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Chapter 17


Elena prepped the man for surgery while Eve and Villanelle started to scrub in.


Both were silent. 


Eve kept looking up at Villanelle, trying to incite some response from her. Anything. Yelling, screaming, kissing, punching. She just wanted something. But Villanelle had gone cold. She was giving nothing away.


Villanelle often did this when her emotions were too intense to feel. In all honesty, usually in these situations, she would lash out by punching or fucking someone. However, she couldn’t do either of those things now. So, she stayed silent, pushing her feelings far down. Pushing them so far down she wouldn’t feel them anymore. 


“V… I’m sorry.” The brunette started but stopped when the blonde turned to her, finally meeting her eyes.


Villanelle wanted to say something. Ask Eve why she talked to Carolyn, why she couldn’t trust her…. but no words could come out of her mouth. She looked at the brunette. And that’s when she felt it. She felt love. For the first time. But more than that, she felt heartbroken. For the second time. She wanted to forgive Eve, forget it ever happened, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t just forgive and forget. 


Before Eve could say anything else, she turned around and walked into the OR.


They started the surgery in silence. Elena next to Villanelle, both realigning the patient’s arm, with Eve realigning his leg.


It felt reminiscent of James’s surgery. But with roles reversed. Instead of Villanelle, it was now Eve that wanted to start a conversation, with the other pulling away. 


As the surgery dragged on, the brunette started to care less and less about her surroundings. About the other staff, the anesthesiologist, even Elena… she was only focusing on the blonde.


She looked up at her once. She saw her focusing on the surgery, eyes on the patient, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, her arms tensed in determination. That’s when Eve knew. She felt the love too. That admiration and care for another person. So much so that it completely consumes you. But, she had ruined it before it even started.


“Villanelle, I’m sorry,” The brunette announced again, looking at her hands while she worked on the patient’s leg, “I shouldn’t have gone to Carolyn.”


She couldn’t look at the blonde, as much as she wanted to, because she had a job to do and she knew if she did look up, she wouldn’t be able to focus on this guy’s leg.


Villanelle said nothing. She clenched her jaw, restraining her mouth from saying anything she’d regret. She continued to help Elena with the surgery.


Eve took this as an opportunity to continue. She didn’t know why she had started but the blonde wasn’t stopping her so...


“I betrayed your trust. It was wrong of me to not come to you. I know that now. I knew that then I just… I just wanted to make sure that-”


“Eve, stop.” Villanelle didn’t look up either, both of them understanding the importance of their job.


The blonde knew if Eve kept talking, she’d say something she probably shouldn’t in front of other surgical staff. Something about their relationship. As much as Villanelle wanted it not to be kept a secret, she knew the brunette wanted that. For now. So she cut Eve off. 


“I just want you to know that I’m sorry,” The consultant whispered, giving up on trying to start a conversation during surgery. It wasn’t the best idea, she realized.


The surgery started and ended in silence. It was long, but three surgeons were better than one.


Elena felt… very uncomfortable. As much as she loved Eve and was starting to really like Villanelle, being in the middle of this was a bit overwhelming. So, she got out of there as fast as she could.


“You got this babe,” She whispered to Eve on her way out, leaving the consultant and registrar standing alone in the scrub-room, again.


“Can we please talk? I need to expl-” The brunette started, turning to face the blonde.


“Why would go to Carolyn instead of me and ask about what happened? I can’t believe you wouldn’t trust me to not tell you something. If you needed to know, I would tell you, so you could have just asked-”


“So when were you going to tell me Anna was a consultant? Or that she was married? Hmm? She almost lost her job and you had to move, do you see how reckless and stupid that was?” Eve almost screamed her last sentence. 


She didn’t want to yell at the blonde, but she was upset. Upset at Villanelle, upset at herself, upset at everything. She didn’t want the blonde to lose her career over her, the way she almost had for Anna.


Villanelle stopped. Eve had researched Anna. 


“I thought I loved her Eve! Don’t you think you’d do anything for love? I mean you were married once, did you not want to do anything for the man you loved?”


She knew it was wrong as soon as it came out of her mouth. Especially, knowing how Niko had treated Eve during their marriage. She had no excuse. Just her anger. Anger made you do and say stupid things.


“Don’t you dare bring up Niko.” The brunette pointed at her, her eyes starting to water now.


Villanelle looked down. It was a low move, she knew that.


“You’re so young,” Eve sighed, “I can’t believe you’d sacrifice your career for what? A married woman? How could you be so impulsive? You’re crazy if you-” 


“Don’t call me crazy, Eve.” The blonde looked up, her eyes now void of emotion. 


“V... I just want to understand… I’m trying to..” Eve tried to each her hand out to Villanelle’s but the blonde snapped her’s away.


“Everyone leaves me, Eve. I don’t think one person has actually stayed in my life. I thought Anna would, but why would she? You’re right, I’m reckless, impulsive, and stupid! I’m crazy to think I could ever have someone like her or you. I can’t handle a relationship, I don’t even know what I was thinking! Well..,” she laughs lightly while stepping back from the brunette, “I guess that was the problem.” 


“What- what does even that mean?” Eve’s voice broke.


She didn’t want to lose the blonde because of her mistake. She needed her. She had made her feel more alive in 3 weeks than she’d felt in 10 years. This past weekend they had spent together, tangled in each other’s arms, learning more about each other, had been the best weekend of her life.


Villanelle walked toward the door.


“Please don’t go, V, we can-”


“I’m sorry, Eve. I thought I could do it, but,” She looked down, holding the door handle, “I can’t .. do this anymore. I just can’t. I’m sorry, truly.” Villanelle had tears in her eyes. She hadn’t expected to, but she did. 


She felt so much for Eve and if she couldn’t trust her… Villanelle couldn’t handle the heartbreak. She just wanted to end it now, when it was survivable. Because if she continued this relationship and her heart was broken, later on, she knew she wouldn’t make it.


And with that, the blonde was out the door, leaving Eve in scrub-room alone, tears starting to fall down her face. 




It was the worst week of Eve’s entire life. Well, maybe not the worst. Top three, for sure.


On Monday morning, she thought this would be the best week ever. Instead of not being able to see her girlfriend because of work, she’d be working with her girlfriend. Except, now, she wasn’t her girlfriend. She was still working with her, but she wasn’t her girlfriend. 


She’d stayed at Elena’s the night they… well, the night they broke up. She cried. A lot. More than she cried when she and Niko got divorced. Because, this time, it was her fault. She couldn’t blame Villanelle for her parents or the way they treated her and why that shaped Villanelle to who she was today. That wasn’t fair. Eve had gone too far and she knew it. Her curiosity took her too far. 


Eve had betrayed Villanelle’s trust, something she didn’t give out to anyone. She knew this. Eve knew her parents hadn’t shown her love, she knew Anna was using her, she knew all of this. And she still wasn’t honest with her.


Then again, she was also mad at Villanelle. She hadn’t told her that Anna was a consultant, something that was very relevant to their relationship. They both had kept secrets from each other. But, to Eve, that wasn’t the worst part. 


Yes, she was upset she didn’t find out about Anna’s job from Villanelle but what was worse, what hurt her more, was that the blonde gave up. She didn’t attempt to fight for them. She had, figuratively and literally, walked out on them. A relationship they both knew was going somewhere. But, Villanelle had given up.


Don’t get me wrong, the blonde was having just as shit of a time. She knew it would take time to move on from Eve. But, being around the woman all day was definitely slowing the process.


She regretted leaving Eve. She did. But, she also knew that she couldn’t have stayed. It was an impossible situation, so Villanelle made what she thought was the easier choice. It was selfish, but that’s all she knew. She had tried to be better, to let someone in, but it went to shit, again. She thought it would have turned out differently with Eve, but it hadn’t. So, to her, the only way to stop it from becoming worse was to end it.


She knew she should’ve told Eve that Anna was a consultant and that she was married. She wished she had in that cafe. But, she was terrified. Eve could so easily have walked away and never spoken to her again. She didn’t want that. She wanted Eve to get to know her, not have this huge dark cloud hovering above them. However, that had backfired on her pretty bad.


So, she tried to go on as if nothing had happened. As if she never met Eve. That was obviously quite hard as she was still on Trauma until next Monday. 


Long story short, it was a very long week for both of them. Fortunately, they didn’t have many surgeries together, so they weren’t forced into a room together for hours on end. If there was a surgery, Eve would usually send Villanelle and Elena to do it together.


She knew Elena and Villanelle were very capable and could handle a surgery without her. Eve usually wouldn’t do this. As much as she trusted Elena and her skills, she liked being there, even if it was just to supervise. But, with Villanelle in the room, she knew she wouldn’t be doing anything beneficial.


When Friday finally rolled around, both women were exhausted. More exhausted than they usually would be after a week of work. They’d both been avoiding each other, as much as possible. Eve would ask Elena to take Villanelle to meet a patient, even though it was unnecessary for both of them to be there. Or Villanelle would ask Elena to replace her if she had to see a patient with Eve. Or Eve would ask Elena to take Villanelle and let her scrub in on a surgery. Or Villanelle would ask Elena to sit with her for lunch, so it wouldn’t be just her and Eve in the Lounge. Well, the blonde would more declare this, rather than ask. 


Either way, Elena. Was. Furious. 


She was literally in the middle of this. And it was exhausting her, especially since she actually had a lot of work to do. She knew most of what happened, getting snippets from both Villanelle and Eve. 


What she gathered was that both of them were mad at themselves and mad at each other. What she inferred was that both still felt the same about each other. They wanted to be together but were too scared of the potential consequences.


Elena could see it. Eve had been happier than ever when they were together. She’d even laughed at one of Elena’s sex jokes. Eve never laughed at her sex jokes.


When they talked at brunch, she could feel how scared Eve was about people finding out, possibly jeopardizing their careers. She could also feel how much she liked the blonde. How happy she made her. 


Eve deserved to happy. After Niko, Elena pushed her to find someone new. You know, ‘get over someone by getting under someone’. The brunette did not want to do this, she was fine being single. Eventually, Elena gave up trying. But then, as luck would have it, Villanelle storms in, flipping Eve’s world upside down. 


Elena had a plan. Eve definitely wouldn’t approve, but it was more about the end result. And if she was successful, the consultant wouldn’t really care how they got there.


She was going to get Eve and Villanelle back together. 




As Friday was finishing, all Eve wanted to do was go home, drink wine, take a bath, and sleep all weekend. 


She was laying her head on the main desk, trying to get a minute of sleep, when Elena came over.


“Want to go out and get drinks? Maybe get so drunk you’ll forget this week ever happened?” She nudged the consultant with her elbow.


“Ugh, no that sounds awful.” 


“Come on, Eve! You need to get back out there, or at least just get really drunk. You know that it’ll make you feel a bit better.” 


Elena never gave up when she wanted something. It was a trait Eve admired of surgeon-Elena, not friend-Elena.


“Fine. One drink. That’s it.” 




Villanelle had just changed out of her scrubs. She had no idea what she was going to do tonight. Usually, she’d spend her weekends picking up women and bringing them back to her apartment. However, she’d tried that once this week, and she couldn’t even start speaking to another woman without thinking about Eve. It was actually quite annoying since she wanted to move on. Maybe she’d just spend this weekend at home.


Elena told Eve to change and meet her outside in a few minutes so they could walk to Bear’s together. She was running down the hall until she saw who she was looking for. 


Kenny and Hugo.


“Guys, I need your help.”


Her plan was basically to parent-trap Eve and Villanelle. No, it wasn’t her best idea. But she had watched the movie that past weekend, and it worked for them, didn’t it?


She explained, briefly, what had happened to Hugo and Kenny. 


In short: Eve and Villanelle had been together for the past few weeks, got into an argument because Eve asked Carolyn about Villanelle’s past, Eve found out Villanelle’s ‘ex’ was a consultant and that’s why she had to leave Liverpool. They had a fight about it and broke up.


Elena was quite smart. She knew what to say to the boys to get them to help out. She also knew to not give details because she was a little scared of Villanelle. And Eve. They were both very scary.


So, she shared only what she needed to. 


“-So, I need you two to find V and get her to come out to Bear’s in a little bit. And I’m going to get Eve a little drunk so she’s more… receptive to the situation. But it all has to seem like a big coincidence, got it?”


“That’s why she didn’t flirt with me...” Hugo mumbled, shaking his head in amusement.


Kenny was in shock. He had seen them in the on-call room after James’s surgery.


“Wait...when we saw them in the on-call room, were they…?” Kenny trailed off, not wanting to say the words.


“Oh my god guys, we don’t have time for this! Go find her, now!” Elena basically pushed them in the direction of the Lounge. She then changed out of her scrubs and met Eve outside.


Hopefully, this worked.