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Frank the Failiest Vampire

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It's not that Frank is ASHAMED of his Vampire heritage or anything like that, it's just, he knows he's not what people expect a vampire to look like. He's tiny, and he went through that whole pink belt wearing phase, and he's a vegetarian, for fuck's sake (his mom was always telling him that it was just like dairy or eggs, so long as you didn't accidentally kill someone, but Frank knows a slippery slope when he sees one and sticks to the synthetic stuff. Even though it makes his stomach really unhappy ;______;)

And he KNOWS the guys will be cool with it, they're not fucking assholes, and if anything he's a little scared of the degree to which the fans may uh ACCEPT HIM, but that's not really a good reason to hide who he is, and so finally he's like FUCK IT and tells the guys that he wants to make a STATEMENT sartorially at the next show. And Gerard is all *_____* YES and Ray is all sounds good, Frank! and Mikey is all "I know I still don't show my feelings on the outside all that much even though I do occasionally smile now, but I want you to know that I love you and support your life choices" with his eyebrow.

And Frank is all OKAY. So he gets out his Dracula cape that he's been bringing on tour for YEARS just waiting for the moment to bust it out, and he styles his hair just right and writes VAMPIRE on his shirt so that NO ONE CAN MISTAKE HIS MEANING. And he is READY for his big coming out MOMENT, he has seen this movie, okay, he knows how it's gonna go. So they play and it's GREAT, Frank feels so open and honest and SELF-EXPRESSED, and that euphoria lasts right up to the moment when they're all backstage and Gerard is like so Frank I thought you were going to be doing something as a statement! And Frank is like uh I JUST DID, I came out as a vampire.

All the guys just stare at him blankly for a minute, and then Ray's like but Frank, you're a vegetarian and Frank is like I KNOW and those things aren't mutually exclusive okay, there is an overlap on that Venn diagram with my name on it. And Mikey is looking all :| but like the version where he's PRETTY SURE Frank is fucking with him and that as soon as he's got Mikey believing that he's a vampire he's going to like tackle him and laugh at him for believing it which, you know, is FAIR given Frank's past, but THIS TIME HE IS SERIOUS, he is not the little boy crying Vampire, okay? And GERARD, oh man, Gerard is just like, but Frank we would KNOW and Frank is like I AM A NINJA OF STEALTH AND HIDING and Gerard is like I can't believe you KEPT THIS FROM US, you must just be joking and Frank is all I HAD SECRET PAIN, OKAY and then Toro fucking brings it back to earth with...can you even reach someone's neck, you're like three feet tall, and Gerard and Mikey actually GIGGLE, the fuckers, and Frank is like oh this shit is ON and jumps onto Gerard's back and holds on as his fangs descend and he bites Gerard's neck!

And Gerard is like HNGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES YES YES and Frank is like OM NOM NOM BLOOD IS DELICIOUS, HOLY SHIT (although he suspects that maybe it's GERARD'S blood that's so especially tasty <3) and Ray and Mikey are like OKAY UM WE'RE GOING TO GO NOW, THANKS. And Frank and Gerard ignore them as they crash to the ground and Frank straddles Gerard and bites him again, his boner pressed up against Gerard's and holy shit, BEST EVER, HE LOVES BEING A VAMPIRE, HE IS EMBRACING HIS TRUE SELF, OKAY, and they get their pants down and thrust against each other and moan a whole lot and then come all over each other and seriously, BEST.

Frank is finally SATED, you guys, like he had no idea how fucking unsatisfied he'd been by the fake blood for all these years, and he licks over the wounds on Gerard's neck and snuggles up half on Gerard's chest and half under his arm, all HAPPY, and then Gerard is like, oh finally, my MATE has come to me, I AM THE HAPPIEST WEREWOLF.

And Frank is like uh nooooooooooooooooooo, you are my THRALL, I know how this works, and back the fuck up a minute, WEREWOLF? PULL THE OTHER ONE, THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU ARE A WEREWOLF. And Mikey calls out from the other room all yup, the Ways have been Werewolves going back ten generations and Gerard is all you are not the only one whose secret identity defies expectations, okay Frank? DON'T BE SO SHALLOW. Plus you are lucky I am a werewolf because if I was a human I'd totes be dead from blood loss and Frank is like oh sorry.

Gerard tries to squirm out from under Frank but he's all like NOPE EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE A WEREWOLF YOU ARE STILL MY THRALL and Gerard looks back at him with hearts in his eyes and is all...and you're my mate? And Frank is like PSHAW of course I am you fucker, INTER-SUPERNATURAL-SPECIES COUPLES ARE AWESOME and Gerard is all happy and they KISS and KISS and KISS until Ray walks in all sheepish and interrupts them with

So uh I should probably tell you guys that I'm a fairy.

AND THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.