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The Not So Secret and Overly Complicated Love Lives of Pine Valley Lesbians

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"My retinas are burning," Kendall said in a half hearted whine, using the same upset and grumpy tones she did every morning. She rubbed her eyes as she exited Greenlee's car, not at all happy with the current turn of events. "Why do we have to do this?"

Just hearing that tone of voice caused Greenlee to recall the various horrifying attempts she had seen in the past few days when it came down to mechanical devices waking up Kendall and a chill ran down her spine. How in the world someone could manage to utterly and completely destroy alarm clocks with skinny weakling arms like Kendall had was beyond her comprehension. After many long hours of theorizing, Greenlee determined it had to be a strange ability Kendall gained in her years living in Florida.

Solid evidence of the horrifying effects of inhaling swamp fumes.

"Because," said Greenlee in breezy tones, smoothly pulling out a pair of her Fate sunglasses by Oakley and depositing them on Kendall. Giving into her cutesy urges, which she sometimes really and truly felt sickened by, she then kissed her nose lightly and cupped Kendall's cheek all while the taller woman continued to gripe. "You said you were sick of... what did you call it again?" Greenlee tapped her chin and formed a face of mock concentration. "Oh, I know! You told me, in a very loud and unbelievably hostile voice I might add, that you're sick of 'being stalked by the press like a pair of freakishly rare lesbian crocodiles by that crazy guy on Discovery who sounds just like Aidan but more normal'. That's why we're doing this, pookie buns."

"Don't call me that," Kendall grumbled through her yawn. "It's a demeaning and horribly lazy pet name. You need to come up with something better than that. I demand it of you as your girlfriend/business partner/love slave." After saying this, she removed the sunglasses Greenlee had just put on her person and narrowed her eyes against the sunlight, giving them a close study. "These are nice," said Kendall seriously, looking to Greenlee now. "But lavender is a better color on you than me. Here," she drawled as a mischievous expression spread on her features, "lets trade." In a smooth movement, she swiped the blue C Wire sunglasses that Greenlee had on and replaced them with the lavender Fate design she had been wearing. "There," Kendall smiled widely, brushing the back of her right hand lightly across her girlfriend's cheek. "I was right. They do look better on you." Tilting her head, she added, "Even makes you sexier somehow."

"Right," said Greenlee dryly, arching an eyebrow. Hooking their arms together, she dragged her girlfriend into the Valley Inn where the breakfast meeting Kendall wanted to avoid was occurring. "You might think the switching of eyewear and the giving of compliments can delay the inevitable but you're sadly mistaken because nothing can be delayed for too long. At least not with me around to remember about it."

"Mmm. I suppose that's true. All I can remember right now is how sexy you look in lavender," Kendall rumbled good naturedly next to her, leaning down to kiss Greenlee's neck and smirking at the slight moan she heard. "Come on," she suggested as her voice shifted into Greenlee's favorite deliciously low drawl, "lets forget breakfast and get a nice room upstairs. It can be our impromptu honeymoon."

"The fifth one in a week?" Greenlee chuckled and turning to Kendall, she took off her sunglasses and Kendall's so she could look clearly into the taller woman's blue gray eyes. Shaking her head and making a tutting sound, she said, "My sad and confused widdle love muffin, why are you acting this way?" Stowing the sunglasses safely away in her purse, she went on, "You do realize that this was your idea, after all."

"Don't call me that," grumbled Kendall before she scowled. "And how was this my idea?" She huffed, looking around the lobby of the Valley Inn, altogether irritated by the mere idea this ridiculous situation could be linked back to her somehow. "All I said was that the crocodile hunting paparazzi have been stalking us. That's that, not this."

"Your logic baffles, peaches," replied Greenlee in snarky yet incredibly fond tones, entwining her fingers with Kendall's and bringing her hand up to kiss it lightly. When Kendall just frowned and met her gaze, she smiled again. "Do you even know how adorable you are when you're not making sense?"

"If I'm so adorable then you won't make me do this," Kendall said as she smoothly shifted into her next method of attack... extreme pouting.

Unfortunately for Kendall, this didn't work on Greenlee as nearly as well as it did on all of her previously male love interests. Maybe because Greenlee had used it more than a few times herself and saw right through the technique. Then again, Greenlee wasn't used to the extreme pouting when it was accompanied by wide blue gray eyes and quivering lips. Ones that Greenlee never could seem to take her eyes from. Especially when Kendall wetted them, her tongue slowly emerging in a sensuous movement.

Thoroughly involved with hard task of staring at Kendall's lips and feeling her brain lose oxygen, Greenlee said rather dumbly, "You're trying to be bad again."

"Mm hmm," murmured Kendall, an easy smile spreading across her lips which she noted, with a great deal of pleasure, Greenlee continued to be fixated on. Lifting her right hand up, she traced Greenlee's features, gently cupping her chin between her thumb and index finger. "But I think someone here likes it when I do that." Her smile getting bigger yet, Kendall tilted her head to one side as her thumb pressed a soft path across Greenlee's lips, memorizing them with a touch. "I wonder who?"

It was then that Greenlee decided to do what she did best. Cut right to the heart of the matter and go after precisely what she wanted. That was why in a seamless gesture she dropped her hands to Kendall's waist and pulled the other woman hard against her. Their bodies fit together snugly and Greenlee allowed herself to relish the feeling for a moment as she stared up at Kendall who was looking extremely pleased with herself. In her mind the breakfast meeting she had been loathing was definitely a thing of the past.

"Don't start things you can't finish, lusciousness," Greenlee said, forming a slow smile as her hands snuck underneath Kendall's shirt, making her girlfriend think they would be getting that room upstairs any second now. At least until the strap of her black silk bra snapped against her back in a very loud and slightly painful motion.

Releasing a high pitched and very girlish shriek, Kendall leapt away from Greenlee and whirled around in a circle as she attempted to rub her back rather ineffectively. While this entirely ridiculous situation went on, Greenlee dissolved into out and out laughter that caused Kendall to stop her strange and very humorous dog impression to focus on her. Something that Greenlee came to regret as Kendall pounced on her like only one of the Kane women could, calling her various names and whapping at her so ineffectively that anyone who saw her knew there wasn't the slightest bit of real malice behind the action. All in all, the scene made for perfect tabloid fodder and the people with whom they had a breakfast meeting locked their eyes and sighed.

These two ladies really were trouble.

"Bianca," Lena drew her lover's name past her lips like a virtual caress, something that caused Bianca to shiver with delight. "Is this perhaps some previously unknown dating ritual amongst women in your family? After all," a smile played on Lena's lips as she quirked an eyebrow. "Kendall, she is your sister, and Greenlee is your cousin. This could all be in the genetics, no?"

"I hope not," said Bianca humorously. She leaned against the entrance to the Valley Inn restaurant, sighing as she observed the antics of her sister and cousin. "Because if it is that means we might wind up doing this someday."

Shaking her head at this, Lena pursed her lips in displeasure then murmured, "A most unpleasant thought indeed. Well," she expelled a breath of air, "I think we've let them bicker for long enough, hm? Let us launch a friendly intervention."

"I suddenly feel very Swiss," Bianca laughed, taking Lena's hand in her own. "Hey Kendall," she called out warmly. "I thought that you were done with making a public spectacles out of yourself. Even if you are dating Greenlee now."

Hearing Bianca's voice, Kendall paused in harmless midwhap, holding her Gucci purse aloft and frowning as she looked over at her younger sibling. Instantly forgetting her annoyance with Greenlee, she lifted her arms excitedly while saying her sister's name. Which, of course, caused the before mentioned Gucci purse to go flying into the air. Kendall was fortunate that Greenlee always kept a close eye on her more fashionable and expensive possessions, which was why the small brunette's hand expertly flew up to catch the purse in flight. She was used to this sort of thing.

Tucking the purse under her arm, Greenlee muttered to herself sourly, "Always with the flying accessories. Someday we're going to have a lawsuit launched against us. I'll never forget the blind man traumatized by his assault from an awol compact."

"That was an accident! You said you wouldn't mention it anymore!" Kendall declared, her face forming a look of aggravation. Releasing Bianca from her trademark overly exuberant embrace which had nearly hospitalized weaker people, she stood in front of Greenlee and held out her hand. "My purse please."

"I don't know," a smile curved on Greenlee's lips. Brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes, she studied her girlfriend carefully. "Have you been a good girl who deserves to have her purse back? You might just try to hit me with it again."

"Greenlee," Kendall said in warning tones. "Give me my purse."

Staring at Kendall so long and hard, with such power and strength it caused even Lena to wince at it, Greenlee rolled her eyes and hooked her arm in Kendall's. "I'll let you have it later, cuddle bug. Once breakfast is over," she added mischievously. "I can't trust you with your purse until then. You do have a pair of copied keys to my car and apartment in there, you know."

"Don't call me that! And I need those!" sputtered Kendall. "What if you got hurt? I need to get into your car to drive it and into your apartment to--"

"See if Simone managed to invade yet again," Greenlee cut her off. She looked over at Lena who, since the start of this, appeared enormously amused. "Ever since our dear business partners found out about our sudden switch they've had varied reactions. Liza bought a hideous gay pride mug, Mia introduced us to her boxing coach for whatever godforsaken reason, and Simone has taken to stalking me."

"Oh?" asked Lena, arching an eyebrow curiously. "Why is that?"

"Simone is under the delusion that I stole punkin butt from her," said Greenlee in extremely dry tones. "Don't ask me how she came to that brilliant conclusion. I think she's got more than a full amount of her brain damaged."

While Lena shot Bianca an incredulous look at hearing this, Bianca held her hand over her mouth and restrained the urge to burst into laughter. She heard more than a few times from Kendall that Greenlee's choice in pet names was a complete and utter nightmare for her but she had assumed her sister had been exaggerating as usual. Apparently that was the furthest thing from the truth. They really were some of the most ghastly pet names imaginable.

"I said don't call me that," Kendall grumbled, pouting but nonetheless sitting in the chair Greenlee had pulled out for her. "Go ahead, I want you to tell them the whole stupid story with Simone. Maybe if they back me up you might just let me handle the situation like I should have been able to do from the very start."

"What has Simone been up to?" asked Bianca, smiling at Lena as her girlfriend entwined their fingers and scooted her chair closer. "And why in the world would she think you stole Kendall away from her?"

Lifting up a menu and studying it with a frown, Greenlee said dismissively, "Probably because I did." Peeking over the top of the menu, she smirked at Bianca. "But not in the real sense of the word. It wasn't like my tiddlywinks wanted Simone, you know. I happen to hold the honor of being the only woman she's ever lusted after."

"Unfortunately," added a petulant Kendall under her breath. Looking to her sister now, she said, "Simone's always had this problem of wanting things that she can't have. I now fit the bill perfectly since I'm with Greenlee. Normally this sort of thing isn't too big of an issue but she's been... well..." Drifting off, she looked to Greenlee for help.

"Psychotic as of late," Greenlee finished sardonically. Turning her attention back to the menu, she poked Kendall in the side and murmured, "Look woogie, you can get fresh cantaloupes here. I told you some people like to eat them."

"Bleh," Kendall muttered. "I still don't like them. They're messy." Sighing now, she tilted her head and smiled at Bianca. "I guess you're both sort of wondering why we asked out to breakfast, huh?"

"Not really," Bianca answered kindly.

"Very much so," Lena replied at the same time.

After they both said this, the lovers stared at one another wide eyed, and Greenlee snickered in amusement. Well, she did until Kendall elbowed her in the side. Then she kept quiet while rubbing said side and frowning deeply. Kendall did have the worst pair of dangerously pointy elbows she had ever encountered.

Trouble in paradise, Greenlee thought to herself. Smirking widely at this, she laughed at her clever reply that she'd repressed for the sake of keeping her sides unelbowable thanks to the unusual appearance of semi-butch Kendall. She swore she'd damn Aidan until his dying day for teaching her girlfriend the basics of combat. It just made her all the more cutely insane in her decisions which tended to make less and less sense as Kendall grew older. So much for age having a mellowing effect.

Then again, she was Erica Kane's daughter. And how much had Erica mellowed? With this singular thought Greenlee shuddered, realizing she had just had perhaps the most exact vision into her future with Kendall that she could ever find.

Oh well, at least it would be fun.

Shifting her attention back to the conversation, Greenlee caught the end of Kendall's explanation on why she had originally brought up the idea of the meeting. "We've just been getting so much attention since the whole... well, getting caught in the elevator fiasco. Normally that would be a good thing with Fusion and all but it's not really about our company. It's just about us." Frowning, Kendall tugged at her dress and Greenlee caught her hands on seeing this, squeezing them gently. Doing this to not only ease Kendall's nerves but to save a very nice dress from wrinkling. "I'm hoping, I don't know, that maybe you two would have some advice to give us."

Bianca and Lena were quiet for a long while then they met each others eyes before finally, Bianca turned back to Greenlee and Kendall looking rather sheepish. "I'm not sure what sort of advice we could give you," she said honestly. "I just ignore them the best that I can. It does come with being a local celebrity around here."

"Oh come on, Binks," scoffed Greenlee, rolling her eyes. "You can do better than that. You've been dealing with the paparazzi ever since your big sparkly coming out at the fancy New Years bash." Frowning slightly, she murmured to herself, "I wonder if they're still doing that with Maria being not dead and all."

"Do not insult Bianca in such a manner," said Lena in warning tones, her brown eyes narrowing at Greenlee who lifted an eyebrow at this. "She answered you honestly."

"She's butch for a Polish pastry," Greenlee drawled humorously. "I like her."

"I'm glad that I amuse you," Lena replied. Resting back in her chair, she crossed her legs and tilted her head to study Greenlee carefully. "I do not see why you would ask an obvious question though. You seem far more intelligent than that. The reasons why the tabloids obsess on any person tend to be the same universally."

"What's the reason for us then?" asked Greenlee in dry tones.

She then leaned forward, waiting for the answer and anticipating to be instantly entertained by it. In doing so, she released Kendall's hands causing her girlfriend to finally regain control of the personal armory that was her very stylish Gucci purse.

"We're all very, very, and I do mean it when I say we are very sexy women," Lena replied in a sensual and lilting purr that caused all of the women present to melt just a little bit on hearing it. Well, except for Kendall. She was busy looking for her Simone-off. "That is something the press will always be endlessly focused on. Also," an easy smile quirked on her lips, "we happen to be sexy women dating one another which is better yet. I would think they will never leave us be."

"That's just swell," replied Greenlee sarcastically. Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she sighed in an irritated fashion then continued, "You're just a wealth of super chic advice, aren't you, Lena? Oh well," she flicked her eyes over to Bianca, "at least your girlfriend happens to be right about her answer, Binks."

"It's sad but true," said Bianca wryly. "Plus you add in the fact that Kendall and I are Erica Kane's daughters. Some might say we're born and bred to be tabloid stories."

Instead of responding, Greenlee focused on the unusually quiet Kendall whose eyes were scanning the Valley Inn, ensconced in what Greenlee liked to call her posh military zone mentality. Sighing at this, Greenlee rose to her feet and tugged on Kendall's hand. "Why don't we rent that room upstairs now, boo boo?" she asked sweetly.

So sweetly that Kendall realized she'd been caught and forming a nervous smile, she leapt to her feet and said quickly, "I wasn't doing anything!"

"Uh huh," Greenlee said in droll tones which echoed of certain disbelief. Dragging Kendall slowly but surely along, she remarked, "I believe you. Just like I believe you didn't even notice Simone in the corner, did you? Just like I believe Simone wasn't waiting in the corner to squirt me with that formula she got Boyd to make. I told you to just leave them alone. They'll regain their sanity eventually... I hope."

Bianca and Lena then watched Simone emerge from the corner where she had been skulking in the shadows, raising their eyebrows at this then sighing. Despite what they had told the other couple about the attention being caused by their general states of attractiveness they had to wonder about the truth of the statement.

Simply because Greenlee was Greenlee and Kendall was Kendall.

Thankfully it wasn't their problem to deal with. No, not at all. So taking the hand Lena offered and smiling winsomely at her girlfriend, Bianca made her way out of the Valley Inn only to be met with a face full of experimental whatever Simone was holding.

Rubbing her eyes and wincing in pain, it was during the start of Lena's shouting match with Simone and the dim flash of cameras that Bianca realized something significant. It was all about one thing and one thing alone. That they all just happened to be living the not so secret and overly complicated lives of Pine Valley lesbians.

And as horrible as that could sometimes be, she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Even if Lena had just knocked out Simone with a surprisingly strong right hook.