Y/N had never been particularly confident in herself, but Katsuki Bakugou had always made her feel otherwise. When she was him, she knew anything was possible.
You're strong and brave. Don't put yourself down, okay nerd?!. You're my girlfriend, how could you not be amazing? Katsuki's grumbled words repeated over in Y/N's head, filling her up with a giddy feeling. If Katsuki believed in her, then maybe she could do it.
Yeah, she definitely could do this. No big deal. All she had to do was confess to her oblivious father that she had been dealing with insecurities and mental health issues for years and wanted his help. No biggie.
''So, what did you want to talk about?'' her father asked. He was sitting on the foot of her bed, waiting for her to respond.
Shit. I forgot I asked him to talk tonight, she thought. Well, I can't back down now.
Breathing deeply, Y/N raised her gaze to her father's face and spoke quietly.
''Dad, I think I have depression,'' Losing her confidence and courage, she lowered her gaze to her blankets. Her fists tightened around them.
''I-I, I don't know why but I've felt so bad and worthless for years, I feel sad because I'm ugly and stupid, I'm so unattractive that no one's ever shown interest in me and it feels like I'm going to die alone. I don't mean to feel like this, it's just-just, sometimes, I can feel like I'm at the top of the world and the next, I feel so sad and disgusted with myself that I can't help but cry.''
With a heavy sigh, the girl raised her gaze and awaited her father's answer. She could feel her heart flip and her stomach twist with anxiety.
What would he say? Maybe he'd smile and hug her, offering her his endless support. Or maybe, he'll sigh and hug her, saying that he knew all along. Maybe he knew that she cried herself to sleep nearly every day and that it hurt so, so much to be alive.
Her heart dropped when her father sighed in response. He shook his head in disapproval as he rubbed his temples.
Please, say something, dad. She wanted to say. But all her voice was nowhere to be found.
''Don't be so dramatic. You have a happy family, we're pretty good on money and you have a roof over your head. What else can you want?'' he snapped, eyes blazing with irritation.
Y/N's mouth opened in shock and as much as she wanted to reply, her voice was gone.
''Stop feeling so much self-pity for yourself. The only thing you're accomplishing is wasting your life by complaining and sitting on your ass, doing nothing! Don't come to me saying you're depressed. Do you know how much I've suffered? I'm paralyzed. I lived with abusive parents all my life. I've always had a disadvantage because of my condition. You haven't suffered a bit...You have everything in your hands!''
Her father continued ranting angrily, but Y/N's focus was gone. Her eyes glazed over with tears, but she forced herself to hold them in.
Grow up, he said.
Stop being so dramatic.
Her throat clogged up and her chest tightened. She had been working up the confidence to tell her dad, who swore to protect her and support her for her entire life, the courage to tell him about her illness for years. Y/N isn't exactly sure when it started, but she can barely remember anything before it. She couldn’t remember how it felt to be truly happy.
Though she can't pinpoint an exact date for it or even a goddamn cause, Y/N remembers that she's felt like this for around five years. It started when she was a naive and rude ten-year-old child, who refused to play with friends and would rather read books.
She doesn't remember why it happened, but she can remember with clarity the nights she would slouch over her laptop, listening to soft music that would make her cry quietly. Maybe it had to do with the fact that as a child, she refused to adapt to social situations. Her heart would feel heavy for no absolute reason and she hated it. It was overwhelming, Y/N wanted to claw at her chest and rip it open, plunging her hand inside to retrieve her heart and fix whatever was wrong with it. What was wrong with her? Why wasn’t she...normal?
The sudden loss of weight on her bad snapped her out of her thoughts. Her dad was looking at her solemnly, nodding at her as he bid her good night. She responded with a shaky nod and once her father had closed the doors and turned the lights off, she could feel everything.
There were heavy, wet, and warm tears forming in her eyes, her hands were trembling and her chest felt like it was about to explode.
When she heard her dad's bedroom door close shut, her tears broke loose. Y/N clamped her hand over her mouth, muffling her sobs as her shoulders shook with each cry. She heard her phone vibrating loudly next to her and her cries stopped momentarily.
Wiping away the tears, she squinted her eyes on the screen, only to see Katsuki's contact pop up on her notifications. Subconsciously, a small and weak smile graced her lips.
Ah right, I have a boyfriend, she thought. Maybe I'm not so ugly and useless after all.
EXPLOSIVE TEDDY BEAR: Hey nerd. Are you okay?
Y/N laughed harshly. Her throat was beginning to feel raw and dry from crying. Her eyes read the message over and over as she debated what to do.
Katsuki was her boyfriend after all, right? If something was bothering her, she should let him know. Y/N knew that Katsuki valued honesty a lot.
But then, she was reminded of his proud and loud behavior. He was nice and kind to her, but that didn't stop him from being loud and abrasive. Whether they were dating or not, she was still dubbed as ''nerd''. The nickname made her smile.
Katsuki was an excellent student- perhaps a bit too violent and murderous- but he had good intentions. He was strong and determined. Y/N doubted he'd understand what she was going through. In their three months of dating, she hadn't seen him express any emotions of insecurity or depression, maybe some sprinkles of jealousy here and there, but no insecurities.
With each thought and argument running across her head, Y/N was sure she shouldn't bother him with this. After all, he was a hero-in-training. Katsuki doesn't have time to deal with her problems. He was probably too busy with his own problems.
Y/N: Of course I'm fine. What makes you think I'm not?
Y/N: I'm perfectly fine :)