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First Times and Stuff

Summary:

“What do you mean…” Yoongi’s voice is weak, so he swallows one more time before trying again. “Explain what you mean by ‘I can watch’… because I have a feeling we might be misunderstanding one another.”

Jeongguk peeks through his fingers, then, probably seeing Yoongi’s carefully controlled calm expression, he removes his hands from his face completely, laying them on his thighs instead.

“I don’t mean that I wanna watch you jerk off,” Jeongguk says quietly.

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asks steadily.

 

Translations: Vietnamese, Russian, Korean, Italian, and Portuguese on wattpad and ao3 <3

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

“Hyung,” Jeongguk rubs his forearm shyly. “Can I ask you advice about something kind of… awkward?”

“Of course you can,” Yoongi says, ushering Jeongguk into his studio, locking the door behind him. “You can ask me anything.”

“Thanks,” Jeongguk mumbles, sitting down on Yoongi’s couch.

Yoongi sits down on the couch next to him, his leg folded underneath himself so that he can face Jeongguk. This isn’t the first time Jeongguk came to Yoongi for advice about something. Not even the first time he came to Yoongi for advice about something he deemed to be ‘awkward’, and Yoongi always seems to be able to help. So, Yoongi is ready for anything. Confident. Time to be the best hyung ever to the maknae.

“It’s a…” Jeongguk trails off, biting his lower lip. “You know I'm a virgin, right?” he asks quietly.

“Yeah,” Yoongi answers calmly, projecting that being a virgin is nothing to be embarrassed about.

“And…” there is a long pause, and then Jeongguk huffs. “Long story short, I went out with Jimin yesterday, and I may or may not have told him that I… don’t want to be a virgin anymore, so… him being him, he chatted up this guy when we went out, and the guy was cute, and all three of us danced, and then the guy sorta… well, he kissed me-“

“Not your first kiss,” Yoongi interjected.

“No,” Jeongguk shook his head. “But I could tell that it was… meant to lead somewhere else, you know? Beyond kissing.”

“Mmhm,” Yoongi nodded.

“And so, I sorta… like, went to the bathroom with him,” Jeongguk says, and Yoongi scrunches his nose. “Wasn’t ideal, I know, but I was kinda drunk enough that I didn’t care. I just… wanted that first time over with. But I… couldn’t do it.”

“That’s okay,” Yoongi says. “I’m not sure I would have wanted to lose my virginity to a stranger in a club bathroom either.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk cringes. “But it sort of… got me thinking that I really don’t know a lot of things about… all of that.”

“Sex?” Yoongi supplies.

“Yes,” Jeongguk says, taking a deep breath. “Like, I know stuff from… porn and from the internet and stuff but… yesterday, when I told Jimin that, he told me that porn was a bad source.”

“It is,” Yoongi smiles slightly.

“And I think that,” Jeongguk continues loudly, “If I knew more from a good source, I would be able to… get it done. Get the first time over with and then get better at it and be a better… sexual partner and stuff to future people I sleep with.”

“Right,” Yoongi nods, wondering where Jeongguk was taking this conversation and starting to get just a tiny bit nervous that he won’t be able to help after all.

“So…” Jeongguk smiles a bit. “I figured the best person to go ask for good advice about… sex stuff is… the self-proclaimed king of oral.”

Yoongi snorts, relaxing, “I can give you advice about oral, yes.”

“Cool,” Jeongguk’s smile widens, then turns shy again. “But like, oral is kinda not the thing I'm the most worried about. Like, it kinda seems pretty straightforward,” he laughs, “put… put inside mouth and move up and down?”

Yoongi laughs, “Pretty much, yeah. You really don’t seem nervous about it at all.”

“Not so much about oral. I think I can handle doing that,” Jeongguk flushes hard, not looking entirely certain of what he’s saying, and Yoongi has a feeling there’s a story behind this blush. “I’m more… worried about the parts of sex that involve… my penis inside of things.”

“Ah,” Yoongi exclaims, nervous again.

“Like… about not lasting or…” Jeongguk says, blushing but talking. Trusting Yoongi. Always trusting Yoongi. Yoongi’s heart warms. “Hurting the guy that I'm with. Like, I’m really, really scared about like- finishing after one minute and… I don’t know.”

“And…” Yoongi gulps. “You didn’t ask Jimin about this because…”

“Because Jimin doesn’t get it,” legitimate hurt on Jeongguk’s face. “He thinks it’s… funny that I'm so nervous about it. That I just need to do it, and I’ll be fine, that it won’t be as bad as I think it might be. And he’s probably right, but… he makes jokes. And I know he’s not trying to be mean, and the things he’s saying are not… mean on purpose, but he just… he doesn’t get it.”

“Oh,” Yoongi exclaims. “I’m sorry that he hurt your feelings.”

“He didn’t really,” Jeongguk shrugs. “It’s just a… sensitive subject, I guess, and… it’s really… not a sensitive subject for him, and I'm good at hiding being… hurt by it, so he doesn’t notice.”

Yoongi nods, heart swelling with pride over Jeongguk feeling comfortable coming to him with this even after Jimin’s reaction to it disappointed him. That Jeongguk feels that he won’t be judged with Yoongi no matter what. Which he won’t be. Yoongi’s a good hyung, but…

Yoongi bites his lower lip, “Listen, I’m happy that you came to me, and I’m more than happy to give you any advice about this that I can, but-“ Yoongi takes a breath, watching the hope in Jeongguk’s eyes crash and burn and rushing to finish, “while I do think of myself as good at oral, I… don’t actually have a lot of experience with anal.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk breathes, eyes widening. “So-“

“Like, any experience,” Yoongi clarifies, blushing. “Never done it.”

“Giving… or receiving?” Jeongguk asks tentatively.

“Both, yeah,” Yoongi says. “Neither.”

“With girls and guys?” Jeongguk adds.

“Mmhm,” Yoongi nods. “No penetration whatsoever.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk says again.

“So, yeah,” Yoongi cringes. “Oral, I can give you advice about, but how to last long when fucking someone? No clue.”

There’s a long moment of awkward silence. This officially marks the first subject that Yoongi hasn’t been able to help Jeongguk with, and that feeling of being a good hyung… just about vanishes at this point, replaced with disappointment in himself. He should have had penetrative sex by now if for no other reason, then to be able to give Jeongguk advice at this moment.

“Is it because… you don’t want to do it?” Jeongguk asks slowly, walking on goddamn eggshells. With Yoongi. Walking on eggshells with the person who it should be easiest for him to talk to. “You don’t have to tell me,” he rushes to add.

Yoongi takes a deep breath and exhales. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about with ‘being a virgin’. He knows it. He knows it when it comes to himself, and he’s trying to convey it to Jeongguk too. But he can’t say that he isn’t embarrassed about it now. He’s given head to both guys and girls before, far more than once. But, no anal, no vaginal, no giving, no receiving. Always been… too scared. Probably of things similar to Jeongguk. Although, he realizes that maybe, in a way, that gives him another angle for helping in this situation. Jimin doesn’t get it, and that’s why Jeongguk can’t talk to him about it, so, while Yoongi can’t give him practical advice, god knows Yoongi gets it. And it’s only fair for Yoongi to be honest with Jeongguk about this, considering how honest Jeongguk is with him about it.

“No, it’s not because I don’t want to,” he shares, hoping it’ll help Jeongguk feel less alone in his fears. “I’ve had the chance to do it with both guys and girls a bunch of times, and I’ve always considered it, always almost did it. I just also always… chickened out.”

Jeongguk blinks his wide eyes at him, confused.

Yoongi presses his lips together, feeling awkward but believing that it’s important.

“Sorry that I’m so-“ Jeongguk inhales sharply and shakes his head. “I just didn’t- you seem so…”

“Confident?” Yoongi supplies when Jeongguk gets lost. “About sex and talking about sex and all of that?”

“You write about it in songs,” Jeongguk says, shoulders deflating.

“The subject itself doesn’t scare me,” Yoongi says, shrugging and smiling. “And if I'm perfectly honest, I… I relate to you in that I also wish I could just… get that part over with already, but…” another shrug, another nose scrunch, “can’t.”

“Scared?” Jeongguk whispers.

“Little bit,” Yoongi nods.

Jeongguk places a hand on Yoongi’s knee. Comforting gesture. Yoongi smiles. Solidarity. God, maybe this conversation is making Yoongi feel better about himself too.

“I really wish I could help-“ Yoongi starts.

“What are you scared of?" Jeongguk cuts him off.

Yoongi blinks, “I guess it depends.”

Jeongguk waits.

“If we’re talking topping,” Yoongi continues, “then I’m worried about similar things to you probably. Not lasting, hurting them, lasting but not being good, not making them feel good enough, not being… I don’t know, things like that,” he huffs. “If we’re talking bottoming, I’m worried about it being painful.”

“You wanna bottom too?” Jeongguk asks, eyes wide, looking shockingly innocent.

“You don’t?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk shakes his head, “I don’t think so.”

Yoongi nods.

“At least you did oral already,” Jeongguk adds loudly.

Yoongi laughs, “Ah yes, oral… The easiest way of escaping anything penetration. No wonder I'm so good at it. Much practice.”

Jeongguk laughs this time, and Yoongi is happy that he made that happen, that he managed to make the situation feel a bit less heavy, that he managed to make Jeongguk look that much calmer. Unfortunately, he doesn’t laugh for long.

“I really, really wish…” Jeongguk frowns, “that I could just get it over with.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi says, frowning too. “I get it.”

“How hard can it be, right?” Jeongguk laughs awkwardly.

Yoongi lets a laugh out through his nose as well, “I wouldn’t know.”

Jeongguk’s smile turns a bit shy, his head falling forward, looking up at Yoongi.

“Why are you so in a hurry to do it?” Yoongi asks, partly wanting Jeongguk to rationalize his own way of thinking about the subject out loud, partly curious and wanting to compare Jeongguk’s reasons to his own.

“Why are you?” Jeongguk counters.

“I asked first,” Yoongi smiles.

Jeongguk huffs out a laugh, “Uhm…” his smile falls, replaced by a worried line between his brows. “I just wanna do it.”

“That’s it?” Yoongi asks, knowing that it isn’t, seeing it in Jeongguk’s eyes.

“Sorta…” Jeongguk sighs. “All my other idol friends have done it,” he shrugs, finally taking his hand off Yoongi’s knee and picking at his nails. “Even ones younger than me. And they look at me and like- see someone who’s more famous and who they think gets laid a million times more than them, and I'm just sitting there, feeling awkward about it.”

“Peer pressure shouldn’t be the reason to lose your virginity,” Yoongi says carefully.

“I know,” Jeongguk frowns. “But I really do wanna do it for myself too. Peer pressure is just… adding to it.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow.

“I swear I just wanna do it for myself!” Jeongguk adds.

“I believe you, I just… wish you didn’t feel pressured by other people at all,” Yoongi says.

“Why do you wanna do it so bad?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi presses his lips together, inhaling deeply.

He takes too long to answer though, and Jeongguk frowns.

“Because I feel a bit like a liar,” Yoongi says quietly.

Jeongguk looks up at him with wide eyes, “What?”

“Self-proclaimed king of oral…” Yoongi huffs out a laugh, “chickening out of penetrative sex.”

“So… peer pressure is why you’re in a hurry?” Jeongguk asks, corner of his lips hitching up.

“It’s not so much peer pressure as it is… self-pressure,” Yoongi explains. “When I’m hanging out with friends, and they’re talking about sex, I don’t feel left out of the conversation. I’ve had my mouth on enough people that I don’t… feel like a virgin anymore, even though I haven’t had penetrative sex.”

Jeongguk nods.

“But,” Yoongi continues, “it feels… like a personal failure almost. Like this is a part of myself that I need to conquer, face my fears. Like,” he laughs, “like I’ll be able to deliver lyrics more powerfully once I actually do this.”

Jeongguk smiles, “To me, it feels like a challenge that I’m not winning at.”

“And god knows you’re competitive,” Yoongi smiles.

Jeongguk laughs, “Yeah. Only that I'm the only one that I'm fighting against.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi says.

“Why-“ serious again, “-why do you think you haven’t been able to do it? To just… say fuck it and get the first time over with if you’ve had so many chances and if you’re so confident about your oral abilities?”

“I keep…” Yoongi tries to find the right word, “choosing to chicken out.”

“But-“ Jeongguk frowns.

“Whenever I'm in the moment… whenever I'm with someone, and we’re making out, or we’re getting naked,” Yoongi explains, “I look at them again, and I choose not to give them that part of myself. I always start the night by thinking ‘this is the night, I'm doing it, it’s not a big deal, I'm just gonna do it and get it over with,’ but then when the moment actually comes, I… don’t feel like it. Don’t wanna do it with some stranger. Don’t wanna have to tell them that I’ve never done it before and have to face the humiliation of not meeting their expectation of me. Don’t wanna have to do it without telling them that I’ve never done it before and with them then being surprised and disappointed when I'm not good or when I don’t last long enough or when they realize just how inexperienced I am…” Yoongi trails off, shrugging.

Jeongguk nods, “So, you wanna like… be dating the person who you’ll do this with?”

“I don’t even know about dating,” Yoongi frowns. “I just… want it to not be a complete stranger. I wanna trust them at least somewhat. And I don’t sleep with friends because friendships are far more important to me than some dick, you know? I wouldn’t wanna risk losing a friend over this. So hookups… one night stands are the only option. And one night stands I don’t trust. So, I haven’t found the right person for that yet.”

“I think I’d wanna do it with another virgin,” Jeongguk says.

“Yeah?” Yoongi asks.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk shrugs. “It would probably be easier to do it with someone who has experience and who can lead the way, but I think I’d be less nervous with another virgin because… neither of us would know what the hell we’re doing, and expectations would be lower.”

Yoongi laughs, “That’s not the worst idea.”

Jeongguk laughs too, and they’re quiet for a minute.

“Can I ask you something that is really personal and that you really don’t have to answer?” Jeongguk asks. “And that might be like- a little advice too?”

Yoongi nods.

“I don’t really have any advice about topping because that’s also… what I'm looking for advice about,” he says, and Yoongi smiles.

“Yeah,” Yoongi encourages.

“But with bottoming…” Jeongguk says. “If pain is the thing you’re worried about… have you ever tried like- toys and stuff?”

“And stuff?” Yoongi ignores the question, giving himself time to decide whether he wants to answer it.

“Like, fingers and stuff,” Jeongguk’s voice is a bit high. “Like, being the one in control of the level of pain.”

Yoongi laughs, embarrassed, and decides to answer. No harm, “Haven’t tried toys, no. Maybe I should. I have thought about it, but… I keep chickening out of that too.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk nods.

“Fingers…” Yoongi blushes. “I tried a little, but it makes me nervous.”

“And… do you think you’ll be less nervous doing it with someone?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi’s eyebrows rise, “I don’t know if I’ll be less nervous as much as I’ll just be… more encouraged. Having someone else do it to me, or… doing it myself but not just for myself… doing it for another person as well I think will make it easier. Having them there to… urge me. I would probably be more distracted from the nerves and pain with someone else there.”

Jeongguk nods again, “That makes sense.”

More silence, and this time, it lasts long enough for Yoongi to start feeling awkward again.

“Listen, I really do wish I could help you more than-“ Yoongi starts, but Jeongguk cuts him off.

“This…” he inhales. “This really has made me feel a lot better.”

Yoongi blinks, relieved.

“Like, I’m not kidding,” Jeongguk adds. “I didn’t think this is how the conversation would go but…” he smiles. “Thanks, hyung. Seriously. Thank you. For trusting me enough to share and for… understanding and for… letting me be awkward,” he pauses, “safely.”

“Always,” Yoongi nods, smiling, heart swelling with pride yet again.

 

Jeongguk leaves eventually, after Yoongi distracts them both by playing Jeongguk one of the beats he’s been working on. That conversation really gives Yoongi food for thought though. He’s never had to explain why he hasn’t done that part of sex yet to anyone. Hell, other than Jeongguk, only Namjoon and Seokjin know about this part of Yoongi’s sex life at all. So, to have to answer all of these ‘why’s about himself and his choices ends up getting him thinking. Ends up getting him questioning his own explanations. At least parts of them.

He’s still anxious about doing anything penetrative the first time. There’s nothing he can do at this moment to completely change his mind-set about that. And there’s nothing he can do to learn – pre-doing it – how to get better at lasting long and at not hurting his partner. Much as he jerks off and tries to hold off on coming as long as he can as practice, he can never know how he’ll react to the real thing. But, one thing that he can change his mind-set about is the… being in control of the level of pain thing. With himself and to himself. With fingers and stuff. That’s something that he can do to try to prepare for the real thing. Still nervous about that too but… not as much as about the other stuff.

Unfortunately, one other thing that he’s been thinking about as a result of that conversation is Jeongguk’s ‘I think I’d wanna do it with another virgin’ thing. Yoongi’s not a virgin. Not really. And he doesn’t think of himself as a virgin, but he is kind of a virgin in that he’s never done that particular monumental thing before. And yeah, maybe Jeongguk’s right. Maybe doing it the first time with another virgin is a good idea. Inexperienced together. Lowered expectations. Yoongi’s never seriously considered that option before. But Yoongi doesn’t know many virgins. And he’s generally not attracted to people who come off as less experienced, so the odds of him accidentally picking up a virgin at a bar are marginal. And he would still not trust them regardless because they’d be a stranger. So, there aren’t many virgins for him to choose from. One of the only virgins he knows and definitely the only virgin he trusts is… Jeongguk.  

But Jeongguk is clearly not an option at all. Not that Yoongi wants to sleep with someone he thinks of as his little brother. And Jeongguk definitely wouldn’t want to sleep with someone he thinks of as his older brother. He’s not attracted to Jeongguk sexually. Physically – sure, Jeongguk is an attractive guy, but not sexually. Never has been. He’s not attracted to Jeongguk’s inexperience either. Or at least, he wasn’t up till he started considering having sex with a virgin. The main thing that makes Jeongguk attractive to Yoongi is how trustworthy he is.

He knows that Jeongguk is not an option though. It’s just that Jeongguk is currently the closest thing to an ‘option’ that Yoongi has so he can’t help but think about it – about how convenient it would be. Jeongguk is someone Yoongi knows and trusts, and Yoongi is someone who Jeongguk knows and trusts. They’re both virgins, at least partly… the parts that matter. They both know that they’re virgins and are worried about their first times. Why shouldn’t they make use of these conditions and help each other out? Other than it being wrong on multiple levels.

Yoongi dismisses the idea, not that it was really an idea in the first place, and decides to go with the first thing. The fingers and stuff thing. The conquering his fears one baby step at a time thing. Except that, a week later, he still can’t convince himself to go through with it. Multiple times over the past week, he’s locked himself in his and Seokjin’s room with the lube out and ready, started jerking off, spread his legs, touched his hole, pushed in the tip of one finger, didn’t even feel pain yet, just thought about feeling pain, and stopped, chickening out yet again.

Now, he’s sitting in his dark studio, having decided to go with a different tactic than just sitting alone in his room and jerking off in silence. What he’s doing now is watching amateur porn videos of guys and girls fingering their assholes and hoping to… get inspired.

He’s not even hard. The first thirty minutes, he was at least somewhat hard. Now, he’s pretty sure he’s watched so many videos he’s been desensitized. It’s not like watching these people is encouraging the way he thinks that being watched will be encouraging. No one’s egging him on, they’re not as distracting as Yoongi thinks a partner would be. The people in the videos are just… there, annoying Yoongi with how carefree they are.

The only good thing about being desensitized right now is that he’s not hard when someone rings his studio doorbell.

“Hi, hyung,” it’s Jeongguk.

Yoongi lets him in, somewhat concerned that Jeongguk will bring up the subject again. Not because Yoongi minds talking about it but because he feels uncomfortable with his own recent thoughts on the matter.

Luckily, all Jeongguk wants this time is to let Yoongi listen to a song he’s been working on – get Yoongi’s input on it. So, they do that for a while. Yoongi helps. This is easy for Yoongi to help with, especially in comparison to the sex advice Jeongguk was asking for last time, and Jeongguk learns fast enough to be able to take Yoongi’s advice about the song and implement it himself. It’s good, sitting with Jeongguk like that. Distracting. Except when it’s not.

So long as Yoongi is doing something, clicking things, changing things, listening to that portion of the track over and over again to try to figure out how to improve it, he’s fine. But the second Jeongguk takes the reigns and Yoongi has a moment to think, his thoughts turn inappropriate.

It’s not even that he imagines hooking up with Jeongguk. He just looks at Jeongguk. Actually looks at him. He thinks about the fact that Jeongguk has a real, functioning dick in his jeans. That this dick grows hard and comes and… can be used for penetrating another person. He looks at Jeongguk’s bulge, thinks about seeing Jeongguk’s naked soft cock in the shower those few times when they were younger and had to share a bathroom with too many people, and tries to figure out how big Jeongguk would be when hard, how painful it might be to take him. These thoughts are so unintentional and so invasive he doesn’t know how to stop them.

“So, I’m gonna rerecord the background vocals for this section and put them in, and then I think I’ll be done,” Jeongguk says, but Yoongi only hears it, not really listening. Jeongguk’s bulge doesn’t look intimidatingly big. “Hyung?”

“Hm?” Yoongi tears his gaze away and up to Jeongguk’s face.

“I said I'm gonna-“ Jeongguk frowns. “Are you okay?”

“What? Yeah,” Yoongi rushes to say. “’Course.”

“Are you sure?” Jeongguk asks. “You seem… worried.”

“Yeah, I’m fine, sorry, just… head all over the place,” Yoongi says.

“Yeah, my head’s been all over the place the past week too,” Jeongguk picks at one of his nails.

A week since they talked about what they talked about. He wonders if Jeongguk is going to bring it up now, tries to figure out ways to slip away from the conversation in a decent manner if Jeongguk does bring it up, doesn’t come up with any way that wouldn’t come off as mean.

“Have you been thinking about it too?” Jeongguk asks quietly.

“About…” Yoongi trails off, cautious, curious.

“The conversation we had last week,” Jeongguk’s shoulders rise ever so slightly with either nerves or embarrassment, and if not for these nerves and embarrassment, Yoongi might have actually said ‘no’ to that question.

“Yeah,” Yoongi goes for a dismissive tone and misses it by ten miles, the word coming out weak and breathy.

“I don’t know what to do,” Jeongguk says, a concerned edge to his voice.

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asks.

“I’ve been thinking about it, I’ve been… trying to come up with solutions,” Jeongguk eyebrows furrow.

“By solutions, you mean…” Yoongi says before Jeongguk can continue.

“Like, who to have sex with,” Jeongguk says. “Like, how to find someone- a virgin… or not. I don’t know.”

“I don’t know either,” Yoongi cringes. “If I had a solution, I wouldn’t be at this point right now.”

“I know,” Jeongguk deflates. “I could go ask Jimin for help, but… I don’t wanna.”

“It doesn’t have to happen right now, you know,” Yoongi says. “You will find someone eventually.”

“But I don’t want it to be eventually,” Jeongguk sighs, sliding down on his chair and looking up at the ceiling. “What have you been thinking about since we talked?”

A pause. Yoongi can’t tell Jeongguk about most of the things he’s been thinking about, “Been trying to…” can’t tell him the other part either, “gather courage,” that part’s just humiliating.

“Gather courage for what?” Jeongguk looks at Yoongi again.

“Uhm…” Yoongi regrets speaking, biting his lower lip and blushing.

Jeongguk, after a few moments of nothing, squirms, “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I…” Yoongi tries, “am… embarrassed.”

“You said the subject doesn’t scare you though,” Jeongguk mumbles.

“It doesn’t scare me,” Yoongi says. “But I am embarrassed by…” Yoongi huffs out, looks at how uncomfortable Jeongguk is, and gives in. “I’ve been trying to gather the courage to do- fingers and stuff. Like, to myself.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk’s eyes widen.

“Yeah,” Yoongi exhales, looking at the computer screen instead of Jeongguk for a second, blushing and reaching to turn on the little table lamp so the room is less dark.

“Trying meaning-” Jeongguk starts, but Yoongi cuts him off.

“Failing,” Yoongi exclaims, still not looking at him. “Hard.”

A pause, “Are you even… sure that you wanna bottom?”

Yoongi looks at Jeongguk then, at the concerned line between Jeongguk’s brows, “Why do you ask?”

“Because…” Jeongguk’s mouth opens and closes. “I don’t know, it just… seems like you don’t actually wanna do it.”

“I do,” Yoongi says quickly. “I’m just scared of it hurting a lot.”

“But that’s…” Jeongguk takes a deep breath. “That’s part of it. Everyone knows anal hurts.”

Yoongi closes his eyes for a moment, “I know,” he opens them, “and I know I'm being kinda ridiculous about the whole thing, like- I should be able to, at the very least, do it to myself. Just- just one finger. I should be able to do it. Otherwise, how can I expect to not be afraid when someone else does it to me, but I…” he groans. “I know it’s ridiculous, I know,” he speaks quickly, “and I swear to god, I’ve always wanted to do this, but I’ve been spinning myself into this mindset for years now, and I know it’s a much bigger deal in my head than it should be, but I-“

“It’s okay,” Jeongguk cuts in, so Yoongi lets himself breathe. 

“I'm really,” Yoongi speaks more slowly this time, “highly, incredibly, unimaginably annoyed with myself.”

Silence. Yoongi’s blushing again.

“I wanna help,” Jeongguk says quietly.

“Yeah, I wanna help you too, Kook-“ Yoongi starts.

“No, I mean…” Jeongguk cuts in. “Let me help.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow. He doesn’t want to assume what Jeongguk is talking about, but it sure as shit sounds like Jeongguk is offering to sleep with Yoongi. Which Yoongi doesn’t actually know if he wants since it was never a possibility, and he never considered it as an actual possibility that he needs to think about and weigh the consequences of.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen suddenly, “I don’t mean-“ he splutters. “I don’t- I don’t mean that we should… with each other,” he shakes his head. “No, I just mean… I can watch,” his eyes widen further. “Oh, that sounds a lot worse,” he gasps loudly, closing his eyes tightly and covering his mouth with his hand as if he’s trying to stop himself from talking.

Yoongi, on his end, his heart is beating significantly too fast, and he can do nothing other than blink at Jeongguk in confusion.

“What?” Yoongi says eventually because Jeongguk doesn’t look like he’ll be removing his hand from his mouth any time soon.

Jeongguk’s second hand comes up, and now, he’s covering his whole face from Yoongi.

Yoongi swallows harshly, taking a deep breath. Clearly, blank as he is, he’s got to do something right now.

“What do you mean…” Yoongi’s voice is weak, so he swallows one more time before trying again. “Explain what you mean by ‘I can watch’… because I have a feeling we might be misunderstanding one another.”

Jeongguk peeks through his fingers, then, probably seeing Yoongi’s carefully controlled calm expression, he removes his hands from his face completely, laying them on his thighs instead.

“I don’t mean that I wanna watch you jerk off,” Jeongguk says quietly.

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asks steadily.

Jeongguk squirms, “I mean that I can… you said that it would be easier for you to do it to yourself if there was someone there with you.”

“I meant someone that I wanna sleep with,” Yoongi says slowly.

Jeongguk’s eyebrows rise slightly, “You said someone who can watch you and urge you so that you wouldn’t just be doing it for yourself. You didn’t specify that it would have to be someone you wanted to lose your… anal virginity to.”

Yoongi blinks, “I also said I want them to be distracting.”

“I can be distracting,” Jeongguk mumbles.

“I meant with like- kissing and touching and… being naked and shit. Having sex,” Yoongi says, eyes too wide.

“Well, yeah, I wasn’t- that’s not-“ Jeongguk drags his lower lip between his teeth. “I’m just- I'm just saying… I think I can help.”

“By…” Yoongi takes a deep breath. “By just sitting there and watching me… finger myself?”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk says, voice all bright, then immediately cringes. “I mean… we can talk too. You can… tell me what you’re feeling, and I can encourage you and… try to make you laugh or something and distract you from the pain like that… or something.”

“Are you being serious?” Yoongi whispers all of a sudden.

Jeongguk blinks at him, “Yeah?” he squirms in his seat. “If I can help you with this… why not?”

To Yoongi, this is the same as asking: ‘if we can help each other lose our virginities, why not?’ because it’s wrong, that’s why. Because they’re not interested in each other. Because Jeongguk is not interested in Yoongi sexually, and so jerking off in front of Jeongguk will be plain embarrassing and nothing else.

It’s not exactly like losing their virginities to each other though, Yoongi supposes, which is probably why Jeongguk feels comfortable enough offering this in the first place. He doubts Jeongguk would have straight-up offered to have sex, even if that’s something that they could technically help each other with like Jeongguk can help Yoongi with this.

Yoongi can’t even imagine what this would look like though. Can’t imagine himself… doing it. Undressing in front of Jeongguk. Doing something not just sexual in front of Jeongguk, but the most vulnerable sexual thing that Yoongi is capable of. He can’t.

“I can’t do much for you about this,” Jeongguk says, and there’s worry in his eyes and in his eyebrows and in his frown. “I can’t do much for you… period,” Yoongi opens his mouth to argue, but Jeongguk continues, speaking a bit faster. “You always do everything. For me. For yourself. For everyone. I can come to you with anything and know that you’ll help. This is something that… I can help with.”

Yoongi’s heart is pounding. Emotional. He’s not sure if he wants to cry or smile. Overflowing with pride but blushing like crazy.

“It doesn’t have to be awkward,” Jeongguk shrugs. “I can be distracting.”

Yoongi lets out a breathy laugh, his eyebrows furrowing.

He thinks about the lube bottle he brought with him into the studio today in hopes of using it as he watched porn, and his first thought is that it’s fate. What Jeongguk is offering wouldn’t have even been possible had Yoongi not had lube here. He could have had an easy out, but instead… he’s been given an opportunity.

“And you wouldn’t…” Yoongi speaks, not even knowing what he’s saying, “touch.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, and he shakes his head.

“Just…” Yoongi shakes his head slightly too. “Just… watching.”

“And talking,” Jeongguk adds. “And laughing and… saying and doing stupid shit to make you laugh.”

Yoongi laughs breathily now.

“I get that it- it’s kinda very weird,” Jeongguk says.

“Very, yeah,” Yoongi agrees, nodding.

“But I get what you’re going through,” Jeongguk continues. “And if I had someone who cares about me as much as I care about you who offered to help me… I think I’d want that.”

Yoongi shoulders sag, “You’re really convincing, you know?”

The corner of Jeongguk’s lip lifts into a small smile, “I just wanna do something for you for once.”

Yoongi shakes his head, “You always do stuff for me.”

“I bring you coffee sometimes,” Jeongguk says. “It’s not the same thing as everything you’ve done and do for me.”

Yoongi just looks at him for a moment, “I really love you, you know that?”

Jeongguk blushes, looking down and nodding.

“Good,” Yoongi nods. “This idea is still very weird though.”

Jeongguk laughs, looking up, “Yeah,” he shrugs, “But it’s pretty smart.”

Yoongi braces an elbow on his desk and drops his chin into his palm, murmuring, “I have lube in my bag.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, “Does that mean yes?”

“I kinda wish I didn’t,” Yoongi ignores him.

“Why?” Jeongguk asks.

“Because then I would have just said, ‘I don’t have lube here’,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk purses his lips for a second, “You still could have said that.”

“I know,” Yoongi exhales, believing he’s going insane for even considering it.

It would be a platonic thing though, right? Almost like a hookup, in a way. A one-time sexual thing that will barely be sexual anyway since they won’t be touching. And it would be a hookup that Yoongi truly trusts with everything. But they would still do it in a… friendly sort of way, not romantic, not… lustful. God, he really is crazy for considering it. But Jeongguk doesn’t look like he feels crazy for offering it, so maybe… if Jeongguk isn’t crazy for it, Yoongi isn’t crazy for it either.

“Why do you have lube in your bag?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi exhales deeply, not looking at Jeongguk, his voice coming out tired, “Because I was planning on trying again today, and then… I watched porn for too long and didn’t feel like doing it anymore.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk says, eyebrows rising slightly but eyes not widening, nodding. “Kind of porn?”

Yoongi looks at Jeongguk, amused by the question, “Fingering.”

“Hmm,” Jeongguk nods again. “Makes sense.”

Yoongi can’t help but laugh, “If this is an indicator of how distracting you’re capable of being…”

“It’s not!” Jeongguk exclaims, his mouth opening and then getting stuck. “I can-” his mouth gapes for a second, “-do better.”

Yoongi exhales a laugh, and Jeongguk smiles significantly too softly for the situation.

Jeongguk doesn’t say any more after this, letting the silence wash over the room and giving Yoongi time to consider. Yoongi appreciates it. He does. But he doesn’t even know how to begin thinking about this.

How would they even do it? On Yoongi’s tiny couch? There isn’t enough space on the couch for both of them to fit on it and still have space between each other. And Yoongi doesn’t want to get on the couch and have Jeongguk stay on his chair. If he does that, he would have to be… looking up at Jeongguk from his position, and that idea freaks him out for some reason. He wants to feel in control, not for Jeongguk to be looking down at him as if he’s in control. So, staying on the chair is the only other option. But how the fuck does one finger themselves when sitting on a spinning desk chair?

Then, there’s the question of just how naked would he have to get? He wouldn’t take his shirt off. Pointless to do that. But he’d have to take his fucking pants and underwear off no matter what, and he doesn’t want Jeongguk looking at his dick. He doesn’t want Jeongguk looking at his asshole either now that he’s thinking about it, but that’s not something that he can avoid. Could he maybe cover his dick with his shirt? It’s loose and long enough, he thinks. Yeah, that’s a good option. That way, at least it would just be his ass.

And finally, there’s all the other fucking fears that he normally faces… fears of pain mostly. He doesn’t think he can do this. But Jeongguk is smiling so sweetly at him, and the intentions are the kindest that they can possibly be. No mirth behind them, no joking, no… just wanting to fuck and fuck off. What Jeongguk is offering is… strangely kind of pure. Helping a friend with something that friend has been struggling with for a long time and getting nothing in return other than the gratification of having helped.

“I don’t even know how to begin here,” Yoongi says quietly.

Jeongguk doesn’t smile, doesn’t look excited or something all of a sudden. The only thing he does is exhale deeply through his nose, keeping his expression calm. Probably for Yoongi’s sake. It works. Seeing Jeongguk like this does calm Yoongi down a bit.

“But you think you wanna try?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi takes a deep breath, gulps and… nods.

Jeongguk does smile a bit then, but it’s a happy smile, not a smug smile, so instead of freaking out, Yoongi smiles too, feeling himself blush.

“Do you wanna…” Jeongguk looks around before focusing on Yoongi again, “on the couch?”

“I think I’d rather stay on the chair actually,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk nods, “Okay.”

“And I’m gonna…” Yoongi blushes hard, “keep most of my clothes on.”

Jeongguk bites his lower lip on a wider smile, nodding again, “Mmhm.”

Yoongi inhales slowly, “Do I need to be hard for this?” the question slips out before Yoongi thinks about it.

Jeongguk’s eyebrows jump up high, “I think… it would probably feel better if you were hard but… it’s not necessary, I guess.”

“Okay, yeah,” Yoongi nods.

“It’s just…” Jeongguk trails off, thinking. “It’s a matter of taking the first step, right? Facing your fears by-” he blushes, “getting that first finger in. Facing the pain. Learning what the pain feels like. Learning how you handle the pain. From there on… it should be easier… either to… add another finger or to decide that you don’t like it at all.”

Yoongi nods, feeling legitimately less anxious with having the options laid out like that. He really doesn’t have to like it. Even if he thinks that he will like it, even if he almost always imagines himself in the bottom’s position during sex, he might be wrong. He might not like it. And that’s okay. It’s just a matter of… taking the first step and trying.

He doesn’t move though. It doesn’t feel right to just get up and take his pants off. He thinks he’s missing… foreplay or something. But there isn’t meant to be foreplay so… what does he do?

Then, Jeongguk gets up and grabs Yoongi’s bag off the floor.

“Where’s the lube?” Jeongguk asks.

“Uh…” Yoongi gulps, actually really happy that Jeongguk is the one taking the first step into this. “In the hidden middle compartment.”

Jeongguk unzips the inside compartment and takes out Yoongi’s small bottle of lube, putting the bag down and sitting back on his spinning chair, still holding the lube tightly in both of his hands, not giving it to Yoongi like Yoongi expects. Neither of them says anything for a moment, and Yoongi squirms, looking at the lube and not at Jeongguk.

“How are you even gonna do it on the chair?” Jeongguk asks suddenly.

“I… am honestly not sure,” Yoongi admits.

Jeongguk purses his lips, “Why not the couch then?”

“We can’t both fit on it,” Yoongi tells him half the reason.

Jeongguk blinks, doesn’t look like he buys it but doesn’t ask for additional clarification either, “You could like… lower the back of the chair a little bit and lean back.”

Yoongi inhales, “Yeah,” he blinks, “Yeah, I can do that,” he reaches down under the chair and grabs the handle that controls the back of the chair, lowering it slightly and lying back. He’s still mostly upright, wanting to be able to see Jeongguk without his neck hurting.

“Now, you can like- lift your leg up with one hand and…” Jeongguk leans his head to the side, “do the other thing with your other hand.”

“’Do the other thing’,” Yoongi exhales with laughter in his voice.

“Hey, I’m trying here,” Jeongguk almost laughs too.

“I know,” Yoongi says. “I’m just stalling because I don’t want you to see my dick.”

Jeongguk snorts, and Yoongi holds back laughter, covering his face with both of his hands.

“Okay, fine,” Yoongi decides, standing up. “Doing it,” he unzips and unbuttons his jeans without thinking about it and without looking at Jeongguk.

He tosses his shoes off, leaving his socks on, then shoves the jeans down, his underwear getting pulled with them a bit, just below his hips, gets a glimpse of Jeongguk as he’s stepping out of the jeans, sees Jeongguk looking exactly the same as before – relatively calm, smiling ever so slightly, not smug, not shocked, not weirded out – and calms down a bit himself. Right up until he’s out of his pants, and he realizes that the underwear needs to come off next. He stops being calm one more time at that point.

His shirt, luckily, is long enough to cover his dick even as he stands. Despite that, he hesitates. Then, Jeongguk closes his eyes.

“Not looking,” Jeongguk says quietly, and Yoongi’s heart flips with affection so hard he thinks he might cry.

Jeongguk’s eyes stay closed as Yoongi takes his underwear off, and they stay closed after that as well. There’s no sound of movement after Yoongi tosses the underwear next to the jeans onto the couch, so Yoongi knows that Jeongguk knows he’s done. But Jeongguk doesn’t open his eyes anyway, giving Yoongi time to… think? To make a decision? To sit down? Yoongi doesn’t know. But his affection for Jeongguk only grows.

He sits down and thanks god that his chair is cushioned instead of leather. His legs, he keeps closed together.

“You can open your eyes,” he tells Jeongguk and watches the way Jeongguk’s eyes open and quickly scan him up and down. “Can you also maybe try to think of a way to not see my asshole throughout this thing?”

Jeongguk blinks, opening and closing his mouth once, Yoongi’s joking tone clearly not coming through.

“I could turn around,” Jeongguk says. “But I think that will… kinda defeat the point.”

Yoongi smiles and bites his lower lip, speaking quietly, “I wasn’t being serious.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk’s eyes widen slightly.

“I’m just… stalling again,” Yoongi adds.

“Because you don’t want me to see you naked or because you’re scared?” Jeongguk asks, brushing his thumb over the cap of the lube bottle without looking at it.

“Both,” Yoongi answers honestly, trying to get a hold of his heart rate.

They’re quiet for another second, then Jeongguk opens the lube bottle, and the sound of it is so loud in this tiny room, Yoongi swears he feels it vibrate all through his body.

He gulps, nods, grabs hold of the hem of his shirt with one hand, keeping it down over his soft cock, and… tries to lift his other leg. It’s too uncomfortable though, the position doesn’t fucking make sense on this stupid chair, the armrest keeps getting in the goddamn way, and Yoongi blushes the worst he’s ever blushed as he shuffles around, trying to lift his fucking leg while holding his shirt down and settle into some kind of position. Seeing Jeongguk holding back laughter is both pissing him off somewhat and making him want to laugh too, if for no other reason, then for how ridiculous this is.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Yoongi says aloud, smiling.

“You can always change your mind about the couch,” Jeongguk says, forcing his smile away for a second before it reappears right back onto his damn face.

“Nope,” Yoongi insists, stubborn.

“Then just-“ Jeongguk sighs. “Lean back,” he… orders, and Yoongi – somewhat wide-eyed – listens. “One leg on the floor, other leg up,” Yoongi plants his right leg – the one on the side of the table – on the floor and lifts the left one as much as he can, all too aware of the fact that he’s actually for real exposing himself in front of Jeongguk right now, “and like- sorta hold it under your knee with your hand, and like- pull it up, help yourself.”

When Yoongi lifts his knee with his hand, settling into position – that’s when Jeongguk can officially see him fully, open and exposed, willingly showing his hole to someone for the first time. And despite the room only being illuminated by the computer screens and the tiny lamp, Yoongi knows Jeongguk can see him getting more and more flushed. At least… his dick is still covered where he’s keeping his shirt over it. But if he’s going to have to hold his leg up throughout this whole thing, then he’s going to have to let go of his shirt, and what if it rides up?

Also, Jeongguk is looking at him. Right at him, right at that place that Yoongi is starting to feel more and more self-conscious about. He’s looked at his own hole in the mirror and shit before, and he thinks it’s normal looking, maybe a little pinker than normal, but god, what if it’s weird? What if Jeongguk thinks it looks weird? Yoongi blushes even more.

Looking away from between Yoongi’s legs and into Yoongi’s eyes, Jeongguk shoves the hand holding the lube toward Yoongi. Yoongi appreciates him looking away. But then, they both realize at the same time that to pour the lube onto his hand, Yoongi needs both hands, that he’d have to get out of position again, and after that entire fucking struggle, Yoongi knows he doesn’t want to move.

“Oh,” Jeongguk breathes, dragging his lower lip between his teeth. “Give me your hand?”

But giving Jeongguk his hand means not holding his shirt down anymore. No choice though. Yoongi lets go of the hem of his shirt, smoothing it down over his soft cock, keeping it hidden, then extends his hand to Jeongguk, palm up.

“Eh…” Jeongguk tips the bottle upside down over Yoongi’s fingers. “I don’t really know how much to use.”

“Me neither,” Yoongi says, holding back laughter, suddenly amused by their fumbling. He thinks it’s the craziness coming back that’s making him want to laugh. Nothing else would explain it. It’s madness and fear. He doesn’t laugh though, manages to hold it back. Doesn’t even smile. Just focuses his eyes on the lube being poured onto his fingers.

“Better too much than too little?” Jeongguk asks, still pouring.

It’s definitely too much. Even Yoongi, with his lack of experience, can see that. It’s… sweet, in a way, that Jeongguk would rather wash Yoongi’s fingers with lube than for there to be a chance of Yoongi being in unnecessary pain.

“I think that’s enough,” Yoongi says with a small smile.

Jeongguk blushes as he closes the lube again, pressing his lips together. Then, his eyes settle between Yoongi’s legs, and Yoongi is the one who blushes. He just wants to know what Jeongguk thinks of his fucking asshole, oh my god.

That’s that though. There’s nothing else to wait for. Holding his wet fingers midair, Yoongi imagines himself sliding a finger into himself and shudders. Scared. Fuck.

“You don’t have to,” Jeongguk says, sounding like he understands.

“I know,” Yoongi whispers.

“You look scared,” Jeongguk frowns.

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods. “The fear just hit me all of a sudden.”

“Is that how it normally happens?” Jeongguk asks. “You get really scared once you start?”

“Haven’t even started yet,” Yoongi says, hearing the panic seeping into his voice. “But yeah, this is- I normally get to this point then back off. I managed-“ he gulps, “-to get the tip of one finger in a couple times. But that was that.”

“Is it just the pain that’s freaking you out?” Jeongguk asks. “Nothing else?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” Yoongi says. “I don’t know why, but I feel like it’s… gonna hurt a lot.”

“It’s supposed to get better though, right?” Jeongguk asks. “Like, the pain is supposed to… lessen the more you get used to it?”

“In theory,” Yoongi says. “A friend told me once that he tried to bottom, and it hurt him so bad he cried, and it didn’t stop hurting at any point, and… he bled. His asshole like- ripped.”

“Shit,” Jeongguk’s eyes widen.

“Yeah,” Yoongi breathes. “I was fourteen when he told me that. I’m probably traumatized.”

“Shit,” Jeongguk repeats.

Yoongi nods.

“You’re gonna go slow though. Careful,” Jeongguk states. “Little bit at a time.”

For someone who Yoongi knows doesn’t know what he’s talking about, Jeongguk does sound sure of himself right now.

“Like, don’t even push in in the beginning,” Jeongguk says, confident for a moment, then blushing immediately, speaking more quietly. “Just… touch it.”

Yoongi gulps and finds himself really appreciating – once again – that Jeongguk is taking the lead. It doesn’t make sense, and Yoongi knows it. He should be the one leading, he’s the one who has experience in this room, but despite all his efforts at having at least a mild level of control of the situation, he doesn’t feel in control, and he’s starting to think that he might prefer it that way. It would be easier if Jeongguk could just… tell him how to fucking do it.

Letting out a sigh, Yoongi whispers “okay” and brings his hand down between his legs. Luckily, once he does that, his arm lays on his shirt and holds it down, keeping his cock covered. A drop of lube falls from his fingers to the floor as he aims his fingers down. Definitely too wet.

It’s cold when he first touches himself, sends a shiver up his spine. He doesn’t move his fingers, simply letting them rest there on his hole. Jeongguk is watching Yoongi’s hole, and Yoongi is watching him. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel bad. It feels familiar to a degree because he’s done this part before. But his stomach definitely flutters at the feeling of being watched so openly. He really wishes he knew what Jeongguk is thinking.

“What does it feel like?” Jeongguk’s eyes meet Yoongi’s for a moment before dropping back down.

“Cold,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk frowns, “I thought I was warming the lube when I was holding it.”

“Oh,” Yoongi breathes, and his hole clenches beneath his fingers. It’s such an unexpected thing, his breath hitches.

“What?” Jeongguk asks, eyes wide, looking up again.

“Nothing, I-“ Yoongi starts quickly and slows himself down. “I appreciate it.”

Jeongguk smiles then looks down again.

Yoongi doesn’t know what to do. Well, no, he knows what to do in theory, but he’s not doing anything. It feels safer this way – with his fingers not moving, it’s like he’s hiding his hole from Jeongguk.

“Rub it, hyung,” Jeongguk whispers eventually, biting his lower lip and keeping his eyes where they are.

Yoongi wonders if Jeongguk doesn’t look at him when he says it because he doesn’t want to miss the moment when Yoongi will finally start moving or because he can’t look Yoongi in the eyes when he’s giving him directions like that. Regardless, Yoongi moves his fingers.

A small motion, dragging the pads of his pointer and middle finger up and down his hole once. Just the once. It’s sensitive. Feels kind of nice actually. But Yoongi’s not thinking about how nice it feels, he’s thinking about how painful it’s going to be later.

“You’re okay so far, right?” Jeongguk asks.

Not that great at distracting Yoongi, but he’s trying, so Yoongi makes himself smile and nod.

“Then…” Jeongguk licks his lips. “Do it again.”

Maybe not that distracting but definitely good at encouraging.

Yoongi moves his fingers up and down again, and it feels somewhat better this time, so he keeps doing it, holding a consistent pace.

“Have you ever done this before?” Jeongguk asks. “Meaning like- teased yourself before going right for penetration?”

Yoongi shakes his head, “Not too much, no. Maybe for a minute.”

Jeongguk nods, “Does it feel… nice?”

The next movement of Yoongi’s fingers is a circle, “So far, yeah.”

The circle feels better, so he starts doing that, and Yoongi feels his heart rate pick up and his cock grow just a little bit harder under his shirt. He wonders, all of a sudden, if Jeongguk is going to get hard too. From watching him. God, that would be… weird. And gratifying.

Then, he wonders about the ending of all of this. They didn’t talk about that. At this rate, if it keeps feeling good, Yoongi’s going to get hard, and then what? Does he jerk himself off and come? No. That’s not… allowed. He wouldn’t do that in front of Jeongguk. So, does he just finger himself and get hard and leave it as it is? Put his underwear and jeans back onto his hard cock and wet asshole? Make Jeongguk leave so he can jerk himself off?

“Trying to think of dumb shit to say to make you laugh,” Jeongguk says as Yoongi keeps moving his fingers in little circles, his hole clenching ever so slightly. “But… kinda distracted, not gonna lie.”

Yoongi lets out a breathy laugh, and Jeongguk’s answering smile is pure satisfaction.

“Distracted not in a bad way though, right?” Yoongi asks. “You’re not… suffering here?”

“Suffering?” Jeongguk asks, catching Yoongi’s gaze with his wide surprised eyes. “I’m more… thinking about how to-“ he gulps, gaze dropping back down between Yoongi’s legs, “-tell you in a nonweird way that I'm…” he licks his lips, “uhm… gonna get hard. Already getting hard. Like- pretty hard. It’s happening super fucking fast, hyung.”

“Really?” Yoongi’s fingers stop moving, his hole clenching tight.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk breathes, blushing. “I can’t stop it.”

“It’s okay,” Yoongi feels his cock twitch, getting harder at the mere thought of Jeongguk being aroused by him.

“I’m not gonna like-“ Jeongguk’s eyes widen, “do anything about it or anything. I just… felt like I had to tell you.”

“I’m…” Yoongi presses his fingers down onto his hole, “flattered.”

He doesn’t push in, just applies pressure. Still scared of the pain but… relatively calm. Relatively to all the other times he’s done this. Maybe he should be freaking out more right now, both because he’s getting closer and closer to that moment of having to actually stop with this gentle shit and push in and because Jeongguk is getting hard because of him, and that shouldn’t feel right, but… Jeongguk getting hard means that Jeongguk doesn’t think Yoongi’s hole looks weird. Maybe it even means that Jeongguk thinks Yoongi is attractive like this. And though yeah, Yoongi doesn’t and has never wanted to sleep with Jeongguk, never even thought about whether Jeongguk finds him attractive or not, never cared about it, it does feel nice to be… arousing.

“Press in, hyung,” Jeongguk says all of a sudden, watching Yoongi’s fingers lying tightly against his hole.

Yoongi’s breath hitches, his heart rate picking up, making a conscious decision to make as little noise as possible throughout this whole thing. No moaning, no whimpering, no grunting, nothing that will make it all more awkward than it will be. Now that he’s looking for it, he can definitely see that Jeongguk’s bulge is bigger than it was when he was staring at it before. He pushes in.

Just the tip of his middle finger. He gasps at the fact that he’s doing it – doing it in front of Jeongguk and just doing it at all – not because it hurts. There’s no pain yet.

“Does it hurt?” Jeongguk asks, and Yoongi swears Jeongguk’s breathing is a little heavier too.

“Not yet,” Yoongi shakes his head.

“Deeper then,” Jeongguk urges. “Press in deeper.”

“What?” Yoongi asks breathily, shocked at Jeongguk trying to decide the pace for him.

“Stop when it starts hurting,” Jeongguk catches Yoongi’s gaze. “Come on,” he says with a smile. “Just a little more, and you’ll be further than you’ve ever been.”

Yoongi presses in further before he can really think about it, holding eye contact and doing as Jeongguk says, feeling the exact moment in which he breaches that second ring of muscle, and this time, when he gasps, it’s because it hurts. So, he stops, tearing his gaze away from Jeongguk, his stomach tightening, panic and pain shooting through him at the same time.

“You did it,” Jeongguk smiles.

“I'm not all the way in,” Yoongi says, hearing his own fear. He’s about halfway.

“Doesn’t matter,” Jeongguk shakes his head. “Baby steps. You’ve still done more than you ever have. That’s already something to be proud of.”

“Okay,” Yoongi nods, gulping against the lump in his throat, accidentally clenching around his finger and frowning at the extra shot of pain.

“Hurts a lot?” Jeongguk asks, frowning.

“I don’t know if it’s a lot,” Yoongi says. “I thought it was gonna be worse, but… it does hurt. But I also know that this is nothing. Nothing in comparison to what a fucking dick would feel like. The pain’s just gonna get worse.”

“But also maybe…” Jeongguk’s eyebrows are furrowed with worry. “Maybe if this isn’t as bad as you thought it was gonna be, the rest won’t be that bad either.”

Yoongi inhales deeply, “Maybe,” maybe.

“Is it getting any less bad?” Jeongguk asks. “Now that you’re not moving?”

“Um…” Yoongi makes himself focus, clenching unintentionally again, and find that it… is. “I think so, yeah.”

“That’s good,” Jeongguk smiles. “Gonna try to move?”

Another deep breath. God, maybe Jeongguk’s better at being distracting than Yoongi gave him credit for. He nods, pulling his finger back. It hurts, and he shudders, but Jeongguk’s shoulders straighten and chest puffs out like he’s fucking proud or something, and Yoongi’s heart beats faster, wanting Jeongguk to be proud, actually satisfied by Jeongguk’s bulge getting bigger, and he realizes that it’s working, that he was right, that doing this for someone else and not just for himself is making it easier, so he presses back in, going deeper this time.

He didn’t expect the instructions. Didn’t think Jeongguk would know how to instruct even if he tried. It’s making Yoongi lightheaded. He wouldn’t have had this had he done this with a hookup for the first time – the slow pace, the understanding, the control. It would have happened faster with someone else. He would have been so much more nervous. This was a good idea. It is a good idea. He pulls back again, a bit faster this time, inhaling shakily, and slides back in.

It still hurts. Even the third time he pulls out and presses in, it keeps hurting. Maybe he’s scared for no reason. Maybe this is normal. It might just take another three times, and then it’ll be fine. Jeongguk gulps, and that makes Yoongi harder for some reason.

“You’re doing really good,” Jeongguk whispers, and Yoongi’s finger presses all the way in, his breath catching.

Jeongguk smiles, eyes between Yoongi’s legs, and Yoongi’s hole spasms around his finger.

“Does it hurt?” Jeongguk glances up and down.

Yoongi hums in agreement.

Jeongguk looks up, catching Yoongi’s gaze, “Does it feel good at all?”

Yoongi moves his finger around, not taking it out, just wiggling it, feeling how soft he is inside. It doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as he thought it would.

“Mmhm,” Yoongi gulps.

Jeongguk’s smile widens, and it’s fucking weird to watch him smile so happily with that boner tenting his jeans.

“Yay,” Jeongguk says quietly, making Yoongi laugh.

Their eyes meet, and Yoongi finds himself smiling, grateful.

Jeongguk smiles too, and when neither of them speaks for a bit too long, Jeongguk softly says, “Keep going.”

So, Yoongi bites his lower lip and keeps going. Just that one finger, building a steady pace. In and out, slowly learning to control the clenching, even going as far as to clench by choice once, a bit too tightly though since it ends up hurting and making him frown again. Jeongguk frowns too. But Yoongi keeps going anyway, not letting fear get the best of him again. Not yet.

It’s quiet now, no noises but their breathing. Jeongguk’s eyes are glued to Yoongi’s fingers, and Yoongi’s eyes are on Jeongguk’s bulge. The quiet doesn’t feel that awkward, even though maybe it should. It’s okay though. Yoongi’s not upset by it, or disappointed or angry. The quiet is okay because Yoongi can see that Jeongguk is really distracted. Hard to expect Jeongguk to keep talking continuously when, whether Yoongi likes it or not, this may be one of Jeongguk’s first ever sexual experiences. Doesn’t matter that Jeongguk’s not touching Yoongi. This is still new for him.

Yoongi doesn’t comment on Jeongguk’s silence at all, both because he’s too distracted by the sensations his body is experiencing, the pain slowly fading away the more he fingers himself, the speed of his heartbeat at the feeling of being watched, and also because he finds himself overtaken by fondness for this fucking kid. For the rapture in Jeongguk’s eyes. The curiosity. They’re both experiencing something new today, and Yoongi feels that, if they’re already here, it’s only fair to let Jeongguk watch his fill, let him have this experience in as safe of an environment as he’s created for Yoongi.

Jeongguk shakes himself out of it eventually. Literally. He blinks quickly and shakes his head, glancing up at Yoongi shyly.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk murmurs.

“It’s okay,” Yoongi smiles.

“Does it feel good now?” Jeongguk asks sheepishly, clearly trying to get back into being distracting. “You’re… going pretty steady.”

“Doesn’t really hurt anymore,” Yoongi says and is somewhat taken aback by his own words.

He’s aware that this is still nothing in comparison to a dick and that, with every finger he’ll add, it’ll hurt more and more. And it scares the fuck out of him. But it’s still something. For Yoongi, it’s a big deal, and he finds himself smiling again, genuine happiness filling him. And, despite feeling awkward, Jeongguk smiles so widely his eyes crinkle.

But now that they’re here, with Yoongi – though still afraid – not as afraid and starting to actually feel good, he’s not sure how they’re supposed to continue, if at all. He stops moving his finger, keeping it about halfway inside himself.

“So, what next?” Yoongi asks and immediately feels ridiculous about it.

Jeongguk’s lips round for a moment, “You’re asking me?” he whispers.

Yeah, that’s exactly why Yoongi felt ridiculous about that question. God, what an idiot.

“Um…” Yoongi tries.

“Are you any less scared?” Jeongguk asks, and Yoongi’s grateful for the change of subject.

“A little,” Yoongi says. “This isn’t as bad as I expected.”

“But still scared,” Jeongguk says. “Of… the next finger and… dick.”

Yoongi’s lips twitch up into a smile, but then he actually thinks about it and ends up gulping, “Yeah.”

Jeongguk must see it on his face because he frowns deeply.

“Then, we keep going,” Jeongguk says like it’s no big deal, shrugging. “You… put in another finger and…” he doesn’t look into Yoongi’s eyes, but he still gives out these fucking instructions like he understands how much they’re helping Yoongi. “And, like with this one, you take it slow and gentle and,” he gulps, talking quickly, voice shaking but pressing on, “and you keep going until it doesn’t hurt anymore and maybe until it starts feeling kinda good again, and then… then, if you’re still scared, you put in another finger and… keep going until it’s not scary anymore.”

He looks up into Yoongi’s eyes, waiting for a reaction, almost challenging in the way he doesn’t look away. And Yoongi realizes that he’s not just waiting for a reaction to his words, he’s probably waiting for a reaction to him giving such explicit directions at all, having taken on the mission of answering Yoongi’s question – of telling Yoongi what’s next, waiting for approval.

Yoongi nods, honestly grateful and not sure how to show it, “Okay.”

Jeongguk’s shoulders drop with his next exhale, visibly relaxing.

Yoongi licks his lower lip and starts pulling his finger out. His leg – the one he’s holding up – as well as his hand are starting to get really fucking tired though, so he hikes his leg up a little higher, hooking his arm underneath it.

“Do you need more lube?” Jeongguk asks suddenly.

The lube is dripping down Yoongi’s balls, there’s so much of it, “I think I have enough lube on my fingers right now for two fists.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, blinking, then he snorts, pressing his lips together to stop his laughter, but his chest still shakes with it. It makes Yoongi laugh too, his finger out, now two fingers lying against his hole. He presses a bit, and it kills his laughter.

“Don’t think about it,” Jeongguk rushes to say before Yoongi can freak out, not laughing anymore either. 

“I’m thinking about it,” Yoongi says, fingers paralyzed, not moving an inch. Fuck, he needs to get his shit together.

“Don’t,” Jeongguk insists, his voice lower, confident again. “Think about how good the first finger felt after a while,” he looks down, and Yoongi’s gaze follows his, looking at Yoongi’s own hard-on tenting his shirt. Jeongguk’s eyes turn up again. “Just do it.”

“I can’t,” Yoongi tries to command his fingers to move, unable to actually do it.

“You did it with the last one,” Jeongguk says. “You were scared, and you just did it, and it wasn’t that bad,” a pause. “Look at me.”

Yoongi catches Jeongguk’s gaze.

“Do it,” Jeongguk says.

Yoongi does it, frowning. The pain is so much more now. So much fucking more. So bad. Jeongguk holds eye contact though, persistent, and Yoongi doesn’t let himself look away. He pauses with the tips of his two fingers inside, and he’s too fucking tight. It hurts too bad.

“Keep going,” Jeongguk says, and Yoongi shakes his head. “How much does it hurt?”

“A lot,” Yoongi answers, breathing shaky.

“Take a deep breath,” Jeongguk says.

Yoongi takes as deep a breath as he can.

“Push in,” Jeongguk says, but it sounds more like a question, either because he’s giving Yoongi room to decide or because he’s actually unsure now.

But Yoongi listens to him anyway, pressing in further, because if not for Jeongguk telling him what to do, he wouldn’t be doing anything right now. Halfway in, he stops, burning, but he’s still fucking halfway in.

“Oh, fuck,” Yoongi murmurs.

Jeongguk’s hands ball into fists on the armrests of the chair.

Yoongi pants, clenching around himself and hissing.

“Really bad?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi nods frantically. He wants to pull out. It doesn’t feel good at all.

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow with concern and… anger? Then, his eyes widen.

“What?” Yoongi chokes out.

“Prostate!” Jeongguk exclaims.

Yoongi’s mouth opens. He forgot he fucking has a prostate.

“That should make it easier, right?” Jeongguk asks, suddenly eager. “That should feel good. You should do that. You should- I don’t know, touch it!”

“I don’t know where it is,” Yoongi says quickly, blushing.

“Me neither,” Jeongguk frowns.

Silence.

“Dammit,” Jeongguk deflates.

Yoongi doesn’t know why he smiles.

“What?” Jeongguk asks, but his frown turns into a smile too.

Okay, maybe Yoongi does know why. It’s just that he really fucking likes how much Jeongguk wants him to feel good. Not that he can tell Jeongguk that. Or maybe he can.

“You’re being really sweet,” Yoongi says, “and it’s making my hyung feelings act up.”

“Hyung feelings?” Jeongguk blushes.

Yoongi nods and doesn’t explain. What he does do is start moving his fingers. Just a bit. Surreal that he has two of them in there. Thanks to Jeongguk of all people. The pain is bad. It is. Yoongi hates it and wishes it were gone, but he holds onto the memory of the pain fading away when he was using one finger and keeps going.

Jeongguk’s quiet about it. Yoongi expects Jeongguk to tell him he’s doing well again the more he goes, the more he pushes himself. But, as he keeps going, as his fingers press all the way in, as his breaths and thrusts even out, and the pain begins to fade and things start feeling better, Jeongguk only looks more and more concerned. There’s a deepening line between his brows, and his fists keep clenching and unclenching. By the time Yoongi starts tightening around his fingers on purpose, the pain still there but barely, feeling fucking proud of himself, Jeongguk’s jaw is clenched, and Yoongi is the one who’s worried. Yoongi is the one who starts feeling really fucking awkward.

“You can go, you know,” Yoongi says quietly, pausing with his two fingers all the way in.

Jeongguk’s head shoots up, eyes huge, “What? Why?”

“You said you weren’t suffering, but, um… you kinda look like you are suffering now so…” Yoongi gulps. “I’m not making you… you don’t have to stay.”

“No, I-“ Jeongguk’s mouth opens like he’s going to speak, but he doesn’t. He squirms, his hips grinding back and forth on the chair, grunting with what sounds like genuine discomfort.

Yoongi starts pulling out his fingers, ready to stop the whole thing, but his body is too tense, clenched too tight, unable to loosen because he’s freaking out, and it hurts too badly to pull them out completely so he pauses, sure that Jeongguk can see on his face how much pain he’s in.

“No, wait, don’t-“ Jeongguk cringes hard. “That’s not-“ he shakes his head, gripping the armrests so tight his knuckles turn white.

“What?” Yoongi urges, wanting to cover himself.

Jeongguk exhales, sinking back into his chair, “Hyung…” he closes his eyes tightly – the first time throughout this whole thing of him not looking at Yoongi at all. “Hyung, my jeans are really, really hurting me.”

Yoongi blinks, “What?”

Cringing again, Jeongguk opens his eyes, “The- the zipper is… it’s like- cutting into my dick. And all my good underwear is in the laundry because I was too lazy after the trip to deal with them, so I wore a pair that’s smaller, and it’s too fucking tight for this right now. I think it’s cutting off my blood circulation.”

Yoongi doesn’t know what to say.

Jeongguk closes his eyes tightly, “Sorry.”

Yoongi’s heart pounds. Jeongguk’s so hard it’s… hurting him now? Yoongi accidentally clenches around his fingers, and it feels so good Yoongi whimpers. Actually whimpers.

Jeongguk’s eyes open – confused – just as Yoongi’s widen at his own fucking whimper.

“Uh…” Yoongi doesn’t know what to say again, trying to control the fucking clench, trying to loosen up and think. It doesn’t work.

“Do you…” Jeongguk hesitates. “Do you want me to go? Is this… this is bad, I’m sorry,” he shakes his head. “I didn’t mean to. I can’t help it. And- and I get that it’s making you really uncomfortable, and I’m sorry, I- I couldn’t stop-“

“Take it out,” Yoongi says, finally managing to unclench.

Jeongguk opens his mouth.

“No, I don’t want you to go,” Yoongi adds before he can overthink it, blushing and pressing his fingers back in, and it feels so much fucking better. Jeongguk’s eyes snap down and track the motion. “This is… It’s working, and… unless you’re uncomfortable- I mean with this, not with- of course your dick is uncomfortable right now, but I mean… If you’re okay with- with this happening, I don’t want you to go. So, you can just… take your dick out so it won't hurt anymore.”

Jeongguk breathes for a couple moments, his eyebrows furrowed deeply but lips twitching up into a smile.

“You can…” Yoongi looks around, gently pulling his fingers apart inside himself, stretching himself out a tiny bit more, prepared for and allowing some more pain. “There’s my bag, you can… put it on your lap and hide your dick behind it?”

Jeongguk snorts, pressing his lips together. Then, he smiles shyly, shrugging, mumbling, “It would be fair for you to see me too, right?”

Yoongi’s mouth opens, but no words come out. He wants to reiterate that Jeongguk doesn’t have to do this, that he really can just pick up Yoongi’s bag off the floor, or hell, take Yoongi’s discarded jeans off the couch, that’d be even better, hide behind that, but then, Jeongguk’s hands are off the armrests, shakily reaching for his zipper, and Yoongi can barely breathe, let alone speak.

The sound of the zipper is fucking loud, and Yoongi’s cock is hard. So is Jeongguk’s. And Yoongi really gets to see that when Jeongguk grabs the waistband of his jeans, leans his body back against the chair, lifts his hips, and shoves both his jeans and underwear down to the middle of his thighs at the same time, his cock springing out so hard it slaps against his stomach. Jeongguk simultaneously sighs in relief and blushes, his head hanging down, panting.

Yoongi gulps, clenching around himself and biting his lower lip to hold back a moan. The images that hit him are too fucking wrong. Jeongguk’s cock isn’t too big. It’s probably average, maybe a little above that, Yoongi isn’t sure. It’s bigger than Yoongi’s. Longer and thicker. And darker. Regardless, Yoongi imagines it inside him, rock hard just like it is now, fucking him deeply. The goosebumps that break out across his skin feel so wrong.

“So, this is what you’ve been feeling for the past… however long,” Jeongguk says, biting his lip and lifting his head to look up at the ceiling.

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asks, voice too weak.

“Being watched,” Jeongguk says.

“Sorry,” Yoongi says this time, looking away from Jeongguk’s cock.

“No,” Jeongguk’s voice is too high. His eyes turn down, skipping Yoongi’s face and focusing right on Yoongi’s hole. “I get it,” he gulps. “Can’t look away.”

Yoongi exhales.

Jeongguk’s hands tighten on the armrests again, his cock twitching up and down suddenly.

“Are you…” Yoongi tries, accidentally clenching around his two fingers, a jolt of pain and pleasure coursing through him at the same time. “No more pain? Relieved?”

Jeongguk nods his head quickly.

“That’s good,” Yoongi exhales.

“You?” Jeongguk asks, looking up.

Their gazes lock, “Hm?”

“Like- how’s the pain?” Jeongguk asks.

“Less of it,” Yoongi says, unable to hold eye contact. Jeongguk’s cock would reach so much deeper than Yoongi’s fingers.

“That’s good,” Jeongguk says, pressing his lips together.

Jeongguk’s cock would hurt so fucking bad, “Yeah.”

“Still painful though,” Jeongguk adds.

“Yeah,” Yoongi repeats. He probably wouldn’t even be able to take Jeongguk’s cock all the way in because it would hurt too much. It was so much work to take his own two fingers.

“Are you…” Jeongguk trails off, and his cock does that up and down twitch again. It looks so hard. Jeongguk must want to touch himself so badly. Maybe he even wants to put it inside of Yoongi.

When Yoongi clenches this time, he’s able to hold back the moan, but he still exhales too sharply.

“You gonna keep going?” Jeongguk asks quietly.

Yoongi’s heart is pounding, looking at Jeongguk’s cock and feeling unreasonably petrified, “Yeah.”

He presses his fingers all the way back in, watching Jeongguk watch him. Petrified, yes, but way too fucking curious about what it would feel like. His stomach tightens at the same time that his fingers do, and he might not be able to hold the moans back for much longer. He spreads his fingers again, taking the little bit of pain, thinking about how long they’ve been going at this, about how much faster the whole fingering thing would have to be when he’ll actually have sex with someone, then pulling his fingers out and pushing them back in more quickly.

He gasps both because it hurts but also because it feels… good.

“Prostate?” Jeongguk asks, not moving his hands off the armrests, not covering himself.

“Uh, no,” Yoongi shakes his head, beginning to thrust into himself a bit more quickly.

“That sounded like…” Jeongguk glances at his own cock, “like a happy sound.”

Yoongi lets out a breathy laugh, “It was.”

“It’s just starting to feel better again?” Jeongguk asks. “Even without the prostate?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi says.

“You should try to find it anyway,” Jeongguk says. “Maybe touching it will make the pain easier to handle.”

“Right,” Yoongi nods.

He moves his fingers around – right, left, down, up- and full-on moans, startled, clenching around his fingers and tightening his grip on his leg and pulling it up higher.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, “There?”

Yoongi curls his fingers up again, whimpers and looks from Jeongguk’s face down at Jeongguk’s cock. It twitches up and down again, and now, there’s a little shiny drop at Jeongguk’s slit, and, touching his own prostate again, Yoongi bites his lower lip, whimpering, and closes his eyes.

“Fuck,” Jeongguk breathes.

“Fuck,” Yoongi agrees, his voice breaking, clenching too tight.

When he looks up again, Jeongguk’s mouth is open, eyes wide, fingers gripping the armrests too tightly.

Their eyes meet.

“Still hurts?” Jeongguk asks, and it sounds like it’s taking him actual effort to get the words out.

Yoongi nods, pressing his fingers up against his prostate and not moving them, his whole body on edge, mouth open, eyes hooded, heating up rapidly, lightheaded.

“But feels good?” Jeongguk asks, breathing more heavily too.

Yoongi nods again, moving his fingers down and away from his prostate, his body deflating, exhaling harshly, breathing again – deeply, in and out.

“Shit,” Yoongi exclaims, dropping his head back onto the chair, and fuck, he wants to jerk himself off.

“That good?” Jeongguk whispers.

“It’s like-“ Yoongi gulps, inhaling, watching the ceiling. “It still hurts, but I’m just… thinking about it less.”

“Sounds like you’re less scared now,” Jeongguk says.

“Feels almost like the worst is over,” he keeps his fingers still and tries to calm his heartbeat.

“Almost?” Jeongguk asks.

“Well, yeah, there’s still…” Yoongi looks at Jeongguk and finds that Jeongguk’s hands are fisted on his thighs now. “Dick is gonna be… far more painful.”

Jeongguk nods, and it looks like he’s holding back from jerking off too.

“I’m not gonna…” Yoongi licks his lips. “You know, I’m not gonna be able to control everything in the same way with someone else’s dick.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk says. “Unless…”

“Unless?” Yoongi asks, gently moving his fingers inside of himself again, avoiding his prostate on purpose now. Scared of it feeling too good. Scared of it feeling too intense.

“Unless you… I don’t know, like- have sex with someone who’d be okay with taking instructions,” Jeongguk says.

“Like another virgin?” Yoongi laughs, too fucking lightheaded to realize what he just insinuated.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen.

“I didn’t mean…” Yoongi stops moving his fingers, mouth open, panicked.

“I know,” Jeongguk says quickly, but he still looks startled by the suggestion. “But yeah, like another virgin.”

“Right,” Yoongi says, eyes falling on Jeongguk’s cock again. Still hard. Completely untouched. Yoongi feels bad for both of their cocks right now. They’re both going to jerk off like crazy after this.

“Do you wanna…” Jeongguk tugs on his lower lip with his teeth, “do the third one now?”

“The third-“ Yoongi starts.

“Finger,” Jeongguk supplies. “Like- might as well, right? Get the last step in, face the last bit of fear that you do have control over.”

Looking at Jeongguk right now, Yoongi can’t help but imagine Jeongguk fucking him. He can’t. And after what he said, if Jeongguk wasn’t thinking about it before, he has to be thinking about it now. They’re not going to do that though. They’re not.

“You sure you don’t want more lube?” Jeongguk asks as if Yoongi already agreed that they’d be continuing.

He’s right though. Yoongi doesn’t want to stop now. He’s so close. One more finger, and it’ll be over. The only thing he’d have left to be scared of is the actual penetrative sex. He’d be able to practice fucking himself without fear. Hell, maybe he’ll even get a dildo.

“No,” Yoongi says. “Not sure.”

Jeongguk lifts both his hands off his thighs and grabs the bottle of lube from the table, opening it and waiting for Yoongi to give him his hand. Yoongi exhales deeply, hooking his leg up a little higher and realizing that his other leg – the one on the floor – is starting to fucking go numb. There’s nothing he can do about it though, can’t change positions without exposing more of himself than he already has, so he ignores it, beginning to pull out his fingers.

Having them out is probably the weirdest feeling he’s ever experienced. Suddenly, he’s clenching around nothing but air, feeling… empty, almost like it would be more natural to have something in there. He tries to imagine what it looks like to Jeongguk, his hole wet, probably a deep pink, possibly gaping, uncontrollably clenching and unclenching. Jeongguk, his arm still out, can’t seem to look at anything other than Yoongi’s hole right now, his cock twitching again.

“Kook,” Yoongi says, and Jeongguk’s eyes snap up.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk murmurs, licks his lips, and pours some more lube on Yoongi’s outstretched fingers.

He pours too much again, Yoongi’s sure of it this time, but he doesn’t have the heart to tell him to stop. Getting his hand back between his legs, Yoongi is not as afraid this time of taking his third finger. Shouldn’t be much of a difference between two and three, right? It’s going to be the same pain then pleasure thing as the other two times, and he knows where his prostate is now. So, he’s going to be fine. Just needs to do it.

Jeongguk doesn’t ask Yoongi to look at him this time, possibly because Yoongi’s already doing it. Their eyes are locked when Yoongi starts pressing his three fingers into himself, and they stay that way when Yoongi frowns, facing a lot more resistance than he did with his two fingers, suddenly worried that he might be wrong, that maybe there’s an enormous difference between two and three.

“You can do it,” Jeongguk says softly, grabbing his own thighs – the bare part of them, distractingly close to his cock.

Yoongi nods, locks eyes with Jeongguk one more time, and keeps going. He doesn’t expect the pain this time exactly like he didn’t last time, having truly believed that it wouldn’t be as bad. It’s worse. It’s so much worse. He can’t get past the tips of his fingers even when he tries.

“Little more?” Jeongguk asks.

“I can’t,” Yoongi tries again, but he’s too tight, and it hurts too bad.

“Does it hurt a lot?” Jeongguk asks.

“Yeah,” Yoongi’s voice is shaky, scared.

“Worse than-“ Jeongguk starts, but Yoongi cuts him off.

“Yeah,” he says, pausing with just the tips of his three fingers in, forcing himself to breathe in and out as steadily as he can.

“Can’t reach your prostate from there,” Jeongguk says.

“No,” Yoongi answers even though it wasn’t a question. He can’t move. “I don’t know what to do now,” he adds and sounds panicked even to himself.

Jeongguk looks like he doesn’t know what to do either. His lips press together, his eyebrows furrow, his grip on his thighs tightens.

“Fuck,” Yoongi closes his eyes, really disappointed with himself for not being able to just… fucking get through this already.

“What if you jerk off?” Jeongguk asks, so Yoongi opens his eyes again, both surprised and confused. “I think it would help. Like,” he clenches his jaw for a second, “it would probably distract you from the pain.”

Yoongi wants to argue. He doesn’t want to jerk off in front of Jeongguk. Doesn’t want Jeongguk to see his cock at all. It’s too much that he’s getting to watch him like this already. But he doesn’t know how to argue because, at the end of the day, Jeongguk is right. Jerking off would help. And fucking god, Yoongi wants to jerk off so badly. The problem though is that if he starts, he’s not sure he’ll be able to stop himself from… finishing.  

The second problem is that he doesn’t have an additional hand to use to jerk off with. He can’t let his leg go or he won’t be able to hold this position at all.

“I don’t have a hand to do that with,” it’s a comfortable excuse, an understandable one. Although, for a single second, he does worry about Jeongguk… literally offering a hand to help with. Doesn’t know what he’ll do if Jeongguk does.

“You could- if- if you’re already-” Jeongguk tries then takes a deep breath. “If you’re already doing it, then you can just lean back completely and get both of your legs up. You won’t have to hold them that way.”

Not a very good excuse apparently, “Uh…”

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything else. Yoongi does want to succeed here though. He does. He wants to get through this so badly. What the fuck does it even matter if Jeongguk sees his dick at this point? He’s literally been watching Yoongi finger himself for forever now, and he doesn’t feel bad about having his own dick out for Yoongi to look at, even though he could have covered himself. And Yoongi’s going to be able to get his leg out of that fucking position so it’s not numb anymore. God. Fine.

“Fuck, okay,” Yoongi breathes, lets the tips of his fingers slip out of himself, exhales and drops his leg on the floor.

He grunts, stretching his arm. Didn’t even realize how much his arm was hurting from holding himself like that all this time. He reaches for the handle that controls the back of the chair again and lowers it even more – not completely, maybe halfway, still wanting to be able to look at Jeongguk without having to strain his neck.

Then, before he lets himself think about it, he grabs the armrest with his dry hand, scoots forward a bit, and pulls both of his legs up, leaning most of his weight onto his back. He still can’t position himself properly, and the chair starts rolling back which almost gives Yoongi a heart attack, so he plants his socked foot on the table, shoving his keyboard back slightly, keeping himself from sliding away.

His cock is not hidden anymore now, his shirt having pushed up higher, and he looks down at it with a blush on his cheeks and with his dry hand hovering next to it, looking at the pool of fucking precome that’s gathered on his stomach. He knows that Jeongguk is watching it too, can actually hear Jeongguk gulp, and gets goosebumps all over his fucking body.

The second time he grunts is because he’s starting to regain feeling in his leg, and it feels like fucking needles.

“Ouch,” Yoongi exclaims, and Jeongguk blinks at him in confusion. “My leg got really numb.”

Jeongguk breathes out a surprised laugh, and it makes Yoongi feel so good. That tiny bit of lightheartedness within all this tension. He lets himself laugh too, and when the needles go away, holding onto the lightness, Yoongi wraps his fingers around the base of his shaft and gets goosebumps all over again, pressing his lips together to not moan. If the dark pink of the tip of Yoongi’s cock is any indicator of how pink his hole is, he can only fucking imagine the picture that he makes to Jeongguk right now.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk says quietly.

“Yeah?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk opens his mouth, fisting his hands on his thighs again, “Never mind.”

“You sure?” Yoongi tightens his grip around the base of his shaft.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk breathes, gulping, then catches Yoongi’s gaze.

They look at each other like that for a moment, and then, no more words said, Yoongi brings three of his fingers back to his hole and presses in. The tips, he manages to get in like last time, but when the pain gets too much again, he strokes his shaft – only once, tugging up, gasping and tightening around his fingers even more. Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow, and he exhales deeply. He looks like he’s in pain again.

Yoongi strokes down his cock, gritting his teeth as pleasure spreads all over his stomach, and pushes in harder. He gets in further this time, exhaling steadily – controlled, working against the pain. His eyes don’t know what to focus on. Jeongguk’s face is too fucking captivating right now, with the deep line between his brows, the way his mouth is slightly open, his tongue running over his lips again and again, probably drying too quickly because of how hard he’s breathing. But then, there’s also the fact that there’s precome making the tip of Jeongguk’s cock glisten in the most distracting way, and Yoongi can’t not look at that either.

Maybe it’s the fact that he’s so distracted, but he doesn’t notice himself getting his fingers most of the way in or the fact that his stroking has gotten a bit quicker. He’s warming up too much, starting to get worried that this will actually make him come, so he stops for a second, letting out a deep breath as he squeezes the base of his cock harshly. The moment he stops, Jeongguk closes his eyes, letting out a long breath of his own.

“Are you okay?” Yoongi asks.

“Are you?” Jeongguk counters, opening his eyes but not looking at Yoongi, his eyes turned up to the ceiling.  

“It still hurts a lot, but you were right, jerking off is helping,” Yoongi says. “Now, you answer.”

“I’m fine,” Jeongguk says.

“You don’t look like it,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk closes his eyes again, lowering his head and starting to breathe through his nose, obviously trying to get himself under control.

“Does it hurt?” Yoongi asks.

“What?” Jeongguk’s eyes open, but he keeps his gaze down.

“Your dick,” Yoongi says. “Does it hurt?”

Jeongguk looks up into Yoongi’s eyes and doesn’t answer. It hurts. It must hurt after being hard for so long and not touching it at all. It must be driving Jeongguk crazy.

“Jerk off,” Yoongi orders. It’s mercy for Jeongguk. Yoongi’s not telling Jeongguk to do it because he wants to see it. It’s mercy.

Jeongguk doesn’t do or say anything.

“Jerk off,” Yoongi repeats, voice quiet this time.

Jeongguk immediately wraps his hand around his cock, his head falling back with a moan. He squeezes himself for a second, and then his hand is moving, jerking off slowly, panting.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk whispers with a frown but doesn’t stop.

Yoongi starts moving both of his hands again, fingering and stroking. They’re going to come together. There’s no way to avoid it now, and Yoongi knows it. He doesn’t fucking want to avoid it anymore. He wants to come, and he wants Jeongguk to come, and he wants to watch him do it. He does. He wants more than that.

Jeongguk’s far less apologetic than Yoongi when it comes to the noises he makes. He grunts – quietly – but he does. And he moans, seems unable to control himself. Now, Yoongi’s eyes do know where to focus, and they stick to Jeongguk’s cock like they have to. The way Jeongguk strokes himself, from root all the way to fucking tip, is magnetic. When Yoongi manages to press his fingers all the way into himself, he whimpers, tightening around them and imagining himself tightening around Jeongguk’s cock just like that, squeezing him, making him moan the way he is right now.

God, it would be easy. All Jeongguk would have to do is get up and push his cock into him. They’d both not be virgins anymore after that. Fuck.

All of a sudden, Jeongguk grunts in frustration, lets go of his shaft, spits in his palm, then wraps it around himself again, exhaling and stroking.

“Fuck,” Yoongi exclaims, clenching, unable to stop himself.

Jeongguk’s eyes lock with his for a second then lower again. He licks his lips, and Yoongi’s tongue follows the motion across his own lips. The look in Jeongguk’s eyes is more than just frustration, it’s more than desperation, it’s… fucking hunger. And it’s overwhelming. And Yoongi doesn’t know what to do.

Nothing. Nothing is what he should do. Jerk off and finger himself and not think about Jeongguk that way. But he doesn’t do any of it.

He stops jerking off and fingering himself, and he thinks about Jeongguk exactly in that way. Thinks about Jeongguk’s cock hurting him and isn’t scared of it. Wants it. Realizes that it’s wrong to want it but wants it anyway. He can’t have it though. He’d never ask for it. Never dare suggest that Jeongguk lose his virginity to him. Yoongi suddenly wanting it doesn’t mean that Jeongguk does too. It’s not as big a deal for Yoongi as it is for Jeongguk. Or maybe it is, he doesn’t know. Yoongi hasn’t thought of himself as a virgin in years, but Jeongguk…

So, the only solution is to stop entirely. It’s the only thing left to do. He takes his fingers out of himself, and this time, he’s sure that his hole is gaping, stretched wide and burning with it, opening and closing, needing something filling him again. Thing is… Jeongguk doesn’t take the hint. Doesn’t understand it. Doesn’t stop jerking off. Yoongi sees Jeongguk’s fingers tighten even more around himself, his strokes coming slightly faster. Jeongguk’s eyebrows are still furrowed, he’s still grunting, and he looks at Yoongi’s hole like he wants it, like the image of it is his to get off to. And Yoongi can’t say anything to stop him.

He tries to get his leg off the table, tries to lower the other one to the floor, to close his legs and end this, but he can’t. His toes flex on the table, but that’s as far as he manages to move himself. Jeongguk is getting off to him, and he can’t take that away from Jeongguk like that, not when Jeongguk’s cock is so hard and so wet, not when Jeongguk looks like he needs it. But then, Jeongguk’s eyes find Yoongi’s again.

“Why’d you stop?” Jeongguk asks, his voice startlingly deep.

Yoongi doesn’t know what to answer, watching Jeongguk not stop, continuing to stroke himself. Jeongguk doesn’t say anything else for a minute, just watches Yoongi’s hole again. It makes Yoongi clench, and that makes Jeongguk grunt. There’s no way Jeongguk doesn’t want this right now as much as Yoongi does. There isn’t. Not when he’s looking at Yoongi like that.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk says, still looking down.

“Hm?” Yoongi manages to choke out.

“Why’d you stop?” Jeongguk asks again, and Yoongi still doesn’t know how to answer.

He stopped because he thinks it’s wrong to continue, but Jeongguk doesn’t seem to think it’s wrong at all. Fuck. Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow deeply. Fucking shit, Yoongi wants him.

Jeongguk’s gaze turns up to Yoongi’s eyes again, but Yoongi can’t hold eye contact this time. His eyes keep moving from Jeongguk’s eyes to Jeongguk’s cock – up and down, again and again – his hole clenching around air, his fist clenching around the base of his shaft. He can’t stop himself. Can’t stop imaging it happening. Jeongguk’s cock as his first one.

When Jeongguk finally slows down and stops stroking himself, Yoongi doesn’t know whether to be thankful or not. Doesn’t know whether to be happy about Jeongguk catching on and putting an end to this. He manages to focus on Jeongguk’s face, but now, it’s Jeongguk whose eyes are moving up and down – from between Yoongi’s legs to Yoongi’s face, like he’s considering it too. And Yoongi can’t fucking help but actually believe that Jeongguk does want this as much as he does.

But Yoongi doesn’t know how to find out. Doesn’t know how to ask. Doesn’t know what to say at all.

“Jeongguk,” Yoongi whispers because that’s all that he does know how to say.

Jeongguk frowns with his whole face, his jaw clenching and nose scrunching up, and before Yoongi knows what’s happening, Jeongguk is springing up from his chair and walking those few steps closer to Yoongi, jeans still around his thighs, placing his hands on the back of Yoongi’s chair at either side of Yoongi’s head.

Yoongi’s mouth opens, about to say something, but then he registers the fact that his chair is rolling back and yelps, grabbing Jeongguk’s shoulders with both his hands as his foot slides across the edge of the desk. Jeongguk’s eyes widen with surprise too, and as the chair rolls back, Jeongguk shuffles forward with it, falling, not letting go of the back of it up until Yoongi’s foot slides off the table. Jeongguk grabs Yoongi’s thigh then, right under Yoongi’s still bent knee and pushes it, spreading Yoongi open and up exactly as the chair hits the wall behind Yoongi and Jeongguk’s thighs brace against Yoongi’s ass to not fall.

They’re both panting, surprised and way too close to each other. Yoongi feels boxed in – the table on one side, the wall behind him, the room too small around him, Jeongguk looming over him in a way that feels almost intimidating, his forehead inches from Yoongi’s. But then, Jeongguk blushes so hard, moving his head back, mumbling the word “sorry” for the thousandth time that night, and there’s absolutely nothing intimidating about him anymore.

His cock is touching Yoongi’s ass, too close and too real, and it seems like they both notice it at the same time because right as Yoongi’s mouth opens, not knowing what he’s even going to say, Jeongguk moves his hips back so that neither his cock nor his thighs are touching Yoongi anymore.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk repeats, whatever confidence had taken over him to come to Yoongi like that gone. Completely gone. And Yoongi wants it back.

At least he doesn’t let go of Yoongi. And Yoongi doesn’t let go of him, the lube on Yoongi’s fingers smearing onto Jeongguk’s shirt. God, Jeongguk’s shirt should fucking go. His jeans should go too. He can barely fucking move in them.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk breathes again, voice panicked but not moving away, but Yoongi doesn’t want him panicking.

He lets go of Jeongguk’s shirt and wraps his hands around Jeongguk’s neck instead, pulling Jeongguk’s head closer again, their foreheads almost touching, clenching his jaw and trying to reassure Jeongguk that everything is okay with his eyes because words are not coming out of him right now. But Jeongguk’s breathing stays shaky, and Yoongi worries that Jeongguk’s regretting doing what he just did, what he just heavily implied that he wants to do.

“Do you wanna go?” Yoongi asks bluntly.

“What?” Jeongguk asks, and he’s close enough that Yoongi feels his breath on his face.

“Do you wanna leave?” Yoongi asks again. “Do you wanna stop?”

“No,” Jeongguk answers immediately.

Yoongi gulps, nodding, not sure what to say next.

“Do you want me to leave?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow, tightening his grip on Jeongguk’s neck, “No.”

“Okay,” Jeongguk says and looks down between their bodies.

Yoongi follows his gaze. Jeongguk’s cock is still so hard. So is Yoongi’s. And Yoongi’s hole still feels too empty.

“You-” Jeongguk breathes. “You’re so…”

Yoongi’s heart beats faster, waiting.

“I wanna…” Jeongguk tries again, frowning and licking his lips.

“What?” Yoongi urges.

Jeongguk shakes his head, “We…” he closes his eyes tightly.

“Kook,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk opens his eyes, finding Yoongi’s gaze, “We can’t.”

“You want to?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow, his face crumbling with pain, and that’s an answer in and of itself, “Do you?”

Yoongi bites his lower lip hard, nodding shakily.

Jeongguk inhales sharply, “Fuck, really?”

Yoongi nods again, “Tell me that you do too.”

“I do too,” Jeongguk says quickly.

A pause, “Get the lube.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, but he turns his head around, letting go of Yoongi’s leg for a second to grab the lube. Yoongi replaces Jeongguk’s hand under his knee and holds his leg up, then takes the other leg and pulls it up too, able to lean back against the chair and the wall now for support.

When Jeongguk looks at Yoongi again, lube in his hand, he whispers, “Fuck, hyung.”

“Yeah?” Yoongi asks.

“I don’t think I’m gonna last,” Jeongguk blushes. “Like, at all.”

Yoongi smiles a bit, “That’s a compliment.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk says. “But it would still suck really bad.”

“Try then,” Yoongi shrugs. “To last.”

Jeongguk nods frantically. He looks down at the lube, gets his hand off the back of the chair, licks his lips, and pours lube onto his palm. Too much again. Way too much. But that definitely can’t hurt right now. Jeongguk places the lube bottle back on the table, and when he wraps his hand around his cock, his first reaction is to grunt loudly. The second one is his eyes widening.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk exclaims. “What about a condom?”

“I don’t have one,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk’s mouth opens and closes.

“It’s fine, right?” Yoongi asks, not wanting to fucking stop over this, not when they’ve already decided to fucking go through with it. “We’re both technically virgins and- and clean, right? So, it’s fine.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods, first with some hesitation then without. “Yeah.”

He braces his hands on the back of the chair near Yoongi’s head again and leans forward, the tip of his cock barely touching Yoongi’s ass. When Jeongguk places his dry hand on Yoongi’s thigh again, Yoongi lets go of that leg and wraps his fingers around Jeongguk’s neck, needing to touch him. Jeongguk’s other hand, the wet one, Jeongguk uses to hold the base of his shaft and not do anything else.

“Are you sure?” Yoongi asks, has to ask.

Jeongguk gulps, licking his lips.

“It’s a big deal,” Yoongi says quietly. “Please be sure.”

“I…” Jeongguk breathes.

“If you’re not sure, don’t do it,” Yoongi insists. 

Jeongguk looks him in the eyes, “I’m sure, I’m just…”

“What?” Yoongi asks.

“Really nervous,” Jeongguk says.

“Why?” Yoongi smiles. “You’re with me, you don’t need to be.”

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow, and he smiles, biting his lower lip.

“It’s okay if you only last two seconds,” Yoongi shrugs, still smiling.

Jeongguk lets out a laugh, “You say that as a joke, but I really think it might happen.”

Yoongi smiles wider, “I mean… what are the odds of you coming that fast when you’re gonna have to take it so fucking slow with me?”

Jeongguk’s smile fades, his face turning serious, “I promise I’ll take it slow.”

Yoongi inhales deeply, not smiling anymore either, “Please do.”

Jeongguk leans in a bit closer, brushing his forehead against Yoongi’s, his eyes closing. Yoongi rubs his thumb over the side of Jeongguk’s neck.

“I’ll be gentle,” Jeongguk whispers, his breath fanning out across Yoongi’s face.

Goosebumps.

“I’ll do it as slowly as you need me to,” Jeongguk adds.

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow, and he nods against Jeongguk’s forehead.

“Don’t need to be scared, right?” Jeongguk opens his eyes. “Because you’re with me?”

Yoongi nods, “Still a little scared though, not gonna lie.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk says. “Tell me how much it hurts, okay? I’ll stop if it hurts too bad.”

“Okay,” Yoongi breathes and looks down between their bodies at where both his and Jeongguk’s cocks are still hard.

Jeongguk’s gaze follows his, “Do I just…?”

“Yeah, just…” Yoongi gulps. “Three fingers is more than enough prep, right?” Yoongi tries to laugh.

“Probably,” Jeongguk smiles a bit.

“Okay,” Yoongi nods. “Just do it.”

“Okay,” Jeongguk whispers, stroking his shaft up and down once, exhaling deeply.

When he places his tip right against Yoongi’s hole, Yoongi flinches back. Entirely an automatic response. Unintentional. Probably preconditioned by his fear. It freaks Jeongguk out anyway though.

“Are you sure?” Jeongguk asks, pulling his cock back from Yoongi’s hole.

Yoongi gulps, “Yeah. That wasn’t on purpose.”

Despite him saying that, he can see Jeongguk hesitating, still holding his cock but not really moving it toward Yoongi. So, Yoongi gets over himself, lets go of Jeongguk’s neck, and reaches for Jeongguk’s cock, looking up at Jeongguk and making sure he knows what he’s doing before he actually touches him.

Jeongguk lets his shaft go, and Yoongi takes it in his hand, acknowledging the fact that he has Jeongguk’s cock in his hand, taking a deep breath, and gently tugging on Jeongguk’s cock, making him gasp and stumble a step closer, his thighs against Yoongi’s ass. He guides Jeongguk’s cock to press against his hole again, doesn’t flinch, but changes his mind anyway, letting go of Jeongguk’s cock.

“Take your pants off,” Yoongi says.

“What?” Jeongguk asks. “Why?”

“Because you can’t move, and you need to be able to move,” Yoongi says. “Take them off.”

That actually seems to shake Jeongguk into action a little. Jeongguk frantically tosses his shoes aside then shoves his jeans and underwear down his legs, kicking them aside on the floor, and Yoongi finds himself looking at Jeongguk’s thighs. Big thighs. Strong thighs. Jeongguk can fuck hard with the power behind those thighs.

Yoongi doesn’t get to look at them much though, since Jeongguk is leaning over him again, both of his hands coming to hold Yoongi’s thighs now, freeing Yoongi’s hands and assuming that Yoongi will be holding his cock again. Which he will be. He grips Jeongguk’s waist with one hand and takes his cock in the other, and when Jeongguk lets out an unexpected moan, Yoongi looks up at him and very curiously and cautiously strokes Jeongguk’s cock up and down.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk inhales, closing his eyes.

So, Yoongi keeps going. Up and down. Again and again, too fascinated to stop. Until Jeongguk lets go of Yoongi’s thigh and touches Yoongi’s wrist softly, stopping him.

“I will come,” Jeongguk mumbles, blushing.

Yoongi nods, bit embarrassed at himself, and when Jeongguk grabs his thigh again, pushing his legs further apart, Yoongi doesn’t stroke him anymore. Instead, he leans Jeongguk’s cock back to his hole and brushes it up and down there, teasing himself, whimpering, getting goosebumps and watching Jeongguk’s thighs shake. Yoongi’s afraid again. Can’t help it. So, positioning Jeongguk’s tip right at his hole, he looks up, and though Jeongguk doesn’t explicitly encourage Yoongi to ‘just do it’ this time and doesn’t tell Yoongi to look at him either, Yoongi still hears those words in Jeongguk’s voice in his head. And, holding eye contact, Yoongi tugs on Jeongguk’s waist, moving him forward and in.

His cock doesn’t go in the first couple seconds, and Yoongi grunts in frustration and disappointment. But then, Jeongguk pushes his hips forward ever so slightly harder, and his tip fits inside. A groan from Yoongi, a gasp from Jeongguk. Pain for Yoongi. A lot of it. Jeongguk not moving. Yoongi’s hole spasming around his cock.

“Holy fuck,” Jeongguk mumbles, and Yoongi can’t believe they’re doing this.

Yoongi lets out a pained moan, his toes curling, his stomach tight, his eyes staying open. The moment Jeongguk breaks eye contact is kind of painful too, but then, Yoongi follows Jeongguk’s gaze down – looking at where they’re connected – and his breath catches in his throat. Hard to believe that it’s his hole that’s stretched out around Jeongguk like that. He clenches tighter, a burst of pain making him hiss again.

“Hyung, you’re so tight,” Jeongguk’s voice is strained.

“Yeah,” Yoongi chokes out, blushing. “Bit too tight.”

“Does it hurt a lot?” Jeongguk asks, eyes finding Yoongi’s again, concerned.

Yoongi nods. He’s barely breathing. Too focused on the pain to think about anything beyond it. They’re actually doing this.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk says. “I don’t know how to make it hurt less.”

He sounds legitimately apologetic, and there’s no reason for that. There’s nothing more that he can do in this situation. He’s already somehow holding off on moving, his thighs and arms suddenly steady, not shaking anymore. So controlled. Yoongi lets go of Jeongguk’s shaft and wraps his hand around Jeongguk’s neck again.

“No apologies anymore,” Yoongi says, his voice strained too. “Stop saying sorry.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, and he nods.

“Now, push in a little deeper,” Yoongi adds.

“Are you sure?” Jeongguk asks. “Don’t wanna wait to get used to it some more?”

“No,” Yoongi shakes his head, taking a deep breath. He can take more. “Give me more.”

Jeongguk nods, “Okay.”

He pushes in maybe an inch before Yoongi lets out another fucking pained noise, so he stops. Jeongguk’s own breathing is significantly more labored now, and Yoongi can tell, by the way Jeongguk’s fingers tighten around his thigh, just how much he’s holding back. Yoongi’s not sure how to express his gratitude right now. He’s not sure he would have had the control to stay still if he were in Jeongguk’s place.

“Really bad?” Jeongguk asks, and Yoongi feels the way the fabric of the chair contracts where Jeongguk grips it more tightly near his head.

“Yeah, but thank you,” ends up being Yoongi’s blurted out answer.

Jeongguk looks into Yoongi’s eyes.

“For taking it slow like this,” Yoongi adds, gulping, clenching and wincing. “I can tell it’s not easy.”

“Doesn’t matter that it’s not easy,” Jeongguk shakes his head. “I’d do anything to make you hurt as little as possible.”

Yoongi’s whole chest tightens hearing that, “Thank you for that,” Yoongi insists, babbling quickly. “I don’t think any hookup would have been this good to me.”

Jeongguk ducks his head, blushing. Yoongi shuffles his hips a little more forward, blushing too, taking more of Jeongguk in. Maybe it’s not as bad as he thinks. He’s taking it despite how much it hurts. That means that he can do it, right? It’s not as bad as he was afraid of.

“How does it feel?” Yoongi asks, trying to get them to talk so he can concentrate on something other than the pain.

“Tight,” Jeongguk exhales. “Too good.”

“Yeah?” Yoongi asks, happy about it. ‘Too good’ even though they’re barely moving at all. Really happy about it.

“You’re so… soft and…” there are goosebumps on Jeongguk’s forearms. “Holy fuck.”

“Not a virgin anymore,” Yoongi says suddenly, realizing the truth of the statement right as he says it, both for him and for Jeongguk.

Jeongguk inhales sharply, “Not a virgin anymore. Holy fuck.”

“Gimme more,” Yoongi says, tightening his grip on Jeongguk’s hip and tugging him closer, deeper.

Another inch or two, so close to taking all of him. Already so much deeper than Yoongi’s fingers ever got. A new kind of stretch. A deeper kind of pain. Hard to breathe.

“Fuck,” it’s Yoongi who exclaims this time.

Jeongguk’s breathing gets so shaky, Yoongi starts thinking that Jeongguk really is going to come right now. But then, Jeongguk lets out a long, controlled breath, closing his eyes for a moment, and presses in further. There’s just a tiny bit left till Jeongguk will be all the way inside him. Yoongi can’t believe it. Can’t look away from it, from the way Jeongguk’s cock is disappearing further and further into him. Jeongguk can’t seem to stop looking at it either. The image is fucking distracting in and of itself.

The pain isn’t going away though. And despite Yoongi being relatively calm about the whole thing, his cock is not fucking feeling it and is actually starting to go soft.

“Shit,” Yoongi whispers.

“What?” Jeongguk asks, his stomach muscles contracting when he stops moving again. God, so much discipline.

Yoongi cringes, “I’m kinda going soft.”

Jeongguk’s mouth opens, “Oh.”

“It’s not you,” Yoongi rushes to say, shaking his head. “It’s the pain, not you.”

Jeongguk licks his lips, “Can you hold your leg up?”

Confused, Yoongi lets go of Jeongguk’s waist, his other hand tightening ever so slightly on Jeongguk’s neck, and grabs the leg that Jeongguk lets go of. And then, Jeongguk’s free hand is wrapping around Yoongi’s cock. Yoongi flinches back again. Not fear this time, just surprise. Immediately, his hole tightens around Jeongguk’s shaft, instinctively pulling away and sliding back on Jeongguk’s cock, a pained groan ripping right out of his stomach.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk says but strokes Yoongi’s cock anyway.

Stop apologizing,” Yoongi closes his eyes, grunting. “Fuck.”

His cock starts growing hard in Jeongguk’s hand, and Yoongi moans. Full-on moans, throwing his head back, pleasure and heat rushing through his body. Yoongi’s head stays back when Jeongguk strokes him faster, and he suddenly can’t stop fucking moaning, Jeongguk’s hand feeling so good, writhing around gently on Jeongguk’s shaft, trying to get past this already – past the fucking pain, trying to make it feel good again.

“Fuck,” Jeongguk chokes out, so Yoongi opens his eyes and looks at him.

Jeongguk’s still not moving, but his thighs and chest are shaking. He’s letting Yoongi take what he needs from him while giving Yoongi more than what he ever fucking asked for, and it’s so fucking hot Yoongi whimpers. It does make Yoongi feel bad though, seeing the frown between Jeongguk’s brows, like this is only about Yoongi’s pleasure and not about Jeongguk’s. So, he takes a deep breath, braces himself against the pain, and starts grinding his hips, moving back and forward on Jeongguk’s shaft. Immediately, Jeongguk bows his head, exhaling harshly, and god, it makes Yoongi feel good.

“Move, come on,” Yoongi chokes out.

Jeongguk looks up into Yoongi’s eyes through his fringe. There’s so much determination in his gaze. He doesn’t move whatsoever, like despite Yoongi asking for it, Jeongguk’s still not sure.

“Fuck me,” Yoongi whispers, frowning.

Jeongguk’s eyes close for a second, his grip on Yoongi tightening, then he opens his eyes, takes a deep breath, and nods. When Jeongguk’s cock starts moving inside him, Yoongi gasps, both of his hands shooting up to Jeongguk’s shoulders, holding on. His leg, the one he was keeping up with his hand, starts lowering because he’s too fucking tired to hold it up, so, seeing it, Jeongguk lets go of Yoongi’s cock and grabs Yoongi’s other leg too, pushing them both higher up, spreading Yoongi further. It kind of hurts. He’s not that fucking flexible. But at least that stretch is a familiar kind of pain, a distracting kind of pain, so Yoongi doesn’t say anything about it, only tightens his grip on Jeongguk’s shoulders, wishing that Jeongguk’s shirt wasn’t on.

It takes a minute for Jeongguk to steady himself and build up a rhythm, shallow thrusts, almost all the way inside of Yoongi, incredibly slow, but he figures it out eventually. His fingers keep flexing around Yoongi’s thighs – tight then loose again, like he’s having a hard time keeping his composure.

“You can go a little bit faster,” Yoongi says, wanting Jeongguk to let go a little bit.

Jeongguk shakes his head quickly.

“No, seriously, don’t worry,” Yoongi insists. “I can take a little faster.”

“I can’t,” Jeongguk says, voice strained. “I’ll come.”

Yoongi blinks, “Really?”

“I told you,” Jeongguk whispers, blushing. “It feels too good.”

Yoongi fights back the smile, “Okay. Slow then.”

Jeongguk nods, the corner of his lips pulling up slightly, embarrassed. Yoongi lets go of Jeongguk’s shoulders and runs both his hands through Jeongguk’s hair, making Jeongguk’s eyes flutter shut.

They’re quiet for a little while after that. Yoongi keeps running his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair, trying to help him relax, and Jeongguk’s eyes stay closed, his cock moving incrementally inside of Yoongi. It still hurts. The pain isn’t really fading, but Yoongi doesn’t want to tell Jeongguk that. There’s nothing that can be done about it, and making Jeongguk worry right now is pointless. He’s just hoping that it’ll get better soon.

For now, he focuses on Jeongguk, on the way his fingers flex on his thighs, on the way his forehead is now smoothed out, calm. Yoongi’s own breathing relaxes after a while, the slow pace calming him down too, but Jeongguk’s doesn’t. Eventually, Yoongi notices himself starting to go soft again, too much pain and not enough pleasure to keep him hard.

When Jeongguk’s eyes finally open and fall on Yoongi’s soft cock, he swallows, frowning, upset but not saying anything about it. And him being upset upsets Yoongi too.

“I can jerk you off again,” Jeongguk says quietly. Maybe Jeongguk even finds it insulting that Yoongi isn’t hard. Might even think that it’s his fault.

Yoongi wants to say yes, but he doesn’t want Jeongguk to let his legs go, too tired to hold them up himself at this point. And even if he wasn’t too tired, he wants to keep holding Jeongguk with both of his hands too. Craves the contact. But he has to do something about it so Jeongguk won’t frown anymore.

“Concentrate on fucking me,” Yoongi tells him, reluctantly taking one hand out of Jeongguk’s hair, the other holding the side of Jeongguk’s head gently, a comforting gesture.

Jeongguk’s eyelashes flutter closed for a moment, but then he opens his eyes again to watch. Yoongi doesn’t go for his cock though. He touches Jeongguk’s chest instead, upset about the fucking shirt. No skin to touch. No heat. No foreplay. Everything’s a bit too physical. Yoongi thinks that had there been foreplay, touching, kissing, something… he would have been hard right now. His head is just… not there.

So, he drags his palm across Jeongguk’s chest then down to Jeongguk’s stomach. Jeongguk’s thrusting somehow manages to slow down even more, watching Yoongi now. And yeah, Yoongi is a little embarrassed that he’s doing this because he thinks he isn’t supposed to be, but he needs it, and his head is a bit cloudy so he has an excuse. He lets himself squeeze Jeongguk’s biceps with both of his hands, feeling how strained they are, Jeongguk holding Yoongi’s legs so tightly for so long.

Only then does he move to his own body, lightly running his fingertips over the insides of his own thighs, shivers breaking out across the back of his neck, making him shudder. He slips his fingers under his own shirt and touches his own stomach, squeezing Jeongguk’s cock inside of himself just a little bit. Jeongguk’s eyes snap down to Yoongi’s crotch suddenly, and when Yoongi looks down, he sees himself starting to get hard again. He knew what he needed.

His fingers run up his own torso a little higher, gently brushing his thumbs across his own nipples and squeezing Jeongguk’s cock tighter. Jeongguk’s breath stutters, his eyes widening with wonder, and Yoongi feels his own cock growing harder. He smiles, can’t stop it, satisfied with himself for getting hard despite the pain without touching his cock. But it’s only when he takes his hands out from under his shirt, leans his head back, and runs his palm up his own throat that he really feels himself getting hard.

Jeongguk’s thrusting stops entirely at that point though, and Yoongi looks at him, about to ask why he stopped when he sees Jeongguk leaning further down, brushing his nose against Yoongi’s jaw. Yoongi’s head instinctively falls back again, and then Jeongguk’s lips are on Yoongi’s neck, kissing, and Yoongi’s whole body shudders, his arms wrapping around Jeongguk’s shoulders, bringing him closer.

“Yeah,” Yoongi breathes just as Jeongguk starts moving his hips again, overwhelmed at the feeling of Jeongguk’s lips against his skin.

He moans quietly, gripping Jeongguk’s shirt, breathing heavily, his head spinning with it. Jeongguk’s lips are so soft, his kisses so hesitant, but god, it feels incredible. He shifts his hips back and forth too, encouraging Jeongguk to move a bit faster again, risking Jeongguk’s orgasm coming too early because it’s starting to feel good and he wants it to feel better.

Jeongguk groans, and his kisses turn rougher, trailing up to his jaw, his fingers tightening hard on Yoongi’s thighs. He does thrust a little faster, a little more confidently.

“Like this?” Jeongguk asks, his tongue running up Yoongi’s neck.

“Yes,” Yoongi gasps, digging his fingers into Jeongguk’s back.

His cock is hard again.

“God,” Yoongi exclaims.

“Does it feel good?” Jeongguk asks.

“Feels better,” Yoongi says.

“Still hurts?” Jeongguk pulls back to look at Yoongi’s face.

Yoongi nods, “But a lot less.”

“Okay, good,” Jeongguk smiles shakily, but after a second, his smile falls, and he ducks his head again, kissing Yoongi’s neck.

His thrusts get harder all of a sudden, and it makes Yoongi gasp, the pain getting worse, but he feels it so much less now.

“Are you-“ Yoongi starts but Jeongguk cuts him off.

“Hyung, I’m gonna come,” Jeongguk says suddenly, shaking in Yoongi’s hands.

Yoongi gulps down the tiny pang of disappointment that he feels.

“I don’t wanna come yet,” Jeongguk adds.

“It’s okay,” Yoongi says quietly.

“No. Shit,” Jeongguk exclaims, pulling back to look into Yoongi’s face again. “How do I not come?”

Fuck, he looks desperate.

“I don’t know,” Yoongi mumbles, and Jeongguk’s frown deepens. “Stop moving.”

“What?” Jeongguk asks but stops moving.

“Pull out,” Yoongi says. Time to be a fucking hyung and take the lead.

“Did I do something wrong?” Jeongguk’s eyes widen.

“No,” Yoongi asserts. “We’re just getting you off the edge.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk nods, starting to pull out. “Okay.”

“Keep going,” Yoongi instructs when Jeongguk slows down.

When Jeongguk’s cock slips out of him, Yoongi whimpers, immediately clenching tight. Jeongguk is taking deep breaths above him, Yoongi feels them on his shoulder.

“Slightly better?” Yoongi asks.

“I think so,” Jeongguk breathes.

“Take a second,” Yoongi adds.

“I don’t know if this will help,” Jeongguk says.

“It’s okay if it won’t,” Yoongi runs his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.

“I wanna make this good for you though,” Jeongguk says, voice shaky.

“You already have,” Yoongi reassures and means it. No one would have been as good to him.

Jeongguk buries his face in Yoongi’s neck, and Yoongi itches to get his own fingers into himself again just to alleviate the fucking emptiness. He doesn’t. Instead, he keeps running his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair, his other hand rubbing Jeongguk’s back up and down. It seems to help. Jeongguk’s breathing relaxes after a minute or two.

He drops a small kiss onto Yoongi’s neck, “I think I can keep going now.”

“You sure?” Yoongi asks, realizing his cock is starting to go soft again.

Jeongguk nods quickly, pulling back from Yoongi’s neck, letting go of one of Yoongi’s legs for a second, just long enough to take his own cock in his hand and place it against Yoongi’s hole.

“Okay,” Jeongguk nods seriously once and looks into Yoongi’s eyes. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi tries to not sound too needy and definitely fails.

It hurts the second time as well, but Jeongguk does manage to push into him smoothly now. All the way in. So fucking deep. Yoongi swears, wrapping his arms around Jeongguk, and Jeongguk hisses, bending down and kissing Yoongi’s neck again. When his hips move this time, they have some force behind them. A steady pace. It feels like determination.

They go like this for maybe a minute, Yoongi moaning, starting to feel good one more time before Jeongguk stops kissing his neck and starts panting instead. He doesn’t need to say anything. Yoongi can feel in the tense set of his shoulders that he’s getting close again. The pained whimper Jeongguk lets out is nothing but confirmation.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk whispers.

“It’s okay,” Yoongi rubs Jeongguk’s back.

“Fuck,” Jeongguk exclaims, sounding mad at himself. “I can’t hold it.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi breathes. “It’s okay. You can come.”

Jeongguk’s whole body shakes, and even though Yoongi can’t help but be a little disappointed, he squeezes his hole around Jeongguk on purpose, the pain still there but barely, wanting to make it better for him. At the first spurt of come that Yoongi feels inside of him, he gasps. Hadn’t even thought about asking Jeongguk to pull out of him for this. Not that he regrets it.

“Holy fuck,” Yoongi whispers just as Jeongguk’s voice breaks on a sob.

Yoongi holds him tighter, whimpering quietly at the feeling of Jeongguk pulsing inside of him. Jeongguk pulls back from his neck, and his eyes are closed tight, forehead furrowed, disappointment all over his face, still riding the fucking orgasm. Gently, Yoongi cups Jeongguk’s cheek, and Jeongguk nuzzles into it, keeping his eyes closed and his cock deep inside of Yoongi. It is a little disappointing, but…

“Just when you start feeling good too,” Jeongguk whispers, shaking his head.

Yoongi doesn’t say anything.

Jeongguk opens his eyes, “I’m really sorry.”

Yoongi smiles, “Stop that.”

Jeongguk shrugs, pressing his lips together.

Yoongi brushes his thumb across Jeongguk’s cheek.

“Do I…” Jeongguk gulps. “Do I pull out now?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods.

The second Jeongguk’s cock is out of him, Yoongi feels it- Jeongguk’s come dripping out of him, unable to hold back yet another gasp.

Jeongguk’s looking at it, mouth open, mesmerized. Yoongi is too busy looking at Jeongguk’s cock though, shiny with come and lube, dark red at the tip, and still hard. It’s… confusing. The more time passes, the softer he expects it to go, but it doesn’t. He wonders if that’s normal for Jeongguk, since he would have been soft by now. It doesn’t matter though. What matters to Yoongi at the moment is that there’s a bit of come gathered on Jeongguk’s slit that Yoongi finds himself desperately wanting to lick. That and the fact that he desperately wants something inside him.

“Hyung?” Jeongguk calls, so Yoongi shakes himself, looking up, moving both of his hands to the sides of Jeongguk’s neck. “Um…”

“What is it?” Yoongi asks, clenching around nothing and thinking that he really is going to just finish this off with his own fingers now. Maybe he can get Jeongguk to finger him instead. God, that would be nice.

“Uh,” Jeongguk gulps, glancing down at his still hard cock. It twitches up and down. “I…” his eyebrows furrow for a second as if he’s confused. “I kinda wanna come again.”

“What?” Yoongi asks.

“I think I wanna come again,” Jeongguk repeats, looking incredibly confused.

“Like-“ Yoongi shakes his head. “Right now?”

“Do you-“ Jeongguk’s cock twitches again. “Can I…” he moves his hips forward, nudging Yoongi’s hole with his tip.

Yoongi’s heart rate skyrockets, “Really? Has this happened to you before?”

“It usually takes me a couple minutes to be able to get it up again. Tops seven minutes,” Jeongguk shrugs, and Yoongi’s eyebrows shoot up. “Never like this though.”

“You can go again?” Yoongi can’t hide the shock in his voice.

“I really, really, really, want to,” Jeongguk mumbles.

“Holy fuck,” Yoongi exclaims loudly, voice far, far too whiny. “Get it back in me then,” he gasps.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, and he nods frantically, letting go of Yoongi’s leg to press his cock down, aim it at Yoongi’s come-filled, fucking dripping hole, and push in.

Yoongi moans so loudly, he thinks someone might fucking hear him outside. His arms wrap around Jeongguk’s neck, pulling him closer, and he must catch Jeongguk off guard because instead of taking Yoongi’s thigh back into his hand, Jeongguk slips, his hand hitting the wall, the other letting go of Yoongi’s leg and grabbing the desk with a bang.

It’s entirely instinctive, how Yoongi’s legs wrap around Jeongguk’s waist, but thank god, it’s fucking perfect. Both of them have their hands free now. And then, he looks up, and Jeongguk is right there, their noses almost touching, breathing each other’s air. Yoongi tightens around Jeongguk’s cock, full again, so full again, so good, and Jeongguk moans, his whole face scrunching up.

“Sensitive?” Yoongi asks, watching Jeongguk’s lips and wanting to fucking kiss him.

“Fuck yeah,” Jeongguk lets out a laugh.

Yoongi smiles too, his nose accidentally brushing Jeongguk’s. Jeongguk glances at Yoongi’s lips for a second, then Jeongguk’s eyes lock with his, and Yoongi suddenly thinks that Jeongguk wants to kiss him too. He doesn’t fucking know what takes over him when he springs forward and mashes his lips against Jeongguk’s. He doesn’t know. He feels insane. But he does it anyway.

He pulls back right away though, regretting, regretting, holy shit, regretting.

“Sorry,” Yoongi says, his eyes wide.

For some reason, that only makes Jeongguk smile, but before Yoongi can get offended, Jeongguk is kissing him. The kiss is rough. Just lips and noses pressed together. Yoongi whimpers, clenching tighter, panic still coursing through him. His breath is caught in his throat, not knowing what the fuck they’re doing but knowing that, after so much detachment, kissing now feels so fucking right. His body is singing. So full. So deep. So, so good.

He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth against Jeongguk’s, taking Jeongguk’s lower lip between his and grinding his whole body against Jeongguk’s. Jeongguk exhales roughly, his breath fanning out over Yoongi’s face. Now that he isn’t in so much pain, it’s easier to lead for a moment, to clench, to grind, to move his lips against Jeongguk’s exactly how he wants to. And Jeongguk lets him, seems to enjoy Yoongi taking over.

“Hyung, you feel so good,” Jeongguk says then kisses Yoongi again.

“You do too,” Yoongi whispers. “Faster.”

Jeongguk grunts but thrusts a little faster anyway.

“Yeah,” Yoongi breathes, and Jeongguk takes the opportunity to slide his tongue into Yoongi’s mouth.

Yoongi flinches back in surprise for half a second, and then he’s the one pushing forward, deepening the kiss, brushing Jeongguk’s tongue with his own. His chest is on fire. His whole body is burning up. He’s too fucking warm. He grips Jeongguk’s shirt tightly and gets so fucking pissed off at it, he pulls away from the kiss.

“Get it off,” he almost growls, tugging Jeongguk’s shirt up, needing this fucking furnace off Jeongguk’s body, wanting Jeongguk’s heat instead, and Jeongguk doesn’t even fucking hesitate, straightening up and taking his shirt off.

The second he tosses it away, he’s back on Yoongi, hands on Yoongi’s neck, Yoongi’s legs even tighter around him, kissing and fucking Yoongi so deep. Yoongi digs his fingers into Jeongguk’s back, feeling his skin and moaning. Fucking finally. Jeongguk’s hands move from Yoongi’s neck, one of them going down over Yoongi’s chest and stomach, sliding under Yoongi’s shirt and pushing it up, and yes-

“Yes,” Yoongi breathes, throwing his head back, cold air hitting his overheated skin, goosebumps spreading all over his body.

When Jeongguk’s fingers brush across Yoongi’s nipple, he thinks he might fucking pass out.

“Where’s your prostate?” Jeongguk asks all of a sudden.

Yoongi’s eyes widen, locking with Jeongguk’s, “Higher. I think.”

Jeongguk angels his hips up a bit, “There?”

Yoongi shakes his head, “Little bit higher.”

Little bit higher, and Yoongi’s body freezes.

“There,” Jeongguk smirks.

Yoongi can’t speak, his toes curling, his hole tightening, eyes wide. And then, Jeongguk starts thrusting, and Yoongi fucking loses it. He almost screams, cutting himself off with a palm on his own mouth.

“Feels good?” Jeongguk asks, panting, sliding his thumb over Yoongi’s nipple again.

Yoongi can’t fucking speak. His back arches, digging his fingers into Jeongguk’s skin because he’s afraid of suddenly vanishing into another dimension, his other hand pressed so hard against his mouth it hurts.  

“No pain?” Jeongguk asks.

Pain, pain, yes, pain, but he doesn’t fucking care.

“Faster?” Jeongguk tries again.

This time, Yoongi nods. He nods so hard, his head starts spinning. Jeongguk’s thrusts speed up, and Yoongi’s mouth drops open beneath his hand, his eyes rolling back so far he can’t see anymore. He doesn’t even see Jeongguk’s hand coming up, only feels it when Jeongguk’s fingers wrap around his wrist and remove his hand from his face. Yoongi’s mouth stays open even as his eyes refocus on Jeongguk, even when Jeongguk kisses him.

Jeongguk is happy now, Yoongi can tell, and it makes Yoongi’s stomach tighten and his cock throb. He moans into Jeongguk’s mouth then licks into it, and it feels good. It feels so good. Everything feels so good.

“Fuck,” Yoongi’s voice breaks, and he bites Jeongguk’s lower lip, tugging on it.

Jeongguk groans, his thrusts turning harder, shallow and as deep as he can fucking go, Yoongi’s chair starting to squeak beneath him with how much Jeongguk’s thrusts are moving it now.

Their eyes lock when Yoongi lets go of his lower lip, and then they’re just there, noses and foreheads touching, eyes open, Jeongguk panting, Yoongi moaning with every thrust, can’t believe that they’re fucking doing it, that Jeongguk is his first right now. His heart is pounding. He gets lost there, in the intensity of that gaze, unable to look away. And Jeongguk is right there with him, eyes on Yoongi’s.

When they kiss, it’s with their mouths open wide and their tongues meeting in the middle, bodies flush together. The only clothing left separating Yoongi’s skin from Jeongguk’s are Yoongi’s shirt and his fucking socks. It feels dirty. It also feels kind of forbidden. Which makes it dirtier. And hotter. And Yoongi’s getting close to coming.

“Kook,” Yoongi moans, and Jeongguk hums in question, kissing down Yoongi’s jaw. “I think I’m getting close.”

“Really?” Jeongguk’s eyes widen with shock.

Yoongi can’t stop the smile, “Yeah.”

“What should I do?” he asks, so fucking innocent.

This time, Yoongi laughs breathily, “Don’t come before me.”

That makes Jeongguk laugh too, somewhat panicked, “Okay.”

“I have a feeling you won’t be able to go a third time,” Yoongi brushes his nose against Jeongguk’s.

“Probably not, no,” Jeongguk smiles, then- “maybe.”

Yoongi’s head falls back, laughing silently, his chest shaking, letting Jeongguk kiss down his neck, and he slowly reaches down toward his own cock, his hand brushing against Jeongguk’s arm on the way there. When his fingers wrap around his own shaft, he shudders, realizing how much he needed to be touched there.

“Is the speed good?” Jeongguk asks, and his voice is strained again.

Yoongi nods, “Little harder?”

Jeongguk thrusts harder, the chair squeaking louder, “Like this?”

“Oh, fuck,” Yoongi starts stroking himself. “Yeah, yeah. Fuck.”

“Hyung,” Jeongguk breathes, nose pressed to Yoongi’s jaw.

“Yeah,” is all Yoongi has the capacity to reply.

“You feel so good,” Jeongguk whispers.

So, Yoongi cups Jeongguk’s jaw and pulls him up into another kiss. He can’t help but slow down the kisses this time though. Possibly because he’s too focused on the heat spreading through his cock and his stomach. It’s such a contrast- the slow kisses with the hard thrusting. Yoongi’s dizzy with it.

“I want you to come so good,” Jeongguk says, kissing Yoongi.

Yoongi nods, jerking himself off faster, matching the speed of his strokes to the speed of Jeongguk’s thrusts.

“Want you to come as hard as I did,” Jeongguk adds, so sincere.

“Fucking god, Kook, you’re…” Yoongi exclaims, tightening his grip around himself.

“What?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi shakes his head, “Keep talking.”

“You like that?” Jeongguk asks breathily, leaning forward and kissing Yoongi’s neck.

Yoongi nods, clenching around Jeongguk’s cock tightly on purpose.

There’s a pause, a momentary hesitation in Jeongguk’s thrusts before he steadies himself.

“You like my dick inside you?” he asks quietly.

“Fuck,” Yoongi whimpers, not expecting it.

“Do you?” Jeongguk licks a line up Yoongi’s neck.

Yoongi’s stomach tightens, clutching Jeongguk even harder.

“So tight around me,” Jeongguk says with a shaky voice. “It feels like you like it.”

“I do,” Yoongi chokes out. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

Jeongguk shudders, nuzzling his nose into Yoongi’s jaw, and Yoongi takes the moment to try to fucking focus on his body, on the heat in his belly, the tightness in his balls, the burn and stretch of his hole, to try to get closer to coming. But then, Jeongguk is kissing up Yoongi’s jaw to his lips, sliding his tongue into Yoongi’s mouth, and it’s more important for Yoongi to focus on that.

“So happy you feel good,” Jeongguk whispers.

“So good,” Yoongi kisses him again. “So close. Angle up again.”

Moving his hips slightly, Jeongguk finds Yoongi’s prostate again, and Yoongi’s lost. When Jeongguk kisses him again, he can’t kiss back, too lightheaded. His eyes roll back, and his toes curl. He tries to warn Jeongguk that he’s about to come, but he can’t even moan, his mouth hanging open, breath stuck in his throat. All that he manages to do is whimper brokenly once, dig his nails into Jeongguk’s back, and jerk himself off faster.

Jeongguk must feel it though, Yoongi’s orgasm hitting him so hard it knocks the breath out of him, leaves him gasping. He thrusts into Yoongi harder, pecking Yoongi’s parted lips, and swears, cupping Yoongi’s neck and fucking him through it as Yoongi moans, spilling between them, his come hitting Jeongguk’s and his own stomachs.

It’s so much, he feels his eyes watering, his heart threatening to pound right out of his chest. A wave of orgasm that makes him shudder, then another one, and another one after that. Jeongguk keeps his pace steady, deep and hard. Even when the height of it passes and Yoongi lets go of his own shaft in favor of wrapping himself around Jeongguk’s body completely, Jeongguk keeps going.

Yoongi wants him to stop – oversensitive to the point of pain – but he also doesn’t. He wants Jeongguk to come inside him again, wants to feel Jeongguk shake and pulse, wants more of Jeongguk’s come dripping out of him.

“Come inside me again,” Yoongi whispers in Jeongguk’s ear. Doesn’t care that he’s in pain. Doesn’t care at all.

Jeongguk whimpers, slowing his thrusts but making them longer, almost all the way out, all the way in.

“Fill me up,” Yoongi says, kissing Jeongguk’s neck and not knowing if the talking is doing it for Jeongguk as much as it is for him and not caring, unable to stop himself anyway.

A full-body shudder from Jeongguk. A gasp.

“God, you feel so fucking good inside me,” Yoongi’s voice breaks.

Then, he feels it- the pulsing, Jeongguk’s come shooting up into him. Jeongguk’s body falls forward, his orgasm shorter this time, and Yoongi hugs him as he shakes, clenching tight around his cock and getting him to shudder again.

“That’s it,” Yoongi breathes, looking up at the ceiling, seeing it spin.

Jeongguk doesn’t pull out right away, and Yoongi’s grateful. Doesn’t know what he’ll do with the emptiness now that they’re done. He can’t keep Jeongguk inside of him forever. But for now, he’s content, and Jeongguk, his breathing slowly steadying, seems content too.

When Jeongguk pulls away and looks into Yoongi’s eyes, Yoongi can’t hold eye contact, his own gaze falling down to Jeongguk’s lips. He wants to kiss him again. Doesn’t know if he’s allowed to now that they’re done. Does it anyway. Carefully and gently pressing his lips to Jeongguk’s, relieved beyond belief that Jeongguk kisses him back.

There’s silence then, after they separate, Yoongi not knowing what to say, nerves starting to creep up on him.

“Don’t let it be awkward,” Jeongguk says quietly.

Yoongi smiles, “Okay,” he says easily but doesn’t know if he can actually do that.

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow, “You need to mean it.”

Yoongi’s smile turns fond, “I do. I’ll do my best.”

“I won’t pull out unless you promise that it won’t be weird between us,” Jeongguk says.

Yoongi snorts, “That’ll be a problem for both of us.”

“Promise,” Jeongguk insists, already pulling out. “Hyung, I love you, you have to promise to not be weird.”

“I promise,” Yoongi says and means it. He’ll do his best.

The moment Jeongguk’s cock is out of him, goosebumps spread all over Yoongi’s body.

He gulps, his hole clenching, come spilling out of him, “Fuck.”

Jeongguk stares at it, and Yoongi doesn’t know why it makes him self-conscious this time when it didn’t the other times. He wants to close his legs. Tries to. But he’s been in this ridiculous position for so long, his muscles are too stiff. Realizing it makes him grunt. Yoongi’s not sure what Jeongguk thinks about it, but his eyes widen with worry, then his eyebrows furrow, and he takes a deep breath.

“Hold tight,” Jeongguk says, and all of a sudden, Yoongi’s being lifted off the chair, yelping, his arms and legs tightening around Jeongguk automatically.

Jeongguk bounces him a little higher, his palms under Yoongi’s ass, and he slowly walks a couple steps to the side, dropping himself onto the couch, right on top of their discarded clothes, Yoongi on top of him, straddling his thighs. Yoongi’s legs finally have purchase under him after so fucking long, he almost moans again as his muscles start relaxing.

“Better?” Jeongguk asks.

Jeongguk’s come is going to drip onto Jeongguk’s thighs now, “Better.”

Jeongguk pulls Yoongi into a hug, and Yoongi leans his weight into it, pressing his nose into the side of Jeongguk’s neck, feeling Jeongguk’s finally soft cock under his ass. He’s grateful for the shirt he still has on for a moment as it falls back down to cover him, but then Jeongguk’s hands are sliding under it and bringing him closer, and he wants it off again. Doesn’t need it covering him, not from Jeongguk.

“I can’t believe we did that,” Yoongi whispers.

“Me neither,” Jeongguk’s fingers run through Yoongi’s hair.

Yoongi’s eyes flutter closed, “It was…”

“Really good?” Jeongguk asks.

“Perfect,” Yoongi breathes.

“I came too fast,” Jeongguk says, but Yoongi can hear the smile in his voice. “It wasn’t perfect.”

“Yeah, no, you didn’t come too fast,” Yoongi smiles too. “You came twice.”

“I think I could go a third time,” Jeongguk adds.

“You’re ridiculous,” Yoongi laughs, moves away from Jeongguk’s neck and allows himself to look into Jeongguk’s eyes.

He was right, Jeongguk is smiling and his smile is pure contentment. Though the way Jeongguk’s hips thrust up suddenly, bouncing Yoongi with them… that’s mischief and playfulness and nothing else.

“Maybe you can, but I can’t,” Yoongi laughs, decidedly not letting things get awkward by continuing to talk. “I think I won’t be able to walk for like… forever.”

“I’ll carry you around until the end of days then,” Jeongguk says seriously.

Yoongi bows his head, smiling, happy. He can’t believe they just did that.

“You did enjoy it though, right?” Jeongguk asks, sounding younger.

Yoongi looks up and cups Jeongguk’s cheek, nodding.

“’Kay, good,” Jeongguk smiles, leaning up and pressing his forehead against Yoongi’s.

“You did too?” Yoongi asks.

“How’s that even a question, hyung?” Jeongguk smiles. “I came twice.”

Yoongi lets out a breathy laugh.

It shouldn’t feel right, but it does. Maybe Yoongi’s just high on hormones. Hell, that’s probably exactly what it is. But god, Jeongguk is so beautiful to him right now. The maknae. So beautiful Yoongi wants to kiss him again. And fuck him again too.

“Fuck,” Yoongi whispers, brushing his thumb across Jeongguk’s cheek.

Jeongguk’s eyes lock with his, “Are we gonna do it again?”

Yoongi shakes his head fondly, “I can’t get it back up as fast as you, and I'm definitely not going to be able to take anything in my ass for-“

“No, I didn’t mean now, I meant…” Jeongguk blushes, looking away.

“Oh,” Yoongi breathes. “You want to?”

Jeongguk shrugs one shoulder, and all Yoongi wants it to kiss him again. Doing it again… Yoongi’s not even sure how they got to doing it the first time, but doing it again… Yoongi kisses Jeongguk’s lips gently, unable to stop himself, Jeongguk’s arms wrapping around him very much not gently, and he feels his heart swell with affection.

So what if he’s the maknae? Yoongi keeps the kiss soft. No tongue, barely any movement. So what if it’s Jeongguk? Yoongi’s never had anyone ever treat him the way Jeongguk just did. Never. So much care. So much consideration. So fucking what? Jeongguk slides his tongue into Yoongi’s mouth, and Yoongi accepts it, brushing his own tongue against it.

“Yoongi hyung,” Jeongguk whispers, nuzzling his nose against Yoongi’s, and Yoongi knows that he owes it to both of them to at least give it a try.

“How about tomorrow?” Yoongi decides, and after Jeongguk smiles, they kiss.

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