Waking up in the Avengers Tower was an unusual experience for Wade Wilson, but then again, this was Earth-722, and things were a little different. He cracked open an eye, his head instantly throbbing under the bright hospital lights.
“Well, lookie there,” a raspy lady’s voice said. Suddenly Wanda was hovering over him. “Finally decided to come back from the dead, eh?”
Wade winced as he reached for her, adjusting her position so that Wanda’s head blocked out the overhead light. He opened his eyes a little wider. “How long did it take you?”
“Over night,” she answered proudly, a smirk on her scarred lips. “But then again, I was only disintegrated from the waist down, unlike you my masculine doppelganger.”
Atomized is the proper term. Wade had a vague memory of being turned into a mist. He always thought it was kind of weird how his consciousness hung around for a second or two before sauntering away into Death’s embrace. Hell, even Death was different in this niche of the Multiverse. Not as nice, really. Probably because Wanda had pissed her off once or twice. It was kind of disappointing to die and be given the cold shoulder.
Wade groaned, pushing himself up to a sitting position. He carefully rolled his head on his shoulders, feeling the new muscles stretch and scars pull. They had dressed him in a hospital gown with little Avengers logos printed all over it, interspersed with Iron Man heads and General America shields (Cap got a promotion in this universe).
“When can I leave?” Wade asked, his voice a little more hoarse than usual.
Wanda shrugged. “Whenever you’re up to it.”
He could detect a note of sadness in her voice. Wade asked, “You okay, my dear female counterpart?”
She shrugged again. “I’m fine.”
Wade knew himself enough to know that Wanda was not, in fact, fine. Though her voice was a little higher in pitch and her face a little more delicately crafted, Wade knew his lying, forlorn expressions and tones.
“Something I need to know about?” he asked.
“It’s, uh… It’s nothing,” Wanda said, absently picking a piece of fuzz off the sleeve of her red and black uniform. She sighed, and said, “It’s just… I don’t know… I’m going to kind of miss having you here. It’s been fun the last couple weeks.”
Wade smiled. “Yeah. It has. You actually get my jokes.”
“Totally,” she said, beaming a smile that showed through the mask. Then Wanda’s brow furrowed as the smile fell away. “And… you kinda help me forget stuff, too. It hasn’t been good for me lately.”
“I know,” Wade said softly. In this universe, Nathan Summers had only died a few months ago. Unlike in his universe, Wanda and Nate stayed on the same side through the whole Civil War. Stayed married, even. He sighed. “It gets easier, you know. Losing him.”
Wanda huffed a laugh as a spot of moisture darkened under the eyes of her mask. She cleared her throat, and said, “If you say so. How long did it take for you to move on?”
“A long time,” Wade said. He thought about Peter, who was probably ready to strangle him for being gone so long, and added, “But there’s good things that will come your way, too.”
“If you say so,” she repeated. Then she sniffled, and stood up from the bedside, saying, “I’m gonna go get your suit so you can cover the family jewels.”
After she was gone, Wade stood and stretched his whole body. A new body, more or less. Being atomized made everything feel strange. It had only happened to him once before. This time, it was a ray from some alien bastard that he’d chased through three universes before teaming up with Wanda and the 722 Avengers.
It really had been a blast hanging out with one of the Deadpools. Especially Wanda. It made him happy to know that at least one of the Wanda’s survived the Deadpool Apocalypse, which gave him hope there was still a Kidpool out there somewhere. He could care less about Headpool, though Dogpool was alright. Loyal, kind of stupid. Just like the rest of them.
Really, if it wasn’t for Peter, Wade would have thought about staying where he was. The Avengers loved him, even douchy Tony Stark was not so douche-tastic. It was strange to feel so welcome, and Wade wanted that feeling to last. Except, stupid him, he was in love with a doe-eyed Bambi, and all he wanted was to bounce on the web-head the moment he got back to 616.
Wanda wasn’t the one who came back with his uniform; it was Natasha Barton. It was so cute seeing Black Widow and Hawkeye as an adorable married couple, though Wade made the mistake of awww-ing at them, which resulted in a broken rib administered by Nat. Happened so fast, he never even saw her leg move before he felt the snap. Kind of like seeing lightning long before hearing the thunder.
He accepted the pile of clothes, and asked, “Wanda okay?”
“She put a hole through the common room wall,” Natasha said cooly, backing out the door. “I’d say she’s been better.”
Wade nodded, and once the door was closed, he changed into his uniform. A brand new uniform, at that. It was made of a different kind of reinforced material, like the ultra durable, ultra flexible lovechild of Spandex and Kevlar. It felt good. Soft inside, like silk against his scarred, raw skin. He imagined it was a fabric specially made for Wanda, and they were kind enough to tailor it to him.
Once dressed, Wade headed down the hallway to the elevators, noting the hole in the wall next to a pair of potted plants. He looked up, and said, “Hey JARVIS, where’s Wanda?”
The only answer was silence, and Wade remembered, “I mean, ALFRED. Don’t be a dick.”
“Ms. Summers is currently in Doctor Richard’s laboratory,” the AI answered.
“Thanks,” Wade said as he stepped into the elevator. The door was almost closed before a hand pushed the doors back open, and Clint stepped in.
He was all smiles as he said, “Leaving?”
Wade nodded. The elevator started to descend, and he said, “I’m actually going to miss you, Hawkeye. You are so...not like I’m used to.”
“Gonna miss you too, Dudepool,” Clint said with a half smile. “It’s been cool seeing another version of Wanda. You’re both such total badasses, it’s amazing. Nat won’t admit it, but she’s gonna miss you too.”
“It’s hard to believe,” Wade said with a half-hearted laugh. He had to remind himself to think of Peter, otherwise he was going to tell Reed Richards to forget the portal.
That was another unusual thing about this universe. The Fantastic Four and the Avengers were a single unit, operating out of Avengers Tower. Actually, when Wade mentioned something about the semi-sorta rivalry between Tony and Reed, both looked at him like he’d grown a second head. There was no Baxter Building. Also, there was no Dr. Doom, at least not as Wade knew him. Victor von Doom was also on the Avengers team, and was a helluva nice guy, considering Wade tried to shoot him on sight.
The doors opened to Reed’s laboratory, where Wanda was waiting by the portal’s steps. She had removed her mask, revealing that the ponytail was just an accessory; Wanda was just as bald as Wade.
“Just in time,” Reed said as Wade and Clint approached. “I have you dialed in. All you have to do is step through.”
Wade stared at the portal, at the swirling colors and sighed. “Guess I better be on my way. Things to see, people to do and all.”
Wanda ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. For a moment, Wade was a little surprised, before he finally hugged her tight, and said, “I’m really going to miss you, Sisterpool.”
“Gonna m-miss you t-too,” she sobbed into his shoulder.
Wade found he was having trouble holding back the tears too. He remembered all too well just how messed up he was after Nate went and dropped off the face of the planet. There was no way he would have made it through without the help of Bob and Weasel, Hayden and all the rest of them at Agency X.
Then Wade got an idea. It was probably a terrible idea, but he still said, “You could always come home with me for a bit. Take a break, maybe?”
Wanda straightened, looking him in the eyes. “Are you serious?”
“Hell yeah, I’m serious,” Wade said, a smile blooming on his face. “Just for a little bit. You can meet Peter. We can chill on the couch and play Call of Duty. I’ll make you tacos. And when you get sick of me, I’ll sweet talk my Richards into sending you back.”
She grinned, and Wade knew what her answer was going to be.
Wanda looked at Clint, and said, “Do you think that the General will be fine with me taking a vacation with my pan-dimensional brother?”
“No sweat, sweetheart,” Clint said as he gave her a hug. “Have fun. And if you see me, tell me to be nicer to Wade.”
“I will,” Wanda said with a grin before running to the elevator. Ten minutes later, she was back at the portal with a giant duffel bag over her shoulder stuffed with guns and a couple changes of clothes. Deadpools always have their priorities in order.
Wade and Peter’s little apartment in Queens had been cleaned within an inch of its life during Deadpool’s extended absence. Three weeks. Three very long, agonizing, boring weeks without surprise tacos at midnight, shower handjobs, or Halo tournaments. When Wade left on his mission to the Multiverse, Peter thought it would be nice to have some time alone. Enjoy the quiet. But after the first few days, Peter realized that half of what he loved about Wade Wilson was the abundance of distraction. Never a dull moment with the Merc with the Mouth.
Now, it was nearing midnight, and Peter was eating double chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream straight from the container, and generally feeling like the saddest sack in the history of superheroes. He’d been out on patrol, but kept missing his marks, and ended up face-planting into the side of the Empire State Building. After that, he decided it was time to hang up the tights and take a night off.
He was just about finished with the ice cream when his cell phone vibrated. He snagged it off the coffee table and felt warmth flood him upon seeing Wade’s picture and a message that said, “Comin’ home, baby boy.”
Five minutes later, Wade was at the bedroom window. Peter practically threw him onto the bed, unbuckling the collar around his neck and pulling up his mask, kissing him with the vigor of a starving man finding a juicy steak. Wade rolled them over until he was on top, nipping and sucking at Peter’s mouth and neck before drawing back to allow his eyes to roam over the younger man’s flushed cheeks and panting lips.
“Goddamn, you’re nice to come home to,” Wade whispered, again diving in to taste Peter’s cookie-dough flavored mouth.
Peter wrapped his legs around Wade’s waist, fingers fumbling with the unfamiliar clasps and zippers that closed the front of his uniform. He was rock hard, and desperate to feel skin. He had missed Wade more than he would ever say, and needed to touch and taste every inch of him.
Then there was a clearing of a throat, and Peter was suddenly on the ceiling, looking down with wide eyes at...at…
“Damn, bro. You were right. He’s fuckin’ jumpy,” the person said. The bedroom was dimly lit, but Peter could see that it was a female, and she was wearing a Deadpool uniform. Not to mention her face was covered in the same scars and lesions as Wade.
Wade laughed, and said, “Yeah. He is.” Wade slung his arm around the Lady Deadpool, and said, “Peter, this is Wanda. Wanda, this is my little Petey-pie.”
“Wade?” Peter managed to squeak out, before he dropped down from the ceiling. “Um… Who… What… Where…”
“I already answered the Who. Keep up, Peter.” Wade motioned him to come closer, and said, “This is Wanda, she’s me from another dimension. My semi-sorta sister. She’s from Earth-722.”
Peter was very confused, and said, “Wade… Can I… We need to talk.” He grabbed Wade by the upper arm, and flickered a smile at Wanda. “Just… Um… We’ll be back?”
Wanda grinned, the same grin Peter had seen on Wade’s face when he felt a little awkward.
Peter dragged Wade into the bathroom, and asked in a hushed, harsh whisper, “Why did you bring home another Deadpool? I’m not… We’re not doing some weird kinky Pool-cest. I’m not on board with that.”
Wade frowned. “Peter, I am shocked you would think such a vile thing. And no, I did not bring her here for sexual gratification. In fact, I brought her here to cheer her up. See, she just lost the love of her life, and…”
“Huh?” Peter said, cutting him off. “Love of her… Who? Other me?”
“Nathan,” Wade said softly. “She hasn’t met Peter Parker yet. No guarantee that she will. Just… She was really sad, and I asked her to come here for a little bit to take a break from things. If you don’t want her here, that’s cool. I’ll understand.”
“It’s not that… It’s just…” Peter cleared his throat, and said, “A little head’s up would have been nice. I feel like… Wow, I mean first impressions.”
“Her first impression is that you love me, Peter,” Wade said with more sincerity than Peter thought he was capable of showing.
Peter smiled. “I’ve really missed you, you know that?”
“Missed you too, baby boy,” Wade said in a low whisper, causing goosebumps to spread over Peter’s skin. He kissed the soft, sensitive skin behind Peter’s ear, and added, “I just brought her here to meet you tonight. She’s gonna stay at Bob’s place. Got it all arranged.”
“She doesn’t have to stay with Bob,” Peter said with a sigh. “I mean, she’s...family.”
From the other side of the door, Wanda’s rough voice said, “Just for tonight, Petey-pie. Wanna make sure my bro gets his sex on.”
Peter’s face turned a darker shade of red, and he cleared his throat before saying, “Thank you, Wanda. Thanks. You’re a friend.”
“Totes,” she said. Then added, “But no, really. Multidimensional travel is a bitch. I really need to drop a deuce. So if you could have your heart to heart in the kitchen, that would be awesome.”
Peter and Wade stepped out of the bathroom, and Wanda bounced inside and shut the door. He looked up at Wade and said, “It is creepy how much you two are alike.”
Wade shrugged. “She’s me with boobs.”