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Sticks and Stones May Break Your Bones ...

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“Ah, fuck.” Chuuya swears, peering down at his hat that was bloodied from the mission they had just wrapped up. Irritated, he paced, clutching his hat.

It honestly wasn’t that bad, Dazai thinks. But it vexed Chuuya which was a good enough reason for him to tease the hatrack. “Aw it truly is a blessed day, the hatrack is no longer a hatrack .” He skips around the room avoiding the bodies lying on the floor. Just barely dodging a sweeping kick from his right side.

“Shitty Dazai wanna try that again.”

“Shitty Chuuya, I’d rather not. You’d probably just miss again considering how short your legs are.” Dazai cackles and runs from the basement of the base they had stormed. He hears in the background, Chuuya grousing, ‘I’m still growing, damnit.”

It’s only a few hours later lying on Mori’s couch that he comes to the realization he spoke a new word today. Hmm, interesting. He tries to recall Mori swearing in front of him and realizes it has never occurred. Likely because Mori has some messed up conventions regarding purity and considering Dazai put a bullet in seven people today that’s hilarious. He turns to Elise, who’s sitting at the table drawing her crappy pictures. “Hey, hey Elise-chan. You wanna hear something cool.”

She looks up at him, eyes narrowed. “Hmmph, I’m ignoring you.”

“It’ll annoy Mori.”

She turns back to him, “I’m listening.” Hook, line, and sinker.

Mori was at a meeting that Dazai was not privy to. He sends out a spectre to watch for Mori, mostly because he’s bored. He spies on trainees who are frankly awful with a gun and finds Chuuya getting wasted with a glass of wine at a bar. About an hour later, Mori enters his office, looking in an oddly good mood, albeit a bit fatigued. They’ll have to change that.

Mori heads to his office chair which he still has work to do and is expecting a report from Dazai. Perfect. Dazai goes to walk over and accidentally trips on the coffee table. “Ah, shit.” Mori looks up genuinely surprised.

And right on cue, Elise throws a crayon at Mori’s head and yells, “Rintarou you said you’d take me to the fucking bakery today!” Mori chokes. It’s glorious.

It takes Mori at least a minute to recover from the words of the two. “Elise-chan, Dazai-kun where did you learn those words?”


“Yep, does it make you damn upset, Rintarou?”

Mori winces before reining in his expression and going straight into a groveling mode. Tch. “Elise, please don’t say words like that. Pretty, please. And you too, Dazai.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Mori-sensei didn’t you tell me I’m supposed to use words?” Dazai smiled innocently. He remembers Mori wheedling him to talk when he was young and only a few months into his newfound existence when Mori had picked him up. It took him a year to start speaking and another to talk in full sentences. He remembers not feeling any way towards Elise, just the knowledge that she was another part of his reality. He remembers one day getting fed up with her yapping because it was too loud and decided to hit her, causing her to pop out of existence for a moment. That day, he thinks back on was the first day Mori looked at him and saw something. What, he wasn’t sure and didn’t want to know. Mori had smiled at him like a panther that had gotten its prey and said he thinks he can work with this. It had been the first independent action he had ever done and probably the last. Everything else he had ever done was because of Mori. The man who manipulated his strings and gave him just enough rope to choke on. Mori owned his mind and body. The only reason Mori had yet to take his soul was that he didn’t have one.

“Dazai-kun, Elise-chan please don’t use those bad words. I’m begging you.”

“Good, you should suffer,” Elise turned her nose up at him. “Hmmph.”

Dazai then drops in with a smile to rival Satan himself, “However, maybe something can persuade us to forget the words we’ve learned.”

With a minimal amount of cajoling, Mori agrees to practically buy out the bakery for Elise and get Dazai the newest GameBoy. Elise later that evening even gave him one of her strawberry cakes in thanks for concocting up this scheme. Not bad for a day's work.