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I'm Always Horrible at Timing

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He fell. He was in my arms, I could have saved him. He let go. There he is, so far away, sprawled out like he is an angel. The blood, swarming around him, growing cold with every passing second. Every passing second he isn’t around anymore. Every passing second he won’t be able to bother me.

“Steven,” Robin says softly into my ear,” We gotta get down. Let’s go warm ourselves up a little.”

She pulled away and took my hand, guiding me towards the ladder, towards the ground. Away from him.

We were quickly swarmed by the police, asking questions. Once we answered all we could, Robin doing most of it, we were swept away to an ambulance to check us over. They quickly looked us over and gave us a blanket each. We had just wrapped ourselves and sat down when I looked over to the satellite. He was being lifted down, blood running down the spike that he was impaled on. 

“Oh-oh God.” I choked out. My heart lurched, seeing his face. His beautiful face, peaceful for once. He didn’t even get the satisfaction of being happy before he died. All he got was anger. A wave of anger that took him in the end. 

Why is my face wet? It stopped raining hours ago. ”, I thought, raising my hand to my face and looking around. Tears. I was crying. I was crying for him. Huge tears, coming down my face, more coming by the second. I was brought into a hug.

“Steven, it's okay. He won’t be able to hurt us anymore. We’re okay.” Robin said, her voice next to my ear.

She doesn’t understand. I liked him. Had. I had liked him. He helped me so much, from helping me fix Robin and I’s relationship to just making me laugh in a horrible time. And I would never be able to repay him. I was so mean to him and all he wanted from me was friendship. If only I wasn’t such an idiot and realized sooner.

I cried harder, almost sobbing, nuzzling my head into Robin’s neck, not caring anymore. Why does it hurt so much? Shouldn’t I still be happy because he wasn’t endangering my friends and family or even more people? Why does my heart feel like it’s bleeding? Like it will never get better from this. Like someone I loved died.

Wait, loved? Do I-, No. That can’t be? He hurt my friends and family. I shouldn’t love him. But, he was sweet, and his eyes were so beautiful. Such beautiful blue eyes. I got lost in them so much. Perhaps… maybe I do love him. ” I thought, more tears forming.

Soon my tears finally dried and I pulled away from Robin, rubbing away any more tears. She smiled gently at me, not even knowing what I had realized.

I would never get to see him again. I would never get to see his weird smile. I would never hear his voice outside my apartment, yelling for my attention. I would never be in that van. The van that he obviously loved, taken care of so well. I will never get to feel his warmth again when he gets a little too close. I will never get to see him again. And I miss him.