I can’t believe I’m going to break the heart of the man that I love the most in the world. Logan West has been my friend, my rock, since the fifth grade. I remember being the new kid a few months into the school year. I walked into the classroom behind the schools’ vice-principle and he was sitting at the desk closest to the door. He had light brown eyes, dark sandy blond hair and for a ten year old, he was rather muscular, even then. Logan and I made eye contact and that’s all it took for me to fall for him. He says that’s the exact moment he knew I was his. Logan fell in love with me because I had a cute face and a winning personality despite being a chubby girl.
At recess, I was standing alone in a corner of the schoolyard observing everything around me. A group of kids were playing soccer, another group were playing doge ball and many girl clicks were standing around gossiping. It was a very small school and I stood out like a sore thumb. Logan and four other guys walked up to me. Logan introduced himself and then he introduced his other friends, Jaxson, Marcus, Rhett, and Carter.
Jaxson West is Logan’s twin brother. Despite being fraternal twins, they had similar features. Logan has a much softer face than his brother but Jaxson is still very handsome. Their father ran off with some woman when they were very young leaving their mother to care for them. She had a bunch of help, particularly from her best friend, Marcus’ mother.
Marcus Reed is Jaxson’s best friend. They were constantly over at each others houses and their favourite thing to do was build model motorcycles and test them out. Not long after my arrival, Marcus’ father had pulled out a gun, shot his wife, Marcus and Summer (Marcus’ younger sister) before pulling the gun on himself. Marcus was the sole survivor. The murder/suicide was all anybody could talk about for months and months after the incident. Since Marcus had no other living relatives, he started living with the twins and their mother. She started drinking after her best friend died and it just got worst over the years.
Rhett Daniels was already the playboy of the bunch when I met him. Ever since his parents died in a car crash, he became the class clown (and flirt) but everyone knew he was putting up barriers between him and the outside world. He and his younger sister, Mia, ended up living with Mr. Hayes (Carter’s father) because none of their aunts or uncles wanted them until they found out that Mr. Hayes owned a multi-billion dollar industry (Indie Ink Publishing) but he saw right through them and decided to keep the two kids safe with him.
Which leaves us with Carter Hayes. Carter is a tall, dark and brooding kid which means he completely scares the living daylights out of me. He doesn’t trust many people in his life, especially women. He was not thrilled when I started hanging around them but he now tolerates me. His own mother had left him and his father just before he was out of diapers. She left with Logan and Jaxson’s father. He could have hated the twins for it but he realized they were in the same boat as him. One of their parents left and because of that they bonded.
When they were 13 years old, all of the boys, and Mia, were living with Carter and his father in their huge mansion. Logan's mom caught Jaxson shaving one day and it threw her over the edge.
“You look exactly like him” she screamed at Jaxson. “I can’t believe he ran off with that slut and left me with you! I wish you and Logan were never born!”
Not long after that outburst, she dropped the three boys off at Mr. Hayes’ and never came back.
Logan and I only had eyes for each other. We would always sit next to each other in class, do our homework together, go to the movies and just chill with the boys. I was one of them.
He asked me to prom and of course I said yes. We rented a hotel room for the after party and that is when we gave ourselves to the other. I won’t go into details but he made me feel like the only and the most beautiful woman in the world. He promised that once we graduated from University that he was going to propose to me so we can live the rest of our lives together.
So why am I about to break his heart?
Because he is becoming a lawyer and I am becoming a surgeon. Between our classes, readings, projects and homework, I doubt we’ll ever have any time for each other. Not to mention, doctors work the most horrible hours and we are almost always on call, especially the newbies. I can’t do that to the love of my life. I can’t be the one to tie him down when the only time he sees me is when I come home completely exhausted after an emergency operation or two and I’m too tired to kiss him. I love Logan too much to let him live like that. I have to let him go.
It’s three days before the start of our first year in college and I just finished unpacking my last box of stuff in my apartment near the campus. Logan and the boys bought what looks like a mansion a couple of blocks away. My phone rings and my heart races when I see Logan’s number.
“Hey Logan” I say.
“Hi Beautiful,” his nickname for me. “How’s the decorating coming along?”
“I’m pretty much done. I was about to come over.”
“Bring your swimsuit, we have a pool and I want to get you wet” he says with playfulness in his voice. If that man could live in a pool, he would.
“I’m on my way” I say without any hint of betrayal.
It took me only five minutes to walk there. Marcus and Jaxson are carrying a giant flat screen TV through the front door. I follow behind them and saw Carter lounging on the couch in the living room.
“Hey Carter, have you seen Logan?”
“Out back” he grumbles and I walk away without another word.
Logan was already in the pool doing laps. He did another five laps before getting out of the pool. I just stood there watching the water roll off his chiselled muscles as he stepped out of the pool. He grabs a towel, dries off his face and smiles when he sees me. My heart sinks because I know his smile will disappear after I say what I came here to say. When he reaches me, he frames my face with his hands and kisses me tenderly. I am close to tears because this beautiful and kind man standing in front of me deserves the world.
“What’s wrong, Beautiful?” he asks.
“Can we go to your room?” and he nods.
We make our way to his room. When he closes the door behind him and turns around to look at me, a few tears have already started to trickle down my cheeks.
“Logan, I can’t be your girlfriend anymore” I say, ripping the band aid off as fast as possible. All traces of his smile has left his face and my heart hurts. “I... I can’t do this anymore.”
He stares at me in disbelief.
“Why?” It comes out as a whisper.
“Logan, I love you. I will always love you. But I am going to be a surgeon and you are going to be a lawyer. Do you really think we’ll ever have time for each other now or once we actually get the jobs we want?” I ask him.
“Katrina, don’t do this. We will figure it out, together.”
I shove past Logan because I can’t handle seeing the hurt on his face anymore. He grabs my shoulders and turns me around to face him. My whole body is trembling from the sob I’m holding in. He steps closer to me and I am rooted to the spot. This is the last time I will be near Logan and I want to remember the way he looks, smells and feels. Logan wraps one arm around my waist and the hand of his other arm goes to my neck. He pulls me in close and stops just inches from me. His eyes sweep over my face and lands on my lips.
“I love you and I won’t give up on us” he tells me in a matter of fact.
Before I can respond, he closes the gap between us with a heated kiss. Logan’s tongue darts past my lips and starts to tango with mine. I melt into his body, wrapping my arms around his strong shoulders, knowing this is the last time I will ever feel him in this way.
When he releases me I turn around, grab the door handle and right before I open the door, I say “I love you too.” I run down the stairs, out the door and the few blocks to my place. When I shut the door behind me, I lean back on it and slide down to the ground. I wrap my arms around my knees that are firmly pressed to my chest and release the sob I’ve been holding in since walking into Logan’s room.