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And Time is But a Paper Moon [PODFIC]

Summary:

"Zewu-Jun. You once told me about a house surrounded by gentians, where you visited once a month, and how Lan Zhan still waited there, even when the door no longer opened."

Xichen feels light-headed. He feels shocked, and angry. He has never told anyone such a thing, but Lan Zhan is giving Xichen a look of utter betrayal.

"You told him?" Lan Zhan whispers. "When?"

Wei Wuxian takes Lan Zhan's hand. "About twenty years from now."

Wei Wuxian starts again from the beginning.

Notes:

Chapter 1: Chapter One

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Please check chapter 10 if you wan links to the google drive files of these chapters.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

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Chapter 3: Chapter three

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Chapter 4

Notes:

Hey sorry it's been so long since I posted the last chapter, I had this chapter recorded, but then the file got corrupted so it took some time to build up the motivation to re-record this chapter.

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Chapter 5

Notes:

So this chapter is a bit rough in places and I just thought that I should put a warning that it suddenly gets loud in some places-headphone users beware. For some of the names, I have never heard them spoken outloud before, so it might not be entirely accuate (ex:I had to try very hard not to pronounce Su She like sushi even though I know that's not right). Along that same vein, for certain words, switching between chinese and english messes up the cadence of speech so I made a few pronounciation compromises while doing my best to keep it as close to the chinese words as possible. I hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 6

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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Notes:

Hey! It's been a while.
Here's a chapter, hope you enjoy it.
I have now finished my second ever set of finals and started my summer internship.
Hopefully that will mean that I can get chapters out more frequently, leave a comment or something if you guys think I'm taking too long.

Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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Notes:

Yeah, I have no idea how to pronounce Wen QiongLin or Qishan. Compromises were made in pronunciation.
Hope you enjoyed!
I'm going with my family to take my sister to her first internship, so I may or may not get a chapter out next week(I'm trying to get a chapter out each week, but I don't know how that'll go. fingers crossed!)

Chapter 8

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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Notes:

LWJ says "mn" a lot. Like, I knew that, but I feel ridiculous saying it. Hope you enjoyed it!

Chapter 9: Chapter 9

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Hey! I was meaning to upload this last Monday, but lightning hit my house and took out the wifi and some of the electronics. I'll post the next chapter in an hour or two.

P.S. I'm moving the files to google drive because someone on my soundcloud asked if I could make the files downloadable since soundcloud wasn't working for them. Can someone leave a comment to tell me if the links work or if anyone is having trouble?

here's the link:  Google Drive

Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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Here is the link for the chapter: Google Drive

 

Here is the link for the file with all the chapters I have so far: File

 

Hope you enjoy!

Notes:

Jiang Chen is always fun to record

Chapter 11: Chapter 11

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Here's Chapter 11!

Kudos and comments are encouraged, I crave feedback!

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Chapter 12: Chapter 12

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Wooo! Chapter 12

Warning- character death, no one likes the one who dies anyway

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Chapter 13: Chapter 13

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Woo! Chapter 13! 

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Chapter 14: Chapter 14

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Here's Chapter 14! It's later than I usually post, but it is still Monday in my time zone, so this is technically not late. In my defense, I was busy reading TGCF(I have finally finished it, WoooHoooo!) 

I hope you enjoy! 

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Chapter 15: Chapter 15

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Woo! Chapter 15! It's technically not Monday anymore, but time is not real, and I was on a car trip with no wifi all day.

Enjoy!

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Chapter 16: Chapter 16

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Yay! Chapter 16! 

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Chapter 17: 17

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Woo! Chapter 17! 

TRIGGER WARNING!!! This chapter contains a character being depressed and feeling hopeless. Stop listening after the end of the discussion conference if you need to avoid that. 

Some of my favorite scenes happen in this chapter, but also I almost cried while recording the latter half so... 

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Chapter 18: Chapter 18

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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Woo! Chapter 18!

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Notes:

Hey, if you're interested, I podficced and posted 'The Trials of Domestic Bliss' by Titans_R_Us, its the second part of a series, and I did the first part as my first podfic ever. It's essentially about what could've happened if wangxian got married after wwx pulled lwj's forehead ribbon at that discussion conference. Please check it out if you're interested!

Chapter 19: Chapter 19

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Woo! Chapter 19! 

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BTW I started classes this morning. I built up a few chapters as a buffer, so I think I should be able to keep doing weekly updates, but we'll see when midterms and finals come around.

Chapter 20: Chapter 20

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Here's Chapter 20!

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Hope you enjoy it! 

BTW starting next week, I'm planning to post new chapters on Tuesday. 

Chapter 21: Chapter 21

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Here's Chapter 21! Hope you enjoy it!

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Chapter 22: Chapter 22

Notes:

The author's note from the original fic:
Okay, time for another SUPER IMPORTANT NOTE!

We are approaching - it's not yet, but we are approaching - the part of the fic where the PTSD tag is going to start getting relevant.

 

We are not there yet. That isn't this chapter.

 

However!

Not everyone experiences mental health difficulties in the same way, and if your own personal experiences do not match the depictions in this story, that does not make them any less valid! Your feelings are real. They matter. You matter.

However!

The depictions of depression and PTSD in this story do draw significantly on my own experiences with both of those conditions, so please bear in mind that if you decide to tell me that there is something wrong with how they are portrayed, this will result in multiple consequences:

a) I will be upset

b) my friends will yell at you

So please don't! Please refrain from invalidating anyone's experiences, whether they be mine or someone else's in the comments!

I am not asking for any kind of sympathy or anything like that, at the moment I'm actually doing okay, this is just one of my usually-unsuccessful attempts to prevent problems from occurring.

I hope everyone else is doing as well as circumstances permit right now too. Remember to be gentle with yourselves.

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Here's Chapter 22. Yay!

I love the relationship between Wen Qing and Madam Yu. Also, I appreciate the continued(but healthy) rivalry between wwx and jc. 

Hope you enjoy it!

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Chapter 23: Chapter 23

Summary:

The closest thing you're gonna get to Yi City in this fic

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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Yay! Chapter 23! Here's the link

Notes:

Author's notes, copy and pasted from the original work
me, when I made up courtesy names: I will keep these notes on what characters I used for that so I can post them in the end notes

me, posting: I literally cannot find where I did that

I am PRETTY SURE Guoyi was:

过意

(fun fact: I cannot tell the difference between the character used here and the one that means Italy and I cannot tell if that's because it's the same character or because, you know, I have no visual memory and I can't keep the differences in my head looking from one to the other)

It MIGHT have been 依

Reader's note
意 can mean: meaning, significance, wish, desire, intention or thought, depending on how it's used but it is also the character used in Italy.
依 can mean: to depend, comply, or lean
I don't actually know which one Sami intended to use, but I would choose 意 if only because that is one of the characters in my name and I think it would be cool to share a part of my name with this OC.

Chapter 24: Chapter 24

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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Here's Chapter 24!

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Poor Xichen.

 

Notes:

Authors note copy and pasted from the original fic:
A note about qi deviation:

I did quite a bit of research into traditional Chinese medicine, and into the concept of qi.

That part was harder without being able to go to a library, and I am now annoyed that abbreviations are no longer customarily denoted with full stops and that search engines tend not to be case sensitive, because dear god, the results are clogged. Also, fuck Scrabble, apparently. Or at least the people who complain about qi being a legal Scrabble word, because the whining is what actually polluted my search results. And the less said about QI - as in Q.I., short for Quite Interesting, the TV program - the better. I mean, I actually like that program, but uuuuugh my search results for that, too.

Anyway, what I ended up going with for the concept of qi deviation specifically for purposes of this fic - based off a combination of my research and the canonical death of Nie Mingjue, tied into my general headcanon that cultivation is a product of a person's will - is that it is the point where a cultivator's emotional disruption becomes dangerous - and potentially fatal - because the power they all carry within themselves can destroy them, if not regulated.

(I am genuinely nervous about saying a thing that even implies that cultivation isn't actually a real thing I could have researched. How is this a thing? I still seriously don't understand why saying MDZS is not historically accurate makes people hate me, and yet.)

The Lan appear to be borderline reflexive about responding to personal upset or emotional disruption by going into seclusion.

My inability to go to a library has, I fear, had a significant impact on the quality of the research that went into this fic. That part is really, truly not my fault.

Chapter 25: Chapter 25

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Here's Chapter 25! (it's technically not Tuesday anymore in my time zone, but it is somewhere, and I was trying to finish my midterms so...)

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Hope you enjoy it!

 

 

Chapter 26: Chapter 26

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Happy Tuesday! Here's Chapter 26! link

I had so much fun with this chapter! Hope you guys enjoy it!

Chapter 27: Chapter 27

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Here's Chapter 27! Hope you enjoy it!

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Chapter 28: Chapter 28

Summary:

So I clicked in to post the chapter for this week and it was still on the page before posting. I totally thought that I had posted last week, but I guess I didn't? Sorry about that! If that's true then I guess this is a double update?

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Here's Chapter 28! Happy Tuesday!

I'm pretty sure this counts as angst? You've been warned.

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Chapter 29: 29

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Here's Chapter 29!

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Hope you enjoy it!.

Chapter 30: Chapter 30

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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Here's Chapter 30! Hope you like it!

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Please feel free to leave a :-) or something in the comments if you enjoy it.

 

Notes:

A little note, so I had a buffer before I came to college, but that buffer has dwindled since I got here. I just finished editing 31 and am posting 30 when initially I was posting 19 and had 25 done or something. We are coming close to the end of the semester which means finals, so I might miss a weekly post or two in the next month or so.

Chapter 31: Chapter 31

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Here's Chapter 31! Hope you enjoy it!

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Chapter 32: Chapter 32

Notes:

Hey! It's been a couple of weeks, but here we go, a new chapter! I'll try to get back on a regular update schedule soon. Hope you guys had a good holiday season. Hope you guys have a happy new year!

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Woo! Chapter 32! 

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Chapter 33: Chapter 33

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Hey! Happy Tuesday! I hope you guys had a good new years! 

Here's Chapter 33!

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Chapter 34: Chapter 34

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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Woo! Chapter 34!

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Happy Tuesday!

Notes:

I don't really know what was going on with my microphone when I was recording the author's notes, but I'm lazy, so if you had trouble hearing me, I'll copy and paste the author notes here:
Author's notes:
"Wait," I hear you all asking. "What happened to Su She? What is Lan Qiren talking about, with his nephews' fathers?"

There are two new stories now posted in this series.

Su She is not qualified to die in the main story. Death On Two Legs is where he gets to die.

And the other fic is, well... not thematically appropriate, because this fic is tagged Hurt/Comfort and I mean it. Coming Up With Love (But It's So Slashed And Torn) is tagged Hurt No Comfort and I mean that too. Please exercise care with regards to your own emotional wellbeing and read the tags before you read the story.

Chapter 35: Chapter 35

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Here's the new chapter!

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btw: school just started again and I didn't make a buffer, so I might end up updating late, but we only have like 3 more chapters to go so...

Chapter 36: Chapter 36

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Woo! Chapter 36! I love this chapter, it's such great fun.

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Hope you enjoy it! 

Chapter 37: Chapter 37

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(Slides into home base right before midnight) I'm here! I'm on time for the somewhat arbitrary updating schedule that I set for myself!

Here's Chapter 37! I hope you guys enjoy it!

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Chapter 38: Chapter 38

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Woooooooooooo! This is the second to last chapter guys! Hope you enjoy it!

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Chapter 39: Chapter 39

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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It's Done! This is the last chapter! 

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Notes:

Author's notes (copy and pasted from the original fic)
And that's the end... for now. For about two days, in fact, and then the sequels start going up. Same posting schedule until I run out of things that are finished.

This story is the result of months of borderline obsession, and it was quite the effort to get through, and I'd like to thank the following:

- Velithya, who was my beta and my cheerleader and who encouraged me when I despaired that this story would just never end. (Seriously. When I started writing I expected maybe 15k words.)

- The Australian national cricket team and the Big Bash League, because I wrote the vast majority of this story while watching cricket. Pakistan and New Zealand both suffered so that you could have this to read. (This summer, Australia hosted both of those nations, and won extremely comprehensively.)

- Velithya again, who put up with reading this more-or-less one scene at a time while quite frequently having me stare at her while she did it, and then reread it after edits. If you enjoyed this story, take a moment to appreciate Velithya for having good taste, because I judged how well a scene worked by her expressions. Honestly, if our positions were reversed, I wouldn't have put up with it.

- Everyone who left kudos and comments, especially the regular commenters, who have been a joy and a delight and a great comfort when things got stressful, and the first commenters who responded to chapter one, because I was very anxious about posting this, and the immediate positive response was a huge comfort to me.

- Velithya a third time, because she was always ready to talk about the story and help me work through ideas. She's also been my comment moderator, and I thank her for that. AND she helped me do the chapter breakdowns and formatting.

- wangxian+fan, because I don't know how you do it, but you do, and you are the very soul of this fandom.

Writing this helped me get through a very difficult time in my life. Posting it helped me get through a very difficult time in everyone's lives.

If this has been meaningful to you, if it has brought you joy or catharsis or comfort - I am glad.

If this has been hurtful or upsetting to you - I am sorry. I tried to avoid that to the best of my ability.

If there's anything I hope you take away from it, it's this: Depression lies. Your pain is valid. Everyone deserves comfort. The best people are the kind ones. Healing takes time. People can change. Be gentle with yourself, and be gentle with others, but the ones who just want to hurt you?

They are not qualified to speak to you.

Series this work belongs to: