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Succ's to be You.

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“It’s dead.”  Kaiba dropped a three-inch wide succulent on the grey plastic table.  It was brown where it should have been green, and had a slight odor to it.

Joey inspected the sad plant.  He prodded one of his fingers delicately at one of the leaves, and it fell off instantly.  He rubbed his hand on his blue work apron.

“Yeah.  In my professional opinion, it’s really dead.”  Joey said.

Kaiba squared his shoulders.  “I was told by one of your associates that this would be an unkillable office plant.  He was clearly wrong.  This plant is entirely killable.”

Joey shrugged, “Technically, I think all livin’ things are.”

Kaiba rolled his eyes.

“But, honestly, I’ve never seen a dead one of these before.  I woulda told you it was impossible too.”  Joey continued.

“Look, I take good care of the plant.  See!”  Kaiba plunged his finger into the small terracotta pot.  “The soil is wet.  I spritz it with water every day.”

Kaiba withdrew his hand.  

“Yeah, I think maybe you took too good of care of it.”  Joey shrugged.  “That can rot the roots.  It’s important to not overwater succulents.  Wanna try again?”

Kaiba pulled out his credit card, and another succulent in a little blue pot changed hands.

. . .

“It’s dead,” Kaiba said, placing the blue pot on the table harshly.  It was a slow day at the nursery, and Joey was trying to clean up.  He wandered over to check out the little blue pot.

The plant was a faded brown, and its’ once plump leaves were shriveled in dehydration.

“Did you ever water it?”  Joey asked, eyebrows raised in concern.

Kaiba was silent, but the slight hint of a scowl played at his lips. 

“Well ya gotta water it sometimes.  Maybe twice a week?”  Joey said.

“You’re the expert! How many is it?!” Kaiba demanded, slamming his hands on the plastic table.

Joey shrugged.  “Gonna depend on… I dunno… the humidity of yer house or office or whatever.  And the sunlight on the pot.  And how much ya spritz.  Twice a week works for literally almost anyone.”  Joey pulled out a thriving green succulent in a sunny yellow pot and set it on the table.

. . .

“Dead.”  Joey looked at the tortured plant.  This time, frankly, it looked as if it had been set on fire.

 “I got somethin’ a little special for you.”  Joey pulled out a little succulent in a black pot.  He wrote something in silver sharpie on the bottom.

“Another succulent?”  Kaiba asked.

“It’s perfect for you.  Unkillable.” Kaiba reached for the plant to inspect it.

“Plastic.” Kaiba flipped over the plant to see a phone number written on the bottom.

“And now ya don’t have to torture any more plants to visit me.”