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Monday, 11:23 am


“Scrappy doo anti-stans”


Fred says fuck renamed the group “best holiday plans aye”


Fred says fuck: ok what’s the move for wednesday


Fred says fuck: i already have ideas but this is a Team Effort


Oh no my glASSes: tim I thought we were doing Annoy Elias Day on the fifteenth  .


Scooby snacc: ^yeah :/ … otherwise wouldn’t it be too soon from the one we did this month? And he might suspect something?


Fred says fuck: no no im talking about april fool’s day


Fred says fuck: smh


Fred says fuck: we’re getting jon this time, we prank him so much less than he deserves


Fred says fuck: [sent image: a handwritten list, some sections crossed out, some vigorously underlined. Pen strokes connect different ideas in the list. In the margins are stick-figure doodles of the archival assistants, each wearing sunglasses and posing.]


Oh no my glASSes: all right yeah i was wondering earlier why you actually looked invested in your work .


Fred says fuck: mystery solved *finger guns*


Scooby snacc: this is so comprehensive!! :o


Scooby snacc: didn’t we already do some of this tho? to elias?


Oh no my glASSes: “gradually put more and more worms on a string into his office” hmmm repeating pranks i see . 


Fred says fuck: shhh sasha i was just putting down what came to mind, its like a mind map,, i know not all of them are ace plus


Oh no my glASSes: nerd .


Fred says fuck: no u


Fred says fuck: just look at the starred ones, those are the best


Oh no my glASSes: “have martin ‘forget’ to bring jon tea”


Scooby snacc: :0


Oh no my glASSes: that’s cruel .


Fred says fuck: sash youre grinning ear to ear rn i can see you


Oh no my glASSes: i didn’t say it was a bad idea, i just said it was cruel . i actually think this is one of the more subtle-yet-effective ones you’ve come up with .


Scooby snacc: wait but!! what if he thinks about it every day afterward, when i bring him tea?? i dont want him to associate a dumb prank with me specifically forever :((((


Fred says fuck: marty boy he already treats you so bad, dont you want to get back at him


Scooby snacc: no? :c


Oh no my glASSes: um ? tim ? bold of you to assume martin would be able to physically resist bringing tea to someone who wanted tea, especially his gay crush ! shame on you .


Scooby snacc: 0/////0


Fred says fuck: ok fair,,,, moving on


Oh no my glASSes: i like this one: “cover every surface of jon’s workspace with that cursed photo of elias”


Oh no my glASSes: as if they aren’t all cursed .


Fred says fuck: ok you’re not wrong but


Fred says fuck: you know the one im taking about


Scooby snacc: oh! is it the one where he’s looking over his shoulder at the cam?? And he has that Look ™ in his eyes?


Fred says fuck: yeah the “come hither” look. i fucken,,, shUDDER jus thinking about it


Fred says fuck: and jon hates it sm, it’s incredible


Oh no my glASSes: yes I remember he came in and yelled at you for emailing it to him, he looked like his soul had left his body . honestly thought he was going to pass out .


Scooby snacc: i tried so hard not to laugh!! I think i started tearing up at some point!


Fred says fuck: ok you both seem on board for this one so lets goooo


Fred says fuck: i’ll send the photo, print as many as you possibly can 


Oh no my glASSes: bet .


Scooby snacc: yes!


Fred says fuck: this is going to be so good

4:33 pm

Scooby snacc: hi so!! You know how i just went to follow up on a statement for jon, and we all thought the person’s name sounded familiar??


Oh no my glASSes: dont tell me, their name has been subliminally printed on our brains since birth ? and they plan to take over the world ? am i right or ?


Fred says fuck: i know you’re a conspiracy ho and i love that about you but now is the time to Stop, Get Some Help


Oh no my glASSes: sorry , i cant read suddenly , i dont know


Scooby snacc changed Oh no my glASSes ’s name to Conspiracy ho


Conspiracy ho: martin !


Fred says fuck: he really just paused in his typing to do that


Fred says fuck: the absolute legend


Scooby snacc: So it turns out their family owns a ton of different parks!! like not picnic parks, i mean rides, games, stuff like that. And after we talked (they taught me so much about embroidery, wow!) they said they enjoyed speaking with me, and that their family just opened an indoor waterpark and if i wanted, i could bring a few friends and we’d all get free admission !! :)))


Conspiracy ho: !!!!


Fred says fuck: wh


Fred says fuck: martin HOW


Scooby snacc: i dunno, we just had a really nice conversation!! :D


Conspiracy ho: um martin’s charms are irresistible ?? that’s how . obviously .


Fred says fuck: god. you’re right, and i am a fool


Conspiracy ho changed “best holiday plans aye” to “The Magnus Institute - Water Level”


Fred says fuck: nooo dont make this bad


Conspiracy ho: everything’s already weird in the archives, maybe that means our version of the water level would be fun .


Fred says fuck: airtight logic


Conspiracy ho: shut up .


Conspiracy ho: when are we going ?


Scooby snacc: i cant this weekend :( i need to catch up on some things


Conspiracy ho: i cant do the weekend after, family’s coming over .


Fred says fuck: date tbd then?


Scooby snacc: ok!!


Conspiracy ho: yep .


Fred says fuck: we have other stuff to focus on anyway … such as certain pranks….


Scooby snacc: um.. pranks plural?


Fred says fuck: prank*


Conspiracy ho: ……..


Conspiracy ho: you’re going to prank us too, aren’t you ? wow . your own squad .


Scooby snacc: tim!! D:


Fred says fuck: no comment


Sasha to Martin


Sasha: i know we said we were going to put red pepper flakes in tim’s lunch


Sasha: (and we’re still going to do that )


Sasha: but i think we should also put hot sauce in the milk we give him afterward .


Martin: haha yes!! 


Martin: and then, at the end of the day, when he’s had enough time to recover, we slip some in his water bottle


Sasha: i


Martin: >:D


Sasha: … so glad you’re on /my/ prank team jfc


Tim to Martin


Tim: poor naive sasha


Tim: just wait till she opens the glitter bomb


Tim: she’ll be expecting something more elaborate, but little does she know we’re goin traditional/classic this year, yeah?


Martin: tim, hear me out. what if we gave her….*two* glitter bombs


Martin: she definitely won’t suspect the second one!!


Tim: ….you’re a genius. an evil genius.


Tim: thank god you’re on my team, marty boy

Martin: ;)