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Meat cute

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Ow, stop texting me, you boring toad, thought Ms.Piggy to herself. I know I’m irresistible, but why am I such a frog magnet? Isn’t it entirely obvious from the gay way that I mount bar stools, that I am a raging homosexual? Pah!

She quickly typed a: “Of course my day is fabulous, because I’m fabulous!” back to Kermie.

She sighed. She had recently squeezed her ‘squeeze on the side’ a little too hard. When a mouse goes peep, crack and silent from a mere enthusiastic...ehm...hug, well...then you know you need a new mistress. She would miss that adorable little Alex, but more importantly: she had a pressing worry. Who would be fabulous enough for her now?

She flipped her hair over her shoulder. “HM!” she oinked, because it made her sound sexy and alluring.

Yet, against universal laws, someone else on this parking lot was already sounding sexy and alluring.

“Like, hello! Are we even from, like, the same planet? Chillax, man!” A gorgeous woman with very kissable lips and gorgeous yellow skin, with hair that was almost as awe inspiring as Ms. Piggy’s, was speaking into her mobile phone, standing next to a vehicle with its bonnet opened.

“Oh Em Gee!” the woman said, closing her beautiful purple eyelids with endless lashes. Things were clearly not going her way.

Someone is asking for a hero, thought Ms. Piggy. She sighed dramatically. It sounded like a soft snort. When would the world ever be independent enough to turn on its axis without her perpetual interference?

“Engine been growling or whining?” she oinked seductively as she walked up to the damsel. “Any smell of bacon or the sound of intermittent trotting?”

“Like, what even is bacon? Is that gluten free?” asked the girl. “And, anyway or something. You totally don’t look like a mechanic.”

“Please take that back,” squeaked Ms. Piggy indignantly.

“Wow, like, sorry and so forth,” said the woman. “You obviously look like a very sexy mechanic.”

“Hashtag thanks!” Ms. Piggy giggled. “You can call me MAMA - which stands for Megacute Army Mechanic And,” she said.

“And what?” asked the woman.

“And what what?” said Ms. Piggy.

“Like...well, whatevs. I’m Janice.”

They shook hands and trotters and french kissed a tad.
Which far outweighs french kissing a toad, thought Ms. Piggy to herself.
God, how she had kissed that frog in hopes of turning him into a princess…. Ah well, Janice was here now. She had more important things to do, than to create frown lines over a frog.

“Janice, I like you. And you obviously like me.”


Ms. Piggy linked arms with Janice, and led her away from Holly City general hospital. Which is how they managed to live happily ever after. And their house had just. one. bed.

- The end -