Miss Kitty Fantastico Puts in The Fix: Optics
Miss Kitty Fantasico wasn’t new to the Eldrich-Realm. It was all very white and swirly with a dingy grey. She found it all very boring with very little to climb on. She finally found a small empty fountain and hoped up on it.
None of the Eldrich gods seemed to notice her. This was one of the advantages to being a cat. Humans, as well as most gods, were all so big and ghastly and impressed with themselves for it and they rarely noticed cats.
Miss Kitty Fantasico She had always been a cat. Why wouldn’t she be? Cats were always worshipped and revered when they wanted to be noticed. She was always a Goddess. Her name wasn’t always Miss Kitty Fantastico but she liked the earthly name and she had liked her remaining worshippers that lived in that realm. She had liked it so much that when she heard what was afoot in the Eldrich-Realm she had to investigate.
She really didn’t care for the Eldrich gods on a good day. In there realm they all looked alike, big floating balls with tentacles like yarn that was too thick to play with, but when kitty twitched her ears back and forth she was able to hear what the one she knew was trouble was saying.
“My name will be Jasmine and I was thinking I’d go back to Americana classic and look like Marylyn Monroe.” the bouncy blob said
“Are you sure, boss?” said the bouncy blob’s demon servant, “There was already a Marylyn. I mean…”
He was frightened. This god wasn’t kind to their servants. The servant was still big to kitty but much smaller than the god-blob. He looked almost like a human, but kitty knew humans were silver with red eyes and silvery poky things jutting out on them. He was ugly.
“…isn’t it kind of gimmicky? I’m just thinking of the optics if anything goes bad.”
He made Kitty miss her beautiful Queen servant even though she knew she’d soon be back with her. The Queen had lived on earth not too long ago. She was the one who had given Kitty her latest name. When Kitty had exited the earthly realm before her The Queen had been so heartbroken. So, when Kitty had heard The Queen had exited the earthly realm not long after Kitty knew she’d make the best royal servant a Goddess could have. Since she was such a good servant the Kitty often protected the Queen’s earthly family for her.
“Skip,” the blob said, “How long have I been planning this with my parents?”
Parents? This was boring Kitty, but she knew whenever the Eldrich talked of “parents” it only meant that they were about to wreck some humans. Eldrich gods wrecked humans didn’t it far less subtle dignified ways than tripping them. Were they the Queen’s humans?
“Since before that little squirt Connor was even, well, squirted,” replied the demon servant.
Kitty poised to jump down from the fountain. This didn’t sound like any of her concern. She’d just let the Powers That Be discover this god had betrayed them. Kitty was too busy protecting The Queen’s family on earth. She was the original goddess of protection, pleasure, and good health. As it turned out pleasure and good health were easy to give her servant’s family from above. Protection was harder.
There was always so much danger coming at them. It was exhausting! The tiny blood one was the worst, and now she was even denying herself pleasure when Kitty would practically throw it her way through the vampire, and other opportunities.
“Exactly,” the blob said, “I almost miss those early days. Angel and Darla were so easy. Cordelia and Connor are proving harder.”
“Grandparents are always easier than parents. But, did you ever, um, think about the optics of Cordelia and the kid? I mean if it were Cordy and Angel it might play better, but. I guess…”
Kitty stopped on the fountain. Did they say “Angel?” That was a name muttered about the tiny blond one. Kitty suspected this “Angel” was why the girl denied herself all the pleasure.
“You’ve been in LA far too long, Skip,” the god said, “Optics? How things look won’t matter once they’re all at peace. If you were here more you’d remember it had to be Connor. He had to be created. An impossible birth for the impossible birth. That’s how it’s done. He does have a will I didn’t expect, but I know he won’t deny Cordelia”
“Oh right. And I know he won’t deny Cordy. I mean who would? But...”
“Just say it.”
“The thing is boss. Aren’t you gonna be weak at first? Shouldn’t we really think about optics? Does it have to be Cordy? I know it’s all legal but the kid looks fourteen and she’s—She’s Cordelia Chase!”
As the creatures talked Kitty looked into the fountain. She pulled at the family member she had the biggest connection to in the earthly realm of Sunnydale, The Key. Kitty always checked on The Key. The child was always going through some ending.
“Exactly! There’s no one else strong enough or connected to The Powers. People won’t have to know or care about my parents, Skip. But, maybe we should think about some optics. People may be looking for a stronger figure than one that looks like Marilyn. There’s so much to be scared of.”
“Yeah,” the demon said, “You’ve got The Beast tryin’ to block out the sun. Not to mention you have the origin of Evil deciding it’s time to pick on teen girls and the Slayer a few hours north. All part of the plan, but people are scared.”
These ugly things are part of why Kitty has to work so hard protecting The Queen’s family on earth!
“Yes,” she said, “Once The Origin ends The Slayer line and I pacify the rest of the humans we can all rule earth again in all its dimensions.”
Earth in all its dimensions? Where would all the cats be without their human servants! That was just greedy.
“But first there’s optics,” the demon said.
“What if I were like a maternal Oprah?”
The demon made an odd noise. Kitty recognized it as an “anxiety haw.” The Witch Goddess who was Kitty’s other servant often did it.
“Eeeeh. If people realized who your parents were the optics on that would be a politically incorrect nightmare.”
“Skip,” the god drawled, “You know no one questions Oprah. If they do they’re the evil ones.”
Well, now Kitty definitely had to do something! This was a triple threat. This directly involves her servant’s family. It would make the earth inhabitable to cats. And no one should infringe on the great Oprah! She needed to use all of her power at exactly the right time. Kitty focused with all her might. After that was done she hissed at the blob and her servant.
“What is that thing doing here!” the blob shrieked.
“Skat!” the demon advanced toward Kitty.
She skittered out of the Eldrich realm. It didn’t take her long to find her servant Queen. She enjoyed being with the other witches. Often once that had fallen into bad times on earth. Nancy was her Queen’s favorite. Kitty liked her too. She had clearly been a cat in one of here lives. Her eyes were huge green and penetrating even in this quiet haven. She wore pointy black boots.
“Tara! The cat’s back,” she said, “You think she saved your rotten world?”
Nancy lifted Kitty up in her arms. Nancy liked to think of herself as a bad witch, a very scary one. But on her earth, she only murdered two rapists and turned on one selfish witch who took all the power for herself. Compared to The Witch Goddess she was an angel. Yet, she died in a mental hospital. Lots of earthly realms were unfair to witches. Nancy handed Kitty to her servant Queen.
“Whatever you did I know it was small,” The Queen whispered to her, “But the best changes always are.”
Her Queen servant would be pleased.