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eddie miller's attempted american indoctrination: netflix edition

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As the longest current Anubis House resident from America, Eddie had tried a number of things to immerse his British friends in American culture. He was surrounded by accents every single minute of every single day; it only seemed fair.

Dodgeball wasn’t a fail, per se, although Jerome’s injuries would disagree. Football had only been a ruse to flirt with Patricia, which worked tremendously—that was a success in all senses. Except when she got pissed off at him quickly after the fact… And no one but Alfie dared to venture near Eddie’s kitchen monstrosities. That was a fail as well. Albeit, a fail he didn’t mind (more food for the two of them), but still a fail.

He wasn’t giving up though. He still had one thing in his arsenal that absolutely could not fail, and he even had KT there to push it on their friends: American television. Netflix. The Office.

His plan didn’t account for his girlfriend.

“You know, we do have a British version of this,” Patricia grumbled from beside him, her arms crossed in disinterest.

Eddie rolled his eyes, undeterred. “Yes, Yacker, but it’s not just… dubbed over with American accents.” Alfie snorted at that. “It’s a completely different show.”

“Clearly.” She shifted around in her spot against the couch, then paused before saying, “This is shit.”

His jaw dropped. He honestly hadn’t expected this. “No it’s not.”

Joy put her hands out in a so-so manner, in just the right place for him to see. “I mean, it’s not great.”

Eddie stared. Everyone else was silent, still mainly focused on the television. “Are you two even watching?”

“I don’t particularly like how the women are treated at times,” Mara piped up from one of the two armchairs they’d pushed closer to the couch. She made it sound firm but casual, her posture delicate beside a silent KT.

To Eddie’s left, Willow yelped, “Owww, Eddie, you’re on my hair!” This was only possible because she chose to view the show upside down, her knees hooked over the top of the couch for stability.

He flinched, leaning away so she could gather her hair up. “Sorry Willow.”

Joy chuckled, pointing at him. “You’re here trying to push American staples on us, but when you say ‘sorry’ you sound Canadian.”

Patricia whipped around to look at her best friend. “EXACTLY. Exactly, I’ve been saying that for ages!”

Eddie was protesting, but they continued talking over him. He wasn’t quite sure how the conversation even got on this topic. He just wanted to watch a damn show.

“Right? It just sounds wrong.”

“He’s saying it wrong.”

Joy wiggled her legs around in Jerome’s lap, leaning forward to catch KT’s attention. “KT, he doesn’t sound American, right?”

The only other American in the room bit her lip, seeming put out. “Well, I haven’t been in contact with a lot of Canadians… recently…” When Patricia and Joy didn’t look away, she conceded, “But it does sound a little different.”

Eddie dropped a palm onto the floor with a thud. “KT!”

“Sorry!” she said, sounding only half-sincere. Mara smiled, body turned away from the TV completely now. It was clear where the real show was.

Patricia and Joy clapped, each saying variations of, “THAT’S how you say it!”

Admitting defeat and realizing he didn’t know what had played out on this episode in the past three minutes, Eddie picked a different tactic. “Okay, maybe I say it differently. Who cares?”

Jerome made a noise behind him. “I don’t. Couldn’t care less.”

Eddie clapped him on the leg. “Thank you, Jerry!”

Joy reached out to touch her boyfriend’s shoulder. “Babe. If you don’t side with me on this we might have to break up.

Patricia’s laugh nearly drowned out Jerome’s sudden and incredulous, “What?” He shifted to stare at her, forcing Willow to inch closer to Alfie.

Joy’s eyebrows rose, confused. “I’m kidding!”

He still didn’t find it funny. “You can’t joke about that, Joy, seriously—”

She looked at him a moment longer before pulling her legs off of him and tucking them under her. “Oh come on, you’re the one who’s literally broken up with me.”

“Because you were going to break up with me!”

“No, I wasn’t,” she said pointedly.

“Yes, you were.”

Her eyebrows drew together angrily now. “No, I was telling Mara I wouldn’t!”

He wagged a finger at her. “Ah, but she wouldn’t let you.”

“You broke up with me—”

“Before you could do it first —”

“ALRIGHT, ENOUGH!”

The whole room grew silent, the focus shifting to Fabian on the other armchair. 

Alfie let out a low whistle and muttered under his breath, “Forgot you were there.” Willow nodded beside him, half sitting up now to watch Fabian’s outburst.

Fabian fixed Jerome with a hard look. “Jerome. Regardless if she would’ve gone against Mara and not broken up with you first, we’ll never know because you DID break up with her.” Joy nudged her boyfriend, a triumphant smile on her face despite the subject matter.

But then Fabian continued, turning his attention to his roommate. “And Eddie… this really isn’t that funny.”

Eddie’s eyes nearly rolled out of his head. “Oh, COME ON—” He tried one last time, looking at his fellow American. “KT! KT, tell him it’s great.”

He should’ve expected the answer. Once again, she grimaced and admitted in a sorrowful tone, “I’m really more of a Parks and Rec girl.”

Alfie draped an arm over the side of the couch, leaning toward her. “Is that the one with Nick Offerman?”

“Yeah!”

Mara and Joy both instantly lit up. “Oh, I’ve seen that!” Mara said, Joy nodding enthusiastically.

Patricia shrugged. “Yeah, alright.”

Willow slowly laid her head in Alfie’s lap, her feet now tucked against Jerome’s legs. “I love parks,” she said whimsically, sighing contentedly. “All that green…”

Eddie simply dropped his head and let someone, literally anyone else change the show.