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Son of Odin, Son of...

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Odin: "Here, wife." *dumps child in lap*

Frigga: "What is this?" *holds up blond boy*

Odin: "My son."

Frigga: "Wait, what?"

Odin: "Yeah. You were being a cow, so I went down to Midgard, had some fun. Met some crazy mortal woman, thought she was a god and was in charge of ruling the realm for me, hah! She knew how to have a good time, though. Had a lot of sex, slaughtered us some mortals real good. Didn't nag me even once about all that morality and having a conscience shit like you do. Just laughed like it was funny how all those entrails spill out like that and stretch so easily -- because, you know, it is funny." *long, sharp look*

Frigga: "..."

Odin: *slow grin* "Anyway, a year goes by and here she is, popping out this thing. And I figured, well, you're not much better than a human anyway, being Vanir, certainly not good enough for even the lowest Aesir, let alone me, but at least that mortal-goat was a warrior, not a filthy witch like you. -This- kid might actually have some backbone. So raise it for me."

Frigga: "Husband."

Odin: "Yes?"

Frigga: "I want a child of my own."

Odin: "Did I not just say you weren't good enough for any Aesir?"

Frigga: "Our marriage -- and the newly-sealed Vanir alliance which hinges upon it -- is predicated upon my having a child, husband, and so I would ask you to think on it well." *gives him a long look*

Odin: "Fine, whatever. I'm gonna go slaughter a few Jotun for awhile and think about that. I saw a couple on Midgard and remembered that I hadn't culled the herd lately. The warriors are getting restless anyway."

--time passes--

Odin: "Here, wife." *dumps child in lap*

Frigga: *holds up black-haired boy* *stares* "...Did you actually have sex with a Jotun?"

Odin: *roars at her a bit in disgust*

Frigga: "Well, what am I supposed to do with it then? I thought you hated these things."

Odin: "You wanted a child of your own, didn't you? There." *points at it* "Problem solved."

Frigga: *stares at him*

Odin: "It's not like the little monster doesn't suit you. I think I heard some of those Jotun freaks yelling about mercy. I even caught a few treating our own Aesir wounded! Had to burn the warriors' wounds clean after killing the lot of them. Disgusting things; don't know where they've been."

Frigga: *stares at him*

Odin: *throws up his hands in the air* *stomps away*

Frigga: *stares at the black-haired child*

*child stares back*

Frigga: "...I think I'll call you Loki."

*child giggles up at her*

Frigga: *smiles down at him gently* "We will do great things together, you and I."