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The bonds that make us

Summary:

Changkyun had been through a lot in his life. Moving from country to country, almost debuting with Nu'bility, making it through No Mercy but it put a burden on him. The burden was deep and all he wanted was a hand to reach out and help him. And one day he got that in the form of an Alpha who decided to hold his hand softly.

Notes:

This is my first fanfiction in the Monsta X fandom that I made. I will preface this with the fact that there might be spelling and grammar errors. I write and edit everything myself but I'm human and I miss things. If there is anything major please let me know in the comments or via dm. Thank you.

Chapter 1: It begins with an apology

Chapter Text

If there was one thing Changkyun knew well in this world, it was loneliness. He never let it show on his face to the others, though that the isolation they gave him during No Mercy hurt though because he was used to it. He was used to being alone. The problem with that, though, was that he was an Omega, a hidden one at that. His suppressants blocking his heats and scent blockers, blocking out any pheromones, made him look like a weak scented Beta. The problem with all of this was that Omegas are Pack driven by nature, and the fact that the others formed a pack, almost immediately after No Mercy ended. Changkyun was not a part of that hurt more than any of the loneliness he experienced previously. It hurt just as much as his broken pack bond with Nu’bility that still made him wary about getting close to people.

Maybe it was his fault for being too closed off, but he could not help it. When he joined the show, he was taken by surprise, and the others were hostile towards him, and that, coupled with his wariness, led to him being isolated. He tried reaching out to the others, but his hand was slapped back every time to the point that he just stopped trying. It had only been a couple of months since No Mercy, since the others made a Pack, and he was already at his wits end crying alone in his studio.

He felt so stupid to think that anything he had done up to this point was the right decision and got overwhelmed with the fact that he may never have that warm, comforting feeling of Pack ever again. A knock came at the door, and Changkyun quickly wiped his tears before turning around and opening the door. On the other side was Jooheon, “Hey managers said dance practice was canceled today, and I was wondering if you wanted to work on our setlist?”

“Sure, Hyung.” Changkyun shuffled out of the way of the door so that Jooheon could enter the studio. The Alpha sniffed and smelt the scent of tears before taking a proper look at the younger male and seeing what a wreck he was. Dark circles, pale skin that looked unhealthy, tear tracks that ate through his makeup, and red eyes that showed they were recent too.

“Changkyun-ah, are you okay?” The Alpha surprised himself with how soft his own voice sounded at the question. He saw the younger bit his lip and curl into himself, “I’m fine, Hyung.”

Changkyun shuffled further into the studio before sitting down and grabbing his notebook, where he kept all his lyrics. Jooheon sat next to him and started booting up the music software while Changkyun scribbled away for a bit, “Hyung?”

“Yes, Changkyun-ah?” Jooheon was happy; the other spoke to him. Ever since No Mercy ended, Jooheon did not know how to approach the other out of guilt. Guilt that he was angry at Changkyun for being on the team even though he knew Gunhee and him did not suit each other’s rap style, Jooheon was too dominate compared to his friend and even more guilt that he gave into Hoseok to make a Pack with everyone except for Changkyun.

“I… It’s nothing, never mind.” Changkyun gripped his pen tighter briefly. The Alpha frowned, “Changkyun-ah, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, Hyung.” Jooheon could see the other’s shoulders tense at the question and frown even more. Was this his fault? Was he the reason that the younger kept telling the Alpha that he was fine when he wasn’t?

“Changkyun-ah,” Jooheon licked his lips, “I know it might be too late, but I want to say I’m sorry.” Changkyun’s head snapped up to look at Jooheon, and the older wanted to cry at the surprised look he got. “I shouldn’t have been angry at you and ignored you when the team was finalized. That was wrong of me.”

“It’s fine, Hyung I… I understand why you did.” Changkyun looked back down at his notebook, not wanting Jooheon to see the tears that were welling up in his eyes even though he knew the Alpha could probably smell them.

“Even if you understand Changkyun-ah, it doesn’t mean it was right of me to do.” Jooheon placed his hand on the others hand and paused when he felt the other tense at the touch, “I should not have directed that anger to you, and I am sorry. I haven’t been the best Hyung, hell I haven’t even been the best group member, but from now on, I promise I’ll be here for you if you need me, okay?” He slowly rubbed his thumb over Changkyun’s skin, wanting to give some comfort to the younger. “It’s okay if you don’t trust me right away. I deserve that since I abandoned,” Changkyun bit his lip at that word, “you for something that was not your fault, but I’ll be here from now on.”

“But what about the other Hyungs.” The words tumbled out of Changkyun’s mouth. He did not want to get his hopes up.

“They… They don’t know I’m apologizing, and I think they need to apologize for their actions too.” Jooheon kept rubbing his thumb over Changkyun’s hand, and the Omega slowly relaxed at the gesture again, “we all played a part in hurting you not just for leaving you but for making a Pack without you. But be patient with them, Changkyun-ah, okay? They still don’t see the pain their actions have caused, and they might not see it for a while, they’re very stubborn.”

Changkyun nodded, “but you’re saying I can come to you, Hyung?”

“That’s right, Changkyun-ah. I’m here if you need me.” Jooheon watched the younger think before he felt the hand, he was holding shift, and he left the other carefully position his hand so that they were holding hands with their fingers interlaced.

“So, I can hold your hand like this now, Hyung?” The question was so quiet, and Jooheon could smell the other’s apprehension and fear.

“Yeah, you can hold my hand like this whenever you want.” Jooheon watched as the other gave a small smile and started writing in his notebook again, and Jooheon turned back to the computer to work on a few compositions that they had planned for the setlist. There was silence other than the music in the studio, but it was not awkward or tense like the previous weeks, and for the two there, that was enough for now.

After a while, Jooheon got a text from Kihyun that dinner would be ready soon and the Alpha should return to the dorm, Jooheon also noticed that Changkyun did not get the same text as his phone did not go off. The Alpha furrowed his brows, and his scent leaked with annoyance, which made Changkyun tense at the shift in mood. Jooheon messaged Kihyun that he would be staying at the studio longer and to eat dinner without him and took a deep breath to try and calm himself. After a few moments, he looked at Changkyun, “What do you want to eat, Kyun-ah?”

Jooheon did not expect the youngers reaction of ripping his hand away from the other and curling into himself, “Don’t call me that.” Changkyun did not want to be reminded of his broken Pack, and tears started falling from his eyes, which made the Alpha panic.

Jooheon knelt in of Changkyun and placed a hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears with this thumb, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. What would you rather be called?”

Changkyun leaned into Jooheon’s hand; it was the first time in a while that someone had touched him with such care, “anything but that Hyung. I don’t like being called that.”

Jooheon did not like how defeated Changkyun sound but knew that the other would probably not open to him if he asked. “Okay, how about Kyunnie, and you can call me Heony that way we have nicknames that rhyme. Sound good?” Changkyun nodded and slowly reached up with his hand to hold Jooheon’s.

The Alpha did not move to let everything happen at the younger’s pace, and Jooheon had a fleeting thought that the younger reminded him of a lot of his Omega friends. He brushed off that thought, though, as the younger did not smell like and Omega.

“Let’s eat at the studio today Kyunnie, what do you want to eat?” Jooheon smiled as there were no more tears coming out of Changkyun’s eyes.

“Can we get ramen?”

“Yeah, I’ll order some right now.” Jooheon stood up and pulled his phone out so he could order food, and Changkyun moved over to the couch. The chair was starting to get uncomfortable, and the day was emotionally exhausting already. With the food ordered, Jooheon turned back to the computer to save his files and close the programs he was using before turning to the couch where he saw that Changkyun had fallen asleep. Not missing an opportunity, he took a picture of the younger since he thought he looked adorable. After he snapped a photo, his phone started ringing, and he saw it was Kihyun calling him. Jooheon left the studio and stood outside the door before answering the phone.

“Why are you staying at the studio, Lee Jooheon it’s dinner time.”

Jooheon wanted to growl at that. He only took orders from the Pack Alpha, and that was not Kihyun. Controlling himself with a deep breath, he replied, “Kyunnie and I are eating in the studio. We are going to work some more on some songs to go in our debut album potentially.”

“Kyunnie?”

“Changkyun.” Jooheon almost scoffed, that should have been obvious since the nickname was based off his name. “I’m calling him Kyunnie now. No one else is allowed; that’s my nickname for him.”

“I doubt anyone else is going to give a nickname to that kid. Whatever next time, let me know ahead of time if you are going to skip out on Pack dinners.”

Jooheon bristled at that, “I’ll see you guys when I get home after we’re done here.” He shut the phone cutting off Kihyun’s yell and took deep breaths to try and control his rising anger. He thanked Gunhee and his mother for making sure he had ways to control himself, but at the same time, he wanted to call Kihyun back and go off on him even if it meant pissing off Hyunwoo, his mate, and the Pack Alpha.

The breaths were not working, so he walked down to the vending machines and got a couple of drinks for him and Changkyun and waited outside for their food. The brisk winter air helped him a lot with cooling his temper, and he felt grateful as even with his small interactions with Changkyun today, he noticed the other get extremely tense when the Alpha was careless with his anger and annoyance. It made Jooheon feel horrible as usual when someone had a reaction like that; it was because they were on the receiving end of said anger most of the time. On the other hand, it also made Jooheon curious as to what happened to Changkyun in the past to make that reaction so ingrained in him that even annoyance set it off and not just anger.

When the delivery man got there, Jooheon took the food and went back to the studio to see Changkyun still sleeping on the couch. Placing the ramen on the small coffee table, they had Jooheon gently shook Changkyun’s shoulder to wake him up and was once again surprised by the younger’s reaction.

“I’m up. I’m up. I’m sorry. I’m up.” Changkyun curled into the corner, not seeing Jooheon, and the elder took his hands and softly whispered, “Kyunnie, it’s me, Jooheon. Wherever you are, it’s not real. We are in our studio at Starship.” He slowly repeated his words, just like his therapist had done so many times when he went for anger management until Changkyun’s eyes regained some clarity.

“Sorry, Heony-hyung.” Jooheon’s lips quirked upward at the hyung attached to the nickname he told Changkyun to call him.

“You’re good, Kyunnie. The ramen got here, which is why I woke you up. After you eat, you can go back to sleep, okay?” Changkyun nodded after looking at Jooheon’s face for a bit. The Alpha did not know what the younger was looking for, but he hoped the younger found what he was looking for. The two ate in silence, and when Changkyun started dozing off in his almost done bowl, Jooheon moved the bowl away and took the chopsticks out of the younger’s hand. He maneuvered the half-asleep 19-year-old, so his head was on his lap and started petting his hair to help him fall asleep faster.

“I’m glad you talked to me, Heony-hyung.” Changkyun slurred sleepily. So sleepily, Jooheon was surprised but felt as though Changkyun was his most honest at this moment.

“Yeah, Kyunnie?”

“Yeah, it makes it less lonely here.” Jooheon’s hand paused at those words, but Changkyun was too far gone in sleep to realize. We royally fucked up. How could we think leaving this kid alone was a good idea at all? Jooheon sighed deeply as he looked at Changkyun’s face guilt, eating at him as he thought of all the times he turned the kid away. I’ll make it up to Kyunnie. I swear I’ll make up for leaving you alone. He resumed petting the younger’s hair lost in thought about what he could do to make it up to the younger. Eventually, he fell asleep without knowing and unknowingly also missed multiple texts and calls from the other members as he put his phone on silent earlier when he was angry at Kihyun.

Kihyun grumbled under his breath as he and Hyunwoo traveled to the agency. It was past midnight, and both Jooheon and the brat were not home, which made him worried about his Pack member. Hyunwoo had his arm wrapped around the Beta to try and calm him a little bit, but it did not help with Kihyun’s mode one bit, especially since the last conversation he had with Jooheon did not end well with the younger hanging upon him. Reaching the company and entering the warm building after walking in the freezing winter night made Kihyun even more furious, and the quickly grabbed a key from the receptionist for the studio room in case it was locked. When the got to the door, Hyunwoo opened it, and the sight inside shocked both him and Kihyun.

There Jooheon was with the kid’s head resting on his lap, Jooheon’s hand laid on the kid’s neck protectively, and Changkyun’s head was curled to the older rapper’s stomach with one of his hand’s gripping Jooheon’s shirt. The scene made it look like Jooheon was protecting the kid from the world, which was the total opposite attitude from that past few weeks. Kihyun’s anger grew at the site because Jooheon skipped out on Pack dinner and instead not only ate with the brat but is now sleeping comfortably with someone that was not Pack. At the scent of anger in the air Hyunwoo grabbed Kihyun’s neck to keep him in place, but what they did not expect was for Changkyun to whimpers at the scent of rage and for Jooheon to awaken immediately and glare at them.

His eyes were tired with haze, and Hyunwoo gave him a few seconds to recognize them before speaking. “It’s late, Jooheon-ah.”

“Ah, I didn’t realize I fell asleep, Hyung,” Jooheon answered, carefully watching Kihyun. He did not move his hand from Changkyun’s neck even though he knew Changkyun was awake by his tensed muscles.

“Why did you not pick up the phone earlier?” Kihyun bit out. He was cold and bitter that Jooheon did not come home earlier, so his tone was biting.

“I was busy, Hyung.”

“Too busy to let your Pack know you’re safe?” Kihyun glared.

“Well, clearly, I was also tired and fell asleep, so yeah, I was too busy.” Jooheon snapped but did not move as to give Changkyun some sense of protection and comfort. The smell of distress was rolling off him in waves. Jooheon knew the other two smelt it too, but since they were not doing anything about it, this was the spot that could keep Changkyun the safest.

“Jooheon-ah,” Hyunwoo spoke, and his tone was that of disappointment that made Jooheon want to submit to the other for forgiveness, but he held strong if only for Changkyun. Hyunwoo’s inaction to help the youngest only added to the problem and made him unfit for being a leader in Jooheon’s eyes.

“I had my phone on silent, so even if you did call or message, I would not have heard it. Let me and Kyunnie clean up, and then we’ll leave with you guys.” Jooheon stared at Hyunwoo, challenging him, and it was the first time Kihyun had seen the rapper challenge their leader since the end of No Mercy, which set him on edge. Hyunwoo just sighed, knowing that if he did not budge a little, it would turn ugly, especially since he knew it was his mate that instigated the other Alpha. “You have 10 minutes. Kihyun and I will wait in the lobby for you.”

Hyunwoo pulled Kihyun out of the room before his mate could protest, and Jooheon relaxed when the door closed—looking down at the other rapper, he rubbed his thumb against the Changkyun’s neck to calm him down. “Hey, Kyunnie, it’s alright. You’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Sorry for getting you in trouble, Heony-hyung.”

“I told you I’m here for you from now on. If I get in trouble because of you, it’s worth it, Kyunnie. Don’t apologize, okay?”

Changkyun paused as that little bit of hope that he said he would not hold onto wedged itself in his heart. “I’m not worth getting in trouble for with your Pack.”

“Yes, you are, and I’m the one that gets to decide that.”

Changkyun paused again and turned to look up at Jooheon’s face. The Alpha’s eyes were sincere, so Changkyun just meekly nodded before getting up to start tidying up the studio with Jooheon.

“Why did you let him get away with challenging you, Hyunwoo.” Kihyun sniped, looking at his mate with confusion and anger.

“It was the only way not to fight Kihyun. You should recognize the way he was treating the kid. It’s the same way I treat others if they are a threat to you.” Hyunwoo ran his hand up and down Kihyun’s back. His pressure was firm and constant, with slow even pacing.

“But why would he do that? He liked that cheater just as much as the rest of the Pack not even days ago.” Kihyun leaned into Hyunwoo’s touch.

“Things can change, Kihyun.” Hyunwoo hummed, “it seems to me that Jooheon has let go of his anger and accepted Changkyun-ah.”

“Even so, why would he choose him over Pack?” Kihyun grumbled. His words lost the anger that was held in the earlier, and now it was mostly just sad.

“You could always ask him later. Not tonight though he’ll be too high-strung tonight.” Hyunwoo knew that his mate was just upset that he had not seen Jooheon all day, and for a relatively new Pack like theirs was that felt like an eternity. He felt it, and he knew the others felt it too but Kihyun more acutely as he viewed all his Pack members as people, he needed to take care of. He watched as the two youngest finally made their appearance in the lobby and took note that Jooheon was holding hands with the other.

No words were exchanged as the four set out to the dorms Hyunwoo and Kihyun, leading with the rappers following. Hyunwoo knew this was Changkyun’s way of trying to stay invisible and Jooheon’s way of protecting the younger non-Pack member from them. It hurt to know that his Pack member did not trust them at that moment, and Hyunwoo forced down the creeping feeling of sadness. He had to be reasonable as a leader and not be led by emotion.

When they reached the dorm, Kihyun and Hyunwoo went to their room to get ready for bed, and Jooheon and Changkyun did the same. Luckily Minhyuk, who they shared a room with, was a deep sleeper, so they were able to get ready for bed with relative ease. “When you get up tomorrow, wake me up too, Kyunnie, okay? I’ll walk you to the studio.” Jooheon ran his hand through Changkyun’s hair wanting to take away the tension the other felt in the dorm. He felt horrible, not realizing how Changkyun felt before now, his mother and sister would be disappointed in him.

“Okay.”

Jooheon smiled at the younger, “Okay, good night Kyunnie.”

“Night Hyung,” Changkyun whispered before climbing to the top bunk and curling up under his blanket. The day felt like a dream already with Jooheon extending his hand to Changkyun this time and defending him against his own Pack. There was no way it was real. When he woke up tomorrow, everything would be back to normal with Jooheon ignoring him. He could not hope for it to be real.

Hoseok woke up to Kihyun and Hyunwoo, entering the room and sat up watching the two get ready for bed, smelling the distress from Kihyun. “What’s wrong, Ki?” His voice low from sleep and his hand reaching out to the Beta. Kihyun moved onto the bed and settled next to Hoseok, holding his hand.

“Jooheon is mad at me.”

Hoseok tilted his head before pulling the Beta closer to him and feeling Hyunwoo settle near them, knowing that Kihyun wanted Hoseok’s comforting words more than his silence at the moment. “Why do you think that?”

“I got mad at him for skipping Pack dinner and not calling us when it got late. He saw me as a threat to the kid.” Hoseok looked at Hyunwoo, and the other Alpha nodded in confirmation. Hoseok pulled Kihyun closer to cuddle the Beta, “I understand you’re angry and sad Jooheon-ah missed Pack time, but Kihyun, you also have to remember he is an Alpha. He may control himself better than me, Hyunwoo, and Minhyuk, but he might have taken that anger as a challenge. We’re still getting used to being a Pack, so we are going to step on each other’s toes sometimes, okay? It’s okay for you to be upset, but it’s also okay for Jooheon-ah to be upset. You understand, Ki?”

Kihyun felt miserable but nodded. He did understand, but he did not like it. Maybe Hoseok and Hyunwoo were right, and he needed to talk to Jooheon. He hated and loved their Pack bond at that moment. He loved the connection he felt to his Pack, but it was making his emotions go out of balance when he usually was the most stable besides Hyunwoo. Hoseok and Hyunwoo laid down with Kihyun in between them, hoping it would give comfort to the other.