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Beyond Frozen Souls

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I’m floating in endless darkness. Nothing makes sense, and yet at the same time, everything makes sense. Does that make sense? No I don’t suppose that it does make sense, but really in this world does anything make sense? I’m rambling now. A silly thought, rambling to the endless, empty, cold darkness.

I feel it, the cold that is. It is such a strange feeling, being cold I mean. It’s strange because I’ve never really felt cold, or maybe I have and it’s just never bothered me. Anyway I’m sure it doesn’t matter now, but with this darkness pressing in around me, threatening to drown me.

Or maybe it’s threating to freeze me. My heart feels heavy, and I think the cold is spreading from there, slowly washing over me in waves that steadily grow colder and colder. I think there is frost on my nose.

It tickles and I want to sneeze but I can’t, maybe body won’t let me.

My mind is growing hazy and I can feel things slipping away, fading into the freezing blackness and I feel lost and alone. My memories are shattered and they are slipping away from me.

I try to grab them because they’re all that I have left. I can’t lose them too. Not now.

I’m holding them now, my whole life in the palm of my hand.

My memories, small, fragile fractals of crystalized ice. Snowflake. Little snowflakes that I never want to melt.

I want them to stay, because I know that if they stay, then I can stay being myself, so I have to remember. The bad with the good, see them all again, the good with the bad.

They’re all mixed up in my hand and I shake my head as I struggle to order them.

So many little snowflakes. Once I manage to order them in the way I am sure is right I push them together, there is frost covering my hands now, into one big snowflake.

“I might as well start at the beginning” I mutter as I slowly push the snowflake into my eye just as the cold takes hold of me.

I have to remember, I have to choose.

“I might as well start at the beginning” my voice echoes as I slip into the darkness of my memories, and I’ve never agreed with myself more.