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A Fic In Need of Taming

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O'Ryan Keys was at one of his tables, tapping his pencil and thinking over a matrix math problem, with Kittyauthor watching over his shoulder.

"I didn't even know these things existed," Kitty whispered, looking at the paper in awe. "What are these things called again?"

She had grown more comfortable with O'Ryan since they first met. It probably had to do with the fact that they both loved math and loved to explain to each other how they solved math problems. Kitty had learned how to multiply outside of the "box method," with its diagonals and other complex stuff, and O'Ryan had learned how to figure out what was added to a multiple of nine by adding the double digit number up. Either way, they were closer than they had been.

"These boxes are called 'matrices,'" O'Ryan explained. He stopped tapping his pencil. "They help solve for variables." He didn't mind having to explain some things again, especially to a person who loved math as much as he did. He went back to tapping the pencil.

Tap tap tap tap

He put the pencil down as he thought he had figured out what to do next. He went to pick up his pencil again, ready to do the next row operation, ready to-

[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]

O'Ryan sighed. Of course their first together mission had to come now. Kitty had already rushed over to the console to stop the [BEEEEP!] before it could start cursing at them. O'Ryan reluctantly got up and went over to the console himself.

"So, what's Rescue Bots?" Kitty asked, staring at the screen.

"Rescue Bots is a kid's TV show starring these Cybertronians called 'Rescue Bots.' It's meant for younger children." O'Ryan explained. "Some Sue must've thought..." He trailed off, reading the intelligence report. He sighed. This was gonna be fun.

He snagged the objects that they would need for the mission: a C-CAD, crash dummy, a backpack to put these things in, a neuralyzer, D.O.R.K.S, and, of course, an RA. He then walked over to the portal, typing in the coordinates.

"O'Ryan?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah?" he responded.

"Will this be... dangerous?"

"It shouldn't be," he said as the portal appeared, "as long as we're careful." Holding the dummy cube in his hand, O'Ryan walked through the portal. Kitty was close behind. O'Ryan pulled the string on the cube, activating the crash dummy.

Both O'Ryan and Kitty recoiled at the sight of the Sue. She had dark orange armor with white trimmed black flames slapped half-hazzardly onto it. Her grenish/purple optics were giving O'Ryan a headache. Just what he needed.

"Lets see....this planet is nothing but organic life matter? Why would a tracker pod bring me here?" the Sue asked, wandering into the woods. The minute she asked that question, her pod burst into flames, surprising both of the agents.

"Holy crap!" Kitty exclaimed, backing away from the flames.

"That was unnecessary," O'Ryan muttered. "You don't need to have things dramatically burst into flames, Sue. They'll find you eventually."

As he said that, the Bots rushed onto the scene, with a generic voice saying, "The fire is over here!" Chase made sure no one was around, which somehow included the Burns family trying to help put out the fire. Heatwave attempted to extinguish the flames while Blades and Boulder wandered around, looking for something.

"What are they trying to look for?" asked Kitty, gesturing to Blades and Boulder.

Quite oddly, in Kitty's opinion, O'Ryan got out a yoyo and began to twirl it, looking intensely into the circle the string was making.

"The Words didn't specify what the Bots are looking for, just that they were scouting the area," he said. He stopped twirling his yoyo and put it into his pocket.

"Heatwave! I think I see something over here!" everything organic shouted, including (unfortunately) O'Ryan, but not Kitty.

"What? Why?" O'Ryan was flabbergasted. Of course, he didn't have much time to be shocked, as the Sue tripped on something and fell, causing the ground to shake and the smell of mint to suddenly exist.

More twirling of the yoyo. "The fic misspelled 'mini' as 'miny' and the Words took it as 'minty'," O'Ryan said. He put his yoyo away. Of course, two point five seconds later, O'Ryan was shouting (along with everything else organic in the fic, save for Kitty), "Woah. Was that a miny earth quake?" Then, due to the cruel, cruel words, O'Ryan face planted onto the ground.

"Ow," he said. He got himself back up, brushing his suit off. "Remind me to ask Upstairs for a different uniform." The Sue, too, sat up as Blades walked over to her.

"W-who are you?" Blades asked, suddenly nervous. The Sue stood up, her headache-inducing optics making Blades more nervous than before. She stepped out of the woods.

The light dramatically reflected her armor, blinding the agents.

"Ow," O'Ryan said. "I'm going to add 'dramatizing everything' to the charge list." He snagged his notebook and was about to write that charge down when, out of nowhere, a small Vehicon appeared. Kitty looked at the Words by glaring intensely at a tree. Hey! That worked!

"O'Ryan, I believe that's 'cyberteonians,'" she said. She stopped looking at the words to glance at O'Ryan.

"Lovely. A mini." O'Ryan sighed. He grabbed his RA and portalled the mini-Vehicon back to their RC, then went to write down charges.

"I can't believe the Lunareclipse is real and standing on this planet!" Boulder exclaimed, (which caused O'Ryan to exclaim, "No! Not Boulder!") but looked down at the ground when the Sue looked at him. She proceeded to somehow look at everyone else at once, and they all looked down.

"Ow, for the third time today," O'Ryan said, rubbing his head. About that time, the Sue realized that all the Bots had a partner each, and Boulder recognized the Sue.

"Lunareclipse is a cyberteonian of legends and until now just another series of stories. Her power is as strong as Primus's and Unicron's combined. Not to mention her armor creates a special majesty to her legend as well." Boulder exclaimed. Yet another mini-Vehicon appeared, but before she could grab the RA, Kitty heard the distinctive slap of a notebook hitting something.

"You don't just- No! Those two are the most powerful shpxing beings in the frigging Transformers multiverse! You don't just be better than both of them! What the frigging heck?" O'Ryan yelled. He ran both of his hands through his silver hair. "Why can't the Sue just-"

"O'Ryan?" Kitty asked, causing O'Ryan to stop mid-sentence. She walked over to him, shaking. "O'Ryan?" she repeated, putting her shaking hand onto O'Ryan's shoulder. At first, he stiffened, but he forced himself to relax, taking deep breaths.

"Kitty, I'm okay," O'Ryan said. "Honest. This Sue is just irritating me out of my everloving mind. I'm sorry." He sighed, then went over and grabbed his notebook, flipped to the charge list, and added "annoying the agents," then snagged the RA and transported "cyberteonian" back to the RC.

"You are mostly correct but I do have flaws from war and life." the Sue said, causing everyone (including O'Ryan and herself but excluding Kitty) to jump and then smile. It was pretty clear that O'Ryan's smile was forced.

"Yeah, righ'," said O'Ryan through his teeth. Suddenly, O'Ryan slammed into a wall and Kitty merely fell over.

They were now in the firehouse. O'Ryan fell backwards off the wall and onto the floor (which was only about a foot away).

"Ow," he said, no longer smiling. "Chapter jump."

The team was giving Lunareclipse a tour of the firehouse. Looking at the Words, Kitty figured out that the Sue thought Boulder was the brains of the team while Blades...

He walked around a corner, showing the Sue a generic room while his voice did a generic buzz. Kitty giggled. The Words had interpreted "sweety" as "sweaty," and Blades was sweating very heavily. Tiny beads of water dripped down his face and arms as he showed the Sue the firehouse along with his team. Kitty grabbed the notebook and O'Ryan's pencil and wrote down "making a Cybertronian sweat."

Just as O'Ryan was about to get up, the agents were thrown into a generic room with a generic bed and a generic door. The Sue sat down as a knock sounded on the door. O'Ryan, who was on the floor yet again, quickly got up, grabbed Kitty, and hid behind a generic object.

"Enter if you wish Cody." said the Sue. O'Ryan grumbled about telepathy and missing commas as Cody walked in, looking a bit nervois. Louder grumbling came from O'Ryan, who was still a bit upset at being slammed into a wall and then being knocked off his feet.

The Sue told Cody not to worry, but then Cody turned into a t-shirt. The whoosh, whoosh, whoosh of a yoyo going in circles followed, then the scratching of a pencil. O'Ryan had figured out that the Words had interpreted the Sue thinking "seam" instead of "seem" as Cody being a t-shirt, so he became one. Of course, then the Sue started to remember her days on Team Prime, defeating Megatron. Even louder grumbling came from O'Ryan.

"She didn't remember Earth a chapter ago, nor did she remember humans. Frig this, we have enough charges," O'Ryan said, snagging the D.O.R.K.S.

"No, O'Ryan," Kitty said, grabbing his coat jacket. O'Ryan stopped, afraid to tug Kitty with him. "You can't. Not yet. We still don't have enough charges."

He looked back at Kitty. "I know, but it's just..."

"Don't worry. It'll be over soon," Kitty whispered. She tightened her grip on his jacket, making O'Ryan realize that she was scared. He grabbed her, causing her to lose her grip, and hugged her.

"Listen to your own words," he said. He hugged her tighter for a moment, then reluctantly put her back down and turned back to the scene at hand.

"Wow you really arent like the others are you?" Shirt!Cody asked. The Sue confirmed it, then made the shirt look at oddly-shaped words that appeared to be trying to convince Cody to destroy Cybertron. O'Ryan grabbed his yoyo and began to twirl it again, only for the string to break. The yoyo went flying up into the air, where it stayed for a few seconds, then crashed onto the ground with a small clank.

The Sue looked over where the yoyo landed. O'Ryan quickly ducked down since he was the only one tall enough to be seen from behind the generic object. Kitty began to shake again, and O'Ryan grabbed her hand and held it.

The Sue continued to look at the yoyo for a few more seconds, then turned back to the shirt.

"That was close," O'Ryan whispered. "Could you check the Words, Kitty, and tell me why there are words now on the Sue?" Kitty looked, then wrote down the word onto a blank page. Instiga.

"That's not how you spell insignia," O'Ryan whispered, flipping to his charge list and writing down yet another charge.

"So do you know anything about earth?" Shirt!Cody asked. The Sue switched to a generic buzz as she supposedly explained to him the adventures she had with Team Prime. O'Ryan sighed and squeezed Kitty's hand once. Kitty looked up at O'Ryan.

"Don't worry," he whispered. Kitty saw that his shoulders were tense. Her own shoulders tensed as the shirt talked again.

"So you have been on earth before and you are a fighting cybertronian?" he asked. The Sue nodded, then suggested that they go bother the others. They, along with the agents, walked out, where the Sue caught a book that could've hit Shirt!Cody. O'Ryan fell over onto the ground, while Kitty stayed standing.

"Chapter jump," O'Ryan whispered. He quickly got up and the duo hid behind yet another generic object.

The Sue threw the book at Heatwave who was ready to throw yet another book making him try to dodge it. O'Ryan grabbed his C-CAD and aimed it at Heatwave.

[Heatwave. Cybertronian male. Canon. Out of character 51.66%]

"Knew it," O'Ryan muttered. "It isn't canon for him to just go and throw a book at someone." He set the C-CAD down. Could he have looked ahead in the Words, he wouldn't have placed it on the floor.

The Sue began to yell at Heatwave, saying, "You could have hit the human child. Watch how you act on a planet full of such small and frail beings." Heatwave didn't like the sound of that, so the Sue used the electricity in the building to give him a small zap. He jumped and the others bit back their laughter. A small crackle emitted from the C-CAD and it gave off the scent of burnt electrical wires.

"Crap," O'Ryan said. "The Sue fried the C-CAD." Kitty looked at the Words.

"Apparently, the Words counted 'in the building' as 'anything electrical in the actual building,'" Kitty said. O'Ryan, in a panic, went through the book bag, but, thankfully, the D.O.R.K.S. had disguised itself as a rubber duck and wasn't affected. He breathed a sigh of relief and checked the other objects. They were, surprisingly, still okay. He placed them all back into the backpack.

"Let's get back to the mission," O'Ryan said, grabbing his notebook and flipping to the charge list. Due to the unfortunate incident, they had missed the paragraph involving Frankie (which wasn't very important) and the Sue had just started speaking again.

"Is there an air vessel large enough on this planet for me to scan? My predicon form would more than likely scare everyone." the Sue said. A mini with the name "predicon" was summoned, and O'Ryan directed it over towards him and Kitty, guessing that it would just be summoned again later. Meanwhile, Boulder thought about what the Sue said for a second, then shook his head.

The Sue sighed, but was convinced by Dani to use her "predicon" form, so the Sue transformed into that form.

"No! You can't- No!" O'Ryan whispered. "You can't..."

The Sue was taller than Predaking, for reasons unknown, and her predacon form's colors were gold and blue, not at all matching her orange and black color scheme. Scribble, scribble

"That's not possible in canon, you know," O'Ryan whispered to no one in particular. "She would still have her orange and black color scheme. You don't just change colors in canon."

Graham excitedly pointed out that the Sue's colors changed, but the fic spelled "Graham" as "Gramm," causing yet another mini-Vehicon to exist. O'Ryan quickly portaled that one (along with "Predicon") back to Kitty's and his RC. He decided that he had enough of this, so he leaned over to Kitty and said, "I have enough charges, so here's the plan."

...

Out of nowhere, two Vehicons appeared. One was shaking but pointing its gun at the Rescue Bots while the other ran over to Lunareclipse, sword as its hand.

The Sue looked at the Vehicons with disinterest. "You do realize who I am, correct?" she asked. She then transformed into her Bot form and summoned her scythe that she would've used against Starscream.

"Yes," said the Vehicon with the sword, "I do." It shoved her against the wall and held her there. She tried to stab it with her scythe but it knocked the scythe out of her hand. It pointed its sword directly at her neck. Oddly, the Vehicon switched to pinning her with its leg as it grabbed a small notebook.

"Lunareclipse," it began. A warning shot was fired from the other Vehicon's gun. "You are charged with being a Mary Sue, making me say ridiculous things, causing the smell of mint to exist when you fell to the ground, making yourself as powerful as Primus and Unicron combined, being a legend, driving characters OOC, creating minis, having a Sue color as your optic color, causing Blades to sweat, making Cody a shirt due to a misspelling, changing your color scheme when it is uncanonical to do so, having uncanonical abilities, misspelling other things, forgetting commas, and annoying the agents. Your sentence is death. Anything you want to say to try and change my mind that isn't tear jerking?"

"Yes. You will never kill me, as I-" The Vehicon's sword stabbed her at that moment, killing her. She quickly became a regular sized dummy again, albeit with a stab wound on the neck.

One of the Vehicons had disappeared, and what appeared to be a small African American girl no taller than 3' 2" suddenly appeared, holding a small pen-like device.

"Look over here, please," she said to the canon characters.

Flash!

...

"What a first mission," O'Ryan said, dropping the backpack full of stuff and the newly acquired scythe onto the ground and flopping into his rolling chair. The chair slowly rolled back until it hit the bookshelf, causing at least three books to be dropped onto O'Ryan. "Gosh dang it!"

Kitty walked over to O'Ryan and wheeled him and the rolling chair out from the bookshelf, which promptly fell down to the floor.

"Crap," she said. "Sorry."

"No problem," he said. "It was going to fall anyway."

"But if I hadn't-"

"Shush," O'Ryan said. "You didn't cause it." He got up from the chair and hugged Kitty. "You actually saved me from having a bookshelf fall onto me."

"True," she said. She wiggled out of his grip and looked at four mini-Vehicons they now had.

"Whelp, someone is gonna be happy," she said, smiling.