Chapter Text
So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"
The words came out in a whisper. "You know what I want."
A deep frown carved into his marble forehead. He obviously wished he'd stuck to the subject of Rosalie.
It felt like we'd has this argument a lot today.
"Not tonight, Bella. Please."
"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."
Edward growled – a deep, menacing sound. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," he vowed.
"That's not fair!"
I thought I heard his teeth clench together.
We were pulling up to the house now.
It might have been the ostentatious pink roses lining the stairs to the front door–signaling to me what horrors wait inside–or the mere fact alone so many people ignored my wishes for my birthday to be an unpretentious occasion–but I snapped.
I'd reached the end of the road with this back and forth.
Edward took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "This is a party," he reminded me. "Try to be a good sport."
I looked at his face without meeting his eyes, my expression blank.
He frowned.
Really though, I knew what it was. What had made that delicate cord in me break. I loved Edward–desperately, completely–I wanted nothing more than to share eternity with him–but I couldn't take another rejection. Another validation of my worst fears. I wasn't good enough for Edward. And he knew it. He was just endlessly patient in trying to get away from me.
I also couldn't shake this gnawing, rising feeling in my throat that the second another accident occurred, another Bella klutz moment went awry, that he would be gone. He would somehow find a way to twist it onto himself, summon his infamous self-loathing, and leave me for my own good. A feeling only heightened by his open admiration of Romeo's suicide.
So I had to leave first.
I quickly snatched my truck keys from his hand before he could see my hands tremble. "I'm going home, Edward."
His frown deepened. "Bella, please. I apologize for all this." He waved a hand towards the house. "They are only excited to celebrate another birthday, celebrate you, us-…"
"No Edward," I bit my lip, trying and failing to hold back the sob in my voice. "We're done. You won't change me, you don't want forever with me. I'm going home and-…" I moved quickly past him, head down. His eyes had grown impossibly wide with shock–those stunning, dangerous eyes.
I scrambled into the cab, swallowing air quickly to beat back down the tears that threatened. I at least needed to make it down the driveway first.
Before I could shut the door, Edward was there, inhumanely fast. He held the door open, his eyes searching for mine. I kept my attention pointedly on his shoulder, tugged at the car door.
"Let me go, Edward." My voice was weak, but firmer than I could have hoped for.
"You're–you're not serious," he said, sounding thoroughly disbelieving.
I could understand why–anyone breaking up with Edward Cullen seemed like an impossibility.
A sob escaped at the thought, at "breaking up".
Edward extended a hand for my cheek – I shook my head fiercely, cringed away. He dropped his hand.
"It's what you want, isn't it?" I stated flatly.
Hide the hurt, Bella. Until the end of the driveway. Keep it together until then.
I continued, "What you've been hoping for? For me to go live with Renee in Jacksonville?"
Edward was stone still. Silent.
I nodded. "I won't leave Forks–Charlie–but I won't bother you again. You can pretend we'd never met if you want."
I released a shaky breath and yanked at the door again–Edward's hold loosened, but remained.
"Bella…" I couldn't read his tone. I might have been too afraid to. "Please, just…"
A flicker in my chest, my heart beat alive. Hope.
Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe–
He continued, "Just…not tonight. Please. We'll talk after the party."
I gasped–it was like a sword being shoved straight through my chest. A pain unlike any I could have envisioned before. Worse than Phoenix. His words pierced straight to my core.
He doesn't love you.
I finally looked into his eyes, fearless in my anguish, and yelled, "Leave me alone! This is it!"
Edward flinched as if slapped–my words had the desired effect. He released the door and I slammed it shut, shoved the keys in the ignition, and swung around in the driveway.
I prayed he would chase after me. I prayed that he wouldn't dare.
I didn't make but a few feet down the driveway before bursting into body-wracking tears. My sobs almost animalistic. Pure in their agony. It felt as if I had just ripped my body–my soul–in half.
I somehow managed a glance in the rear-view mirror–Edward stood exactly in place, his arm still out from where he held the door.
Also, remarkably, Alice stood where my truck had just been. Her expression almost unreadable from my distance, but if I didn't know any better–with her head quirked, a small tilt to her lips–she seemed almost proud.
I whispered a "sorry" hoping she could hear it. I would feel bad eventually for ruining her party.
I drove almost blindly forward after that, tempted to pull to the side of the road and release these tears until my heart's content. But knowing that was unlikely tonight, I drove until I made it home.
That was as far as I could go though–I fell across the worn leather seat and cried. Cried until my eyes went dry, my lips numb, and I could pretend that there was no possible way I could cry again.
He didn't even call for you to stop. Didn't follow.
I grit my teeth. Squeezed my eyes shut.
I was aware later, faintly, of Charlie's arms sweeping me up and carrying me into the house. He sounded anxious, fraught. I cracked an eye open, but my head was pointed to the trees.
I thought I spotted a flash of red–but dreams started quickly after that–it was hard to tell where the waking world ended and the dream plane began.
I asked for my dreams to be kinder than reality and–for once that day–I was granted a birthday wish. I dreamt of a hot sun, warm breezes, a relaxing day on the beach.
Edward–mercifully, achingly–nowhere to be found.