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i only want you next to me, sweet love

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It’s quiet.

Beomgyu likes the quiet. He loves days like this, where he can’t hear anything besides the rain lightly hitting his window, no signs of human life. He loves being alone, loves burying himself into his comforter, piling the blankets over him so he looks like one big blob. He wants to be nonexistent, wants to fade into the nothingness, become one with the void. He wants to fly away, be alone for the rest of his life. 

“Beomgyu?”

Scratch that. He wants to be alone with him

Beomgyu hears his bedroom door creak open, soft footsteps walking towards him. Suddenly, the blanket is pulled back from his head, and he makes eye contact with the pretty boy standing over him. 

Beomgyu smiles softly, still half asleep. He reaches his arms out and makes grabby hands towards the male. “Yeonjun-hyung.”

Yeonjun chuckles, reaching down to run his fingers through his hair. Beomgyu leans into the touch, ignoring the way his heart is leaping out of his chest. He can feel the heat rush to his cheeks as he closes his eyes. Yeonjun’s hand slowly brushes through his hair and then it makes its way to cup his cheek and Beomgyu just about melts. 

“Hi, baby,” Yeonjun giggles softly, rubbing his thumb over Beomgyu’s cheekbone. He leans forward and leaves a soft kiss on Beomgyu’s forehead. 

Beomgyu cracks open his eyes, looking up at Yeonjun through his lashes. “Where did you go today?”

Yeonjun sits on the edge of Beomgyu’s bed, next to him. “I went out with some old friends from high school. We went to the old dance studio and just let out some stress.”

Beomgyu hums, turning onto his back to get more comfortable. In this position, he can look at Yeonjun’s face clearly. For a moment, the light from the window shines onto Yeonjun’s shoulder and it looks almost as if the light goes right through him. Beomgyu blinks, and the light is gone, replaced by the rain once again. 

“Scoot over, I wanna lay down.” 

Beomgyu wiggles his way backwards on his bed, making a spot next to him that’ll perfectly fit the dark haired male. He knows exactly how much space to leave, he’s had enough practice to last him a lifetime.

“C’mon, gimme the cuddles I deserve, shithead. I missed you today,” Beomgyu sings, letting a playful smirk cross his features. 

Yeonjun gasps and hits Beomgyu’s arm in response. “Fuck you, brat! That’s hyung to you! You’ve been hanging out with Kai too damn much and now he’s rubbing off on you.”

Beomgyu is laughing, rolling around on the softness of his bed. He’s clutching his sides and he’s laughing so hard that there are tears coming from his eyes. Beomgyu isn’t sure why it’s so funny, but his mind is just screaming at him to laugh, laugh like he means it or it’ll never happen again. Yeonjun is just staring at him with a small smile on his lips, watching him laugh as if that was the most intriguing thing in the world.

Beomgyu’s giggles fade away and the two of them are just left staring at each other. Beomgyu looks at Yeonjun, committing every single piece of him to memory, every tiny detail; the exact distance between his eyes, every single hair on his head, the small beauty marks scattered about. Everything about Yeonjun is breathtaking in the best way possible. How Beomgyu ended up having such a beautiful person in his life, he truly doesn’t know. They haven’t said anything yet, but the silence is comfortable between the two of them. They don’t have to say anything in order to understand one another. Beomgyu doesn’t feel pressured to talk but he does anyway. 

“Are you coming?” Beomgyu raises an eyebrow, opening his arms wide enough for Yeonjun. Yeonjun shakes his head and laughs, before he throws himself into Beomgyu’s arms. Beomgyu rests his head on top of Yeonjun’s, closing his eyes. He tries to calm his beating heart, not ready for Yeonjun to tease him because of how fast it’s going. Yeonjun burrows his head into Beomgyu’s neck and gives it a soft kiss, humming the melody to a song Beomgyu probably knows but can’t register at the moment because his brain is just full of Yeonjun Yeonjun Yeonjun Yeonjun.

Yeonjun smells like the sunshine in the fall, like freshly cleaned laundry and lavender, with a hint of vanilla and sage. Beomgyu has never loved a smell more in his life. He wishes he could bottle it up and keep it for himself on the days when he’s missing him, to help calm his nerves when he’s out in public and everything gets to be too much. Yeonjun smells like how a home should smell, not one definitive scent but a mixture of different ones to keep the nose intrigued, to make someone feel safe.

Beomgyu always feels safe with Yeonjun, no matter the situation he's in. He can’t wait to spend forever with him. He can’t wait to see what the future brings him. As long as he has Yeonjun by his side, he feels as though he could conquer the world. 

“What are you thinking about, Gyu-ah?”

Beomgyu hums, running his fingers through Yeonjun’s dark strands of hair. “You.”

“Shut up,” Yeonjun groans, moving around in Beomgyu’s hold. “I’m being serious.”

“I am too,” Beomgyu argues. “I’m always thinking about you. Not a second of the day goes by without you crossing my mind, you’re like a pest! I also think about the future house I want us to live in, or where I want us to take cute couple pictures when we travel. I’m gonna make you deal with Toto whether you like it or not, by the way.”

Yeonjun’s breathless laugh warms Beomgyu’s skin, but it’s suddenly cold as Yeonjun pulls his head out from his neck to look at him. “And what if I get a cat? Will Toto like that?”

“Why the hell would you get a cat? They’re such high maintenance animals,” Beomgyu shakes his head. “Toto would not appreciate the threat of a cat chasing him down.”

“Isn’t that just a stereotype from cartoons? I’ve never seen a cat chase down a bird,” Yeonjun ponders for a moment, before he leans forward and brushes his lips against Beomgyu’s cheek. Beomgyu giggles from the sensation.

“I don’t think I want to find out,” Beomgyu’s giggles continue to fill the room as Yeonjun repeatedly pecks all over Beomgyu’s face. As the seconds tick by, Beomgyu begins to pout.

“What, pouty baby?” Yeonjun asks, his breath fanning over Beomgyu’s nose. Beomgyu lets out a frustrated huff. What a tease.  

“I want a kiss!”

Yeonjun rolls his eyes and leans down to give Beomgyu a cheek kiss. Beomgyu reaches up and smacks the back of Yeonjun’s head. Yeonjun laughs and his eyes crinkle on the sides. “What?”

Beomgyu bats his eyes and pouts. “I want a real kiss, idiot!”

“Okay, okay,” Yeonjun sighs. He leans down till his lips are just centimeters above Beomgyu’s and whispers a soft, “C’mere,my love.”

Beomgyu closes his eyes and smiles and Yeonjun’s lips lightly press against his, before he deepens the kiss. Kissing Yeonjun was an out of this world experience. Beomgyu’s chest always tightened with an explosion of different emotions but all he could feel was the overwhelming sensation of love. Kissing Yeonjun felt like the sun peering through the dark clouds after a long thunderstorm, or like the leaves falling from the trees as the seasons changed. It was always different every time they kissed and it caused Beomgyu to fall further into Yeonjun’s gravitational pull. He never wanted to pull away, always wanted to fall deeper and become one with the boy that tasted like honey. 

They kiss for what feels like seconds, but is actually quite longer in reality, before they pull away. Beomgyu let’s a soft whine crawl it’s way out of the back of his throat, his cheeks flushed. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet, just lets the moment linger right in front of him and all around him. 

When he opens his eyes, the sun is shining on Yeonjun once again. Yeonjun is smiling at him with his eyes closed, but he’s crying. Beomgyu moves closer to him and reaches a hand up to wipe the tears from his cheeks. Yeonjun’s skin is cold to the touch, although the sun is shining directly onto him. 

“What’s wrong, sunshine?”

Yeonjun grabs ahold of Beomgyu’s cheeks, then leans his head against Beomgyu’s so their foreheads are pressed against each other. Beomgyu smiles softly, but it isn’t genuine. A sudden rush of sadness overcomes his senses and he can’t help but push Yeonjun away slowly. Yeonjun opens his eyes and shakes his head.

“I have to go now, my love.”

Beomgyu looks into Yeonjun’s warm irises. He searches for an answer, the overwhelming need to understand washes over him and he suddenly feels as if he can’t breathe. His fingers latch onto Yeonjun’s shoulders and he shakes his head.

“You can’t go, you just got home!”

Yeonjun just stares blankly at Beomgyu, before he looks towards the window. “Gyu-yah…. You have to let me go. I have to go.”

Beomgyu lets out a sob and shakes his head over and over again. Yeonjun can’t leave him like this. Not when they have such a beautiful future planned out together. They wanted to finish school and go travel the world together, they wanted to make music together, they wanted to be in love forever together and if Yeonjun leaves then it won’t be — it won’t be together. It’ll just be Beomgyu by himself. How was Beomgyu supposed to do it by himself without his sunshine? Who would make him happy whenever he was feeling sad? Who would pull him out of his head and from the dark and into the light? Beomgyu can’t— he can’t do this alone. Together. They have to do it together

Yeonjun pulls Beomgyu’s hands from his shoulders and brings them to his lips to leave soft kisses on them. “I’ll see you later, okay?” 

Beomgyu can’t see Yeonjun through his tears, but he knows he’s smiling sadly. Beomgyu shakes his head, his bangs flying into his eyes. “Please, you can’t leave me! We’re supposed to do this together, Yeonjun. I can't do this without you!”

Yeonjun’s hand cups Beomgyu’s cheeks again, and he breathes in. “You can do it, my star. You can, I promise. I promise I’ll always be right by your side. Even if you can’t see me, I’m right here,” he points to Beomgyu’s heart. “Promise, my love.”

“I-I can’t,” Beomgyu cries. “Please!”

Yeonjun sighs before reaching into his pocket and pulling something out. He leans towards Beomgyu and wraps his arms around his neck, before pulling away. “Here. Now I will always be with you.”

Beomgyu looks down through his tears to see a locket now delicately placed around his neck. He reaches shaky fingers towards it and pulls it up to look at it carefully. He opens it and lets out a small, quiet gasp. On one side is a picture of them as little kids, smiling so pure. Beomgyu bitterly laughs to himself as he thinks about a time when they didn’t know what horrible fate was going to bring them. On the other side, was a small handwritten note in Yeonjun’s handwriting that read, ‘We’ll meet again soon, my star.’

Yeonjun leans down and kisses Beomgyu’s forehead, lingering for a moment. “I have to go.”

“I love you,” Beomgyu whispers, knocking his head against Yeonjun’s softly. There’s no response. Beomgyu doesn’t open his eyes yet, but he whispers into the empty silence of his darkening bedroom. 

“I’m tired of being lonely. Why can’t you stay?”

It’s quiet. 

Beomgyu hates the quiet. He hates days like this, where he can’t hear anything besides the rain lightly hitting his window, no signs of human life. He hates being alone, hates burying himself into his comforter, piling the blankets over him so he looks like one big blob. He wants to be nonexistent, wants to fade into the nothingness, become one with the void. He wants to fly away, be at peace with Yeonjun.

Beomgyu opens his eyes and looks next to him, where he can still see Yeonjun’s smile, the way his cheeks became flushed whenever Beomgyu would whisper how much he loved him into his ears, or when his eyes held the stars and so much more in them as they talked about their future together. 

Beomgyu is alone, in the dark of his room.

This hasn’t gotten any easier.