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A Robotic Romance

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Keychain had never had regrets before, but something is different now. He should feel good about doing the right thing, right? He‘s helping his friends save the world. And yet.... he remembers the way Jeff Bridges met his eyes and looked at him, the way he shivered when their metal hands brushed in the hallway as the other robot was led to his execution. He remembers the way that he felt, the way that no one else had ever made him feel, that feeling like he had an entire swarm of beetles in his motherboard. 

As he gazes down the hallway of the grand elven palace toward Jeff Bridges walking slowly away, gleaming metal ass swaying as the crowd parts for the tall warforged, his crisis of heart intensifies. He tears his gaze from the other robot for a moment to look toward his friends - perhaps they can convince him fully that their mission was truly important and immediately notices Jens draped over the Prince’s shoulder. If his friends can pursue love... so can he, surely? He is frozen with hesitation, but one fact solidifies his decision: Jeff Bridges’ ass. 

Keychain immediately sprints through the crowd, pushing partygoers out of the way as he tries to find Jeff Bridges, who at this point has disappeared completely from view. From his short vantage, Keychain only sees a sea of bodies and bright clothing: no shining metal body reflected in the sun. The crowd parts as the tiny robot elbows his way through, desperately searching for Jeff Bridges. Did he leave without him? It would make sense for him to, Keychain knows. He said he was saying with Retrieval Team 22! Jeff Bridges has no reason to believe that he would change his mind...

As his thoughts and fears spiral in a tornado of anxiety, lost in the sea of guests at the party, Keychain spots the glimmer of shining metal slipping through two elves up ahead. He sprints, reaching out a hand in desperation.... to grab the dangling silver bracelets of an unfamiliar woman. He doesn’t see Jeff Bridges anywhere. He’s alone, lost, having abandoned the only person in the world who would truly understand him.

As he wallows in his failure, his antennae perk up. What’s that sound he hears? It sounds like.... the bus! The bus is leaving! Keychain immediately sprints through the party, launching himself out the door, holding out a hand in a vain attempt to stop the inevitable, though perhaps fate will look kindly upon him this day. 

He pushes himself harder than he ever has, oil dripping from his brow to his eye sensors, blinding him, but he gets there in time; the bus hasn’t yet left. He screams, yelling for it to stop, pounding on the door that the confused driver slides open. Ignoring all bus etiquette, Keychain storms past the confused driver to see him: Jeff Bridges. Sitting down in the back, feet up on the back of the row in front of him, arms crossed at just the right angle to emphasise his shining steel rack. Keychain nearly forgets what he came here to do at the sight of them, but snaps back to attention and speaks solely to the warforged at the back of the bus, ignoring the protests of the human man whose legs he’s standing on and has fully broken due to his heavy metal weight: “Jeff Bridges.... you make me feel a way that I’ve never felt before. Retrieval Team 22 forgets I’m around... but you don’t. When I saved you from those assassins I felt like I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, I just couldn’t bring myself to abandon my friends before. But now I realise that this is more important than anything. Jeff Bridges, it would be my honour to go to Circuit City with you.”

Jeff Bridges looks up from his phone, confused about why the bus isn’t moving, before taking out his wireless earbuds, previously hidden by the angle his head was at. “Keychain? What are you doing here?”

“I- did you not hear my whole speech?”

“No, I had my earbuds on.”

“Oh. Well, I said I would come with you to Circuit City. For reasons.” Keychain chuckles nervously, suddenly embarrassed at his outburst earlier.

“Oh, chill. Nice. Here, sit down back here.” Jeff Bridges pats the empty seat next to him, which Keychain quickly sits next to, ignoring the howls of pain from the man at the front of the bus, who is quickly escorted out of the bus as their fellow passengers call an ambulance. Of course, the two robots notice none of this, as Keychain is too stuck in his own head, paralysed with the anxiety of sitting next to Jeff Bridges. Is he too close? Should he perhaps “accidentally” brush hands? No, he has to keep it slow. There’s always time to make moves later, he tells himself. Jeff Bridges, meanwhile, has put back in his earbuds and ignores the outside world, only speaking to comment in confusion as to why the bus still hasn’t left, completely missing the fact that the driver is currently trying to staunch the bloody wound left by a 300 pound metal appendage.

Eventually, the bus arrives at the airport, the two robots sitting in the exact same position as when they left, except for the fact that Keychain’s hand has inched a millimeter closer to Jeff Bridges’s. He shifts, hesitating, eyeing the other robot’s hand, trying to make a decision, but the universe makes one for him. 

As the bus screeches to a halt, Keychain is bounced up out of his chair, off-balance from the constant uncomfortable shifting on the drive, finding himself collapsed directly on top of Jeff Bridges. As he blushes, oil rushing to his cheeks, he pushes himself off of the warforged before freezing. He coughs, uncomfortable, as he realises his left hand, in its attempt to keep him upright, has landed directly in Jeff Bridges’s crotch. He stares at his hand, completely in shock, Jeff Bridges bulge reacting slightly to the touch, twitching, before the other warforged speaks up: “What the fuck, dude?”

Keychain immediately sits up, embarrassed, muttering under his breath excuses and apologies to Jeff Bridges. He looks up, finally, to see Jeff Bridges’s cheeks also slightly flushed. Did he… like that? No, surely it was just his own mind playing tricks on him, Keychain thinks, as he sees the slight hint of lust in the warforged’s metal eye sensors, quickly hidden again. Surely Jeff Bridges doesn’t feel the same way that he does… but could he?

Keychain hears a cough from behind him, a half-orc woman gesturing for him to move out of the way of the aisle: he’s in the way of her getting her bags. He ignores her, staring at Jeff Bridges, who is staring right back. Instantly, they both understand each other, like they both connected to the cloud, except they didn’t. This is different to anything Keychain has felt before, as he leans closer to Jeff Bridges, who grabs the smaller robot’s ass and pulls him roughly into a passionate kiss, both their mouths opening and tongues interlocking like a plug in a socket.

They’re snapped out of their euphoria by another passenger loudly clearing his throat. A quick promise to continue that as soon as possible is made as they exit the bus, Keychain skipping the rest of the way out as Jeff Bridges smacks his ass.

A quick journey from bus to plane later, only hindered by one break to make out by the sitting area next to the Starbucks, Keychain finds himself sitting next to Jeff Bridges on the plane. He got a window seat, his favourite, but Jeff Bridges got stuck with the aisle. Bouncing his leg idly, Keychain strains his neck to see who’s to sit in-between them, Jeff Bridges squeezing his thigh suggestively, seemingly impatient and frustrated that they have to wait through a several-hour-long flight before they can continue their antics. 

A tense few minutes later, the third member of their row arrives, an older human man with a greying beard. He squeezes between the two robots, excusing himself politely after accidentally bumping Jeff Bridges’s leg, which was rudely jutting into the aisle, while trying to get his duffel bag in the overhead compartment. Eventually, he gets settled into his middle seat, neck pillow around his neck, earbuds primed to block out the world. Keychain knows that this is his chance; he must ask this man if they can switch seats, otherwise he’ll fall asleep or have headphones in or the plane will take off and Keychain will look like a real dick if he asks to switch seats then

Keychain hesitates too long. The man puts in his headphones and settles in for the long journey. Fuck. It’s too late now! Now if he asks him to move after he already got comfortable, he’ll look like a dick! Fortunately, Jeff Bridges meets Keychain’s gaze and nods; it’s like he read his mind. Jeff Bridges taps the man on his knee, completely straight-faced. It’s like he doesn’t even notice the faux pas that he’s committed. As soon as the man takes out his headphones, already looking slightly annoyed, Jeff Bridges launches into it, asking, “Hey dude, my name’s Jeff Bridges and I was wondering if you would switch seats with me? Me and Keychain are travelling together and we couldn’t get seats together.”

“Oh shit! My name is Jeff Bridges also! Yeah, totally bro, I got you,” Jeff Bridges the human man responds, quickly getting up and switching seats with Jeff Bridges the warforged.

The two robots grin as much as their mechanical mouths allow them to, snuggling up close to one another. Jeff Bridges the warforged, in one quick motion, wraps his arm around Keychain’s shoulder and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Keychain blushes, oil rushing to his cheeks as he lowers the tray table in front of him to hide his growing erection, even from Jeff Bridges. 

Unfortunately for Keychain, the flight attendants are doing their pre-flight check-in; one of them notices his tray table down and walks up to the two warforged, Jeff Bridges the human man already asleep. Keychain is paralysed in fear and embarrassment as Jeff Bridges the warforged puts up his tray table for him, exposing his bulge to the world. He grins at the shorter robot, raising his eyebrows.

“The kissing excite you?” Jeff Bridges asks Keychain, who’s already covered his lap with his hands.

“Jeff Bridges! Not here!” Keychain exclaims, embarrassed beyond belief.

They continue to flirt as the plane takes off, Jeff Bridges the warforged murmuring in Keychain’s ear as Jeff Bridges the human man snores next to them, “So I suppose we’ll wait until we get to my place in Circuit City, hm?”

Keychain doesn’t respond, noticing the flight attendant returning. He hastily checks everything in a panic before realising she’s just bringing snacks. Snacks! Keychain quickly diverts Jeff Bridges’s attention from the snacks, pointing at an interesting cloud while waving the flight attendant on as Jeff Bridges peers out the window. Unfortunately, it doesn’t fool the warforged.

“Why did you point at a cloud and pretend like I couldn’t see you telling the flight attendant that we didn’t want any snacks, Keychain? I don’t have my earbuds in, you blatantly told her out loud ‒ directly into my ear, frankly, due to me leaning over you to look out the window ‒ that we didn’t want any snacks,” Jeff Bridges says.

“I… know how you get about food, Jeff Bridges. I didn’t want you to feel embarrassed that you couldn’t eat anything.”

“You’d… do that for me, Keychain?” Jeff Bridges sits back in his chair, touched, before grabbing Keychain’s thigh. “That makes me want to kiss you, I think.”

“Not here!” Keychain exclaims, protesting in a hushed whisper. “Not here! Unless…” He thinks for a moment, a grin splitting across his face as he sees someone exit the plane restroom. He meets Jeff Bridges’s eyes, lust on both their gazes, as he leans close, murmuring a simple phrase as he gently places butterfly kisses on Jeff Bridges’s neck. “Maybe we can figure out something you can eat on this plane after all…”