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But He Never Did

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The door shut in Connor’s face and the sound of the wood colliding rang in his ears.

Oliver was probably the only person who had ever shut a door in his face. It was unsettling, but it wasn’t the first time. Connor liked that about him.  But he was hoping Oliver would agree to let him back in. Connor would’ve agreed to any condition or ultimatum for his forgiveness.

He put his head against the door and heard Oliver sobbing. Connor smiled over the fact that Oliver was standing on the other side of the door the same way he was, possibly thinking about letting him back him, but his smile quickly faded at the sound of Oliver sharply breathe in through his nose, sigh then walk back toward his bedroom.

The sound of air escaping Oliver’s mouth was always pleasurable, but this time, it just made his heart sink.

Connor lightly knocked on the door to get Oliver’s attention, but his footsteps grew more faint as he got closer to his bedroom. “Oliver, please. It’s not what you think. He meant nothing, it was just for the case.” After the words left his lips, Connor realized why Oliver was so upset. Not only because Connor had sex with someone else, but because it was for the case, which was the same way they had met.

Was Oliver “nothing” too? Of course not. He was so much more to Connor than he would ever admit.

“Oliver. Please let me back in. I meant what I said. You’re… you’re not just some guy. You’re my guy. I’m so fucking sorry, Ollie.” He didn’t realize he was practically yelling until a neighbor banged on the wall and sternly urged him to keep it down.

With his back to the door, Connor cursed under his breath and slid down to the floor, burying his face between his knees. He got his phone out and tried calling Oliver. The phone rang twice before Connor was left listening to dial tone.

“Get the hell out of my building, Connor!” Oliver yelled from his bedroom, before turning his phone off and slamming the door.

He felt like he got hit by a bus; every moment he ever shared with Oliver flashed before his eyes. Not even the sex, but all the times they stayed up laughing and talking about nothing until they could barely keep their eyes open.

Connor loves making Oliver smile. Being the reason Oliver complained about his cheeks being sore from laughing meant more to him than any case.

He wasn’t an asshole for not wanting an exclusive relationship. Nothing was too big a challenge for him, but something about being dependent on another person and making himself vulnerable made him uneasy. Except when he thought about being with Oliver.

Connor lightly hit head against the door, not knowing how he could’ve let this happen. How could I fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to me? Up until that moment, Connor had hope that Oliver was going to let him back in.

But Oliver never did.

Oliver knew better than to let Connor get his way on this one. If Paxton was just some guy, what was the difference between them? How did he know that the next guy Connor “gets information from” wouldn’t be the one to replace him?

Oliver couldn’t believe how he was feeling. Connor had already dismissed the idea of them being a couple, and he knew he wasn’t even committed to him. As hard as Oliver tried to fight it, he was absolutely devastated. He felt like he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs to compensate for the crying; he was light headed and heavy hearted. His entire body was aching. He felt like he was suffocating.

Connor made him feel good about his skill set in a way nobody else ever could. He did something to Oliver. Maybe it was his half smile, or the beauty mark under his eye, or the way he ran his fingers through his hair. Maybe it was the way he softly moaned Ollie. No one else could sound so impossibly gorgeous. Maybe it was how good he smelled, or how perfectly they fit together; nothing felt more like home to Oliver than when his face was pressed against Connor’s chest, their bodies pressed together as if to preserve heat.

There was so much to love about Connor, and maybe that was the worst part about him.

He got so incredibly lucky and unlucky at the same time. One on hand, he had the most beautiful looking man he had ever met, who was both funny and dangerously smart. But on the other hand, he didn’t have him.

You’re not just some guy… you’re my guy.

He felt his heart flutter then sink in chest shortly after. His guy.

Oliver didn’t know whether to fall for that. Connor’s a law student, for crying out loud. He says whatever he has to for a living, what’s to stop him from doing the same with Oliver? But he remembered the way Connor fought to convince him not to kick him out. Connor cared. 

Oliver knew he cared, but he never said what he needed to to earn his forgiveness. He was good at talking his way into Oliver’s head, his pants, and unknown to Connor, Oliver’s heart; he just didn’t know how what to do with that. Oliver was hopeful. After an hour, he turned his phone back on, expecting Connor to have sent him at least one message.

But Connor never did.