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Thank you for giving me the feeling of being loved

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It started as a form of rebellion against his mother. His mother that was playing his life like a Role-Playing Game (Nagisa would often muse bitterly that the game would either be titles after him or his mother). No one knew about what was happening at home. As far as people knew, he had a happy life even if his parents were divorced (does anyone know his parents were divorced? Nagisa didn't bother to find out). Nagisa's plan was simple. His mother dream of a perfect life she couldn't achieve and was using him as a proxy. All he had to do was put a record on himself.

 

And that's game over from the perfect score.

 


 

It should have been an easy feat for him. He naturally lacks any presence and his appearance was anything but threatening. Not to mention the training they had in the classroom. But when Nagisa felt his hand being twisted before he pocketed the stationary, he had almost let out a startled yell (it was only muffled thanks to the hand covering his mouth). He could feel his body pressed against a taller, stronger frame and the other person was literally breathing down his neck. "Shh, Nagisa-kun," it was a soft whisper from a familiar voice and Nagisa felt the fight leaving his body. The useless stationary was easily pried out of his fist, and quietly placed back into its original position.

 

It was like nothing happened.

 


 

"Karma-kun, why?" It was a simple question, but complicated as well.

 

(Why did you stop me? Why were you there? Why? Why? Why?)

 

A cheeky grin surfaced on Karma's lips, and Nagisa knows that it’s one of Karma's nice smiles. It was one of no malice or prank. "Because that’s not something you would do,” he continues to study Karma’s face.

 

“And don’t waste your skills Nagisa-kun. Go big or go home.” The grin got bigger and Nagisa couldn’t help but laugh. Of course Karma would say that. Karma would make sure that he would target a valuable item, like maybe a phone, rather than a pencil which can be easily bought with his pocket money. There was silence between them for awhile as they swung lightly on the swing-set of the playground they were in.

 

The park was quiet, seeing as it was located far from the residential area with families.

 

Seeing Karma standing up and moving to the lean on the frame of the swing-set, Nagisa cocked his head to the side questioningly. “Why would you do that, Nagisa-kun?” He doesn’t reply. Nagisa doesn’t know how he should reply that question.

 

“Was it to spite your mother? Did she do something again?” Bull’s eye. Karma was looking into the distance as the sun started to set. A hum escaped Nagisa’s closed lips, and Karma knows that was a positive response to his question. His forehead creased a little, a frown etched upon his face. Having been in the same class as Nagisa for all their years in middle school, they were close (in a class where most are terrified of Karma with just his presence, Nagisa was like a breath of fresh air. A close friend and Karma would want no harm to fall upon him).

 

Locking their eyes, Karma spoke again. “If you want to rebel, I can help.”

 

“How?”

 

He had reached out for the handles of the swing Nagisa was on, and leaning down, Karma had rested his forehead against Nagisa’s. Their faces were close, and with a soft whisper, Karma breathed out his proposal.

 

“Date me.” And their lips met softly in a chaste kiss.

 


 

“Doesn’t your mum think of you as a girl? Better to have been born as a girl?” Karma waved his hand towards Nagisa’s hair as an indication to his point. “Karma-kun …” His whine trailed off, and Nagisa gives up a little, seeing that Karma still wants to make his point. “Then give her what she wants, date a guy. In a sense, she is having what she want but it’s not. You would be breaking her perfect scenario because you are a guy, and this,” Karma points to both of them, “is not what she would think as perfect.”

 

Nagisa had now crossed his arms, thinking hard on what Karma had just said. “So you are saying, Karma-kun, that this would make her conflicted.” Snapping his finger, Karma grinned and Nagisa knew that was exactly what Karma was thinking of.

 

Karma was a genius, but he doesn’t want to make an effort to study. However, if it was something interesting (like spiting people), he puts his brain into good use.

 


 

It was a form of rebellion at first; an attempt to head to ‘game over’. It was a silent rebellion where the fact that they were dating was never known to his mother. Soft kisses were share in the confines of Nagisa’s room (the door was open because of how Nagisa’s mother was strict, but they didn’t care. They weren’t caught, so it doesn’t matter).

 

Even in the presence of Hiromi, they were sitting too close for friends, or a touch was lingering too long. There were times where Hiromi had questioned Nagisa endlessly about their relationship (in which Nagisa denies it), and he would phone Karma about it. It was like a shared victory for them, for going against Hiromi’s will. But it was a little more than that. Somewhere in between the joking kisses of their ‘relationship’, the laughter induced evolved to thumping hearts and blushes.

 

“You shouldn’t waste your time on me, Karma-kun.” Nagisa broke the silence between them as they headed to the playground where they first formulated ‘the plan’. They continued to walk, and Karma remained silent. Looking down onto the pavement, Nagisa continued, “There should be things that are more interesting than me, Karma-kun. We should e-”

 

“End this facade?”

 

He just nodded silently to Karma’s question. Without any other exchange of words, Karma had pulled Nagisa by his arm into an alley. He had easily maneuvered and pinned Nagisa against the wall. “Do you think I would have suggested this if it wasn’t interesting to me?” Nagisa shook his head. A sigh escaped Karma’s lips, and it was unlike him. Resting his forehead on Nagisa’s (though he was bending over), it was as though Karma had lost his strength and leaning on Nagisa for support.

 

“Nagisa-kun, I was seriously asking you out. I like you.”

 

“But why would you even fall for someone like me? Someone that doesn’t matter.”

 

His hand slid from the wall, and pulled Nagisa into a hug while changing their positions so he would be leaning on the wall. “You matter, Nagisa-kun. Amongst everyone, you were the only one that talked to me. You weren’t even scared about how I behave.”

 

“There are scarier stuffs I experienced.”

 

Karma rolled his eyes, though Nagisa wouldn’t be able to see it. “Well, ignoring that. You are more than you give credit for, Nagisa-kun. You’re probably the most badass person I know in my entire life.”

 

“I guess Korosensei and Karasuma sensei’s pretty cool too.” Karma added as an afterthought, and Nagisa laughed. His arms slowly went up to Karma’s waist, hugging him back. “And you are fine with a gloomy friend who believes he has no self-worth, Karma-kun?”

 

“Hmmm, I’ll change your views. On top of that, we’d be great accomplices if we ever decide to go down the path of crime.”

 

And it wasn’t about going against Hiromi’s plans anymore. It was more than that. In the family where he had felt no love, Nagisa felt it for the first time. It was a feeling that envelops his body in comfortable warmth. It was something that pulls on his heartstrings. It was something that Karma made him realised, something that Karma showered him with (despite his bad boy image).

 

“Thank you for giving me the feeling of being loved, Karma-kun.”