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First Time(s)

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Her first time, her real first time, with Kyle had been sweet. Before you got to the whole chi-sucking thing, anyway. He was warm and fumbling and wanting, loving really. They’d known each other their whole lives and it was the thing everyone expected of them. The two most popular kids in their quaint little town; they were the one’s people talked about growing up and getting married, settling down in one or the other of their families old farm houses and raising kids of their own. After all this time, she’s not sure if she really loved him, if he really loved her, or if it was just that perfect cocktail of hormones and expectations. Considering how it ended, she supposes it matters much anymore, if it ever did in the first place.   

Her first time was Dyson was a necessity but, in a way, an inevitability as well. He was the first fae she’d ever met, the first person to survive her poison kiss and there’s something a little too romantic about that to ignore. He was hot and hard and feral, more animal than man, and it was impersonal, or, as impersonal as a medically-approved booty call can be. It wasn’t that it was good, though it was; it was just…that first time with Dyson, ending not with self-loathing and a no-longer-living bedmate but with a steady heartbeat and a slow smile, was something wonderful. Or, at least, it could be, someday. For the first time since she was that scared little girl fogging up the windows of her first and only boyfriends’ car, she had a chance at the ‘regular’ life. Not just sex with a death-scented aftertaste but…love.

Her first time with Lauren, barring the unpleasant revelation that followed, was, in a word, glorious. She was hot and soft, all curves and sun-kissed skin, and it wasn’t perfect, no, but it was closer than she’d ever been before. She’d been so scared, so certain she’d wake up alone, even though she know she had the ability to control herself. But this…this was Lauren and, from the moment they’d met, the ‘fragile’ human doctor had been more than anyone she’d ever met before. She’d made her feel like she wasn’t a monster, like she was worth something, like she could be someone’s someone. And after Kyle that wasn’t something she’d ever thought she’d deserve.

Her first time with Tamsin was and wasn’t like it had ever been before. It was still breathtakingly hot and made Bo feel powerful in all the right ways. But it wasn’t soft, really, and it wasn’t hard either. It wasn’t just a feeding or a physical affirmation of something they’d only been tiptoeing around, though, admittedly, it was both of those things too. It was, simply put, a declaration of everything neither of them could say; a symphony of gestures to take the place of the words neither of them were whole enough to speak aloud. That was the thing about Tamsin, though, the thing that set her apart from everyone who’d come before.

With Kyle, she’d been young and as the next short minutes would reveal, she was very much in the dark as to who and what she was.

With Dyson, she’d found solace but not a home, not with someone who couldn’t be content with the innermost workings of her. Wolves mate for life and the succubus’ need for variance would always cause him pain, no matter how tough an exterior he portrayed. And, eventually, it would have broken them both beyond repair.

With Lauren, she’d fought her nature and though she’d done so gladly, that didn’t make it right. Because, yes, Lauren kept her from feeling like a monster. But, sometimes, she made her feel like one of a different color. She’d never be able to sustain herself off her alone, ever, and they both knew it, everyone knew it. And Lauren…she deserved loyalty, the same loyalty she so freely offered. More than anything else, she deserved to be the only person someone needed and, for her, that was the one thing she couldn’t be.

But with Tamsin…with Tamsin it was different.

She didn’t just see Bo; she saw, and loved, every part of her. The monster who’d killed indiscriminately for ten years, the teenager whose heart had been broken countless times. The fae-child, abandoned for her own protection, destined for a fate she’d never wanted and a burden she’d never asked to bear. Bo, the badass, leather-wearing, sword-wielding fae PI. Ysabeau McCorrigan, the unaligned succubus.

And, perhaps most importantly of all, she saw Bo Dennis, the runaway who’d finally come home.