes, a frown on his lips.

it made his stomach curl, a nasty feeling filling his mind.

why her?

why her, he wondered, acidity building up his stomach and pulsing through his veins, anger and something else rising to his mind, then a thought crossed his mind.

souma laughed as he stirred, his thoughts empty and only filled with his sudden realization,

he was jealous.

---

sitting on the steps behind the building, satou smoked, souma on his phone.

“so you're finally manning up?” souma teased, a smile on his lips.

“yeah.”

he laughed, pocketing his phone and looking at the sky, “about time.”

smoke trailed in the air, and he dared to look at satou. satou sitting on the steps, a cigarette in hand and staring at the ground- the orange light of sunset cascading down.

his hair looked bright, his skin a bit lighter, his eyes a marvelous shade of brown- almost copper, and a smile on his lips, a smile bigger than he’s seen before,

“yeah, i'll tell her soon.”

souma gulped, “good luck.”

he looked away, back at the sky and willed his feelings down, the jealousy ripping him apart like a hurricane, “i'll cheer you on.”

“thanks.”

he laughed and ignored the heaviness in his heart, the clenching of his stomach and the tightness of his hand.

he understands why satou hasn't told todoroki his feelings, understands the hesitation in his advancements and the fear of telling her the love he fostered for years.

he understands now,

after falling for satou himself.

---

once again, todoroki was gushing about kyouko- stuttering her words all the while with a flush on her cheeks.

and of course, satou listened.

souma laughed, todoroki liked satou back, didn't she?

of course she did, of course.

souma laughed as she left, satou kicking him from behind.

he still laughed as he clutched his sore leg, “of course.” he mumbled, quiet and to himself.

hes now stuck in satou’s same spot, the spot he teased mercilessly for years, now hes stuck in there with no way out,

karma sure works in mysterious ways, souma thought, dodging another swing from a pan.

---

he invited satou to his house, a drink and dinner before he confessed.

“who says i'm confessing tomorrow?” satou said.

and souma laughed, “let me spend one more night with my lonely friend.”

and satou sighed as he stepped in his car, “whatever.”

satou sat on his couch, a cigarette between his lips, “it's strange, for you to invite me here.”

“is it?” he answered, taking out food from the fridge to cook.

satou grunted, exhaling and sighing, “are you planning something?”

“how rude, to think i'm always planning.”

“are you not?”

souma laughed and didn't answer, drizzling oil in the pan.

he wished he had a plan but sadly, he just invited satou here on a whim.

the sound of the tv playing quietly, the ruffle of his clothes against the cushions and the smell of smoke circling the house- the quiet sighs of satou’s breath swirling in the room- accompanying the sizzling sounds as his food cooked, the sound of his spatula scraping against his pan and a laugh track of a horrible show playing in the background.

it was oddly domestic

oddly heart warming,

oddly jealousy inducing.

to think that he wouldn't be able to do this soon.

to think that soon satou would finally be with todoroki.

to think that souma would fall for him too- stuck forever in unrequited love.

souma laughed quietly,

he hated this.

---

after eating their food, satou complementing it after souma pressed for one, they sat in his living room.

satou laying on the couch and souma sitting on the floor, resting his back on the legs of the couch.

it was a game show, horribly cheesy and with obnoxious laugh tracks playing every second.

he could smell the cigarettes from satou’s clothes, the smokiness of nicotine trapped in the folds of his clothes- strangely bringing him a peace of mind.

“are you going to confess tomorrow?”

“maybe.”

souma laughed, he wanted to tell him, wanted to tell him so badly before he left the grasp of his hand forever.

so he did, he wasn't going to be like satou pinning from a distance and missing his chance.

“i love you.”

he could hear the sharp intake of breath, the crushing of a cigarette between his lips.

souma laughed, trying to fight off the nervousness climbing up his chest, “sorry, for telling you this now. i just needed to tell you.”

satou grunted, clearly trying to find a way to solve this situation.

and souma took mercy on him giving him a easy way out, “i needed to tell you before i couldn't.” he smiled and stood up, looking down on satou’s face- frustratingly neutral, “you can leave if you want, ill be in my room.”

“i won't quit if you leave, ill still work there with everyone else.” souma smiled, looking at the frown of his brow and the blush on his ears- the cigarette long being out, “see you tomorrow, satou.”

he closed the door and broke down.

---

he returned to work, like he promised.

satou in the kitchen, cooking, and souma laughing trying to obtain normalcy, “no stomach problems? surprising.”

“i needed to take medicine in the morning.”

“that's only natural, considering what your gonna do today.” souma sighed loudly- dramatically, “about time really, after 4 years of pining.”

“about yesterday i-”

souma quickly cut him off, “it doesn't matter, you can act like yesterday didnt even happen.”

“i cant-”

once again, satou was cut off by taneshima walking in the room, “lets do our best!” she cheered.

souma nodded and left the room, escaping from satou.

satou messed with her hair after he left, taneshima complaining all the while.

---

they were in the break room, satou smoking like usual while souma scrolled through his phone.

“yesterday-”

“did you not hear me earlier?” souma smiled, “you can act like yesterday never happened.”

“don't be stubborn,” satou sighed, “i want to give you a proper answer.”

“i already know the answer.”

“i want to tell you anyway.”

souma sighed, shutting his phone and looking satou in the eye, “then go ahead.”

“i can't return your feelings.”

souma smiled, ignoring the pain in his heart and the flutters in his stomach, “i know.”

“i'm sorry.”

“it's fine.” souma smiled- forcing his smile bigger and brighter, “you should worry about todoroki instead! you are going to con-”

satou kicked him under the table, the pain making him cut off his sentence, “ow! that's rude, satou!”

satou ignored him and souma smiled,

maybe things can be normal after all.

---

he confessed.

in the darkness of the storage he confessed and todoroki accepted.

he smiled, they deserved it.

everyone was happy and cheering in the kitchen. talking over one another and laughing.

souma laughed too.

he was still jealous, could feel jealousy spilling into his mouth when thinking about the way todoroki glowed when he confessed, the lightness of satou’s shoulder and the clasp of their hands.

he was still jealous, but he was happy just being his friend.