Chapter 1: Help
Chapter Text
Ray CREEPILY stroked Emma's face with a constipated expression and Emma OwOed back softly and SEDUCTIVELY.
Chapter Text
Ray: Fuck you
Emma: Please do
Ray:
Emma:
Ray: ...Meet me in my room after dinner
Notes:
helps mes
Chapter 3: Phil
Summary:
yep its a crackfic
Chapter Text
Phil, muttering to himself: Cower beneath me, mortal, peasant, lower placed dirt eating scums of Earth. I am the one who will overthrow this whole economy, shattering the system and freeing all. Thy creatures bow down and treasure me, not knowing what truth lies behind this cover of mine. Soon thyne old friends shall arrive after 2 wretched years living in this cursed plantation, putting order out of hand and chaos in the lead. Soon. Very, very soon.
New Mama: Did you say something, Phil?
Phil: Goo goo ga ga
Chapter 4: ray no
Chapter Text
Ray: Welcome to my cooking show.
Ray: Today, we are going to make an unnamed meal that creates a perfect distraction.
Ray: Ingredients needed include gasoline and matches.
Ray, pouring gasoline over himself: First, you marinate the chosen meat with gasoline.
Ray: Then you light a match like so...
Emma: Ray, what are you doing?
Ray: Nothing.
Chapter Text
Ray: Before was was was, was was is
Norman: If you wait for a waiter then you are the waiter
Ray: If you water water then the water shall grow bigger
Norman: The brain named itself
Emma: If I finger myself only using my middle finger, is that technically dubbed as 'fucking myself'?
Ray: What the fuck
Notes:
thanks reddit
Chapter 6: Forbid
Summary:
Forbd
Chapter Text
Emma: I want to make a new promise instead of killing all the demons
Norman: I forbid you
Ray: I forbid Norman from forbidding Emma
Don: I forbid Ray from forbidding Norman from forbidding Emma
Gilda: I forbid Don from forbidding Ray from forbidding Norman from forbidding Emma
Phil: I forbid you all
Everyone: *looks at Phil*
Phil: Except for Emma
Phil: *disappears in a puff of smoke*
Ray: We didn’t even rescue him yet, what the actual fuck
Chapter Text
Ray: Would both sides of the argument please state their opinions on demons?
Norman: Kill them
Emma: Don’t fucking kill them
Vincent: Compelling arguments!
Ray: I l o v e d e m o c r a c y
Notes:
I have been laughing at a picture of a chair for 5 minutes for no reason what the fuck is wrong with me
Chapter 8: Spelling
Summary:
Heh
Chapter Text
Gillian: My name is spelled Gillian but with no Q
Oliver: But there is no Q in Gillian?
Gillian: That’s what I said idiot
Chapter 9: Nsfw
Chapter Text
Ray: *pours gasoline all over himself*
Emma: R-Ray!? What are you doing?!
Norman, yelling from behind the scenes: ᵢₜ ₕₑₗₚₛ ₕᵢₘ ₛₗᵢₚ ᵢₙₜₒ ʸₒᵤ ₘₒᵣₑ ₑₐₛᵢₗʸ!
Ray: SHUT UP YOU PIECE OF-
Chapter 10: Corona
Chapter Text
Emma: We finally made it to the human world!
Emma: *walks up to a random man* Hi sir, can you please tell us where we-
Man: 6 feet away bitch
Chapter 11: Interesting
Summary:
Waring 4 those who don’t like sensitive topics but if ur on my book then you probably can stomach my shit
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Norman: *walks into the room*
Emma: Hey Ray, wouldn’t it be weird if girls threw up blood instead of menstruating through their private parts?
Emma: Like, you’re just talking to a girl, and she suddenly just throws up blood. And you’re like, ‘Are you okay?!’ and she just replies, ‘Yeah I’m fine I’m just on my period’
Ray: But wouldn’t that mean that women gave birth through their mouths? And in order to give birth in the first place, a man would have to fertilize through the woman’s mouth.
Emma: True!
Norman: *does a 180 and walks straight back out of the room*
Notes:
Shower thoughts
Chapter 12: That time
Summary:
htbgrvfedfghtjkiutnrbevreawfgtevrwedfwergef
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Hayato: Hey Emma, can you-
Emma: FUCK OFF!!!
Hayato: ???!!!
Ray: It's that time of the month, isn't it?
Notes:
soz for all the period jokes
Chapter 13: Fangirls
Chapter Text
Ray: We finally made it to the human world! *immediately gets trampled by a horde of fangirls, me being one of them*
Chapter 14: Oopsie
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Krone: *does an oopsie*
Isabella: *breathes down heavily on Krone’s neck*
Krone: *sweats*
Chapter 15: Yes
Chapter Text
Emma: So we are livestock
Ray: Mhm.
Emma: And we have to escape. You got that right?
Ray: Yeah.
Emma: And I’ve decided that we are taking everyone with us when we escape.
Ray: ...What...?
Ray: We should only focus on trying to free ourselves. Freeing everyone is near impossible, considering that most of them are too young to escape! Also, not to mention-
Emma: Bitch shut it
Chapter 16: in orderly fashion
Chapter Text
Emma: *trying to get through the door*
Norman: *also trying to get through the door*
Emma: Oh, Norman, you can go first. I don't mind.
Norman: No Emma, you go first.
Emma: But Norman, I insist-
Ray: *pushes past them both and walks through the door before either of them*
Ray: She before he, but only after me.
Chapter 17: gencoide
Chapter Text
Demon: *breathes*
Norman: Peace was never an option.
Chapter 18: wut
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Norman: You have to at least tell me one logical reason why you should side with Emma and not me.
Ray: Dude, hoes before bros.
Norman: Other way around, you simp.
Emma: Can I vote for not being called a hoe?
Chapter 19: Virginity
Chapter Text
Norman: Emma you have red marks all over your neck.
Emma: Darn mosquitoes
Norman: And I heard you moaning last night.
Emma: I hate mosquitoes
Norman: ...You were moaning Ray's name over and over again...
Emma: He was massaging me.
Norman: And I heard your bed creaking last night.
Emma: It was a massage.
Norman: Can you just admit that you're not a virgin anymore?
Chapter 20: Stronk
Chapter Text
Emma: *T poses over Norman and flexes her big mascles* Square up th0t
Chapter 21: texting
Chapter Text
Emma: E (Sent at 2:36 A.M.)
Ray: Ay yeah fuck you too
Don: Nice.
Norman: What... just how did you even find that?
Emma: Do not question only obey
Ray: I would be happy to oblige except for the fact that it is 2 fucking am so sayonara bitches
Emma: And G'night to you too
Chapter 22: cattle
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Emma: So we live on a farm and we're the cattle
Ray: *surprised pikachu face*
Chapter 23: Literally how the raid goes
Chapter Text
Emma, Ray, Norman and everyone else: *return back to gracefield*
Peter Ratri: Hippity hoppity get the fuck off my property
Emma: No, I don't think I will
Chapter 24: communism
Chapter Text
Demon God Thingy: So you're gonna be providing me my food from the plantations from now on
Queen Legs or Whatever: OUR FOOD ☭☭☭
Chapter 25: documentary
Summary:
what how demon language what
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Barbara: Hi, Cislo!
Cislo: Hey Barbara!
Ayshe: ㄒ卄乇 ㄒ山ㄖ 乃ㄥㄖ卂ㄒ乇ᗪ 乃乇卄乇爪ㄖㄒ卄丂 Ꮆ尺ㄩ几ㄒ 丂ㄒㄩ卩丨ᗪㄥㄚ 卂ㄒ 乇卂匚卄ㄖㄒ卄乇尺 卂丂 卂几 乇乂匚卄卂几Ꮆ乇ᗪ 山ㄖ尺ᗪ ㄖ千 Ꮆ尺乇乇ㄒ丨几Ꮆ. (The two bloated behemoths grunt stupidly at each other as an exchanged word of greeting.)
Barbara: Don't you ever wonder what Ayshe is saying, or what is going through her head? It's so weird, the way she was raised with demons! Hey Ayshe, what are you thinking right now?
Ayshe: ㄒ卄乇 卄丨ᗪ乇ㄖㄩ丂 匚尺乇卂ㄒㄩ尺乇 ㄒㄩ尺几丂 丨几 匚ㄖ几千ㄩ丂丨ㄖ几 卂几ᗪ 乃尺卂ㄚ丂 卂ㄒ 爪乇, ᗪㄩ爪乃千ㄖㄩ几ᗪ乇ᗪ. (The hideous creature turns in confusion and brays at me, dumbfounded.)
Barbara: Ha! It's so weird!
Norman: 匚卂几 ㄚㄖㄩ 卂ㄒ ㄥ乇卂丂ㄒ ㄒ尺ㄚ ㄒㄖ 乃乇 几丨匚乇? (Can you at least try to be nice?)
Notes:
howd i get 50 kudos
Chapter 26: blud
Chapter Text
Emma: *gets stabbed* AHH
Ray: OH FRICK! QUICK, TELL ME YOUR TYPE!
Emma: Oh uh.. black hair, dark eyes, sweet yet brave-
Ray: I meant your blood type.
Emma: Oh. *looks down*
Emma: Red.
Chapter 27: arguement
Chapter Text
Emma: Hit idiot! *slaps Ray*
Ray: Kick stupid! *kicks Emma*
Emma: SHRED CRACKHEAD!
Ray: GRILL IMBECILE!
Emma: ...
Ray: ...
Emma: You're not actually going to do that, right?
Ray: *shrugs*
Emma:
Ray:
Ray: *snatches a piece of paper from Emma and quickly scribbles a drawing of a grill on it, then proceeds to fold and throw the drawing at Emma*
Emma: heck
Chapter 28: cussing
Chapter Text
Ray: *walking towards the kitchen, then stubs toe*
Chapter 29: Ear
Chapter Text
Ray: So like I’m gonna set myself on fire because of spite and my will for y’all to live. So it’s been a nice life and shit but I really don’t care so sayonara motherfuckers
Emma: Hold my ear
Chapter 30: Stuff that’s not from me
Summary:
So these are both not from me. Credit to FunahoMisaki for coming up with these
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Demon: You can never be a mother.
Isabella: Well I already have one son who is literally my own flesh and blood kid but I also have roughly 30 other children who I’ve raised and loved as my own.
Demon: You’re a cold heartless bitch!
Isabella: Pot meet kettle square the fuck up.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Isabella: But I was happy you hugged me. You hadn’t done that in a while.
Emma: So you broke my fucking leg?!
Isabella: Shhhh you’ll be okay. It was a clean break. No scars will be left behind and now I get to hug you as much as I want.
Emma: You could’ve just asked for a hug!
Notes:
If there are any other ppl who want to write incorrect quotes for this book I will always be featuring them on the weekends
Chapter 31: lmao
Summary:
if i dont comment on your comment it doesnt mean that i didnt see it. i most likely did see it but didnt comment
Chapter Text
Ray, drunk: Life is like a penis, long and hard sometimes, other times soft and short.
Norman, recording Ray: Go on, go on.
Emma: *pretends to brush a tear off her face* None have said wiser, Ray.
Chapter 32: stupidity
Summary:
i apologize for the late update, my schedule is jam packed rn
Chapter Text
Ray: Stupid
Emma: I know you are, but what am I?
Ray: ...
Ray: Also stupid.
Emma: ...
Emma: Fair enough.
Chapter 33: outsmarting
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Isabella: *outsmarts Emma*
Isabella: Haha I outsmarted you but don't worry you can just become a Mama like me
Ray: ...
Ray: *outsmarts Isabella*
Ray: Who's laughin' now, Funny Girl?
Norman: PATHETIC.
Norman: *outsmarts all of them literally 2 weeks before all the madness*
Notes:
someone correct me if im wrong abt the two weeks i literally forgot everything after watching demon slayer 389472984 times
Chapter 34: 69 kudos
Chapter Text
you thought this was going to be an extra incorrect quote, but......
not sorry now leave me alone so i can eat wads of shredded cheese in peace
Chapter 35: gg
Chapter Text
Isabella: *breaks Emma's leg*
Isabella: gg no re
Emma: Aw Fuck
Chapter 36: dad jokes
Chapter Text
Thoma: I'm hungry
Yuugo: hI HuNgRy I'M YUugO
Lucas: Good one bro
Thoma: *slowly dies inside*
Chapter 37: other stuff that's not from me
Summary:
Again, all from FunahoMisaki. Also I decided to post on Friday bc it fits my schedule better
Chapter Text
Don: I'm just taking my anger out on them.
Gilda: You know I'm pretty sure that's a bad thing right?
Don: What are they going to do? Feed me to a demon?
Gilda: Don!
_____________________________________________
Emma: Why would I want to be a mom?
Isabella: You can grow up and live and love lots of children.
Emma: But...dirty diapers.
Isabella: Fair point have a nice life.
Emma: Don't you mean day?
Isabella: I literally broke your leg just yesterday and your best friend is getting shipped out as food today. You're not having a nice /week/ much less day.
Emma: Fair.
___________________________________
Norman: The only way you'll stop us is if you break our legs!
Isabella: *breaks Emma's leg*
Norman: *surprised Pikachu face*
Chapter 38: Puberty
Chapter Text
Puberty: *gently pats Emma on the head before slapping Ray*
Puberty: *runs away*
Norman: ?
Puberty: *comes back with a giant truck and runs over Norman*
Chapter 39: Just a quick announcement
Chapter Text
school is starting for me so i may not be able to update as often as i used to, and i hope you guys can understand that. I have a lot of extracurricular activities that i do and that added to the amount of time i spend on schoolwork and studying, so the chapters will be very inconsistently updated. just thought i'd get this out before i started studying, so thanks. hope yall havin a nice day
Chapter 40: anothr announcement
Chapter Text
so i know i just said that i wont be posting as often, but... i think i should tell yall this. so you may have heard of the crazy catfish's rayemma fanfic called Silver Dagger, right? well another reason that i will not be posting as much here is because we decided to work on the darn thing together, because they're too lazy to update and also because i have edited some of their works in the past. And since i am actually committed, we decided that it would be better if i kept nagging on the crazeh catfish so that the idiot finally updates. also, dont worry, they actually wrote a whole fat confusing plot that needs a lot of editing, but nonetheless i think it's good. it's surprisingly dark for a person who refuses to curse, but i like dark, so whatevr. Still, they should be updating. also one word: Danganronpa.
Square up crazy catfish and start writing, or i will.
lol thats all.
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